Dedicated to the ever wonderful and encouraging Brendan Wolff for your amazing comments and support.
Chapter 13
"Steve, please be open minded."
I look him straight in the eye. Wanda, Bucky, and Natasha all sit around a circular glass table. Pupils stare Steve down.
"I will!" Steve puts his hands up in defense.
"Ok, well," I stand at the front of the meeting room. It feels like I'm back doing power point during college. Good grief, I hated those things. "My proposal is that Bucky, Wanda and I leave the compound."
"WHAT?" Nat and Steve throw through the stagnant air.
"Now, what did I say…"
Natasha cuts me off. "You know what they will do to you if you leave? The government is searching every corner of the earth for these guys. I'm surprised this place hasn't caught their attention yet."
"Why would you want to leave?" Steve questions. His face is like death, freezing and sharp.
"Bucky's next step in treatment is not to perform more illusions with the glasses. No, he needs to make reconciliation himself. We want to visit the places where the Winter Soldier assassinated his victims." I make sure to say Winter Soldier, because it certainly wasn't Bucky.
Steve is about to say something when Bucky cuts him off. "I agreed to it Steve. I'll be fine."
"I trust Ella." He stands up and takes my hand.
Surprise works into the creases of Steve's face. Natasha's face is smeared with the expression.
"Thanks Bucky," I say affectionately, looking deeply into his eyes.
When Steve does a conspicuous cough, Bucky and I share a look. I'm still gazing deep into his gorgeous blue eyes. Bucky smiles, his whole face glowing.
"Um, is there something we don't know about?"
Wanda snickers. Obviously, I told her. Wanda has become a great friend of mine.
"Let's talk about that after we finish discussing the matter we came in here for."
Steve sputters indignantly.
"They're right," Nat says clearly to Steve.
"Fine," Steve mumbles. What a five year old.
"How do plan to hide yourself from the government? As soon as you step foot out of the compound, the UN will be on top of you."
"Well, they wouldn't expect us in plain sight, would they? Obviously, Wanda and Bucky would need a disguise. The government doesn't care about me," I explain.
"A different haircut isn't going to do it, if that's what you think," Steve says.
"Wanda, you want to explain?"
She comes forth onto the stage to perform her magic tricks. Red wisps shoot into Bucky's face. He turns toward Steve and Natasha.
The air runs sharply into their mouths.
I know what they are seeing because I saw it myself. When I told Wanda my plan for leaving the compound, she showed on herself. Irises became blue, her face molded into a new shape and all her features become unrecognizable.
Now, although, I am within the spell. Bucky looks normal to me, but to Nat and Steve he must look like a stranger.
"Um, as you can see, Wanda can change the way Bucky looks. The government won't know a thing," I say. Wow, now I know what it feels like to be a salesman. What a rush. Sometimes I remind myself of Dwight from the Office. Is that a good thing?
"I can only make it last for so long though. If I make it too strong, then it would make his face stay that way. But I can do it again everyday, so we don't need to worry," Wanda pronounces in her Sokovian accent.
"And what would be your purpose for going with them besides this, Wanda." Steve knows the answer.
She straightens herself. An enemy stands before her. A vision of an army. All of Wanda's fears transcend before her in this very task. Red must swell, and overcome. Not just the red, however. Wanda herself must eclipse fear.
I wanted Wanda to come for this very reason. I know she is young. There are people on this compound who have more experience. She, although, has strength that few I know possess. She needs to comprehend this. If Wanda can't protect us out there, nobody can.
"To protect Bucky and Ella."
"Wanda!" Steve pushes his chair back. "I know you have come a long ways, but you wouldn't let us touch you for a month when you first got here! I can't let you go out there. Not just for Bucky and Ella's sake, but for your own."
"Steve," Natasha says quietly.
"No," Wanda says to Nat. "I can speak for myself."
