Chapter 30: My New Old Friends

Daylight had begun filtering into the room long ago and Julia had not noticed. Mesmerized by the story she was reading she wouldn't have perceived a plane crash outside the house she was so focused on the slanted, hasty cursive on the pages. Setting the journal down when she finished the pilgrim could only stare off into space for some time before it occurred to her the light from the lamp was unnecessary. Leaning over to click it off she set put the journal on the night stand and laid down with her ear to the pillow. Not sleeping she simply stared at the wall as the words and images floating in her troubled mind.

There was so much to think about and so much had been explained. Beyond proof that Nothing was very much a man at one point – a good man at that – it was stupefying in scope. His own self chronicled descent into power and madness was the saddest and scariest thing she'd ever read. The double she met at the seat of his creation had not lied about what she would find. The story of Silent Hill had begun long before humans came to it but it was Daniel and the girl who had altered it forever. It also raised some questions she was not sure if she wanted answered. Where was the girl now? Was she even alive? What about the people in the town that fateful day in 1985?

There slowly stole over her a realization that something had changed since leaving Nowhere, Daniel's own dream, his personal Silent Hill. She was calm in battle, was guided to his well and guided back out before being drawn to this house that she knew exactly where to go to sleep. His house, Julia knew now. It wasn't until this moment that she had the inkling that perhaps her will was not her own when she went there and back. She felt slightly ill, bewildered and incredulous all at once but could not work up true outrage. Some part of him had been given to her along with his blood and too late the pilgrim comprehended the depths of her deal with the Fater.

This still was not even the worst thing she had found out that morning. She had intruded on the resting place of more than 200 souls including Kewahqu himself. Right now she was sleeping in his bed, in his long abandoned house. Sitting up as the weak light gave a soft touch to most of the shadowy room she really looked at it for the first time. Empty, unadorned and hollow it was merely a place to rest. No pictures hung from the peeling walls, no art, no shelves. It was as if a ghost had been living here long before that momentous fall day.

Getting out of bed she numbly walked to the shower and turned on the faucet. It was a little cold and ordinarily she might have been self conscious walking around a stranger's house mostly nude but she was too shell shocked to care. When she turned on the water a torrent of blood came splashing out of it. Aghast she jumped away and blinked only to discover that normal, plain water was running. Julia would have sworn she saw shimmering, almost black blood a second ago and she watched it for a few moments to make sure it her eyes weren't playing tricks on her. The water didn't change and she reluctantly got under the warm stream to wash days worth of grime from her body.

The pilgrim stared at the stained walls of the shower and pictured Daniel doing the same thing almost twenty years ago after killing a man for the first time. She was cautious around him before but he was never outwardly hostile, threatening to her personally. Having seen the world he created, the power it granted him and knowing his story...she shuddered to think about their plan to take him out with a mere bullet. Even Victor only partially understood the true nature of his existence and feral nature. She understood now that even in life Nothing had little compunction or a concept of mercy that certainly did not survive his death. It only made his association with them that much more mysterious.

Stepping out of the shower she went back to the bedroom and used a blanket to dry off. It felt good to be clean for once and the dark haired woman squeezed out her hair to help it dry in the never warm Silent Hill air. Getting dressed but leaving her fighting gloves on the table she headed downstairs. In Daniel's kitchen there were basic dishes and silverware that looked like they'd never been used. Opening a few cabinets and the fridge she found nothing but a few empty cartons of chocolate milk. It looked like a prop house that realtors showed to prospective buyers with its disingenuous evidence of habitation. Heading for the basement she knew that this room at least would not be empty.

The door was just off the kitchen and when she opened it the light barely made it a foot into the overwhelmingly dark passage downward. Flicking on the basement light didn't help very much and she went down creaky wooden steps to an all dirt floor. Black, rich soil that looked and felt surprisingly fresh was pleasant to her soft, freshly clean feet. The room had been turned into a miniature paper mill with ancient, hardened pulp still sitting on a prep table. Burn marks and unfinished, failed runes were scattered around but true to his words the Fater had left nothing useful or traceable behind.

"This was the turning point for you, wasn't it?" she asked the room half expecting Daniel to be able to hear her somehow. Picking up a scrap of a ward she let it slip out of her hand to the yielding floor. "What if you had never experimented? Or didn't have the touch? None of this would have happened..."

