Chapter 5

Carly didn't have the strength to argue when Daniel informed her she was going to stay a week under observation or when Lexie told her not to come back to work until she was completely fit physically. The realtor she'd assigned to find her a beach cottage was yet to get back to her with good news otherwise her extended leave would've been spent there.

Jennifer felt a huge stab of jealousy at the way her best friend's eyes lit up as soon as Adrienne walked in, bearing flowers and fruit. Since the breakup, she'd felt Carly was shutting her out and replacing her with Adrienne and she deeply resented it. True, Carly and Bo's relationship had put her in a very awkward position but she didn't deserve to be treated this way either. Abruptly she stood up. 'I'll leave you two alone.'

'You don't have to leave, Jen.' Carly protested.

'No... Really Carly, I need to catch up on some paperwork anyway. See you later.' She insisted, closing the door behind her.

Carly stared after her but only for a second; shifting attention back to Adrienne. 'Are you going to start with me too, about my state of mind?'

Adrienne however didn't smile. 'Carly, you could've been killed. Caroline saw you and Bo arguing through the Pub window. She told Maggie who then told Victor when Justin was in the room.'

'And Bo told you why we were arguing?'

'He refuses to talk about it with anyone. Justin told Hope about how Caroline saw you fighting. Heaven knows what conclusion she's drawn.'

'Your husband obviously still enjoys being Hope's advocate.' Carly said bitterly. 'And as for Hope, I don't care what she thinks.'

'Maybe she feels that this accident might bring you two back together.'

'Well, she has nothing to worry about. Bo's where he's always wanted to be.'

'Suppose there's a chance he still loves you?' Adrienne suggested. 'He's really upset about the accident.'

'What he feels is obligation and pity, so I doubt it. I am not living a lie again, Adrienne; never again.'

'What happened ?'

Quietly Carly told her, adding what she'd seen at the pier. 'And the worse part... I love Bo, probably more than ever. But anytime I lay eyes on him; I get so angry and the pain just keeps...' she struggled not to give in to tears again. 'I think I'll be able to really move on if I didn't still have feelings for him. I need to take control of my life from now on and stop being so angry. Otherwise I won't heal.'

'Carly, you've been in love with Bo since the day you two met. That sort of love doesn't go away just like that; back then you still loved him even when you thought you'll never be together. How are you even going to begin to try? It won't come easy, you know.'

Carly's mind briefly drifted back to that unforgettable afternoon; when she and Bo made love for the first time in 17 years. While it had taken her by surprise, she'd thought it was going to end there since she could tell Bo was still in love with his estranged wife. She'd had no intention of asking him for anything; no commitment, no promises, no obligations. He'd been the one who asked her for a second chance; with the possibility of a future. And like a fool, she'd accepted.

'I know. If things hadn't gotten so serious between us, I won't be hurting this way. I would've just kept all my memories of us in my heart; those memories were mine to keep. Now...' she added sadly, 'I can't even live on those memories, Adrienne. Back then, I fought a ghost. How could I think I could contend with a wife of 25 years, even with her faults?'

'Carly, listen to me. No matter what everybody thinks, you didn't come back to Salem to come between Bo and Hope. Hope was the one who left and trust me, she wouldn't have wormed her way back to Bo if you hadn't come back. So stop putting yourself down like this.'

'How do you know that?'

Adrienne's face had a look of scorn. 'Justin let slip that Hope asked him to serve divorce papers on Bo, before she knew you were in Salem and who you were to Bo. But because he and Bo are family and his feelings towards her then, he felt it would be unethical so he said no. Hope was jealous of you, Carly. Your relationship with Bo was deep and mature; you didn't trick him into getting back together with you like Billie did.'

'But I made mistakes too.'

'Your mistakes never came close to Hope's, Carly.' Her friend insisted. 'Did you ever question Bo's actions? Would you have taken Mel away from him, walked out on him? Walked out on Bo every time you two had a problem?'

Carly didn't want to listen to the comparison between Hope Brady and herself. Much as she appreciated Adrienne's unwavering loyalty to her, it did nothing to quell the bitterness; only added to it.

