Chapter 19

A year later...

Carly was turning out her walk-in closet when she stumbled on something she'd long forgotten about; Bo and Ciara's Christmas presents, still gift wrapped. Bo's was an antique model galleass she figured he might like to display in his office and for Ciara, a large feather cushion made of satin, laced edged with her name embroidered in stylish loopy letters. She'd packed them along with her things when she moved out of Bo's house, tortured by the idea they would be cast aside and never used.

Sighing, she put them back in the closet, sliding the closet door shut. She'll figure out what do with them later. Tomorrow was the anniversary of Tony's death and she'd arranged to have a memorial service at St. Benedict's; Melanie, Brady, Dario, Adrienne and Justin, Daniel and Jennifer already promised to attend. For the past year she'd lived in semi-isolation; only leaving the loft to go to work then go home again; no social life whatsoever despite Thanksgiving and Christmas invitations from Adrienne and Justin( who she was now friends with again) and from Daniel and Jennifer who were now officially engaged. Only persistent badgering from Lexie made Carly have dinner with her and Abe at their house. In his own sweet way, Theo had tried comforting her by climbing on her lap and presented her with a mood ring he'd found in a cereal box and without a word she'd allowed him slip it on the third finger next to her engagement ring before hugging him close. It was still on her finger now along with the square emerald. Her grief was no longer as excruciating as it been the previous year but Carly was yet to be fully back to her old self; regarded Tony's death as a punishment for her near betrayal and a deadly sign any happiness she experienced with any man she cared about will always be short-term. Two major reasons she couldn't contemplate allowing Bo back into her life despite his promise at the pier and receiving a rose from him every month; always finding a long stemmed one outside her door with nothing on the card except his name. His marriage was officially over after initial difficulty from Hope who had faked her pregnancy according to Adrienne, and was now living on his own. Carly refused to dwell on it, avoiding him and the rest of the Bradys, who except for Sami who'd called on her with Rafe after the funeral, didn't send any form of condolence. Vivian had surprisingly sent a massive bouquet of flowers and Melanie had burnt them, advising Carly to get a restraining order. But considering all she'd gone through, Vivian's veiled taunt was no threatening than a buzzing fly.

The wall phone in the kitchen rang as Carly was making a sandwich. It was Gianni who kept a regular correspondence with her as well as the occasional visit. He'd bravely taken on the reins of the company, trying to emulate his larger than life father who he missed dearly. In Tony's amended will, he'd left Carly a large amount of money and some shares in the company; two bequests she neither needed nor wanted and told Gianni so. Likewise Melanie who Tony had left half the amount allocated to Carly but Gianni had turned a deaf ear to their protests; only allowing Carly to sell the shares to him instead merely handing them back.

After exchanging greetings, they talked about the memorial; Gianni was going to attend Mass with Vito and some executives at Vito's church in Queens and make a donation in his father's name and Carly told him what she'd planned the next day.

'Dad's in a better place; but I'd sooner have him with us.' Gianni said emotionally.

'I know, honey.'

'It's just so hard sometimes Carly; sometimes I expect him to just walk in the middle of my meetings and everything would turn out to be one huge mistake.'

'If only it was. But knowing your father he wouldn't want you to keep hurting so much. He left the company and his employees to you; you are the one who has to forge ahead and keep his legacy.'

Gianni digested her words, strongly reminded why his father had fallen in love with her in the first place. He sincerely hoped she would carry out her own advice, forge ahead because from what he'd heard from Melanie she's shut out love completely.

'You're right, thanks. I'll call you again tomorrow... or day after.'

'Of course. Give my love to Vito.'

'I will, bye Carly.'

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::

'Aunt Carly!' Theo hurled himself at Carly as she ran into him and Lexie at the market.

'How's my little trooper today?' Carly kissed him on the forehead. Theo had the most angelic face she'd ever seen and while she was glad Abe and Lexie were blessed with a child, she felt sad for them that their little boy was autistic. He would later develop physically but will forever retain the mind of a child. Yet Theo Carver had the uncanny ability to raise sprits with his sweet and sensitive gestures.

'Fine, fine!'

Lexie smiled at Carly warmly. Carly still wore solid blackand needed to smile more often but she looked less of the ghost she'd been the past year. 'Hi Carly. You're here alone?'

'Melanie's out with Dario and I needed some air besides replenishing my pantry.' Stroking Theo's hair she added, 'I hope you'll be able to make it tomorrow.'

'Oh definitely, we won't miss it; we're going to be there for you.' Lexie looked down at her son. 'Sweetie, why don't you go play with your train over there but don't touch anything, okay?'

'Okay!' grinning up at Carly, the boy jogged a little way down the aisle.

'Is something wrong?' Carly asked, concerned.

'Nothing's wrong, I just want to talk to you. It's about Bo.'

'Lexie, please don't talk to me about him...'

'Hear me out.' Lexie insisted. 'Bo loves you and misses you very much; you've no idea how your shunning is really hurting him.'

