I would like to thank, LoveSparkle, Rena. Robacki, Dana2184, DeniseDEMD, annabellex2, lilygirl42001, and AkireAlev for taking the extra time to review.
Chapter 3: Say How You Feel
The next couple days after that were the hardest thing for me. I couldn't keep James out of our room. It was his room too, after all. I just didn't talk to him and he didn't talk to me. We just avoided one another like the plague. Kendall and Logan noticed this and questioned us both. I never answer them. I always dodged the questions and I am sure James did as well. We hadn't talked to one another unless it was about the band. James and I avoided each other at all costs. I didn't want to talk to him and he sure as hell didn't want to talk to me. I knew I had messed everything up now. I just hoped the band wouldn't suffer because of this.
It was late at night and I was sitting alone in the living room. Kendall and Logan were god knows where and Katie was in her room. Mrs. Knight had already gone to bed. I didn't know where James was, just that he went out. I only knew because Mrs. Knight stopped him and asked him and he said he was going out for a date. I was all alone and left to my thoughts. I sighed as my thoughts turned to James. They always turned to James eventually. Now every time I thought about him my heart hurt. It hurt so bad that he had rejected me. I hadn't said the words, but I had put myself out there for him and he pushed me away. I don't know why I even bothered trying to talk to him. I should have known there was nothing more to us than sex. I was a stress reliever to him. That was how this had all started anyways. I couldn't believe he was out on a date right now. He was such a jerk. He probably didn't care about me at all anymore.
It had all happened on our tour for our second album and we had gone over seas. The incident with James had happened when we got back into the states. We had been in Florida when it happened. That was months ago now. James and I had been alone in the hotel room while Kendall and Logan were out having fun. Now that I think about it that was around the time they got together. Anyways James and I were alone in the hotel room and we got bored and started watching movies.
"This is lame," James said after watching yet another lame movie. There was no good movies on and we had nothing to do.
"Well you could've always gone out with Kendall and Logan," I said looking over at him. We were sharing a hotel room with our two best friends. There was only two beds and James and I were sharing one and Kendall and Logan shared the other.
"Yeah, I could've but I didn't," James said.
"Why didn't you?" I asked.
"Didn't want you to be here all alone and bored," James said.
"Oh how sweet of you," I said sarcastically. James laughed and nudged me playfully in the side. He didn't know the reason I had stayed behind was to take care of my sexual frustration. We had been on the road for a month and I hadn't had anytime to take care of those needs in so long. I didn't want to tell James that though. So I'd just have to do it another day.
"These movies are lame," James said.
"What do you wanna watch then?" I asked. James shrugged and grabbed the remote and started to flip through the channels. James then seemed to get an idea. He turned to the pay-preview movies. We looked at all the regular moves and we had seen them all. "We've seen these already," I said.
"I know," James sighed. He then went to the adult movies and cast me a sideways glance.
"No I am not watching porn with you," I said.
"Why not it could be fun," James said smiling mischievously, "I mean some of them are funny," he said. After a little arguing we settled on a parody porn. It was stupid and funny with lots of sex. I tried not to get turned on, but I did. I tried to hide it from James but it was no good. James seemed to notice. "Is little Carlitos turned on?" James asked me playfully. I bit my lip and turned away form him.
"No," I lied.
"Liar," James said smirking at me. I looked him over and noticed the bulge in his jeans as well.
"Looks like I'm not the only one," I said somewhat confidently. James smirked and leaned over so his mouth was by my ear.
"I can help you with that," James offered. I shivered as his breath ghosted over my ear. It went straight to my crotch. I swallowed and opened my mouth to speak but the words died in my throat when I felt James' lips on my neck. He moved up to my ear and nibbled. I moaned at the sensation. "I'll take that as a yes," James said.
"Just this once," I said.
"Of course," James said grinning. He started to nip at my neck and fiddle with the hem of my shirt. I felt him lifting my shirt up and lifted my arms for him to help assist it's removal. Once it was gone James leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine. I gasped shocked at that and he thrust his tongue forward into my mouth and he pressed his tongue against mine. I moaned at that.