She wondered idly if she too had that gift. It didn't much matter to her though. It had led to this, to ruin for everyone. No wards meant no Fater, no Silent Hill as she knew it. That meant no Victor, no Chuck, never learning about her family or killing her brother. No twisted dreams that haunted her back home...no rush of exhilaration when she felt the thud of gunshots in her chest or when she raised her fists. No insanely dangerous trips through Nowhere or strolls through Tower. She could not forgive Nothing for what he had done but she didn't know if she would want to undo everything that had ever happened to her either.

Returning upstairs she picked up her dirty gloves and brought them to the bathroom to clean. They were little reminders of their reliance on the Dark Man and how they could not afford to turn down his help. Returning them to a polished sheen she marveled about how easily they were cleaned considering how much violence they had been used for. Shaking her head she dried them off and pulled them on before going to the bedroom. Stuffing the journal down her shirt she slipped out of the house and back onto the streets.

She going the way she originally came Julia cut over left after a few blocks. Almost unarmed she should have felt naked out here in the mist but she wasn't, not by a long shot. If anything she was more confident than ever and only a natural disaster would keep her from getting back to the apartments. Luckily there was no resistance all the way to the front of the run down building they had been using as a base and she went up the stairs with a spring in her step. When she reached apartment 45 the door was locked and she simply twisted it with extra force to break it open.

Letting herself in she found Chuck on the couch and he jumped up when she entered. "Julia! Thank heavens!" he exclaimed. "Are you okay!?"

"Yes, of course, why wouldn't I be?" she asked. "Never mind me, what about you?" The Canadian – no, the Silent Hill native who only thought he was – was sporting a number of nasty bruises and was scabbed all over his face but they were at least healing well.

"Man it was...it was crazy. I can't even start" he shivered. "We should be dead right now."

"Fuck, you're telling me." she shook her head. "You're not going to believe where I've been and what I've seen. Hey, we're okay though now, yeah? It's good to see you."

Though it was a little awkward she hugged the younger man. It was nice to be in the company of friends again and she would not soon forget Chuck charging the mercenaries on Victor's behalf. Letting him go she asked, "Is Vic okay?"

"Yeah...physically I guess." he said with concern in his voice.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You'd better go talk to him yourself. He's been holed up in the bedroom since it looked like you might not be back."

"Okay I – wait what? Why wouldn't I be back?"

"You've been gone for weeks...?" he offered.

"I saw the two of you a couple days ago." she held out her hand.

"No...we were prisoners for at least four days. It's been ten since we made it back here." he explained.

"But..." she trailed off.

"Where have you been?"

"I left Nowhere yesterday." she asserted. "I'm positive. It's only been one day."

"I've been counting the days like I was locked in a cell." Chuck shrugged. "I'm sure it's been that long."

"Did Nothing help you guys out?"

"Fuck yeah he did." Chuck's eyes widened. "You should have seen it. The two of them turned the hospital we were locked up in into a graveyard."

"He left just a few minutes before I did..." she scrunched her face in thought. "Screw it, we'll work it out later. I want to see Vic. Here, read this." she said and pulled out the journal.

"What's this? Why was it in your shirt?"

"You'll see." she assured him and went to the bedroom door. Going inside she shut it quietly behind her to see Victor laying on the bed. Prone on his side he was facing away and had his eyes closed as she sat beside him. Opening his eyes the knight looked weary beyond belief. The last time she saw him she thought he was dead and despite her intention to keep it together she fought back the emotions threatening to bubble over in her.

"Are you real?" he croaked.

"I'm real, sweetie." she smiled and her voice almost cracked.

"I've been dreaming of you." he said dreamily. "Thought maybe you were lost in Nowhere. Couldn't find your way home."

He sat up to take her hands and the pilgrim could contain herself no longer. Throwing her arms around his neck she squeezed until her arms hurt and began covering his face in kisses. Her man seemed a little distracted while she did her best to cover every inch of his features.

"What's...wrong...with...you?" she asked in between pecks.

"I've been a mess without you." he admitted.

"I thought you died in that hallway." she trembled at the memory when she stopped.

Tracing her jawline with his fingers gently he whispered, "As long as there's a breath in my body I will always find my way back to you...maybe even after that too."

She let out an emotion filled breath and smiled weakly as she looked into his eyes. There was a dullness there that she didn't recognize nor like. "What did they do to you?" she murmured.

"I don't know. Some kind of rune enhanced hypnosis. They were breaking my mind into pieces so that I would not be able to tell their fantasy from reality. With months of it I could have been completely under their control. Like a puppet."

"Oh Vic..." she hugged him tightly.

