Running over the plain, Ala could feel the wind in her hair and on her face. She could hear her steps falling on the grass and the breath in her lungs. She could feel the pounding heart in her chest.
It felt surreal. Since she was in her own mind, she wasn't feeling her body as she did while awake and doing those exercises, but it was a strange sensation to feel those things from within her own mindscape instead.
A cracking sound drew her attention back to her running over the plain.
Stopping dead in her tracks, she managed to barely stop in front of the edge of a huge crack that had suddenly appeared in the ground.
What the hell was this crack doing there?! Okay, she had been rather afraid for a moment of falling down there into the dark abyss.
Her pulse was racing and she felt anxiety wash over her in waves. She felt strange.
Closing her eyes, she let her breathing calm down.
During her childhood back on Earth, she had done Karate. Her sensei had also taught her how to meditate since she had been rather restless and lively as a kid. Meditation helped her see things from a different angle and to stay calm in a situation where her temperament would have gone through the roof.
Meditation also taught her one other important thing: to embrace a feeling and to let it go. Such as fear.
Her fear of being in the dark was a different matter entirely. She had never been able to get over that for some reason.
But this matter here? This wasn't that bad.
She closed her eyes and embraced the feeling of fear she felt in response to that gap. Breathing in deeply, she let the feeling go and opened her eyes again.
Going back some steps, she breathed in deeply and started running towards the gap. She couldn't say why or how exactly, but she felt as though the gap had become smaller since the last time that she had looked at it.
Jumping off at the last second possible, she barely managed to grab the edge of the other side of the gap. She grabbed some boulders there and somehow managed to climb up the cliff.
Arriving at the other side again, she rested on her back and breathed heavily, "Fuck… I never thought waking up would be this exhausting!" she muttered.
When she felt like she had breathed in and out enough, she got back on her feet and started jogging again.
Don't stop, otherwise you won't be able to get back to running again.
It felt like an eternity where she was running over the plain, avoiding or jumping over other cracks in the ground. It felt like a fucking miracle that she hadn't fallen into another gap somehow.
At some point, she couldn't say exactly when it happened, Alaska reached a cliff at the end of the plain.
Looking back from where she came from, she could see nothing but a deserted plain. The city was long gone behind the horizon.
If all of this represented her soul, what did the plain mean about her soul? That her soul was deserted? That her soul was somewhat dry? Was empty and lonely?
If that was true, Ala thought to herself, then she would have to change something about that. She would have to get over it and try to fill that plain with greenery and life.
Standing there for some moments, she looked up while catching her breath.
The cliff looked steep and rocky. It looked as though it would be difficult to climb it, but she had to go up there. She just knew it.
She heard Drew's voice from there and she somehow just knew that she had to get up there.
Huffing out air, she faced the wall and started to climb up carefully. She always had a strong and safe grip with at least three of her limbs, while the fourth one was searching for a good place for a safe and steady grip upon the wall. Then another limb would be searching for a steady place to get a hold on.
With that technique, she slowly but surely climbed up the cliff. She felt her fingers getting somewhat slippery with the exhaustion and sweat beading down her back, but she refused to stop.
She would take a break every once in a while to dry off her hands, but she wouldn't hang on the cliff forever simply because she was too exhausted to climb up further and too exhausted to climb back down.
She would climb up that wall and arrive at the top.
She couldn't feel her fingers anymore when she arrived at the top. They were frozen cold and stiff. Her fingers had become bent into claws to climb effectively, but weren't ideal for grasping onto things.
Lying on her back in the snow, she breathed heavily and shoved her hands into her armpits to warm them up and to make them movable again.
After several minutes passed, she felt warmth flowing back into her fingers. Although it hurt like a bitch to do so, she moved them with great effort. She gritted her teeth because her fingers fucking hurt when she moved them.
After a while, it didn't hurt so much to move them anymore and that made it possible for her to stand up and continue walking. She felt cold anyways from sitting around in the snow and urgently needed to move in order to get the warmth back into her limbs.
It wouldn't help her much if she could move her fingers again but ended up with a popsicle for a butt.
Standing up, she first decided to jump up and down a bit to feel warm again.
Starting to walk away from the cliff, she couldn't shake the feeling that she already knew this situation. However, she couldn't put a finger on what was making her feel so uneasy.
Walking through ankle deep snow, she wrapped her arms around herself to keep warm. She felt cold, and that was no wonder given the fact that she was only wearing some trousers, boots, and a hubby beater.
