p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="edb819924d10b229ed9316828299a1bd""Be more like an animal" I tilt my head on confusion. "Break down your wall of emotionlessness and" She paused for dramatic affect "do, pointless things." I let my head bow and began to laugh uncontrollably./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="85575c6b61803f5c868d290d7171caca""You really expect me to believe this?" I ask expecting a surprised expression. "This is completely ridiculous! I mean, seriously, who comes up with 'be more like an animal?"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="7ebf8195a8b55fa7a987427c51ac9bba"She smiles quantity and puts down her pad and paper. "Being more like an animal means to rely more on your instincts and trying not to overthink things as much." Her eyes look as if they have untouched meaning behind them but I still don't understand. "The way you are feeling is a condition called 'emotional flatlining' which is often experienced after a traumatic experience. And to 'do pointless things' means to not seek meaning for acting which goes back to 'be more like an animal'. Don't you see?"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="bcd13adfbf259e4c75e802630de8eb41"I sigh, frustrated by my own progress and her seeming lack of understanding. Overtime I've realised that revisiting the past only brings me pain, mostly because he's there. She gets up as we both realise that our time's up. Over, just like Christian's life. When I push past the door I fall into the arms of another tear streaked face but only this time, I welcome it. Kailah arms offer a warm embrace which starkly contrasts the cold, sterile room./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="9aa2579395e1278b17651e8953c303d7"Stiff hands on the wheel, we drive away in still silence which is sadly still and improvement against the white noise of therapy. Noticing my downcast shadow she attempts to make light conversation as we move, "So, there's this book where the character lives multitudes of lives and eventually they all become identical to him. By the time it happens, he believes he'll never know himself the same way again but he doesn't know that after everything that has happened in all his lifetimes, he could still be loved." She glances, concerned "Long story short, eventually he meets this girl who despite loving his flaws, believes him to be beautiful. Accepting him as he is with flaws and all."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="7b8a4a6c13de9fafa02b2610ff644ef3""This isn't another Twilight reference is it?" She lets out a historical clatter of cords. We stop at a red light. "If you're going to look at me like that, at least tell me what you see?" She doesn't reply. "Nothing, no identity, no awareness of self. I am, a ghost."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="39c539402235373e38d023a3b61259d4""All lives are important, all hearts are broken." She riddles, giving a bitterly sad smile. I know she's trying her hardest but it seems pointless in a way. I don't feel like I'll ever be happy again. Its been six months and still nothing, I have felt nothing. I feel as hollow as a shell: guess that's why I have to do pointless things according to my therapist./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="85575c6b61803f5c868d290d7171caca""You really expect me to believe this?" I ask expecting a surprised expression. "This is completely ridiculous! I mean, seriously, who comes up with 'be more like an animal?"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="7ebf8195a8b55fa7a987427c51ac9bba"She smiles quantity and puts down her pad and paper. "Being more like an animal means to rely more on your instincts and trying not to overthink things as much." Her eyes look as if they have untouched meaning behind them but I still don't understand. "The way you are feeling is a condition called 'emotional flatlining' which is often experienced after a traumatic experience. And to 'do pointless things' means to not seek meaning for acting which goes back to 'be more like an animal'. Don't you see?"/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="bcd13adfbf259e4c75e802630de8eb41"I sigh, frustrated by my own progress and her seeming lack of understanding. Overtime I've realised that revisiting the past only brings me pain, mostly because he's there. She gets up as we both realise that our time's up. Over, just like Christian's life. When I push past the door I fall into the arms of another tear streaked face but only this time, I welcome it. Kailah arms offer a warm embrace which starkly contrasts the cold, sterile room./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="9aa2579395e1278b17651e8953c303d7"Stiff hands on the wheel, we drive away in still silence which is sadly still and improvement against the white noise of therapy. Noticing my downcast shadow she attempts to make light conversation as we move, "So, there's this book where the character lives multitudes of lives and eventually they all become identical to him. By the time it happens, he believes he'll never know himself the same way again but he doesn't know that after everything that has happened in all his lifetimes, he could still be loved." She glances, concerned "Long story short, eventually he meets this girl who despite loving his flaws, believes him to be beautiful. Accepting him as he is with flaws and all."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="7b8a4a6c13de9fafa02b2610ff644ef3""This isn't another Twilight reference is it?" She lets out a historical clatter of cords. We stop at a red light. "If you're going to look at me like that, at least tell me what you see?" She doesn't reply. "Nothing, no identity, no awareness of self. I am, a ghost."/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="39c539402235373e38d023a3b61259d4""All lives are important, all hearts are broken." She riddles, giving a bitterly sad smile. I know she's trying her hardest but it seems pointless in a way. I don't feel like I'll ever be happy again. Its been six months and still nothing, I have felt nothing. I feel as hollow as a shell: guess that's why I have to do pointless things according to my therapist./p