The Story

By: KellyCRocker59

Part Seven

Grasp

The moon cast a pale spotlight across Holden's back. His face was buried in the mattress, a pillow trapped beneath his stomach. He fisted the sheets as sweat coursed down his back, droplets pooling in the arch of his spine. Palms cupped his hips steadying him against the unrelenting force. His mind swam in an ocean of desperation, a desire for appeasement overwhelming any coherent thought.

It left the two men lost in time, without limitation of commitment. Sean collapsed atop Holden when it was over, heaving warm breath across the other man's neck. Their hands found one another's, Sean unmoving, pressing a gentle kiss on Holden's jaw, thumbing the perspiration on his temple.

"I love you." He whispered in his ear, and Holden let the final remnants of tension ease from his body.

"Love you too." He replied, finding his peace beneath the other man.

He could feel the burden of them both heavy on his heart. Sean was not coping well. He shouldn't be expected to; the man was so strong all the time, he was allowed this. So Holden would take the worried calls, he would cook all of the meals and make up excuses for their friends. He would talk to Paula and Kara and he would figure things out himself while Sean sat on the couch or at his desk. He would be the listening ear when Sean talked about his childhood and sifted through the photo albums. He would do this, be the release that Sean needed. Because it was nice to be Sean's rock for once.

How to Love

Sean had paternal instinct. He just did. It came with being from a tight-knit family when he was younger, from everything in his life being so very traditional and familial and comforting when he was in school. So when it came to raising a child, he had no issues. When he took their daughter in his arms for the first time, he gasped and smiled in the dramatic way that got a toddler excited. He had some sort of sixth sense, knowing when to tend to her every need.

Then there was Holden. Holden, who had spent many nights of his childhood in front of the television, most of his high school pouring over textbooks and studying for advanced placement exams. He knew nothing of family outside of a roof and an income, and while that had developed as he had aged and had blossomed into something worth salvaging.

So when their child arrived, Holden had no idea what to do. He was awestruck that this child was theirs. That he had finally been given this gift to nurture and parent. He had been moved to tears, and yet as the child settled in his arms, there was a disconnect. He didn't know how to emotionally bond with this child, and as the nights passed, it become more and more of a rift. Sean tried to comfort him, he really did, but Holden could take no solace in it. For years, he had sought to rectify the emotional vacancy he had been left with by his own parents by being everything his daughter needed. Now, he could only watch as she crawled over to Sean, as her tears ceased with a few of his gentle words. A sense of worthlessness he hadn't felt since he was in middle school began to overtake him.

One restless night, Holden found his peace with a warm cup of tea and some soothing music. As he sat at the kitchen table, he closed his eyes, heavy from nights of endless interruption and attempted to soothe his mind. Instead, he was interrupted by the cries of their daughter. He sighed and rose, knowing that a train could crash into their bedroom and Sean wouldn't twitch.

He rushed up the flight of stairs and down the hall to her bedroom, where she lay in bed, tears wetting her pillow.

"What is it, Isabelle?" He whispered, kneeling beside her.

She just shook her head, refusing to speak. He sighed, turning toward the door, contemplating if seeking out Sean would be the best solution. Instead, he turned back to her, offering the kindest smile he could. He took a slight breath, and let the words out in a quiet song.

Little girl, never forget my eyes

Keep them alive inside

I promise to try, it's not the same

Keep your head held high, ride like the wind

Never look behind, life isn't fair

He sang the rest of the lyrics, placing a hand on her forehead and thumbing the hair from her face. As he reached the second verse, the tears had stopped. By the time he finished singing, she had been lulled to sleep.

Holden stood, looking down at his daughter as a pleasant ease coursed through him, warming his fingers. He smiled, absorbing the scene for a moment longer before returning to bed and descending into a weightless sleep.

American

Rays of sunlight left a shimmering light spread across the child's face as she lay there in the grass, tinting blonde curls into radiant gold strands. Holden smiled at the sight, feeling the warmth swelling in his stomach. His fingers danced along a page, searching once again for where he had left off.

"Daddy, can we go get snow cones tonight?"

He looked up once more, having read just a few words. She was sitting up now, her sundress parachuting off of her petite frame. He couldn't deny her, he knew. Months of trying to be the authoritative parent and he had given up; it just wasn't in him.

"Sure, sweetie. We're going to have to wait for papa to get home though. I don't think he would appreciate us leaving without him."

She nodded. "He works a lot in the summer."

"That's because your papa is really good at football, so he has to do a lot of work to get ready to play football during the season."

"Kids at school play football during recess, and there are always teachers stopping fights or taking someone to the nurse. Does papa get hurt?"

He paused. "Well…your papa sort of has superpowers. He heals up really quickly, so any time he gets a few scrapes, they don't even bother him."

"So he's like an X-Man?"

Holden smiled. "Yeah. Just like an X-Man."

"Talking about X-Men again? What are you doing to our daughter, sweetheart?"

Holden twisted in the chair and spotted Sean there, bag slung over his shoulder. His t-shirt clung to his chest and he glistened in the heat of the sun, but there was still a grin plastered to his face.

"Papa!" The girl surged to her feet and crossed the yard. Sean dropped his bag in time to pick her up beneath her arms and lift her into the air, giving her a twirl. He placed a kiss on her forward before setting her back down.

"How's my baby girl doing?" He asked.

"I swam three laps around the pool for the first time without stopping!" She exclaimed.

"A whole three laps?! You're going to be ready for the Olympics soon at that rate!" Sean exclaimed, kneeling before her.

"She finished the last of her books from the library today too." Holden added, approaching them.

"A genius too? I'm proud of you, Isabelle!" Sean exclaimed, earning an extended smile from her. He got to his feet again, eyes softening as he looked at Holden. Just as the other man stepped within his range, Sean pulled him in and planted a kiss on his lips, hard and deep and yet brief.

Holden pulled back, heartbeat noticeably raised as their hands found one another's.

"And how was your day?" Sean asked.

"Good; I got more work done from home. They're still being very understanding of me wanting to be here with Isabelle."

Sean nodded. "Good to hear. Should we head inside?"

"We're going to get snow cones tonight papa!" Isabelle blurted.

"After dinner though, baby girl." Holden replied, leading Sean toward the house as Isabelle raced ahead of them.

"She's really been on a snow cone kick lately, hasn't she?" Sean asked.

"Yeah; I was trying to discourage it, but she's been swimming so much and only really eats if I set food right in front of her. It's hard to keep weight on her, so I figured she can have one thing I don't say no to."
Sean snorted. "Babe, I don't think I've ever heard you tell that girl no."

"I have! Once or twice, it's happened. Promise." Holden retorted, pulling open the sliding glass door and letting them in. Isabelle darted off to her room down the hall and Sean set his bag on the counter.

"Whatever you say." He said with a smirk.

Holden gave him a light push, and Sean grabbed his arm, spinning them around so that Holden was against the counter. He relished the gleam in Sean's eyes, the other man's hands planted on either side of him. He took a deep breath through his nose.

"You smell." He stated, poking Sean in the shoulder.

"Wanna help me shower?" He asked.

Holden nodded. "I was counting on it."