A/N: Hey guys! I was browsing on FFN, and I discovered some really weird pairings. So of course I had to incorporate them into this story! I swear, they actually exist; I didn't make them up! And I most definitely don't ship them! No offense to anyone who does, though I doubt there are any shippers...

Anyway... HAPPY NATIONAL CHOCOLATE MINT DAY! (FEB 19)

Well, I'm off to eat some mint chocolate chip ice cream! (Which is, by the way, my all-time favorite!) :)

Peace out,

~silentwolf111

HERMES'S POV

My mouth opened and closed as I stared at the screen. No words could describe this feeling. In fact, it was a combination of feelings. Horror, confusion, dread; the list could go on forever.

I bet I know what you're thinking; what are you talking about? I can assure you that I haven't gone insane. Just yet. Much unlike some people (*cough*MORTALS*cough*) who have written about a rather peculiar pairing, one so unlikely to happen that it wasn't even mentioned in Aphrodite's fanfiction:

Hermes/Apollo.

What. The. HADES?! Are they out of their minds?! He is, and will ALWAYS be, nothing more than a best friend! I mean, come on! We're (sort of) directly related! Does "sons of Zeus" ring a bell?! Sheesh, people! Get a grip! It is not, and NEVER is, going to happen! What more do you need?!

Stupid mortals. What do they do, just go around pairing us up with every single god, male and female alike? The next thing you know, there's going to be a Hermes/Artemis pairing. Oh, look at that: said pairing has become rather popular in the Hermes/Romance genre. My dear gods, what has this world come to?

Okay. I need a break from this.

I closed my laptop and lay down on my bed, trying my best not to think of the horrific pairings. I closed my eyes and sighed. For once, this was turning out to be a peaceful day; the sun was shining (looks like Apollo decided to get up early for a change…), the birds were singing, and George and Martha were unusually quiet. Perfect.

It was almost too perfect… Olympus was never this quiet. I sat up in bed, expecting someone to burst through the door at any moment. Something just had to happen!

Of course, I was right. Not a second later, I heard the doorbell ring repeatedly.

"Coming!" I yelled, jumping out of bed and racing toward the door.

The doorbell kept ringing, so much that it made my head hurt.

"I said I'm coming," I yelled.

I reached the door just as it swung open, and Aphrodite rushed inside. Her face was extremely pale, and her hands were shaking furiously.

"What's the matter? What happened?" I demanded.

Aphrodite gulped and stared at me.

"Has he been watching?" she whispered.

"Who?" I said.

"Him!"

Uh-huh… I don't get it.

"Who is 'him'?" I said, frustrated.

"You know," Aphrodite began. "He sees you when you're sleeping and knows when you're awake!"

I raised an eyebrow.

"Santa Claus?"

Aphrodite groaned.

"No, silly! He lives in the North Pole, duh!"

"Yeah, along with the Easter Bunny and the so-called 'Tooth Fairy'."

Her eyes widened.

"So-called?! The Tooth Fairy is totally real!"

"Yeah, sure," I said. "Whatever. Now, what's this about Santa Claus?"

"Not Santa!" Aphrodite said. "ShadowMaster!"

What is she talking about?

"Why exactly would ShadowMaster be watching me?" I asked.

"Because Apollo said he was!"

I smacked my forehead and groaned. The ignorance. Everyone knows that taking advice from Apollo is never a good idea. And why would he tell her that ShadowMaster is watching me in the first place?

"Aphrodite," I said. "I can assure you that ShadowMaster is not watching me."

"Are you sure?" she asked. "Because he insulted my beauty, and then Apollo said that he's never seen me before, and then I said that maybe he was watching me, and then Apollo said that he's the god of oracles, and that the prophecy said that ShadowMaster was watching you!"

Aphrodite took a breath, and I blinked.

"Um, okay?" I said. "Look, there's no prophecy. And ShadowMaster isn't a stalker. Neither is Santa. Or is he...?"

Aphrodite whimpered at this and grabbed my arms.

"What if he's watching right now?" she whispered.

I rolled my eyes.

"I'm just playing with you. Nobody's a stalker, and there's no prophecy. I'm positive."

She looked pretty convinced by this and eagerly nodded.

"I believe you!" she said as she turned to go out the door.

Who doesn't she believe?

Aphrodite gave me a grateful look, and walked out the door with her head held high.

I sighed. ShadowMaster is giving us a really hard time. Insulting Aphrodite's beauty? Not a good idea, especially since she's the queen of all drama queens. Usually I don't care too much, but when it starts affecting my life, then it's going to become a real problem.

Oh, well. At least she's conviced. That's good enough for now.

I opened my laptop and my jaw dropped as I once again discovered a pairing that was never going to happen. Apparently the mortals had created a Hermes/Percy pairing…