Chapter 18

In the morning, Melanie made breakfast and forced Carly to eat it. Carly quietly obeyed; not at all aware of what she was eating. Melanie searched for signs of grief but her mother's grief was inward; not one single tear.

The doorbell rang as Melanie was taking the tray away and Dario, who'd spent the night on the couch, answered the door to admit Adrienne and Justin.

'Where is she?' Adrienne demanded.

'Upstairs in her room.'

Without a word, Adrienne marched up the stairs but Justin stayed where he was; he felt terrible for Carly but after his attitude towards her since she came back; he was at a loss on how to face her now. 'Have you called Frankie?' he asked Melanie quietly, nodding at Dario.

'Yeah, he wanted to come here but I told him it will be best if he met us in New York.' Melanie sighed heavily, feeling so helpless and drained at the face of her mother's sorrow. 'Gianni called again this morning; the funeral's on Sunday.' The wedding was supposed to hold on Saturday. The whole thing still didn't seem real to her.

The doorbell rang again and Dario went to slide it open. This time it was Daniel and Jennifer.

'Dr. Jonas.'

'Dario.' Daniel hurried to hug his daughter. 'Oh Mel, I still can't believe this happened! How's Carly?'

'Bottling everything in; not one tear.' Melanie said, upset and worried. 'It's breaking my heart seeing her like that; I don't know what to do.'

'She had a pretty terrible shock, Mel.' Dario pointed out.

'Yes, but she's going to pull out of it, once the reality sinks in and then she'll let out her grief, it's the healthiest thing she can do.' Daniel said, shaking his head at the thought of his friend's suffering.

'I'll go see her.' Jennifer said. She caught the look on Melanie's face and almost stamped her foot in frustration. 'Melanie, come on; I'm not her enemy! Can you please put aside any resentment you have towards me for the time being?'

'Melanie, please; Carly needs her all her friends and family right now; not hostilities.' Daniel pleaded.

'Whatever.' Melanie said coldly. Without another word, Jennifer went upstairs.

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Overnight the press was very busy so by morning the Salem Gazette's headline read: "Media Industrialist Antonio Delfino Dies."

Victor Kiriakis and Stefano DiMera, who'd bothbeen out bidden by Tony during the sale of Orion, let their morning coffee go cold as they read the news report; more than once. Brady, who Melanie had forgotten to call, dashed off to Carly's loft after seeing the headline at the newsstand. One by one, the Salemites got to know of Tony's death and it swept across the town. But no one was more shocked than Bo; after flinging the paper away, he grabbed his keys and drove over to Carly's place.

'You aren't welcome here.' Melanie told him, barring his way. 'Go away.'

'Don't do this now, Mel.' Bo urged his eyes dark with pain. 'I have to see Carly; is she alright?'

'She's holding her own and she doesn't need you making her feel worse. If you'd been man enough a year ago, another woman would be going through this terrible pain instead of my mother!' Melanie spat, angry tears pouring down her cheeks. 'You just leave us to mourn in peace and don't come back here!' she slid the door shut with a bang.

Not wanting to go home and deal with Hope, Bo drove to the park where he found a vacant park bench. Burying his head in his hands, he wept for Carly and the agony she was going through; which indirectly was his fault like Melanie angrily and so accurately pointed out. He was responsible for her suffering; because of one act of stupidity.

'Bo?'

Bo's head jerked up, his damp eyes meeting Isabella who had materialised next to him.

'Izzy, I never wished for this to happen!' he whispered, tears streaming down his cheeks. 'It would've been better for me to lose Carly to Delfino than she losing him like this!'

'You didn't cause his death.'

'But I drove her into his arms in the first place and now she's hurting again... what's going to us happen now? His death will always come between us!'

'Remember the bond, Bo.' Isabella calmly reminded him. 'When I said unbreakable, I meant it. Besides, I never said that your journey with Carly was going to be easy. But you should've guessed that, considering how you both started in the beginning. She's grieving right now and the best thing you can do besides being there for her is NOT giving up on her or your love. Destiny will take its course, no matter what.'

Much as the thought of having Carly back in his arms at long last was great, Bo was far too upset for her right now; blaming himself over and over again for causing her more pain after he'd promised to be always there for her.