She walks closer to Steve. Her voice is harsh and heavy. Fierce. "I have been through enough Steve, to know my limits. I didn't let anyone touch me for a month because the government shocked me with a collar every time I moved. I have had my entire family die, and my second be torn apart by an argument."
Steve's stone facade is disintegrating. Eye's are creasing. He has to look away.
"Fear of myself is the only thing that is in my way. I know of no other way to get rid of it, just like I have done my entire life. I can't control what happens. Only what I do."
"Let me go," She repeats.
Steve's full face transforms.
He places his hands on Wanda's shoulders. "I'm proud of you."
The splintered wood of the barrier that separated them comes down. One fatal blow.
/
"So, you and Bucky, huh?" Nat says.
I'm sitting in my room, trying to write down the plan for the trip. Natasha followed me. Not that I'm surprised. I'm sure she's desperate for some boy talk.
I chuckle. "Yep."
I go back to writing in my notebook.
"Can I ask why?"
Wow, that's actually a really thoughtful and insightful question. One that I haven't had time to ponder much. I've been so caught up in the emotions. Why do I like Bucky?
"Uh," I go sit on the bed with her. "For a number of reasons. I honestly haven't thought about it enough. I think that we understand each other. There are a lot of people on this compound who have been through horrific things that involved the death of other people."
Natasha looks down at her hands.
"I think what is important is finding someone who will accept that. Accept who you are after that, and accept your pain. That's such a large part of therapy. People think it's all about complete healing. It's not. You'll never really find that through procedures. It's about letting them realize what they have. What they don't have. What they didn't do."
"Bucky showed me that. I've been searching for the answer for so long. He completely accepts my feelings for what they, are not what they should be."
"And let's admit, he's hot," I just have to add.
Natasha laughs. "Did you tell him that you felt that way, or did he approach you?"
"It just sort of…. Happened."
Natasha raises her eyebrows.
"Oh, gosh, I don't mean… It was just suddenly we realized that we liked each other."
"Ok, sure." She smiles widely. I think that's the first time I've seen her smile.
"Are you staying?"
"No, I have to go," She says, immediately serious again.
I can tell that she is not fully convinced on the idea she has to leave, either.
"Why? Nat, you built this team. You love them, I know. It's ok to be here."
She coughs and looks around. I can see her eyes barely caressed over with tears. "Uh, I don't think they want me here."
"I don't see why not?"
"Because I betrayed them." Her will dissipates. As if she's accepted her death.
"And didn't they do the same to you? Each person made their choice, and you simply made the one you thought best. I can guarantee they don't resent you for that."
"The choices I've made my entire life have had a negative effect on people, and this one is no different. I made the wrong choice."
"There was no wrong choice in this situation. Besides that, they love you Natasha. You helped make this team."
"I don't know…" She mumbles.
"Well, how about you ask them and see how they feel?"
/
"So, you and Ella, huh," Steve says.
Sly grins sneak onto both soldiers' faces. Their eyes connect. Time unwinds in their souls, and it creeps into the atmosphere. That brother like comradery instantly enters the junction.
Steve brings Bucky into a congratulatory man hug.
"How did it happen man?" Steve asks excitedly. "I don't think you've had a girlfriend since the forties!"
Bucky chuckles. "That is true."
Bucky sits down in a squishy leather chair. Steve had immediately pulled him away into one of the smaller rec rooms. He clearly wants to know all the juicy deets. Steve takes a seat next to him.
"Well, um, I just realized that I… loved her."
Steve is glued. When he finally melts, he spurts, "You love her?"
Bucky runs his fingers through his hair. He inhales. "I do. She makes me happy. So full of laughter and and happiness. Ella understands me and doesn't make me worry or feel ashamed of my past."
"I love her."
Steve's features are a machine: clogging out a hundred different expression in a millisecond. His smile grows wide. "It seems like we definitely picked out the right therapist."
The comrades burst out laughing.
"Really though, Buck, I'm so happy that this happened. Are you sure this trip won't… ruin this happiness?"