The snow felt like little needles on her skin where it hit and it started to hurt after walking through the snowstorm for a while.
Given the time that traversing the other areas had taken her, she would have to make sure that she was keeping herself warm during the walk. She would have to do some more exercises to keep her temperature up, otherwise she would be trapped in her mind forever. Which really wasn't something she wanted. She—
Ripped out of her thoughts, she stopped dead in her tracks when she noticed a figure appearing in front of her.
In front of her stood a white armored figure, blood splattered on his armor. He was holding something in his right hand that made her blood run cold if it hadn't already started running cold from the fucking freezing temperature she was in.
The man standing there held an arm, a left arm to be accurate. Which was frozen stiff.
Subconsciously, she reached up to her left arm and noticed that nothing was there.
The color left her face as she looked down and felt her fears confirmed.
There was no arm. No blood either since it looked like it had already healed up, but the arm was definitely missing.
Cold fear surged through her.
This was the Meta. The fucking Meta. And he was holding her arm in his hand.
That realization was making her feel anxious, horribly alone, and… weak. Yeah, that was the right word. She felt weak because she knew that she had lost against him. That he had been able to injure her so badly that she had lost an arm.
She still hadn't gotten over the fact that she had lost an arm yet. It was strange, but even after all those years she was still struggling with the fact that she was partially machine now and had a cybernetic arm. She wanted her old arm back and to feel complete again.
It was strange… She immediately felt an unreasonable need to get that arm back to feel whole again.
However, she couldn't bring her body to move.
She was frozen in place from fear and felt a horrible lot like she did when she was back in school, when she didn't want to go in there the day after she broke a window and hadn't told anyone. It felt silly, but she felt the same way now as she did back then. Frozen stiff in front of eminent danger.
…That was until the mountain of a man suddenly started to move. He seemed to have felt that she was unable to move and that he was in the better position to finish what he had started so long ago.
The first hit with his left fist hit directly in her stomach, sending her stumbling back some feet and falling onto her butt. The hit went directly to her solar plexus and she felt all the air leave her lungs.
Coughing, she tried to force the air back into her lungs, though that only worked after some more seconds of sitting in the snow and eyeing the Meta while waiting for another attack.
However, the hit must have done some shit to the Meta too given the fact that he was stumbling a bit. It looked like he was unbalanced. Was that maybe because of her arm?
In any case, her fighting instincts kicked in and she stumbled onto her feet. She took up her fighting stance. She was afraid, and that made it difficult for her to stay level-headed.
Which ultimately led to her charging in headfirst, trying to land a hit with her fist. It wasn't all that surprising that the hit missed and the Meta had a great opening to hit her back.
He did so with a fist to her face.
The next attack was aimed at the Meta's lower body with a kick, which he easily dodged to land another hit to her stomach.
It went on like that for quite some time, with the Meta dodging or evading all her attacks as if already knowing how she would be attacking.
With a strangled noise of pain and frustration, she stumbled back as another hit landed on her already bruised abdomen. She glared at the enemy standing there before her, and slowly the fear she was feeling turned into anger—though that wasn't really for the better.
With a cry, she charged in again and missed, the Meta responding by attacking her in kind.
…With her fucking arm.
The hit went square across her back, sending her flying forward and headfirst into the snow. She laid there, the Meta beating her with her own arm.
Fear gripped her heart tightly once more, causing her to curl up into the fetal position as she tried to cover her more vulnerable areas.
It reminded her of the time that she had gotten beaten up in school when she had been around eight-years-old. She knew fairly early on that she would be joining the army when she was old enough to do so.
Some cockbites of boys thought it would be funny to pick on her. They threw her to the ground and swung at her for what felt like an eternity until they let her go. She had been lying there on the ground for another ten minutes, coming home beaten up and horribly bruised from the experience.
After having showered, her mom patched her up and her dad gave her an earful in regards to her stupid plans concerning the army and the things that could be triggered from joining it. She demanded to be signed up in a Dojo. She wanted to learn Karate to defend herself. Even if it wasn't for the army just then.
After another two hours of discussion, her parents finally agreed on the condition that she would have to join dancing classes if she wanted to do Karate. Her parents still believed that she would forget about her plans and be a good daughter. That she would marry and have kids. Being good at dancing helped that in their books.
Young Ala had agreed and a month after that she was in the Dojo, beaming proudly with the white belt slung around her waist.