'Remember Bo, what lies at the end of the journey will make the journey worth it.'

Isabella vanished again before he could speak.

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' For as much as it has pleased Almighty God to take out of this world the soul of our brother Antonio Dominic Delfino; we therefore commit his body to the ground. Earth to Earth, Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust, looking for that blessed hope when the Lord Himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God...'

Carly barely heard the words of the priest as she stood dry eyed and ghostly pale, Frankie's arm round her shoulders. The other mourners present at the graveside besides Tony's grieving son and uncle included Frankie's fiancée Audra, Melanie and Dario, Adrienne and Justin, Daniel and Jennifer, Lexie and Abe, Brady and several of Tony's business associates and employees. All that was swimming in her mind was that Tony, who had made her so happy, was gone. There was nothing now in her heart, except emptiness.

The officiating priest offered up the final prayer for Tony's soul and his casket was lowered into the earth; Carly, Gianni and Vito received quiet, heartfelt condolences. Tears pouring down her cheeks, Jennifer hugged her friend tight, pressing kisses on her cold cheeks, willing for Carly to say something but Carly stood there; aloof and silent. Lexie kissed Carly as well while Abe patted her shoulder before soberly shaking hands with Gianni and Vito.

'Sis...' Frankie said gently,'We have to go now.' He tugged her arm. 'Come on...'

Carly meekly followed him;Melanie, Brady, Audra and Adrienne close behind. Gianni left as well, supporting Vito and accompanied by several suited men and women.

'I feel so terrible.' Jennifer said, her eyes red from weeping. 'I'll never forgive myself for what I said to her...'

'I don't think she remembers that, and it doesn't even matter right now.' Daniel consoled her. What we all need to do right now is help her get through this loss.'

'I still can't believe this happened to her after everything she's been through; yesterday was supposed to be their wedding.' Lexie shook her head. 'Oh dear Lord, the more I think about it, the more I wish I'd been kinder to her when she came back to Salem.'

'If there's anyone who should beat himself up about that, it should be me.' Justin said, his expression strained. 'I've been nothing but mean to her; I didn't even stop to think of what Lawrence must have put her through all those years- I feel like such a jerk.'

'We've all not done good by her, let's just face it.' Abe said. 'We chose to forget who Carly was; a caring, giving woman who'd never wilfully hurt anyone. Instead of remembering that, everyone more or less treated her like an outcast. I wonder if Frankie knows about that.'

'Oh, he does,' Justin said as he thought of Frankie's ice-cold response to his greeting before the funeral. 'I can just imagine what he must be thinking of us right now.'

Jennifer dried her eyes. 'Look, Daniel's right. We all messed up but we can make it up to her by being there for her; every way possible.'

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Frankie wanted to take Carly back to D.C with him to live but Melanie pointed out that he couldn't make that decision for her; if Carly wanted to leave Salem indefinitely, only she could decide that.

'Fine.' Frankie said at last, not at all pleased. 'But you take good care of her Mel, if anything happens; you call me immediately.'

For weeks after they returned to Salem Carly stayed in the loft, her grief like a mantle of iron; responding to the love and support she receivedwith lethargy. All she wanted was to be left completely alone despite efforts from Melanie and the others to reach out to her. Every day she lay in her bed, staring at the window, trying to conjure up Tony's image and her last moment with him, trying to remember the sound of his deep voice and infectious laugh, the look of warmth and love in those black eyes. But her mind was blank, as though Tony hadn't existed in her life at; she couldn't remember him at all.

Oh Tony... why did you have to die and leave me? She cried in her heart. Why? Why's happiness always eluding me? Bo and now you. I can't even remember you!

She turned, pressing her face against the pillow, trying to conjure him up again. But still nothing; her mind was blank and dark. A widow before becoming a bride; Victor had predicted to her years back. He didn't succeed in killing Bo but Bo never became her husband. She was barely a wife to Lawrence who'd used her as a punching bag, while she was sorry she was forced to kill him she wasn't sorry he was dead. She was more or less Tony's widow now and she couldn't even picture his face or even weep for him.