'I'm no better than her.'

'That's nonsense, Carly! You're...'

'I'm nothing!' Carly cried. 'I killed my baby, Adrienne... I killed my baby!'

Adrienne paled. 'What are you saying?' she reached to hold Carly's bandaged hand. 'What do you mean by that?'

Carly began to cry helplessly. Upset, Adrienne rose to sit on the bed, pushing back hair from her face. 'Carly, what happened? I'm here for you no matter what... just tell me.'

Sobbing, Carly managed to tell her what she'd told Melanie. Adrienne shook her head, feeling the warm flow of tears on her own cheeks as she heard every detail.

'You listen to me...' she swallowed, touching Carly's averted face. 'What happened wasn't your fault; you hear me, Carly Manning? It wasn't your fault. Hope took whatever she took out of self-pity but you were in a terrible place, you reached your breaking point... everybody has a breaking point. You chose to help yourself, which was the right thing!'

'But my baby...' Carly's voice shook. 'My poor baby...'

'You were dealing with a lot of pain and stress; who's to say it was the drugs? I'm not going to sit here and watch you do this to yourself! Look at me, Carly.'

Carly obeyed, eyes bloodshot from crying.

'You aren't to blame for anything; the drugs or the miscarriage. And you fought hard to get back on your feet; what a very strong person would do. I'm sorry you lost your baby, very sorry.' She brushed back her own tears, imagining Carly's agony when it happened. That child would've been Carly's solace.

'It hurts so much.' Carly sniffled, closing her eyes. 'Even if I manage to get over Bo, my child... it's going to keep hurting.'

'This is why Frankie didn't want you to come back here, wasn't it?'

Carly nodded miserably. 'He's very angry with Bo; blames him for what happened. And he wants nothing to do with the family. I shouldn't have told him...'

'Would you've preferred them turn your own brother against you?' Adrienne demanded harshly. 'If you hadn't, I would have; how they treated you was unreasonable! They chose to forget who you are and kept treating Hope like she didn't do anything wrong... like she never hurt Bo! Did Caroline and the others think they'll be able to hold on to Frankie if he ever found out?'

Chuckling, her brother entwined his fingers with hers. 'Force of habit, huh? Remember how you used to hold my hand like this when we were kids?'

'Well I had to, or you would've run away from me. Because I was so afraid of losing you.'

'No.' Frankie shook his head firmly. 'You can never lose me.'

'I guess not.' Carly said quietly. 'And if I ever lost my brother, I don't know what I'd do. Next to Mel, he's all I've got.'

'Remember you still have me, Carly.' Adrienne pulled a hanky from her purse and cleaned Carly's cheeks. 'And I will help you get through this however way I can. You need to heal to be able to move on, so that's why I think you need to go for more counselling. Coming back here and running into Bo all the time obviously made you bottle up your pain and anger again. What do you think?'

Before Carly could say anything the door opened again and she caught her breath in spite of herself at the sight of Bo. Adrienne was quick to see the look on his face and for the umpteenth wondered what the hell was wrong with him; if he was so happy to be with Hope again, why he couldn't let go of Carly?

'Hi.' He said quietly, completely ignoring Adrienne; having only eyes for the woman in the hospital bed.

'What are you doing here?' Carly's voice and expression was far from welcoming.

'Bye Adrienne.' Bo said authoritatively, without looking at her.

Adrienne stayed where she was, still holding her friend's hand. The only way Bo could make her leave was at gunpoint and he wouldn't dare try that. She wasn't intimidated by him.

'You can't even bear looking at me now, Carly?' he asked sadly as she deliberately turned her eyes away from him.

'She doesn't want to see you; why can't you stop torturing her like this? Haven't you done enough?' Adrienne snapped angrily. 'Go home!'

'Adrienne...'

'Two minutes, Adrienne.' Carly said, turning to her. 'Just stay outside and wait.'

Adrienne's lips tightened but she nodded, rising. Bo didn't notice the dirty look she gave him as she left the room; he walked up to Carly, sitting on the chair Adrienne had occupied.