I had never expected to be doing this and with James of all people. I was straight and I just needed to get off. That's all this was. We were just using one another to get off. I knew James was straight as well. I tried to convince myself that this was strictly to get off and there was nothing more to it.
James moved his lips down to my neck and nipped. I moaned and tilted my head back to give him more access to my neck. James sucked and nibbled as his hands found the hem of my shirt. I felt his hands running over me stomach pushing my shirt up. I lifted my arms as James pulled it off me. He leaned forward and took one of my nipples in his mouth. I moaned as he bit down on it. He brought his hand up to the other to pinch it. I moaned and arched my back slightly.
"Ja-James," I moaned and threaded my fingers though his hair. James slowly kissed his way down my stomach and to the top of my jeans and stopped what he was doing. I whined.
"Eager are we?" James asked.
"The guys could be back any time now," I said, "just get on with it," I pleaded. James smirked and popped the button of my jeans and pulled them down with my underwear, and just like that I was naked while he was fully clothed. Before I could ponder that thought James reached down and grabbed my cock. I moaned and arched my beck my mind going blank as he stroked me. Suddenly his hand stopped but I didn't have time to complain as his mouth closed around my cock. I moaned and arched my back off the bed. The pleasure was so intense. I had never had someone do this to me and be so amazing at it. James had a really talented tongue. "Ja-James I-I-I'm gonna come," I moaned. James only sucked harder and I came. James drank everything I gave him and sat up. He looked at me.
"I take it you enjoyed that," he said cockily. He knew I enjoyed it. I only nodded though not being able to speak. I looked down and saw James was hard.
"You-you still need to be taken care of," I panted.
"I was thinking about that," James said, "there's something I want to try," he said as he pressed his lips to my shoulder.
"Go ahead," I said knowing what he wanted to do. He wanted to take this further and I was completely ok with that. I wanted more. I don't know why, but I did.
"Are you sure?" James asked. I nodded my head and spread my legs for James. James stuck his fingers in his mouth and got the wet. I watched his tongue roll over his fingers and I felt myself hardening again.
I had never thought of a guys as sexy until now. I never even looked at a guys until now and James was perfect. He was gorgeous and perfect. I knew he would be gentle about this. He wouldn't do anything I didn't like. I knew he would be considerate.
James pulled his fingers from his mouth and brought them down to my hole. He teased his fingers along my hole. I gasped at the sensation. He then slowly pushed a finger into me. It wasn't painful, but it wasn't a great feeling either. I didn't know what to think of it. He slowly pumped his finger in and out and I tried to relax. He then added another finger. It was slightly uncomfortable. He then started to stretch me like this wasn't his first time doing this. I wouldn't put it past James to have done this before. He leaned forward and captured my lips in a kiss in an attempt to distract me. He curled his fingers up and hit my sweet spot. I moaned and bucked my hips down on to his hands.
"There we go," James said grinning. He picked up the pace with his fingers and added a third. I moaned and writhed below him. All I was feeling was pleasure now. He then pulled his fingers out and I whimpered. "I think you're ready for the next part," he said spitting his hand and lubing himself up. I swallowed the lump in my throat and looked up at him as he lined himself up with my entrance.
"Just go slow," I said looking up at him with pleading eyes. James nodded his head and slowly pushed himself in. It hurt and just like that I lost my virginity. I felt like I was going to be ripped in two. James must've seen the painful look on my face and stopped moving. He gave me time to adjust. After a minute or so I nodded and he pushed himself the rest of the way into me. He waited again and let me adjust.
"Relax," James whispered in my ear. He reached down and stroked my cock. I moaned at that and James slowly started to thrust in and out. Slowly the pain started to fade away and pleasure took it's place.
