"This," Tucker said out loud, "Has to stop. Now."
He put down his empty mug with an audible sound, "I mean, seriously, they've been dancing around each other for days now and I am fucking fed up with them not getting their shit straight."
"Look who's talking..." Grif drawled out from his place on the opposite side of the table.
"Oh, shut up, you weren't any better." The teal-clad soldier replied snappily.
Grif snorted at that comment, "At least I didn't have my sister playing wingman for me."
Tucker threw him a grin at that, "I doubt that Simmons would have accepted you asking him out if it had been your sister playing wingman instead of North."
"True." Simmons stated from beside Grif, deliberately taking a sip out of his mug.
"Traitor." Grif grumbled towards Simmons, who in return only shrugged his shoulders.
Ever since he and Grif had become a thing, Simmons had gotten a lot calmer. Some good screwing definitely seemed to help in that case, Tucker thought. Bow-chicka-bow-wow.
He was so deep in his thoughts then that he almost missed Grif's reply, "My sister is an awesome wingman."
"I know other things she was awesome at. Bow-chicka-bow-wow!"
When he saw Grif's face darken and Simmons putting down his mug just in case he had to be ready to hold Grif back if he wanted to strangle Tucker from across the table, said dark-skinned man coughed awkwardly.
Sister always was a touchy subject for Grif, especially now that she had vanished from Blood Gulch without any trace left of her.
"Anyways, back to the topic. We need to get Ala and North to talk to each other again." Tucker was glad for once that one of Kimball's meetings went longer than planned and all of the Freelancers, including Ala, had been summoned there.
Why Tucker and the other captains hadn't been called upon was a mystery to Tucker, but something was probably going on where Kimball needed the knowledge of the super-special-kickass-soldiers of their team.
Lifting his mug and realizing that it was empty, he put it back down with a groan.
Simmons had surely drunken the rest of the coffee that they had gotten for today's lunch – that fucking coffee addict.
Shooting said cyborg a withering glare, he saw him only lift an eyebrow while looking over the rim of his mug, a silent 'So?' pretty clearly written on his face. Asshole.
Groaning, he rubbed his burning eyes. It was morning and Tucker felt like he wanted to go to bed again. He was still lacking sleep these past several days from when either Wash, North, or Tucker himself were around Ala.
Last night it had been Tucker staying with her.
She slowly was recovering from the breakdown, now also seeing Grey regularly to get everything sorted out with her help. Tucker knew Ala well enough to know that the only coping method she knew was to push everything aside so long as things went well… until they couldn't go well anymore.
To be honest, every member of the Blood Gulch Crew was like that… but the situation here was serious and she couldn't get over that with only his, Wash's, and North's help. She needed professional help to get over what she had been carrying around for about eleven years.
Grey knowing her inside and out – literally – was probably the best shot to help her. Tucker couldn't help but shudder at his own creepy wording. It sounded way less creepy when he was thinking about it without saying it out loud in his own head.
"Anyone have an idea?" He asked, more loudly than intended to get his brain to shut up from spewing obscenities that even he wasn't happy thinking of.
"Shouldn't we… I don't know… give them time to figure it out?" Simmons asked, looking a bit insecure and unsure.
Grif chuckled from where he was sitting beside him, "Like that's ever worked well with our group. Do you know of anyone around here who didn't have to get kicked in the ass to start talking?"
"I was just giving out ideas, what's yours then?" The redhead snapped back, putting the mug down so forcefully with his cybernetic arm that the handle cracked.
"How about having Tucker talk to North and then let them figure shit out? They know her best." Grif replied.
Tucker snorted, "And getting shortened a head by my sister when she finds out about that? I'd like to keep my beautiful face unmarred, thanks."
Grif showed him the middle finger then, to which Tucker replied back with the same gesture.
"We could tell them to make up and kiss!" Caboose put his two cents in, although he kept his voice down which Tucker was grateful for. He didn't need the whole mess hall to know what they were up to.
"Yeah, as if that has worked at any time before with our crew." If he hadn't heard himself say those words, Tucker would have sworn that they were coming from Church.
Caboose's crestfallen face made him regret his words instantly.
"Sorry, buddy, but I don't think it's that simple with them. I guess they need a bit more persuasion than just that."
"How about giving them the opportunity to either talk or I'll start taking potshots at them?" Sarge's gruff southern accent made itself known in the conversation at this point.
"Good idea, sir!" Simmons perked up at Sarge's inclusion into the discussion.
Grif mumbled a quick "Nerd." under his breath at his boyfriend before retorting to Sarge, "Like standing at gunpoint would cause any productive discussion to start."
Sarge only snorted at him, "Like you would ever know, you good-for-nothing!"
"Glad to be of service, sir!" Grif's sarcasm was thick and Tucker rolled his eyes at the usual Red Team antics on display currently.