"I'm not...the same. I get angry, I can't remember things, basic things. I can't tell if my thoughts are my own anymore..."

"Victor Rosencrantz!" she suddenly scolded him. "I know who you are! Whatever they did to you, I will undo it, understand?"

Taken back by her adamancy he then nodded blankly. "You have always been my salvation, Julia Stormson. Since the day you came screaming into my life. I don't know what would have happened to me if I'd never met you."

She felt a pang of guilt knowing that Victor may have quite literally become Nothing if not for her unwitting interference but that was a conversation for later. "Why don't we send Chuck out to pick berries or something and have some alone time?" she suggested.

"Oh, great spirits, I was hoping you were going to say that."

Getting up Julia opened the door and leaned out into the living room where Chuck was reading the journal.

"Hey Chuck."

"Yeah?"

"Fuck off for a while."

"Right." he said and picked up a shotgun on his way out of the apartment. Shutting the door the jumped back onto the bed and wiggled next to Victor.

Rolling his eyes up and down her body he made a face. "What happened to your shoes?" he asked. Looking down Julia took note of the fact that she'd been barefoot the last two days and didn't seem to notice. Crawling through the forest should have highlighted this fact but she didn't recall the slightest bit of discomfort the entire time. Not in the mood to worry about it now she let it go for the moment.

"Uh...green goop...long story." she sighed. "I'll tell you all about Nowhere later."

Tugging her gloves off she started throwing articles of clothing to the side. It had been a crazy, roundabout way back but it was good to be on Earth again.

Many hours later night was beginning to fall and they heard Chuck return to rummage around before heading to the room on the opposite side of the apartment. No doubt he had finished the journal by now and wouldn't be in the best of moods. Julia decided not to intrude for the moment; he would undoubtedly need time to absorb what he read and come to terms with it.

Laying under the covers the pilgrim felt a happy warmth that she had been missing since coming here. It was a pleasant last few hours and a good recharge from what she had been dealing with. They'd already talked about what happened to each other and Julia had to be amazed at the lengths the Order would go through to keep the knight subjugated. He in turn was astounded by what she had seen in Nowhere and deeply disturbed by Kewahqu's hide out. She left out the part about her deal with him and what exactly was in the journal. The former she did not want him to know about just yet and the latter he would find out for himself shortly. She also left out the details of the altar she'd found and the implications about the creation of his armor.

They dozed off and on for a few more hours but when Victor stirred next to her Julia had to get a few things straightened out. Nudging him he growled at her but she persisted until he turned over to look at her.

"Hmm."

"Fater told me something. Something I didn't want to believe. Want to know if it's true or not."

"Okay...?"

"Those books you took when we left Silent Hill for the first time. What was in them that you needed to keep away from other people?"

"I told you already, forbidden magic, rituals, blood offerings. The kind that could be misused for great harm."

"Misused by others...or did you want them for yourself?" she asked plainly.

"What are you talking about? What are you accusing me of?" he said defensively.

"The Fater said you wanted them so you could find the materials for the Sacraments yourself."

"Now hold on, that's not entirely true." he protested quickly.

"Aha! So it's not exactly untrue either!"

"Of course I was looking for the texts on the Sacraments! Look at what happened! If had taken all of them out with us the Order would have never found them and we wouldn't be in this mess."

"And when exactly were you going to tell me you were planning on performing the Assumption!?" she confronted.

"Jewel, calm down-"

"I will not! How can you sit there and tell me you had any plans to eventually murder ten people and somehow failed to mention this after all we've been through-"

"It wasn't my idea, all right!?" he shouted over her. Victor rarely raised his voice and hated to interrupt people so she was a bit caught off guard. Still incensed she expectantly waited for an explanation.

"It was his." the knight said sadly in a lower tone. "He always bade me to 'seek out what was writ' so I could keep them from the Order's hands...and when the time came to elevate myself if it was necessary."

"You don't want to be like him. Trust me."

"I know. But it didn't seem like the worst idea ever at the time. What else did I have to live for? Who knows when the Order would have caught up with me. What if I started to get sick or had an infection I couldn't beat? What if I lost an arm?"

He gathered his thoughts before continuing to defend himself. "This was long before I met you. I have no illusions about the Fater but he was right about this. We were the only ones who understood how dangerous the Order was. If he fell...there wouldn't be much stopping them from taking over. Look what happened when they put him in that well. If we hadn't come there's a good chance they'd be done with the Sacraments by now."

