Author's Note: For those of you who remember my chapter 7 author's note (I highly doubt you do otherwise you are way to invested in my life). I was really excited that my story had gotten to 639 views after 7 chapters. Today (September 28th when I wrote this chapter) my total was 659 with my most recent update. 658 today alone! And I know a lot of people just read the first few chapters and don't really get to the most recent ones but this was incredibly exciting for me and I want to thank reviewers who make me so happy.
On with the chapter! Not Katniss POV again. :P Next chapter we'll pick back up with her. I'm having too much fun in other people's minds.
Peeta and Katniss have got to be the most coddling parents ever. They hardly ever let their kids out of site and it's only when they are one hundred per cent sure they are with a trusted guardian. Ash I understand as he's still a toddler but Lily is almost nine years old.
Sometimes I wonder if it were better if someone else taught them about the Games besides their parents. They are just so messed up about it, and I guess Haymitch the old drunk is too. I never understood how they bonded, but then again I didn't understand for a long time why she chose Peeta.
You see I love Katniss a lot. It's just not the way I used to. Our relationship was easy before the Games. It just made sense. I never understood why she couldn't drop Peeta after the Games. I knew for safety purposes they had to act close and lovey, but she was always concerned about him, even putting herself at risk to save him. It didn't go unnoticed to me that Katniss wouldn't leave District 12 without Peeta with her. I know she had no idea then, but she had already chosen him over me.
I was grasping at straws trying to make sense at her affections towards both me and him. Denying at every chance that she couldn't be without him, and she completely denied it too. Katniss didn't want to love someone the Capitol was forcing her to, and I can understand why. I wanted her to be the same as before, little did I know that she was permanently altered, and the only one who could understand was the person she went it all through with.
After the 75th Games things only became clearer as she wasn't herself without Peeta around; even when he tried to strangle her with his bare hands. For a long time I thought it was from guilt, why she wanted him to be exactly the same as before. I didn't realize that Katniss just wanted Peeta to love her again; she couldn't even see this herself. I realized that I also expected her to be the same after the first games; its funny how truly similar we are.
Prim's end wasn't our love's coffin; it was simply the final nail sealing it shut. It took me three years to realize this, to see all of these things clearly. I think that's when any sense of my romantic love for her died. In the competition for Katniss' love I was never even a contender. Peeta had her without even trying.
It would be easy to see that he is everything I'm not; patient, warm, way too likeable, always honest despite his ability to twist words. Katniss and I are too much of the same; angry, strong, loyal, and sometimes arrogant. I never thought of it but I guess Peeta is strong too; strong enough to fight the tracker jacket venom that courses through his veins; strong enough to give Katniss up again and again; strong enough to die for the people he loves.
Even if Katniss and I were together, even if Peeta didn't exist; we wouldn't have lasted. We're almost the same person; the only difference is my decisiveness. You can't add fire to fire; it will just burn the whole forest down.
As I walk with my little Violet pressed to my chest I remise over how much our lives have changed. When I was eighteen years old my best friend was sent to kill twenty-three children in order to preserve the life of her sister. Two years later her sister will have fallen practically at the hands of her best friend, but there will also never be a single Hunger Game again.
Every day I am eternally gratefully that the baby girl I clutch to my chest will never go hungry, will never be sent to be killed, and will never be forced to harm another soul.
Peeta sees that I'm lost in thought as he holds Ash in his arms but is considerate enough to let me be. That's another thing about him, he is impossible to hate. Lily walks ahead with each hand holding one of Ross' and Ryder's. From behind it's like seeing Katniss again, just slightly off.
From the back the only difference is the two braids instead of one, and how loose they are due to curls. She turns to look back and I am startled by her blue eyes, seeming so out of place on the Katniss look-a-like. If her eyes were just a bit lighter than they would have matched Prim's instead of Peeta's. Lily smiles at me before her attention is stolen by Ross who pulls on her hand excitedly when he sees the balloons at the front of the Mellark household.
I would imagine my eighteen year old self would have been green with envy, outraged by how I had lost her. Now all I feel is a sense of relief. I let out a large breathe with consequently stirs Violet who starts crying quietly. I was wondering when she'd wake up from her nap.
When we get to the house Neala offers to take her but I refuse and instead make my way to the fridge to heat up some milk. I need to come home from work earlier, I don't want to miss a minute of the boys' or Violet's lives. As I look down at her bright grey eyes now (the boys both have Neala's brown ones), I think to myself that this definitely isn't the life I imagined for myself. This is one thousand times better.
I hope you liked it, and like I said before, last chapter without Katniss. I wanted to explain why Gale was no longer angry or spiteful. Neala is his wife if you didn't guess before; I don't really care for her character through so we won't be learning a lot about her. :P Please R & R.