It's been a longtime now. Christian is no longer in my mind every waking hour and second of the day. This month has stretched on forever, he died a year ago to this day. I pull out my pen and begin to write: a lament to him, wishing him peace in rest. "I am so sorry. With every shard of my broken heard I will always miss you. The unforgettable times we spent together can never be replaced. For everyday I walk upon this earth, you never slip my mind once, it would be so different if you were here. It's sometimes still hard for me, remembering you're gone and how I could have saved you. Only I didn't, I arrived a second too late and I still can't seem to forgive myself. I miss you with every breath I grieve you more than words can express. It has been a year since you left my life and this world of mine. I have kept all your things as you would have wanted but they take up the smallest fraction of space and it's still not enough to fill the gaping hole you left in my heart. It was never your fault and I wish things could go back to the simple way that they were when it was us. Just the two of us. I wanted to leave too, because of you... But I know better now. I know I have to live on because you never got that chance. So here's to you, the best boyfriend I could ever dream of, the best person who could ever be. Another year, goodbye." I place my head upon the desk, wallowing in my drenched paper and ink. I can no longer hold myself together and so the darkness finds me when I'm at my most vulnerable.