This is a follow-up from the previous chapter. And I couldn't just bear to leave this story after the last one. But warning, this one has a cliff-hanger. And who am I kidding, these are no longer one shots. It's pretty much a story now. :P And please don't hate me.
Time goes by so slowly. The clock strums in monotonous tones. Tick. Tick. Tick. I'm not sleeping. I know Peeta isn't either. We lay on our backs on our bed, holding each other's hands; merely waiting for eight o'clock to come up. We've both stopped crying by now. There are simply no more tears to be shed.
Eventually eight o'clock rolls around, and life goes on. I get up and go to Lily's room to wake her up. Peeta goes to the kitchen to start making breakfast while I comb through Lily's curls. She still begs for me the braid it but I tell her that she isn't ready, making up lies about her hair not being thick enough yet. The truth is, I'm not ready yet. I'm not ready for my toddler to become a little girl. Instead I put her hair in two pigtails, which she loves anyway.
It had been exactly one month since we lost the baby. I came home a few days after my emergency C-section with stitches in my belly; just more scars. Her body had been at the morgue and Peeta and I couldn't bear to leave her there alone. So we arranged to have her burned to ashes. She sits in a vase on a dresser, neither of us quite sure what to do with her.
As we sit down to have breakfast this morning Peeta tells me that we should call my mother and Annie. I quickly agree, seeing some fresh faces would do us good.
Two weeks later Annie arrives, a day before my mother does. She is all bright-eyed and beautiful as she gushes over how big Lily has gotten and little Finn chases her around. Lily loves having him here; she would've made a great sister. It's nice to have a cheery atmosphere for once. We let Annie's happiness wash over us and we even begin to smile again. I mean smile for real. We are constantly smiling for Lily, not letting our sadness take over her life.
I ask Annie in private how she did it, how she got past Finnick.
"I never really did." She says. My heart sinks at this news. "You just learn to live with the pain, and it becomes a little less of a burden every day. You'll get there one day Katniss." I sigh, wondering if I ever will. Just thinking about Prim hurts so bad, but I guess I've learned how to dull the pain over time.
When my mom comes over I didn't expect what was coming. She tearily hugs me close and keeps telling me that it's okay, again and again. It's kind of nice not to be the mom for once. She also does the same for Peeta, I appreciate that. She accepts him fully as a part of her family. My mom usually visited twice a year to see how I was doing, and was visiting three times a year after Lily was born. Before she had been stiff and awkward, now she was warm and kind. I feel it melt a little of the ice around my heart. I hug her back tightly, relishing in the feel of my mother's arms around.
I know Peeta's doing better, feeling a bit happier. I wish I could say the same. It just feels like something is missing, or rather someone.
A month later we invite Johanna over too.
"How dare you forget to invite me over? I know Annie came over a month ago, but I feel like you should have treated me with a bit more respect you know." Johanna is all brash and in charge and I realize just how much I've missed her. I hug her tightly and bawl into her clothes, the very last thing she expected from me. She tentatively pats my back and Peeta laughs at her expression.
"I'm sorry." I say. "I've just missed you a lot." We both know it's a lame excuse but she lets it slide. We tell her that we've been having difficulty saying goodbye to the baby we never really met. She suggests that we name her.
"It just seems right doesn't it? It's like proof that she existed once, even if she was only ever alive in your stomach." We immediately tell her we don't want to do that but the idea sticks with us after a while.
It's a bewildering thing; looking up names for someone who has passed. No matter how hard we try we can't seem to find a name that sticks. I've seen a couple that I like but nothing seems to really fit, and it is distressing as well because we don't want to have a funeral until after she has a name.
Months later, Peeta suddenly slams down yet another baby book.
"Why is this so hard? Why can't we just make a decision about this?" He asks, just as frustrated as I am.
"I don't know!" I scream back at him, even though we both know he's not the one I'm really screaming at. I'm glad Lily is at Uncle Haymitch's. I feel guilty that she's been spending so much time there and I vow to spend more time with her. She'll be starting school soon and I need to find out when they learn about the Games. Peeta and I had decided long ago that we wanted to tell our kids about it first, so there are no surprises when they're sitting in class and our names suddenly pop up.
It's a month later when the phone rings.
"Katniss, is that you?" I hear a voice that I would recognize anywhere. My eyes fill with tears.
I hope you enjoyed reading this! 3 Please review. They'll be no more updates for a few days now. And I'm sorry to leave you hanging like this. But it's better than the last one, right?