"I'm happy Steve, but I still need this. The pain isn't ever going to go away. The trip is going to help. That, and Ella."
Steve stands up. "Well, let's tell the crew the news."
"Steve." Bucky says in his deep voice. He grabs Steve's shoulder and looks straight into his face. "I'm with you till the end of the line."
"So am I."
/
"Wait, wait wait." Scott inhales. "What?"
Puppy like confusion wipes his face.
"You, your, and he… Dang." Sam says, rubbing his forehead.
"Pretty much," I say.
"I'm not really surprised," Clint remarks. "Bring a hot therapist to help the hot super soldier and what do you expect?"
"That's highly accurate," I add. Well, it is.
"We are pretty dashing, aren't we?" Bucky smiles down at me. He leans down and kisses my forehead. It's like a dew drop lands on my head, and it's warmth sends shivers throughout me.
I laugh. Joy. It's growing. Spreading like a yawn. Small. Only one person. Then, slowly, every person gets a turn for their mouth to hang open.
"Nat has something she would like to say as well." I push her forward.
Scott, Sam, and Wanda look intrigued. Clint is on the edge of the rec room couch.
She clears her throat. "I know I, um, haven't been the best partner to you guys. That's why I left. Well, part of the reason."
I can tell it's rare for Natasha to be stumbling on her words.
"What I really want to say is: I'd like to stay on the compound with you."
Natasha looks around at her family's faces.
Wanda's eyes are full of sympathy. She knows what it's like to want your family back.
Of course, Clint leaps out of his seat as soon as the words spill from her mouth.
"Well, come on guys! Natasha wants back in!" He looks eagerly around.
"Uh, I don't really know you, but you seem pretty kick a*s and we could use that around here."
Ever wise Scott.
"Natasha, you know you are welcome here any day. I will have to ask T'Challa tomorrow, but it shouldn't be a problem," Steve adds.
Steve seems happy. I can see, however, the pain of Stark still lurking. It feels as if a demon is controlling his joy. Limiting it.
"What about your mission?" Sam asks.
"Well, it wasn't exactly a mission. More of something… personal." Nat glances at Steve. "It's resolved now."
So. Apparently these two have a little secret.
"Ok, so, she can come back!" Clint says, obviously making it non negotiable.
Nat looks each of us in the eyes. She has been trained all her life to watch for liers. Taught for the sake of her missions. Now she searches for approval from her family.
Natasha knows my answer, but looks my way, nonetheless. All the sincere love I can give, I show to her. I haven't talked to Natt much. I have heard so much about her though. Everyone loves her.
Steve says, "I think we all want you here more than we are willing to admit." He chuckles.
Everyone nods their heads. Natahsa's eyes shimmered with unshed tears.
"Welcome home," Wanda says.
And Wanda eclipses her in a hug, that soon everyone takes a turn giving.
Everybody is trapped in this scene. Nobody knows the script. Improve is their only option, but the crowd that is their emotions are applauding.
For so long the compound was an iris. The new Avengers: the pupil. Everything was constricted before them. Hot, spewing hatred had boiled in a cauldron of time. Unresolved conflicts. The ripping apart of fictional families. Now everything is dilated.
Ascendancy is closer than ever.
Clint is about to have his best friend again. Someone to let him know that she has been secretly checking up on his kids. They are doing fine.
Sam is letting go of his mistakes with Riley. He has a new team to care for.
Wanda is ready to capture her fears.
Bucky's mistakes are being let out of captivity.
Scott. Well, he's Scott. He's fine. Cassie has her scholarship, and things are going great.
Natasha is about to step into her most valued role of mom. Mother of the new Avengers. Her family.
Steve and Stark. Will they, or won't they? The outcome of their relationship will never be perfect, but I believe they can reconcile.
Life is a never ending play. We are but the actors with little control. As the script is read, we slowly begin to understand more of the story. Ascendancy is unfolded before us.
/