"Faster," I said needing him to move faster. I moaned when he did as I asked. Soon he hit my sweet spot again and I cried out in pleasure. "There," I moaned. James grinned and started to thrust in harder and faster. I felt the familiar feeling I the pit of my stomach. I was close to my release. James seemed to sense this as he grabbed my cock again and he thrust into me harder. "James, I-I'm close," I moaned.
"Me too," James moaned as he leaned forward and pressed his lips to my shoulder. I came covering his fist and my stomach in come. James came shortly after releasing inside me. He pushed himself up and pulled out of me. I felt so empty as he fell on the bed next to me. We didn't say anything after that.
James was the first to get up. He took a shower and told me to take one as well. I did and when I finished James was sleeping. I walked over to the bed and sat down. I couldn't sleep. I was thinking about what had just happened.
What did that mean? Was it just a fuck to James? Of course it was, that was all it was. I didn't know what to think. I thought losing your virginity was only important to girls. I wasn't supposed to care, but I did. James would always hold a place my heart now. I placed my head in my hands and fell back onto the bed. That night I slept on top the blankets.
"Carlos," Logan said bringing me from my thoughts. I turned to look at him. He seemed to be thinking something over as he sat down beside me.
"What?" I asked.
"What's wrong?" Logan asked, "you've been acting really off these last few days," he said looking at me worriedly. It was then I noticed Kendall was no where around. He and Kendall were usually joined at the hip lately. It was odd not seeing our blonde friend with him. I had grown so used to seem them together lately.
"I'm fine," I lied. I didn't want to tell Logan about my feelings for James or what we did when we were alone. He would only want me to talk to James, but I knew James didn't want to talk to me.
"Carlos you know you can tell me anything," Logan said placing a hand on my shoulder.
"I am fine," I insisted. I really didn't want to talk. I don't know why he couldn't seem to understand that.
"Carlos I just want to help," Logan said. He seemed to be sensing my unwillingness to talk. He was one of the last people I wanted to talk to at the moment. He wouldn't understand what I was going through. He had Kendall. He was happily in love and I wasn't. I was heart broken and he would not understand what I was feeling. He had never had his heart broken like this. He had only dated two people. He ended things with Camille because she kissed James, and he didn't really care about her like that. They were just friends now. The other person he was currently dating was Kendall and They were happy together. I was jealous of them.
"Look Logan, I am touched that you care, but I am fine really," I said.
"You are not," Logan said, "you haven't talked to James in almost a week," he said.
"We had a fight," I said shrugging.
"About what?" Logan asked.
"It's between us," I said looking away from Logan.
"You can tell me anything you know that right," Logan said looking at me. I nodded my head, but this was one thing I couldn't tell him.
"I am gonna go bed," I said. Logan nodded his head and I stood up and left the room.
I stayed awake for hours. I pretended to be sleeping when James returned from his date. He had tried to see if I was awake but I ignored him. I didn't want to talk to him. He was probably going to tell me he only thought of me a friend and the sex was just for fun. After James went to sleep I tried to do the same.
After a while I got hungry and gave up on sleep for now. I got out of bed and quietly left the room. I slowly made my way down the hall to the kitchen. I had to be quiet so no one would hear me. I hadn't been eating very well for the last few days. Ever since James turned me down I lost my appetite. I walked into the kitchen and over to the refrigerator. I started to get things together to make a sandwich. I finished making my sandwich when I heard giggling coming from the hallway.
"Ken, it's after midnight," I heard Logan whisper. I should have known those two would be up. I really hated that they had what I wanted. They were perfect and they unknowingly rubbed it in my face. I never told them that though. I just put on my best smile and fooled the world. I didn't want to be a bother by making them not happy.
"I'm hungry," Kendall whined. I turned my back to the hall as I ate my sandwich, The giggling stopped when they walked into the kitchen. I didn't turn to look at them. I didn't want to talk. I just wanted to eat.
"Carlos," Logan said.
"I'm just eating a sandwich," I said. I looked over at them and saw they were both in nothing but a pair of boxers.
"Carlos," Logan said walking over to me, "what's going on?" he asked me.
"Nothing," I said.