Back in reality, Ala winced under another blow to her injury. Another hit on her hips, legs, and arms… the hits were raining down on her like a sudden downpour.
She was thinking frantically of a way to get out of there. She wanted to get away and wake up, and not be stuck there, fighting the Meta who miraculously seemed to know what she was doing the moment she thought of it.
…
Wait a second… That was it.
Ala forgot about feeling the pain of the hits while lying on the ground and pondering over her realization.
The Meta knew what she was thinking the moment she thought of it because they were in her fucking mind. The Meta that was here with her was not the real one. It was a picture of the real one that her mind had produced. It was only logical that he knew how she would react given the fact that they were technically sharing a mind.
All her fighting him did was end with her lying on the ground and getting beaten up. So, what if…?
With a groan, she got up and ignored the hits still raining down on her shoulders, back, and head until she stood straight.
This seemed to catch the Meta off-guard as he took some steps back and glared at her with a threatening growl.
It was something that she had realized just in that moment. There was no human that wasn't afraid of something. Nobody was free from fear.
You had to accept the fear and live with it instead of fighting it. Fighting it only meant that it was getting worse.
Staring directly at the Meta, she took a step towards the man who took one back.
This went on until he couldn't do so anymore, a rock blocking his further way back. Although the growling became more aggressive and fearful the moment he was feeling cornered, the black-haired woman didn't stop.
She walked past him, and just in that moment, she felt like a huge weight had fallen off her shoulders.
She realized that she was able to accept what had happened with the Meta and her arm. She had accepted it long ago, but the fear made it impossible for her to see the truth. The truth that she had long ago accepted being partially machine now.
Besides, her having cybernetic enhancements had saved the lives of her friends. She had been able to catch the knife with her hand before it hit either North, Tucker, or Wash. She had been able to save many more kids with her cybernetics because she was able to punch them unconscious without having to kill them during Hargrove's assault.
She had a cybernetic left arm, and that was what made her herself. She was complete with her new arm. The old one was in her past. She had this one here now and she would use it to her best advantage.
As she walked away, the Meta behind her vanished along with her arm. In that same moment, a weight slightly pulled at her left.
Her arm. The specific weight of the metal, which was so different from a flesh one, made her smile.
She made a fist with her metallic hand before breaking into a run again and starting to chase North's voice once more as he was still leading her.
He was talking about something from his past. Alaska only listened half-heartedly to what he was telling her, concentrating on her path ahead which was slowly turning into a plain again.
The next stop she had to contend with was because of another person standing there.
Thanks to the plain, she could see the person rather early on. However, the person looked somehow blurred and fuzzy. It was almost as though she shouldn't be able to see the person as early as she was viewing them, as if she should be making out who the person was only moments before she was running into them.
When she was close enough, she could see who was waiting there. Slowing down until she stopped completely, she felt as though she was currently looking into a mirror.
On the opposite side of her, clad completely in black, stood Ala.
It may sound weird, but that was it. Alaska McCormick was facing herself right now. Given that she was in her mind, it was nothing out of the ordinary to see herself standing there. But it still felt strange given that she was facing herself. She didn't have a twin sister, so seeing someone who looked exactly the same as she did without looking into a mirror was a rather odd sensation.
The strange copy of herself was standing there, arms crossed over her chest and looking at her with what looked like a smug smile on her lips.
"Look who's here. I'm impressed that you managed to get this far." She teased, switching her weight from her right to her left foot.
Ala frowned at that. It felt strange to talk to herself, but since she still was trapped in her mind, she wasn't really surprised. She could be walking on the ceiling and that would be perfectly normal.
Standing there, she put her hands on her hips, "You're surprised?"
"To be honest, yes. For not being sure about waking up, you've come far." Her darker copy explained.
"Why is that?" Ala asked, also crossing her arms and mirroring the position of her darker counterpart.
Her copy snorted at that, a grin spreading over her face, "Seriously? You don't really know if you want to wake up, admit it."
Ala frowned again, though she refrained from saying anything.
"You want to wake up, but at the same time you would rather stay in here. Here in your safe cocoon where you would not have to get out and have to face challenges that you could possibly fail." Her darker self started walking up and down in front of her.
"I want to wake up, and I have never run from a challenge so far." She replied. When did she actually run? She always faced her challenges, even if she might fail.
"Is that so?" the darker Ala asked at length, looking at her lighter self.