'Carly, I'm sorry; I hurt you... don't think I don't know that.'

No reply.

'At least talk to me, Carly; please.'

Carly turned her head, face impassive. 'What do you want me to say? More to the point; what do you want from me? It's over; you have what you wanted all along so we have nothing to say to each other.'

'We do have plenty to say, Carly; you're very angry with me and I want you to know that you have it all wrong. I swear to you, I wish things could've been different...'

'I'm begging you, stop. You're obviously happy being back with your wife yet you're here saying you wish things could've been different. Is this pity talking or you suddenly think you can keep us both? You made your choice Bo; you'll do it all over again if you had to. I knew where your heart lay; that's why I ended it- and to save me the humiliation of having to listen to you explaining to me why you have to end it between us.'

Bo bowed his head briefly, biting his lip. 'Will you forgive me?' he asked quietly, looking back at her.

'You hurt me a lot more than Lawrence ever did, Bo; you broke my heart. I let you off easy by letting you go but don't think I'll ever forgive you. This isn't not forgiving you, I can't forgive you.'

'Don't say that to me please, Carly.' he begged, touching her hair. 'For the sake of what we shared years ago; don't freeze your heart. This isn't you, not my princess.'

'The Bo in front of me right now isn't mine.' Was the flat, cold answer. 'This one lied to me; this one will eternally belong to his wife. Maybe I've changed at last, Bo; I'm no longer the princess who believes in fairy tales and happy ever afters. I've had nothing but heartache and pain for years and you just added more to it instead of making all them go away.'

Bo's mouth quivered. 'Stop it.'

'I loved you!' her voice rose. 'I trusted you and all you did was...'

His lips found hers, cutting off the rest of her words; kissing her fiercely, demandingly and Carly found herself kissing him back fervently, for a few seconds forgetting her anger; only aware of him.

'I won't let anyone hurt you ever again...I love you; and I won't let anyone take you from me. Never.' He promised her.

Bo kissing Hope at the pier... on their spot... their spot...

With sheer iron will, Carly broke the kiss; squeezing her wet eyes shut as Bo pressed his face against hers.

'Don't do this to me, Bo... no more lies.'

'Carly, please...' he whispered, tears falling down his cheeks as well.

Sobbing, she turned her face away. 'We have to go our separate ways; we can't even be friends. I don't want to hurt again, Bo... just go, go away.'

She pushed his hand away from her cheek, without looking at him. 'Leave, get out!'

She didn't turn even after he slammed the door behind him, fresh heartache running through her body as she cried bitterly; clutching her stomach. In seconds she felt two pairs of arms around her; comforting hands touching her.

'It's okay, Mum. It's going to be okay.'

'We're here for you, Carly. You're not alone.'

:::::::::::::::

You're the most wonderful man I've ever known and I love you so much.

Don't you know by now? I'll follow you anywhere.

As long as you felt Hope didn't want you, you were available!

You hurt me a lot more than Lawrence ever did, Bo; you broke my heart. This isn't me not forgiving you, I can't forgive you... I can't forgive you... I can't forgive you...

In the elevator, Bo viciously planted his fist against the doors, leaving a dent.

If a perp shot at him now, it wouldn't tear his gut as severely as this. He'd always been a hero to Carly; her knight in shining armour from the day they met long ago; even when he'd treated her badly by denying his feelings towards her. Now he's been reduced to a lying cad in her eyes. Was forgiveness the only thing he wanted from her? Was sheer guilt the actual reason he still couldn't let her go? Questions he couldn't answer.

:::::::::::::

Melanie cranked out a Twix and an orange soda for her mother from the vending machine. After Carly quietened down, she accepted Adrienne's suggestion of going back to counselling. In the meantime, Melanie was going to move out of Daniel's apartment and into Carly's loft; now was the time they lived together as mother and daughter and really take care of her; undoing all the wrongs of the past.

'Excuse me.' A man stopped her. Melanie recognized him, he was the man who had run Carly over; Tony Delfino.

'I'm here to see Dr. Carly Manning. I hope she's feeling better, the last time I came over she was still out.'