"How about we put them into a closet and lock them up until they talk?" Donut was now joining the discussion, "Squeezing into tight spaces always makes my tongue come lose!"
"I'm pretty sure of that…" Tucker muttered, trying to get rid of the mental image that Donut had just given him.
Pinching the bridge of his nose, he sighed.
"Well, I guess that's the best shot we have and when it doesn't work… we can still try Caboose's idea. You guys in?"
"Playing pranks on people? I'm in!" Grif, usually oh-so-lazy, was always the first person in line whenever they were about to start a prank war.
Tucker had been pretty surprised to see how much effort Grif put into pranks when they had started a personal prank war back in Blood Gulch and Tucker never knew what he was facing when it happened to be Grif's turn. Having some itching powder put in his undersuit was probably the least bad thing that had happened to him then. The sucker could be pretty creative when he played pranks.
One by one, the others also agreed on helping and, soon after, they were arguing about which closet to use and how to get both of them in there without causing too much of a ruckus.
"Sounds interesting. What are you planning?" Putting his tan helmet down, York flopped down on the bench next to Tucker.
All of the people there jumped in unison at his sudden appearance.
"Nothing!" Tucker managed to get out while the others shook their heads frantically in agreement.
"Uh-huh, sure. You're the perfect picture of innocence." York rolled his eyes, "Come on, Carolina and the others aren't going to be around for another thirty minutes. So, what's up?"
Tucker sighed. He knew very well that York had caught them red-handed and that they would have to let him in on what they were planned if they wanted this stunt to have a chance at all. Having York on their side maybe wouldn't be that bad given the fact that he knew North pretty well back from their days together in Freelancer. Another view on North wouldn't' be all that bad actually, Tucker mused.
"We need to get North and Ala to talk."
"By locking them in a closet." York stated after they had finished telling him their plans, looking incredulous, "Are you fucking kidding me?"
"It got Donut and Wash talking again when he was all awkward about having shot Donut." Tucker pointed out.
"Very true. It was tight and cozily warm in there. I liked that." Donut replied with his perky voice.
York looked rather bewildered at that statement.
"Uh yeah. And you think that will seriously help?" He asked when he'd finally gotten his mind back on track, looking at the guys' faces as he realized something with growing horror, "Holy hell, you're serious."
"Of course, we're serious! Why do you think we are even planning to cooperate with these filthy Blues!" Sarge drawled in his southern accent.
"Okay, so you seriously want to lock North and Ala up in a closet until they talk. I can only hope that Ala isn't claustrophobic."
"She's only afraid of the dark. She's probably least afraid of closets out of all of us." Tucker replied, staring ahead at the wall on the opposite side of the mess hall.
"Okay so how are you going to do it then?" York asked, grasping one of the water bottles and opening it. He took a huge gulp of its contents while listening to Tucker.
"I will handle Ala. I happen to know that she stores some gun oil and some books in one closet. I'll simply push them to the back so she won't be able to reach them." Tucker began, his face becoming contemplative, "You, York, could get North to come along with something about how Mac needs his help to get something down from a shelf since he's still a bit bigger than her."
He continued, turning to the cyborg next, "Simmons, your job is to keep Wash and Carolina away from the floor."
"How do I do that?" Although he was calmer now that he had started dating Grif, Simmons' voice would always still turn an octave higher whenever it came to him talking to either women or higher ups.
"I don't care, tell them something about fucked up color codes in storage. You're a sucker for that. Take Grif with you to make it seem more plausible." Tucker replied, not really caring how Simmons went about doing his side of the plan. But out of all of them, Carolina and Wash would be the least suspicious that something was up if it was Simmons showing up and telling them something about a fucked up storage system.
"However," Tucker carried on with the planning, ignoring Simmons suddenly blanching at the added pressure put upon him and the look crossing over his face as if he was going to throw up his breakfast, "The others will be keeping watch and making sure that anyone else stays away from the floor."
Tucker looked around before concluding his thoughts, "…Which shouldn't be too difficult since that floor pretty much belongs to us."
"I will keep a vigilante eye out for any person trying to penetrate our rears!"
"Yeah. Thanks, Donut…" Tucker sighed.
"There's only one thing that is still unclear to me, and that's when this whole thing is supposed to go down." York casually stated, "And you'd better be talking about that fast, since Carolina just messaged me that they will be in the mess hall in five."
The teal-armored soldier quickly looked at the faces of everyone there before announcing decisively, "We'll be doing it today after lunch. This will give enough time for preparation and for Grif to fuck up the storage somehow so that Simmons can cry a river to Carolina and Wash about needing help to get the fucked-up storage back in order."
"I won't be crying a river!" Simmons insisted, but Grif only snorted at that from beside him.
The fond look that they both shared moments later belied all of the animosity that they had been exchanging mere moments ago, however.