She opened her eyes again and slowly got out of bed, aching all over. After taking a shower, she got dressed and left the apartment for the first time in weeks.

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Bo's heart grieved for his princess as he watched her staring at the water at the pier; looking painfully thin in a simple black dress, her long hair pulled back in a ponytail and no jewellery except her engagement ring which flared green fire in the sun.

She turned when he walked up to her, face expressionless. 'Hi Carly.' He said quietly.

'Bo.' Was the quiet reply.

'How've you been? I've wanted to talk to you since... well since what happened. I've stayed away these past few weeks, because I figured I'm the last person you want to see...' Bo reached for her hand but Carly pulled it away and averted her face.

'Please leave me alone, Bo. I really don't want to talk to you or anyone right now.'

'Carly, give me the chance to apologise, please. I'm sorry about everything; about us, about Tony... I'm so sorry you lost him and I want to you know that I'm here for...'

'Don't!' Carly's voice was harsh. 'Don't ever say that to me again! I don't need you to hold my hand or comfort me; I don't want or need your pity!'

'Carly, you're a part of my life. You and I...'

'You and I, nothing!' she shouted, anger and pain finally erupting. 'How dare you say that to me now! I lost a wonderful man who loved me; who loved me more than you or Lawrence ever could, who I wasn't second place with!Stop pretending that you care, Tony was worth ten of you and I mean that!'

Carly turned away but Bo grabbed her immediately.

'Let go of me!' she struggled fiercely.

'I'm NOT going to leave you like this!' Bo shouted back. 'Whatever you're feeling you need to let it out! I should know because I've been there; it eats you alive and it won't stop until you give in to the pain.'

Carly glared at him, green eyes stark with pain. 'Let me go.'

'No.' He said stubbornly.

'I'll scream.'

'Maybe you should do that!' he snapped. 'Hit me if you want to but you need to let your grief out!'

'Let me go, let me go!' Carly shouted, struggling again but Bo kept an iron grip on her. Then suddenly, the images Carly had been searching for came back in a flash; Tony's smile, Tony's kisses, Tony slipping the ring on her finger... Tony telling her how much he loved her...

Carly stopped struggling. Bo saw her eyes welling up and pulled her into his arms, pressing her head again his chest as she cried heartbrokenly, at long last breaking free the pain and sorrow she'd been bottling up.

'It's okay, princess,' he whispered, blinking back his own tears as he held her. 'I'm here. I'm here for you... it's okay now.'

Carly wept without restraint, clinging to Bo, giving in to her terrible grief, allowing it to envelope her. It hadn't only been because of the shock, she'd been so afraid to cry because she wasn't sure if she would be able to resist the temptation of doing drugs again; feeling that it was best to numb the pain by suppressing it rather than numb it with pills. All the tears she should have shed for the man she loved came out in a steady stream.

Finally she raised her head, eyes and cheeks wet sniffling and Bo pulled out a handkerchief and wiped her eyes.

'Thanks.' She mumbled. 'I guess... I really needed that.'

'Yeah you did.' He stroked her hair. 'And gradually you'll feel better.'

Carly pulled away. 'I'm not sure I'll ever feel better or right again. All I feel right now is... so much emptiness. Every time I'm happy something always happens. Tony was wrong, I'm not meant to be loved.'

'You deserve all the love to last a life time!' Bo said emotionally. 'Don't say that princess, you've always believed in love.'

'Tony made me love again and now he's dead.' Carly said bitterly. 'What's the point of believing in fairy tales and happily ever after? I'm never going to have a happy ending; what with failed relationships and heartbreak and disappointment? It's really over for me, Bo- to hell with love! It gives me more pain than joy now!'

Bo winced at her words, wishing there was some way to convince her it wasn't true. 'I know you're hurting Carly and I know this is the wrong time to say this; but I want you to know that whatever it takes, I'll be waiting for you.'

'I don't want you to wait for me.' Was the flat answer. 'I don't care what you feel or think you feel; I'm done- love is not for me. Just leave me alone Bo; we're not having this conversation again.'

Bo wanted to argue but Izzy's reminder stopped him. Instead he stood watching the woman he loved as she watched away, a shadow of her old self.