The moment they were back from the battlefield and cleared by the medics, Mac was on her way to the living complex that they were all rooming together in.
Slipping into her civilian clothes, she immediately walked over to Tucker's room.
It wasn't like she had taken lots of injuries. The worst was a bullet grazing her right upper arm, right above the armor plating. Theta took care of other bullets, which would have been a lot more lethal than that one.
After disinfecting and bandaging the wound, the black-haired woman was out of the infirmary. She had learned then from the medics that Tucker and Wash had already been released.
Relying on her ears, she followed the little sounds until she ended up at Tucker's room.
She didn't really knock, since she knew her adopted brother wouldn't even open the door when he was so bad off as he was now.
Entering the room, she could see both of the guys almost entirely out of their armor.
Wash was already wearing his civilian clothing, whereas Tucker was standing in the middle of the room in his under-suit and struggling with the plating on his forearm. He still was wearing the armor plating on his lower legs and his forearms.
He was tearing at them like an idiot. Wash tried to calm down and help his boyfriend, but the dark-skinned man would only growl like an injured animal whenever the former Freelancer was getting too close.
Coming closer herself, she also received a growl but remained unbothered by it.
He wouldn't really attack her or anyone else. It was a self-protection reflex he already had done a lot of times. For example, when he had been stabbed by Felix. Wash had been having his fair share of trouble back then, so the others had taken care of Tucker.
Closing the distance between her and the still growling Tucker, she started to herd the young man over to the bed to make him sit down.
Wash seemed to take her cue and also took a seat on Tucker's cot.
When the aqua-clad soldier was situated on the cot, Mac crouched down in front of the young man and started to take off his remaining armor that he wasn't able to get out of.
"Being grouchy again, are we?" she asked deliberately, grabbing one of his lower leg protectors and starting to screw loose the bolts holding it in place.
"How would you react after something like that?" Tucker asked in a grumbling voice.
"Not by getting aggressive towards those who want to help you and don't know how to interpret your behavior, asshole." She replied dryly, yanking off the other plate and causing the soldier to yelp at the sudden pain of metal plates scrapping against his skin.
"Yeah, yeah, fuck you." Tucker growled, crossing his arms in a defiant manner.
"Nope, better not. And I prefer not being in here when that happens." She replied, freeing the last part of his armor and putting it aside. It was a strange view. If the armor hadn't been aqua, she would have felt extremely anxious because the happenings with the Meta on Sidewinder were still rather fresh in her mind even though some years had already passed since then.
When Tucker was out of the armor, she wandered over to the desk and threw Tucker his civilian clothes.
"Get changed." She ordered simply, but Tucker didn't budge.
She raised an eyebrow at him.
Wash, luckily, decided to keep quiet for now since he seemed to feel that it was smarter to let the siblings handle matters.
"As much as I know I am hot stuff, I prefer not being stared at while changing." He snapped at her, but seemed to deflate when his anger didn't affect Mac in the way he thought it would.
"What about your bathroom?" She replied dryly, Tucker looking at her with anger for a short moment before deflating more and getting up.
"I'm going to get changed." He muttered, trudging over to the bathroom and closing the door with an audible 'clap.'
Wash sighed, "Is he always like that when bad things happen?" he asked, making a motion with his hand to illustrate that he meant Tucker's behavior right now.
Mac sighed in response to the question.
"He's all bark and no bite, so don't worry. Don't get intimidated by that. The more you react to it, the more he's going to use that on you. He's an idiot in that department. You'll learn it eventually." She explained.
"So you're saying that he's acting like an injured animal, but unlike the animal… He isn't going to bite, so to speak." He concluded, looking over to the bathroom where they could hear shuffling and rubbing his hands together.
"Exactly. Just be patient. He took up this behavior since he had nobody to rely on." She explained calmly, "He needs time to learn to trust people again. Just be there for him, okay?" This statement was accompanied by a small smile from the black-haired woman.