When the afternoon rolled around, Tucker was already done with all of his tasks like running laps and doing squats.
He had also already prepared the closet for their little ambush.
Wearing his helmet, he could see the others messaging regularly where they were.
Caboose, Donut, and Sarge were setting up the security perimeter around the floor. Grif was currently messing up the storage, and Simmons was almost having a crying fit already.
York was writing that North was on his way to their floor, so the others should retreat so as to not make themselves appear suspicious.
Moments later… Sarge, Donut, and Caboose reappeared, waiting for York's sign that the coast was clear.
Tucker knew that Ala wasn't wearing armor since Doctor Grey had it under lock and key to keep her from going into combat again before she was halfway stable.
North's own armor had taken a beating during their last mission and was currently being repaired by their mechanic ace, Jensen. The teal-armored soldier was pretty sure that Palomo was with her too whenever he didn't have to run laps like Ala ordered him to do a lot of the time.
He grinned at that. His sister could be such an asshole sometimes. She was nice and gentle in general, but if you got on her wrong side… she could become such an asshole.
Closing the door, Tucker slipped into his room and swiftly changed into his civvies and disassembled his gun.
After that, he quickly put the gun oil away and stored it in York's room to make everything seem more plausible.
When York's and the others' signs of all clear came, Tucker officially announced that the mission was starting.
Firstly, he would start it up by calling his sister.
It didn't even ring two times before she picked up the phone. Tucker could practically hear it in her breathing that she was bored out of her skull: doing laps all the time was pretty boring to him too.
"S'up, little bro?" she asked, obviously outside and supervising the Lieutenants from the background noises that he was picking up.
Tucker thanked whatever deity there was in heaven that she wasn't with Kimball this time like she so often was now during her lockdown.
"Hey, sis. Would you mind giving me your gun oil? I wanted to clean my gun and I'm out of it."
There was a long silence before she asked, "Couldn't you ask Wash or someone else for theirs?"
"Wash said something about having to go comfort Simmons since someone apparently messed up the storage and the others all are greedy bastards." Tucker explained, pacing in his room and toying with his gun to make it sound plausible.
"So, what about Junior? He's the tallest of us."
Shit, she was getting suspicious.
"Yeah, you know, he's in a phone call meeting at the moment with Sangheilios about the terms of the peace and support contract. I think he wants to stay here as ambassador." Tucker cringed at his pitchy voice and how it sounded so obvious that he has telling a lie.
Another silence lingered on the other end of the line before there was a long, drawn out sigh, "Okay, I am coming."
"Yeah! Thanks, sis!" He cheered, thanking again every deity around that he had gotten through with it, hanging up right afterwards and sending York a message over his phone that Ala was coming up and that he would call him up when it was time to send North on his way.
York informed him soon after that North was with him and they were talking about the good ole Freelancer days.
A knocking on his door drew Tucker's attention to it. Putting down the gun parts, he got up and opened the door.
"Just in time, sis." He greeted her, earning a raised eyebrow from the woman but nothing more than that.
"Let's get you the oil. But I am warning you, if you use it again to jerk off I am going to throw you out of the window." She muttered, heading to the storage unit.
"No way, I have Wash for that now! Bow-chicka-bow-wow!"
His sister only groaned, opening the door to the closet and trying to reach the oil.
Tucker congratulated himself that he was smart enough to put the oil so far away that even he couldn't reach it. Only North would be able to reach it thanks to his height.
After some tries without either of them getting the oil, Tucker sighed, "I'm going to ask York if he can help me."
Due to Mac not being her best yet when it came to her physical strength due to her recent injury, he decided to ask York instead.
He feared that he would cause her to fall in this small closet. At least, that was what he mumbled while making a show of dialing York's number.
"Yo, York." Tucker greeted after York picked up the phone, "I need your help in the living complex on our floor. The gun oil is out of reach."
There was an affirmative response and soon after Tucker hung up.
"York's coming up to help." Tucker explained with a large grin on his face.
He saw Sarge, Donut, and Caboose appear and disappear into Donut's room, all of them chatting about some beauty tips that obviously applied for guns too if Sarge being so on board that particular train of conversation was any indication to go by.
Five minutes later, the door opened and North, not York, appeared.
He walked up to the closet where the siblings were still standing.
"York said that he wanted to discuss something with Carolina. You need some help up here?" He asked casually, his eyes scanning the environment around them before landing on Ala who immediately looked away.
Tucker slipped out of the closet as if to make space for North as he explained the situation to him, "Yeah, the gun oil is too far up in this closet and mine is used up. I need it to clean my gun."
North looked at him a bit longer with a bit of a surprised glance, but then turned around and walked to the back of the closet where Ala was making him space. She was obviously trying to get out of his way.
The last thing she saw was Tucker's huge grin as he slammed the door shut – luckily, it opened to the outside – and put a chair underneath it to lock it effectively.