The dark-haired woman could feel insecurity well up inside her.
"Yes, I've never run." Albeit feeling insecure, she decided to act otherwise.
"Honey, you know that we're in your mind. I know what is going on inside your head." The darker Alaska replied sardonically, "And yes, you ran more than you might think. What about New Bangkok? When Sugar was hitting on North? After ten years, he shows up again and you run, instead of walking up to him and punching him right in the face like Carolina did with York. And you ran when you locked yourself up here in your mind even though you could have woken up long ago."
Alaska listened silently and had to admit that her darker self was right. She ran away as often as she faced the challenges that came her way. So, she really often ran.
Did that mean that she wasn't one hundred percent sure that she wanted to wake up at all?
"You don't really want to wake up, do you?" the sardonic voice of the darker Alaska made herself feel somewhat strange. A blend between insecurity and pissed off.
Her darker self laughed lowly, "You're unsure about the question if you want to wake up or not. So how are you going to face your friends when you're unsure about that? Once you've woken up, you can't go back. Think about it. You're not able to turn back around. Besides… Are you sure that everyone wants you back awake and to have you around still? Are you sure they wouldn't rather want you staying like that?"
She felt rather uneasy with every passing moment. She felt insecure and the questions she had in her mind previously came back tenfold.
Would the guys really be happy about her waking up again? Or would they rather prefer her staying as she was?
That was when she heard a low chuckle reverberate through her mind and she suddenly remembered what Theta had told her: that the guys wanted her back and were waiting for her to wake up again. That they were coming loose at the seams and that they were trying to hold on to welcome her back whenever she did wake up.
Something like relief flooded through her mind when she heard North's voice getting a bit louder again.
"It is all right that I don't feel one hundred percent secure about waking up," she started at length, "Nobody can be one hundred percent sure about something when they don't know what the outcome will be. But the most important thing is to try, even if it means to possibly fail." She explained, uncrossing her arms and looking at her darker self directly.
"I am not sure how everyone will really react, but we're friends and they'll be happy whenever I do wake up. They would never in the world be disappointed that I woke up." She replied, a smile appearing on her face as she started walking towards her other self.
Like she did with the Meta previously, she walked past her other half and continued her trail away from her.
She could hear her other half shout about how she needed to think it over again, but she only smiled and muttered, "Not in ten years."
When the figure dissipated, Alaska now realized that those were her fears she had to face in order to overcome them.
Speaking of fears, the only fear that was left was… the fear of the dark.
While walking over to the end of the plain, she could see that there was another crack in the ground, but this one was larger and the other side wasn't visible.
It looked like the world was ending right here at this crack.
The strangest thing about everything was that North's voice was coming out of the crack, although it was pitch black down there. Completely dark.
If his voice was leading her as well as it did previously, she would have to bite the bullet and jump.
Immediately, fear rose in her chest and made it feel tight. She noticed how her field of view narrowed down and how she felt like it was hard to breathe.
Closing her eyes, she willed the fear to go away and her chest to untighten. When she opened her eyes, she could see that her field of view was almost back to normal again.
Okay, this was probably the last test that she had to pass. Her fear of the dark.
She had realized already that she wouldn't be healed of her fear whenever she faced it. She still was slightly afraid of the Meta and about waking up, but those fears weren't controlling her anymore.
So, if she felt like she was able to face her fear of the dark… it wouldn't control her as much anymore as it had previously. She would be able to not feel so crushingly afraid when being in a dark room on her own.
Closing her eyes, she again breathed in deeply. Like with the first crack on the first plain, she took some steps backwards.
Breaking into a fast sprint, she reached the end of the cliff after four steps, jumping off forcefully to not hit her head on the side of the cliffs.
Curling up slightly, she pulled her arms to her body and bent her knees slightly.
Falling down while being engulfed by the darkness, she still could hear North's voice.
He was talking about their relationship. About the ring he had given her. Given his explanations, he seemed to be holding the ring in his hands and staring at it since he was saying something about a scratch on the inside.
The ring had gotten it some years after she had joined the Reds and Blues. She was squaring off with Wash and he had gotten ahold of her dog tags. The strain of that had caused the scratch.
This was something he only could know upon seeing the ring now. He wouldn't have known about it from somewhere else since she hadn't told anyone about the ring or the scratch.
The darkness became stronger and she felt like she was drifting out of this world.
Back in reality, North almost jumped through the roof when he felt Ala's index finger twitch.