'She's awake but sorry; she can't see anyone right now.'

'Not even for a minute?' he urged. Melanie shook her head; examining him thoroughly for the first time. Delfino was an Italian name, which explained his handsome dark looks; black eyes, black hair with a touch of grey at the temples and a Roman warrior's brow. And judging by the tailored suit and gold Rolex, wealthy.

'Damn. Well, can you give her these and tell her I'll swing by later, okay?'

'Okay.' Melanie took the bouquet of lilies from him. 'By the way, I'm her daughter; Melanie Kiriakis.' Considering the type of man her so-called father had been, she'd decided not to switch back to her maiden name after divorcing Phillip.

'Pleased to meet you, Melanie. And thanks.'

'You're welcome.' Melanie stared after him as he walked towards the elevators. One door closes, another opens. Maybe Tony Delfino might just open the door for Carly; a door of brighter possibilities. But only when she was ready.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

He was playing with Ciara in the backyard, tossing the brightly coloured ball back and forth; Ciara's giggles like the delightful sound of a silver bell.

'Catch daddy!' she threw the ball at him and he missed.

'Clumsy.' He laughed with her. The ball rolled under a tree and he jogged across to get it. A boy was picking it up, a boy dressed in white pants and a matching T shirt. He looked up as he approached, smiling; the gap in his teeth giving it a special charm. He had his features, his eyes...

'Zach.' he gasped. 'Hey buddy...'

Zach's grin widened as he handed over the ball. As it touched his hands, Zach dissolved and a little girl stood in his place, staring at him unsmilingly. Except for the colour of her long hair worn in pigtails, she could pass for Zach's twin. She was beautiful.

'Who are you?' he asked, wonderingly.

Instead of replying, she slowly backed away from him.

'Don't be scared.' He dropped the ball, walking to her. 'I won't hurt you.'

She increased her pace, turning away from him; running away.

'Wait, please wait!' he ran after her.

'Bo... Bo wake up, wake up!'

Hope's anxious face was hovering over his when he woke up. 'Nightmare?' she asked as his breathing slowed.

Bo rubbed his eyes, trying to make sense of the dream he'd had.

'What me to get you something? Cocoa?'

'I'll be fine. Go back to sleep; I'll get it myself.' He got out of bed.

'But...'

'Go to sleep, Hope.' He said as he threw on a robe. 'I won't be long.'

In the kitchen instead of cocoa, he drank two glasses of water; unable to get the image of the little girl out of his mind. While Ciara and Zach's faces were warm and smiling, hers had been cold and remote. Who was she? And why did she look so much like Zach?

Sighing, he sat at the kitchen table and buried his head in his hands. As if his thoughts about Carly weren't bad enough. It's been a week since his visit to the hospital and this was the first time he'd had the dream. Maxine had told him over the phone that Carly has been discharged and was on sick leave. It was no point calling her; she would just hang up on him.

I can't forgive you. The words flashed in his brain like a banner. Cold, unrelenting words. He couldn't ignore them any more than he could stop thinking about her; every since the accident it grew more difficult not to. Suppose she'd died in his arms that day, with those words on her lips? As far as she was concerned, he'd been lying to her the whole time they'd been together, which wasn't true. He'd meant it when he'd said he'd fallen in love with her all over again.

But you abandoned her; the sneering voice in his head reminded him. If you really loved her, you would've asked her for more time to sort it out with Hope.

I saw you both laughing and kissing at the pier; like nothing ever happened!

Carly thinks your relationship was a non-event, Brady. You moved back to Hope so fast, didn't you? And you wonder why that lady won't forgive you. You aren't the love of her life anymore, she despises you!

This was far worse than Billie. Billie had healed his pain when he'd lost Carly but not enough to ignore Hope when she'd come back. Billie had left Salem after giving her blessing but returned to cause trouble between them; later on using their own daughter to ruin his marriage. Her vindictiveness had made it easy for him to shed off any lingering love he'd once had for her because if she'd truly wanted him to be happy, she wouldn't have done half the things she'd done just to keep him with her. Carly had no vindictive bone in her body; she loved and cared too much.