When the door opened, they could see a sullen Tucker emerging. He was wearing his civvies and slumping down beside the Freelancer on the cot. Crossing his arms, he stared ahead. He glared at the wall, like he wanted to break it down just by glaring at it.
Jesus Christ, this asshole was impossible. Always playing the strong man act and shit.
Walking over, she flicked a finger against his forehead. With a growl, the aqua-clad soldier looked up and glared at the black-haired woman.
Leaning down, she glared right back at her adopted brother.
"Stop acting like a fucking dick." She started, glaring right back at the dark-skinned man but without any venom in her voice, "We're here because we want to help you. So stop biting the hands trying to help you."
"Hmph!" Tucker looked away, crossing his arms.
"Okay!" with that, Mac stood up, "If you want it that way… Fine!"
Getting up, she started to leave the room. Upon reaching the door, she turned around halfway and looked back. Tucker was still looking at the wall with an angry expression. Wash looked at her rather helplessly, still not knowing how to interpret Tucker's angry reaction.
She threw him a small smile and a wink, showing clearly that he would be fine.
Although acting completely different than she advised the blond, she was sure he would be fine. She had on purpose angered the dark-skinned man a bit so he hopefully would talk a bit more with his boyfriend.
Sighing, she closed the door and walked over to her room.
Tucker really could be such an idiot… A real idiot and he was acting just like one right now.
She only hoped that Wash would be able to get under the idiot's hard shell that he was putting up right now to help him.
Back in the room, Wash sat there on the cot beside Tucker who was still glowering at the door his adopted sister had just disappeared through.
Wash sighed inwardly. He had only gotten to know his boyfriend as being an easygoing and rather aggregable person in general. A joking and happy person, someone who was able to adjust to all of the shit that had happened in his life so far.
Seeing him here... To Wash, he looked like a completely different person.
He looked years older with that sour expression on his face and anger sparkling in his eyes. This expression made him look grim and bitter.
It was fascinating how a little smile could make people look so much younger than they actually were.
With how he was sitting there now, angry and glowering, he looked at least as old as the Freelancer himself—if not older. Although Wash knew that Tucker was around three years younger than himself.
In any case, all these thoughts didn't help Wash in getting over the problem at hand. The way to get through the man's hard shell.
What should he do?
"He's all bark and no bite, so don't worry."
Right, he was more the loudmouth and not the one hitting someone. At least not with his fists. He restrained himself from snorting at that mental statement.
"Just be patient. He took up this behavior since he had nobody to rely on." Wash remembered the woman telling him that. Soon after followed by another statement, "He needs time to learn to trust people again. Just be there for him, okay?"
Okay, so he would be the patient one and wait for Tucker to start talking. He already noticed several times that the aqua-clad soldier needed more time when it came to really trusting someone. He might trust you on the outside, but on the inside, he hardly ever really truly trusted someone. Wash would like to become the person Tucker really could trust blindly, without having to second guess him.
Tucker usually would second guess every person's decisions, even those from Kimball.
Anyway, in this moment, he would have to wait for the man to start talking.
After another twenty minutes or so of sitting in silence together, Tucker suddenly exhaled loudly and Wash noticed his shoulders slumping.
"I… I feel like I should have been able to do something to rescue the Fragments that Epsilon left behind." The young dark-skinned man suddenly started talking, "I had noticed that he broke since I suddenly noticed all these other Fragments around. I don't even know what most of them were called. I thought I saw Delta there and shit, but I am not sure." He rubbed his hands over his face, "Anyway, I hadn't seen Epsilon around and that was when I realized that he must be gone." Tucker explained.
Wash felt like a dam had started to break inside his boyfriend.
"He broke down and I wasn't even able to safe his remnants. He just disappeared. The only thing that is left is the message he recorded before he died. He…. Just disappeared." A low sob escaped the young man. He again rubbed his hands over his face, obviously trying to hold back his tears.