'First of all, why are you, of all people, telling me this? You're Hope's best friend; you were so glad they got back together; everybody was.'

'Yes I was,' Lexie admitted, 'but I also saw what it did to you and I later saw the signs; Bo and Hope were trying to revive something that was no longer there. Why else would he decide to end it at last?'

'Bo obviously didn't tell you that I made it clear I wasn't taking him back, divorce or no divorce but he went ahead with it anyway. I have nothing do with this and I could care less.'

'Nobody's blaming you, at least I don't.' Lexie said gently.

'That's you and Abe. But the Bradys and the Hortons do; I got no condolences from them last year. Anytime I see Caroline on the street she looks right through me.' Carly said bitterly.

Lexie shook her head. 'Is that what's stopping you from giving Bo another chance?'

'Far more than that. Suppose I allow him back in my life; what happens when Hope suddenly needs him? Once she snaps her fingers he'll run to her and I'll end up hurting again... I DON'T want to hurt again, Lexie! Please, if you're my friend like you say, you won't keep pushing this.'

'I am your friend.' Lexie stressed. 'That's why I can't keep quiet about this. Bo's never going to be happy until he gets you back and you need to let yourself be happy again by opening your heart to him. You're a very beautiful woman Carly and you really deserve to be happy. I thought he and Hope were meant to be together but I was so wrong! I saw the way he always looked at you when you were together, I saw the way your eyes lit up when he so much as touched your hair. It was almost as if you've been together for years.'

'But you and Abe didn't approve.'

'We were both stupid... and blind. Love is what really counts; not a long history.' Lexie rubbed Carly's shoulder. 'Please, don't keep freezing your heart. Deep down, you still love Bo as much as he loves you; try to get past the mistake he made.'

All the way home Carly thought over what Lexie had told her. Was she right? Should she open her heart again and stop denying her feelings? She tried conjuring up Tony's image again but after a year of mourning he was slowly fading away; his face not as vivid as before. Instead Bo was back in full force, particularly the look on his face when he'd comforted her at the pier. What was she actually scared of?

As though on cue, the music playing on the car radio switched from Yanni's "Rain maker" to Roxette's classic "Listen to your heart".

Listen to your heart when he's calling for you

Listen to your heart there's nothing else you can do

I don't know where you're going and I don't know why

But listen to your heart before

Listen to your heart when he's calling for you

Listen to your heart there's nothing else you can do

I don't know where you're going and I don't know why

But listen to your heart before you tell him goodbye...

The reminder of how Bo had forced her to break up with him made Carly hastily switch off the radio. Even if she didn't end up losing him to his ex wife all over again, suppose she lost him like she'd lost Tony? She would just break down and die.

'Oh no...' she groaned as her car began making an odd sound. 'No... No!'

The engine stalled and the car stopped moving. She glanced at the gauge but it read "full." Disgusted, she got out and popped open the hood to see what she could do. A car pulled up besides hers as she was bending over the engine. 'Need help?'

Carly groaned again, this time inwardly. It just had to be him of all people. 'No, I got this.'

And typical of Bo Brady he ignored her words; in seconds he was by her side and nudging her away to check her engine.

'Well here's your problem... you've got a loose spark plug.' Diligently he tightened it in no time. 'Now start it.'

Carly turned the ignition and her car roared back to life again. 'Thank you.' She got out of the car as he slammed the hood shut. 'But I could've just done it myself.'

'Is accepting help from anyone so hard or just from me, princess?' he asked gently, eyes fixed on her face.

Carly turned her eyes away, refusing to meet his own and in real need to get away from him. 'Whatever. Thanks for your help.'

Bo took her arm. 'Wait.'

'No...'

Bo's fingers tightened round her upper arms as he made her face him. 'Don't do this, princess...'

'Don't call me that,' Carly interrupted swiftly, disentangling herself. 'It hurts too much and you've got no right to anymore. What do you want from me anyway?'

'You exactly know what I want,' Bo said, watching her intently. 'I want you back in my arms; I want you give me the chance to make it up to you! I love you so much, it hurts seeing you like this.'

'I don't want you to love me.' Carly's voice was tight. 'You hear me Bo Brady; I don't want your love and I don't want you! There's enough heartache I can take, I can't be with you, don't you understand?'

It was like their roles were reversed, Carly was now exactly like he'd been when she first arrived in Salem; cold, bitterly unhappy and shutting love out. He hated the dull look in her eyes and seeing her in black clothes all the time. The black sweater and jeans looked fashionable but black all the same; like she was forever going to stay in the cloak of darkness. She'd pulled him out of his and he was damn well going to pull her out of hers.

'What I understand and know is that I'm never going to give up; no matter what you say or do.' his voice was equally tight.

'Keep holding to your dreams Bo; it's not going to happen. You shouldn't have divorced Hope.'

'I did what I had to do! I couldn't live a lie.'