'Look, we've passed the "oh my gosh, this is incredible phase", okay? So, we can either deepen this, or we can end it. If her moving on really bothers you I want you to tell me. I'd rather be hurt than live a lie, does that make sense?'

'I didn't lie.'
'Will you stop saying that!'

'You are my handsome, kind, charming prince who promised me a love everlasting.'

'I'll always give you love everlasting. And you and me; our love story's never going to end.'

'Maybe I've changed at last, Bo; I'm no longer the princess who believes in fairy tales and happy ever afters.'

'Bo?'

He looked up to see Hope standing at the door.

'I told you...'

'I know what you told me.' Hope moved forward. 'What's the matter?'

'Nothing's the matter with me, Fancy Face. You're worrying over nothing.'

'I see. My husband wakes up from a dream and sits here looking all troubled and I'm worrying over nothing?' Hope pulled out a chair opposite him and sat down. 'Bo, we made a promise that we'll make this reconciliation work after I moved back in. And if it's going to work at all, you can't keep secrets from me. What's going on with you?' her eyes were unrelenting.

'If you want to know the truth... it's about Carly.'

Hope stiffened. Since their reconciliation, neither of them ever mentioned Carly's name. 'Is this about her accident? Was she hurt more than Daniel told you?'

'Actually, she's left the hospital but she won't be going to work for a while.'

'You were fighting about me, weren't you? She's still very angry with me.'

'Hope...'

'You don't have to protect my feelings Bo, I know she's probably resenting the fact we're together again despite everything. But what's done is done.'

Bo didn't bother telling his wife that Carly was far angrier with him than with her and how it hurt so much seeing the disillusioned look in those beautiful eyes.

'Yeah, what's done is done. And you've got nothing to worry about; she's not going to come between us.'

'You know her more than I do, Bo. But we've already been through the actions of a woman scorned; I don't want a repetition.'

'Carly's not Billie; I've told you that before.' Bo snapped. 'It's not in her and I don't want you thinking that way about her.'

Hope was silent. Carly ending the affair and moving out of the house had shocked and humbled her for a while but then the feeling was replaced by fear.

When Bo and I got married, my family became his so I hope you realise what you're doing to him; She'd spat at Carly after seeing the passionate kiss between her and Bo. Even she had to admit that she'd sounded so sanctimonious to her rival. Carly's actions long after that incident were far too easy, too selfless; what woman in her position would just let sleeping dogs lie like that, no plans of revenge?

'Just forget about it; naturally I have to be worried about Carly. She's… she's a good person and would do the same for me.' He got up, pulling her to her feet to kiss the top of her head. 'Let's go to bed.'

For the sake of peace, Hope didn't pursue the matter further. But long after Bo fell asleep beside her, the fear lingered, followed by another. Was Bo still in love with Carly?

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Melanie had managed to convert Carly's study into a bedroom for herself. It was small compared to Carly's own room upstairs but she didn't mind a bit; what mattered to her was finally living under the same roof with her Mum and making up for her past actions and attitude. Moving into the loft was her idea and Carly's unconditional consent only added to the shame she still felt at the way she'd treated her when Carly wanted to move in with Maggie Horton to be near her but backed out after her and her friend Mia's childish disdain towards her. Even Daniel was full of remorse at how he'd accused Carly of playing God with his life by not telling him about their daughter and preferring to live the life of luxury with Lawrence after 'giving up' their baby. He and Jennifer didn't know about Carly's recent miscarriage and Melanie and Adrienne weren't going to betray her confidence for anything.

She got out of bed when she heard the sound of something breaking and a muted curse. Opening the door she called out, 'Mum?'

'It's okay, honey; go back to bed.' Carly called back.

Ignoring the instruction, Mel hurried to the kitchen. 'Are you okay?'

'I broke a mug; I wanted to warm some milk.' Carly brushed back her tousled hair and bent down.

'Hey... hey...' Melanie strode over to her, taking her by the shoulders. 'You need to be careful, your ribs. You go sit down; I'll sweep it up and get the milk.'