She thought about what she said but the knight wasn't getting off the hook so easily. "And what about the murders you would have done in the name of protecting this place?"

"No! You've got it wrong. I would have used the hearts of the monsters around town. They're never in short supply."

She wrinkled her nose as she had not thought about this possibility. "What? Would that have even worked?"

"I don't know to be honest." he shrugged. "The entire time I lived here I never even met ten people. You were the fourth in seven years. Besides...I don't know if I could have gone through with it. Like I said, things have changed a lot since then."

Rage was draining from her but the pilgrim didn't want him to think he was out of the doghouse. "I'm still mad at you, mister." she waggled her finger at him.

"I apologize, truly. What was I supposed to tell you? It was just a plan if things went completely to hell. I'm sure there's things in your past you wouldn't want to tell me."

She thought of the blood running through her system again and let it go. "Yes, you're right. I'm sorry I got upset before you had a chance to explain yourself."

"It's okay. If you took everything calmly you wouldn't be Julia Stormson."

She laughed and laid back down to look up at the ceiling. They were quiet for a long while before something else came to her to say. "What do you think about our chances against your old boss?"

"Against Marcus Stone and his cronies? Very good. Against his resonance? I don't know."

"We've got Nothing on our side. He's back to full strength. We'll win."

"You sound pretty sure of yourself."

"I know his story now, Vic. You didn't see the Lightening, it was insane. He's got a whole world at his back and there's no compassion, no quit in him. You were always right about what kind of person he is but it's more than that. He worships this place. He'll die for it, already has."

The knight looked troubled as he took in what she said. Rising from the bed she put on some clothes and snuck out to the living room. The journal was sitting on the table and she left it there as she starting heating up what passed for dinner. Getting several MREs going she took the book back to the bedroom and tossed it at her man. "Have fun with this. I'm going to check on Chuck, make sure he's okay after reading it."

"That bad?" Victor mused almost to himself.

"Worse."

Heading over to the opposite side of the apartment she knocked on Chuck's door. "Come in." she heard him say and entered the dark room. It was hard to discern what he was doing in the low light but he was curled up on top of his bed and staring into space as best she could tell.

"You all right?" she asked.

"Not sure." he replied. It was always hard getting a read on the impassive killer. He wasn't particularly excitable and often had a placid expression on his face even in times of crises. It was his words that gave the most clues to his current mood.

"It's a lot to take in." she leaned on his door threshold.

"You don't even know." he said glumly.

"What do you mean?"

"He might not have meant much to you guys but he was my only friend for a long time. Two years I've been pent up in that hospital with no one to talk to but doctors, nurses and other crazies."

"We're your friends too Chuck."

"I know but...all my time there he was my only visitor, my only contact with the outside. He gave me something to look forward to, something to stop me from killing myself. You don't know the guilt that I have."

"I do." she said softly. "My brother. The only living relative I had...I stabbed him in the neck with a knife."

"Ah..."

"I just wanted to find him, talk to him, have a real connection to my past. I thought it would teach me about who I really was. It did, in a way. Coming to Silent Hill made me stronger, tougher than I ever thought I could be. But do I regret it? Did I want to kill Alex? No...no I didn't. I think of him sometimes and if what I did was right."

Chuck sat up to sit on the side of his bed. "I'm sorry, Julia. I just think about it so much. You and Victor, you've had really hard lives too. I forget because you never show it. I don't know how to not show it."

"It's okay. Just know that you can always come with us, that Nothing isn't your only friend."

"Yeah..." he trailed off. "I don't know about him anymore. I'd be dead or still crazy if it wasn't for the Dark Man but all those people...this town. How am I supposed to be thankful for what he did for me knowing what I do now?"

"You're going to have to decide for yourself what to think, kiddo." she answered. "We'll talk about it more in the morning. Get some sleep."

"All right...and Julia?"

"Yes?"

"I'm glad you're okay."

"Heh, me too."

Shutting the door behind her the pilgrim swung back to the kitchen to pick up the steaming mush that served as food. Piling them in the next room she locked their door and threw off the clothes she was wearing. Victor didn't seem to notice her and she shook her bare chest in his direction. The knight didn't even look her way as she sighed and brought the food into bed with her.

"Chuck's hung himself in the other room. I talked to him about cramming the main line yesterday. He mentioned that he loves fish." she told him assuming that he would only hear about ten percent of what she was saying.

"Uh huh." Victor barely acknowledged as he turned the old pages.

"Don't stay up too late." she said as she dug into the MRE.