"Bull shit," Kendall said, "you haven't talk to anyone in days and James is acting really weird too," he said.
"I don't know what you're talking about," I said as I stood up and tried to walk back to my room with my food. Kendall and Logan both stopped me. I groaned. I really didn't want to talk right now.
"Carlos Garcia," Logan said, "you are going to talk to us," he said.
"I am not," I said turning around and walking over to the table. I would sit out here and eat and ignore my two best friends.
"What has gotten into you?" Kendall asked walking over to me as I ate. He sat down next to me. I shook my head and looked away form him and Logan. I knew they meant well, but they couldn't help me right now.
"Nothing has gotten into me now just leave me alone," I said. I didn't mean to be so cold to them, but they wouldn't understand. They had no idea what I was going through. They had each other and didn't know what it was like to be rejected by the person they loved the most. They had each other and it made me sick sometimes.
"Carlos," a voice said from behind us. I froze in my place. It was James. I turned around and looked at him. He was the last person I wanted to talk to. "Carlos please can we talk?" James asked.
"Now you want to talk?" I asked standing up and looking at him. "It's a little too late for that James," I said annoyed. He had had his chance and he blew it when he ran away. I didn't want to hear his actual rejection. It would just break my heart even more.
"Carlos please," James said. I looked at him and then to Kendall and Logan who were both looking at us confused. I just shook my head and started to walk away forgetting about my food. I didn't want to do this in front of them. I didn't want them to hear me and James argue.
"I think you made yourself pretty clear the other day," I said to James as I walked past him. I did not want to talk to him. He didn't love me like I loved him and I don't know if I can take hearing that. James grabbed my arm and stopped me from walking away.
"Just listen to me," James pleaded.
"Why?" I asked, "so you can tell me all I am to you is a fuck bud-" I was cut off as I felt his lips on mine. I pushed him off me and looked at him confused. By this point I had almost forgotten about Kendall and Logan who were probably watching us with shocked expressions. I stood there frozen not sure what to do.
"Carlos," James said, "I was scared and overwhelmed," he said looking at me.
"No," I said shaking my head, "you walked away when I put myself out there," I said looking away from him. I didn't want to be pulled in by this. He had turned me down and that's all there was to it. He was James and he could never really make his mind up about anything. He was always changing his mind.
"Carlos," James said again. I shook my head and ran from the kitchen to our room. James followed me. He caught the door before I could shut it on him.
"No," I said shaking my head, "you went out on a date tonight," I said.
"I lied," James said, "I went for a walk to figure things out. I didn't know you felt the same way as me and I got scared that maybe you were paying a joke on me."
"I pull a lot of pranks James, but I never lie about my feelings you know that," I said looking at him. I could see the fear of rejection in his eyes.
"Look Carlos I tried to tell you so many times how I felt, but I could never find the right words. The words never came and it's hard for me to say how I feel," James said looking at me.
"How do you feel then?" I asked not sure if I wanted to know the answer. James looked at me with a desperate look in his eyes.
"I love you," James said stepping forward. He placed a hand on my cheek and I looked into his eyes. I saw no hint of a lie or anything like that. He was being honest.
"Don't lie to me," I said. There was only so much a heart could take and mine was at it's breaking point. I didn't know if I could take much more.
"I would never lie to you," James said. I felt tears coming to my eyes. "Don't cry," he said.
"I'm just happy," I said. I reached up and slapped him across the cheek. "That was for running away from me," I said angrily.
"I deserved that," James said.
"This is for coming back," I said as I grabbed his face and pulled it to mine in a kiss. James groaned softly at that and kissed back. I pulled back and he rested his forehead on mine. "I love you too you idiot," I said.
"Do you think we should explain things to the guys?" James asked.
"In the morning," I said as he kissed him once again. James grinned against my lips and lifted me up and carried me over to his bed.
Tada! Chapter 3 is up. I know this may seem a big fast but, I have plans for this. This isn't the end. There will be more chapters and more drama. So, review and let me know what you think.
Always
OUTOFMYMIND