'Mel, I appreciate this but I'm not an invalid.' Carly protested as Melanie led her into the living room and settled her on the chintz couch.

'You just got out of the hospital and I don't want you overdoing things.' Melanie insisted, tugging a cushion behind her back. 'Now, don't argue.'

Carly sighed, smiling indulgently as Melanie bustled away. Since she'd moved in, Melanie had gone out of her way to take care of her; breakfast in bed, renting DVDs from the video store for cheer her up, doing most of the cooking. While it touched her, she wished Melanie would shed off most of the guilt she obviously still felt.

Gingerly, she reached out for the remote, switching on the T.V. In a few minutes Melanie came back with two mugs; handing one over to her.

'Thanks honey.' Carly sipped the warm beverage gratefully as Melanie sat down, legs tucked under her.

'Couldn't sleep?' Melanie guessed.

Carly nodded. 'I'm sorry I woke you up.'

'No... That's okay. What to talk about it?'

Carly glanced at her. 'Do you ever think about your own miscarriage?'

'Sometimes.' Melanie confessed, soberly. 'But I guess I managed put it behind me because my baby would've ended up in the middle of a tug of war between me and Phillip if I'd carried to term. He and Victor would've done all they could to take him away from me, or use him as a means for me to stay married to Phillip.' She rubbed Carly's shoulder gently. 'You were thinking about yours again?'

'More about what would it have been; a boy or a girl. If he or she would've had my eyes or Bo's... I'll never know.' Carly bowed her head but didn't cry this time. Adrienne said less tears came if she ceased bottling up her feelings.

'I'm sorry, Mum.' Melanie squeezed her shoulder. 'Would you have loved another little girl?'

'Yes.' Carly smiled sadly at the thought of a little girl with Bo's features and his soft brown eyes. 'Even though she's gone forever, I know what I would've called her.'

'What?'

'Gwyneth. It was the name I picked out when I was carrying you.'

'Oh Mum...'

'Melanie, please don't keep referring back to it. We're finally where I wanted us to be from the very beginning; and I'm happy.'

'When I think about it now, Lawrence's to blame for everything that happened to me. He must have known the sort of man Trent was and handed me over to him, to punish us both. But at least I later found people who cared about me; you were all alone.'

'I got through it somehow; all the same. Maybe it's because I didn't lose my mind. Lawrence tried so hard to break me inside but couldn't.'

'How did he and Bo get along back then? I bet a lot of fist fights happened.'

Carly shook her head. 'Bo and Lawrence couldn't stand the sight of each other and not just because of me. Lawrence's oil company almost ruined the family's fish market and some other small businesses.' She smiled faintly in spite of herself. 'Bo was the only one who actually dared call the great Lawrence Alamain "Larry" to his face.'

Melanie sniggered at the thought of Lawrence bristling with outrage at such liberty. 'No way!'

'He never called him anything but "Larry". Just plain "Larry", making it sound like Lawrence was just somebody simple, like some local repair man.' Carly was slowly finding it easier to talk about the old days when she and Bo were young and so very happy because at that time he'd belonged to her. But all the same, she didn't want to end up sobbing herself to sleep thinking about the happy times as well as her unborn child.

'I don't want to talk about Bo.'

'Sure, of course not.' Melanie apologised, kicking herself for bringing up his name in the first place. She and Adrienne had seen him storm out of Carly's room but they were more concerned with comforting Carly who was crying so heartbrokenly. If Bo Brady was smart, he'd leave her alone once and for all. What did he want from her anyway, vindication? She was still going to corner him and tell him what she thought of him; a lying, two faced bastard- just like his brother.

'Well, since we're both up, we might as well take in a movie.' Putting down her cup, she went through the rented DVDs she'd left on the coffee table.

'It's kind of old but it's got a pretty fitting title.' She said, taking it out of its box.

'What's the title?'

Melanie smiled wryly. '"Dream for an Insomniac."'

Carly managed to watch it for 20 minutes then Melanie helped her up to bed when her head began to drop. As she settled under the blankets; Carly reminded herself that at least she's gained her daughter's love and complete loyalty in the middle of her heartbreak. And for that she was grateful.