This time, Wash scooted over and took the young man struggling with his emotions into a tight hug, "As I said. It's okay. You did what you could. If you hadn't used the EMP, lots of our friends would have died." Wash explained, but Tucker shook his head furiously.
"No, I should have managed to rescue both. My friends and Epsilon's remnants." Again there was a low sob, Tucker's shoulders starting to shake slightly.
"It's okay, Tucker. Sometimes it's okay not to be okay." Wash explained gently, tightening the hug around his boyfriend, "Tell me what is up. I want to be there for you. I want you to trust me and tell me what is bothering you."
It seemed like this was the final push that the aqua-clad soldier needed to break down. The sobs became a bit louder in volume, but it wasn't like he was wailing. It seemed more to Wash as though this crying was a long needed valve to get rid of a horrible load of stress and pressure.
It didn't take long for Wash to feel a bit awkward given that his shirt was damp, but he didn't really complain about it. He wanted Tucker to trust him, and if that needed a breakdown from Tucker in order for him to start trusting the Freelancer, Wash would gladly accept this condition and be there in order to help the aqua-clad soldier to feel better.
Wash couldn't say how long they had been sitting there. It couldn't have been that long since the sun was about to set when Tucker lifted his head and wiped his face with the sleeve of his shirt.
"I—I'm sorry. And… Thanks." Tucker muttered, sniffing a bit and trying to force up a smile. It looked rather derailed, and his eyes were red and puffy from crying. His blue irises however, shone as brightly as ever.
"It's okay. Don't worry about it. I said that I want to be there for you. So everything's fine." Wash explained, wiping off the still damp cheeks of his boyfriend with his thumbs. The dark-skinned mans' face was cradled in the Freelancer's hands, "It's going to be okay. You did what you could, and that's the most important thing. Maybe Epsilon is happy now. He never really was happy being alive, you know." He explained, Tucker looking a bit surprised at him.
The blond smiled, a bit derailed, "When he had been split off of Alpha, he carried memories with him which weren't his. He was… existing, not living. Being with you guys helped him a lot." Tucker blinked at him, but did not say much in order to let Wash explain.
"He made a lot of memories with you guys. When he had been created, he was angry, sad, and only wanted to die. But when he was around you and Carolina, he slowly started to relax and develop his own personality." Wash smiled when he compared the way Epsilon had been when he first met him and how he had been when they met again.
"Although being rather similar to Alpha, it was his own personality that he developed. And he started making memories. His own memories, not those he carried with him from someone else. Memories that made him into the person he was when he decided to die." Wash sighed when he saw the sadness welling up in Tucker's eyes again and hurried to add, "He didn't make the decision lightly when he decided to sacrifice himself for you guys. He did it because he wanted to as Epsilon, not as someone who only existed as the ragtag memories of others."
Wash sighed deeply through his nose, "Don't take away Epsilon's dignity of having decided things for himself by second guessing it."
It was silent for a while, Wash deciding to shut up for now because he felt like he would start rambling should he continue talking.
After several minutes, Tucker started talking, "I… never thought of it that way."
Wash smiled at that, not answering and letting Tucker do the talking after having explained so much already.
"If thinking of it that way, I think it's probably for the best that we didn't retrieve the remnants. Maybe he is happier with the solution, not having to exist in Fragments."
"Maybe." Wash replied to Tucker's statement, "We can't find out for certain, but I guess he would have been happy either way. So let's remember him the way he had been. That's the best way to honor his sacrifice." He explained, offering the suffering Tucker a small smile.
"It's going to be okay." Wash told him, "You're going to be okay."
Tucker took some moments before he started to smile and nod, "Yeah, I guess so."
The Freelancer smiled at that, the smile only intensifying when he felt how Tucker leaned in and pressed a kiss on his boyfriend's lips.
They parted and Tucker looked over to Wash, "Thanks, Wash."
"You're welcome." The Freelancer replied, sighing happily when Tucker again kissed him.