"Do you know," King John told his wife, staring enraptured at his own reflection in a looking-glass, "this splendid new haircut of mine really is stunning! Of course, it took awhile to get used to. To think, I nearly had my barber killed! Who then, would replicate his artistic handiwork?"

"My king," Isabella gushed, "any haircut on your magnificent head would look stunning!"

"Oh, you adorable girl!"

"Your Majesty is the handsomest man I've ever set eyes on."

"Even handsomer than Locksley?"

Isabella didn't miss the threatening bitterness in his tone. Her husband could change his mood quicker than a flash of lightning. Frightened, she knew she would need to tread carefully.

"Him!" she scoffed. "He stinks of moat sludge. Speaking of which, what is Your Majesty planning to do with my poor, lost brother's remains?"

"Oh, come!" he scolded. "You and I both know that body's not Gisbourne."

"Tragically, yes. But oh, how I wish it were! We both know it belongs to one of the men my brother killed, the late Sheriff Vaisey's Master-of-Arms, before Guy killed him and gained his position."

"I saw him, you know," the king continued, again admiring his own reflection.

Isabella nearly dropped Marian's engagement ring. "Who? Guy? Here?" she asked, even more frightened than she'd been at her royal husband's anger.

"Yes, Guy. But no, my sweet. Don't be frightened. Not here. In France. When I got word that the Devil was loose, meaning, of course, my brother Richard was freed from his German prison and was returning to England, what choice had I but to flee to the Court of Philip of France? After all, Philip Capet was only too happy to assist me in trying to supplant Richard, and take the throne that should have always been mine!"

"I'd heard Guy was hiding in France," Isabella commented. "Spreading his usual sunshine, no doubt."

"How the French ladies lusted after him! But he said he was finished with women, forever. 'Don't tell me,' I said to him, 'you've adopted Vaisey's proclivities.' "

"I assume he was bitter over Lady Locksley's betrayal? Was he suffering? How delightful!"

"How well you know your brother, my dear! He was miserable, drunk most of the time."

"Guy? He never used to drink much! He was always too careful, not wanting to lose control."

"Oh, he's lost control, my sweet! He's consumed with hatred for Hood, and the lovely Miriam as well! He's waiting, you know, to seek his revenge."

"If it only didn't make him happy, how I would wish him success!"

"What? You want to see Locksley hurt, as well?"

"As much as my louse of a brother does, I assure you."

The King jumped up from his seat and began to prance about the chamber. "But, my sweet! Why didn't you say so?"

"I've told you, countless times, my king. Nothing would please me more, than to watch Locksley suffer. Unless of course, it would be watching Guy suffer."

"I tried starving him, but he got away," the king pouted. "Locksley always gets away, damn him."

"Well, perhaps we should think of another way to destroy him."

"I know! Let's cut off his balls and feed them to his devoted follower, Bonchurch! Pudgy will eat anything!"

"With respect, my king, I was thinking of something more subtle. Destroy what he loves best in all the world."

"Marian?"

"And their brat."

"I see! Such sport! No wonder I married you and made you Queen! How? And when? I want details! Oh! This will be such good sport!"

"Why not attack his village first? You know what misplaced love he has for his people. Why not burn Locksley to the ground, starting with the orphanage just outside the village?"

"Because, my pet, the village of Locksley pays taxes, thanks to Hood's management. Every peasant there's growing fat and prosperous, under Locksley's leadership. And I just adore tax money! So, your little scheme of burning the village, tempting as it sounds, is out of the question."

"There's still the orphanage. Burn it. Robin would never forgive himself, for not being able to rescue all those poor pathetic little children."

"Yes! A magnificent start! I have an idea! Let's plan a week of daily attacks, on everything Locksley treasures, culminating, of course, in the torture and destruction of his lovely wife and child! Oh! Can't you just see the misery on his face? I hate him, you know. I always have, the little beast. How shall we begin?"

"The orphanage, my king. Sometime tomorrow, a devastating fire will break out, after, of course, the brats and nuns are locked within the building."

"Let's be sure to set the fire sometime after noon. You know how I hate rising early!"

"Of course, my king."

"Excellent! It's settled then. Wouldn't it be sporting, if your brother came back, and helped us?"

"No. We need to do this ourselves."

"As you wish. I really must take Miriam to bed, before she dies. Give her something wonderful to remember, as she breathes her final breath. Do you think she's purposely making herself unattractive, to steer me away?"

"Her hair, you mean?"

"Yes, her hair, for one thing! Shorn like a sheep! And her belly, beginning to swell with Locksley's seed! And now, the stench of moat sludge!"

"All those things are nothing, compared to the scars on her body!"

"Scars?"

"Yes, my king. Hideous scars, inflicted on her by my brother Guy."

"You don't say! Hmm. How ghastly. I know! Why should Gisbourne be the only one to have fun? What if, instead of killing her, we sharpen our sword, and ruin her beauty? You know, mar her angel face! Slit her nostrils, pop out one eye! Burn the perfect bloom right off her cheeks!"

"Making Robin watch, of course!"

"Of course! Oh, my dear, I don't think I can wait a week! I want to get started now!"

"Patience, my king. Build upon Robin's suffering, step by step. It will allow us to savor his agony."

"We'll hurt his friend Bonchurch. Yes! Torture him. Cut out his tongue! That will stop his endless chatter!"

"Yes! yes! And poison the baby in Marian's womb!"

"And drop his spotted child from the very top of the castle, and watch her go splat on the ground below!"

"Of course! Robin is in for the week of his life. We'll wipe the arrogant smirk off his face. He will suffer like Pharaoh, with the plagues of Egypt!"

"What?"

"Never mind, my king. Study your magnificent hair cut, and don't tax your already overworked mind with trivialities."

"My hair is splendid, isn't it? I believe I will give Marian one final chance, I think, to enjoy the man as well as her king! Before we change her appearance, of course. After all, she was the first to recognize how very handsome I look, in my new hair style!"