'And you are going to live a lie if I'm stupid enough to let you back in. The answer's no.'

Bo grabbed her, pulling her hard against him. 'What happened between us in your apartment that day was no lie!' he glared at her. 'Neither is this.' His mouth descended on hers. Carly couldn't push him away, his hold was too strong and his mouth devoured hers so fiercely that she found herself returning it.

Bo finally pulled back, looking down at her. Her lips were swollen from his brutal kiss and tears were streaming down her cheeks. Before he could say anything she disentangled herself from him and fled, sobbing and covering her mouth with one hand.

'Carly! Carly please, I'm sorry!' he begged.

Carly didn't heed his words; she put her foot down and drove off, barely managing not to hit him.

::::::::::::::::::::

Back at the loft, Carly wept; weeping over Tony and how his vigorous life had been cut short and over Bo and all the old wounds he'd opened. Would she ever be free of him and the emotions he invoked in her?Her cell rang several times but she didn't answer it, the tears pouring out continuously.

She cried for several minutes before finally making a decision. After the memorial service she was going to call Frankie to let himknow she was moving to D.C. Enough's enough.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Carly got through the memorial service the next day with Melanie tightly holding her hand and candles were lit for Tony. After thanking the priest, Carly received hugs and kisses from everyone who'd come.

'Thank you for coming guys; I really appreciate this.' She said.

'We were glad to.' Daniel patted her shoulder. Jennifer took her hand fondly. 'Why don't we go somewhere and grab some lunch? My treat.' She said.

'I think we should leave you ladies to that; you go ahead now.' Abe said. The other men agreed so the women voted to go to The Wings in Carly's car.

Melanie was the first to notice the young man pacing at the church's parking lot after the men left them to their devices. 'Looks like someone's lost.'

The stranger halted on seeing the women, looking straight at Carly; the look on his face emotional and very nervous.

'Oh my God,' Carly whispered incredulously. 'It can't be...'

'Who is that?' Adrienne asked warily as he walked tentatively up to them, his eyes fixed on Carly's face. Jennifer stared hard at him before realising who it was. The last time she'd seen him he was a mere boy of twelve and except for the eyes, he had his father's features.

'Nicholas...' Carly said, her voice shaking, going towards him.

'Nicholas?' Melanie said sharply. 'You mean...'

'That's your brother Mel,' Jennifer gripped her shoulder. 'That's Lawrence's son, Nicky.'

Lexie and Adrienne could only stare, wondering what was going to happen.

Carly and her son faced each other, unable to speak. She'd never thought she'd ever lay eyes on her firstborn again; they'd long drifted apart mostly because he'd been more of Lawrence's son than hers, never seeing anything wrong in his father and the last time she'd spoken to him over the phone on his birthday, he'd basically told her to go to hell.

'Hi Mum.' He said quietly.

'Nicky.' Carly's voice was equally quiet but unsteady. 'This is a surprise.'

He nodded, biting his lower lip. 'Yeah. I've wanted to see you since I read about what happened to Tony Delfino; you were mentioned and I saw you in the funeral photos, but I was so ashamed... I didn't know how to face you after I was so mean to you over the phone. I figured since today was the anniversary of his death that you might be holding something for him... so I came here to see you and use the chance to... to apologise...' his green eyes filled with tears and his voice shook. 'Please forgive me, Mum...'

Carly enveloped her son in a hug, tears streaming down her eyes. 'There's nothing to forgive, son.' She whispered.

'No, there is, there is!' he sobbed, holding her close. 'I've been so terrible, I deserve your hate. After everything father did to you I should've been there to defend you!'

The other women watched from afar, moved by the touching reunion.

'It's okay, son... stop crying.' Carly pulled back to wipe his tears. 'You're here now and I've got you back; that's what important. I love you, I always have.'

Nicholas Alamain kissed his mother on both cheeks. 'I love you too Mum and I'm so very sorry.'

'All in the past; we have the rest of our lives ahead.' Taking his hand, Carly led him to the others. 'You remember Jennifer, don't you?'

'Yeah sure,' he held out his hand to shake Jennifer's. 'It's good to see you again Mrs. Devereaux.'

'It's very good to see you too, Nicky; your Mum's really missed you.' Jennifer said, very glad Nicholas has obviously seen the error of his ways.

'This is your sister, Nicky; Melanie Kiriakis.' Carly slipped her arm round Melanie's shoulders. 'Mel, this is your brother.'

Nicholas smiled faintly at Mel. 'I hope we'll become great friends, sis. Better late than never, huh?'

Melanie wasn't sure she could receive Nicholas as easily as her mother just did but for her sake she'll make an effort. So shaking hands with him, she returned the smile. 'I guess so. Wow... I finally get to meet my brother.'

Lexie and Adrienne smiled cordially as they were introduced to Nicholas; overjoyed Carly now had both her children by her side. Happy things were gradually happening to their friend at last.