Chapter Eleven - A Midnight Kiss
EPOV
In my dream, I'm holding my angel in my arms.
Her dark hair cascades down her back as I run my fingers lazily through it, smiling as she sighs happily. She feels like heaven and I know she's the closest to paradise I'll ever come in this life. She smiles and snuggles deeper into my arms. There's no such thing as being too close to her. We're two halves of one whole, fitting together like puzzle pieces. Just having her near me fills me with warmth I've never felt from another human being before. This is my happy place. Having her in my arms is the only thing I'll ever need for the rest of my life. She's my everything.
Her breaths deepen as she falls asleep. I look down and smile at my girl, pulling her just a bit closer to my chest. I press my lips lightly to her head and take in the unique scent of freesia and lilac and strawberries and Bella. She's my beautiful, wonderful Bella and in this place we are untouchable.
I feel her shift as she starts to stir awake. I prepare myself, knowing that this is the beginning of the end. This is the part where I wake up and have to say goodbye to her until tomorrow night. I feel myself losing grip on the dream, falling back into the harsh world of reality. She's fading from my grasp.
I blink my eyes, squinting at the sunlight streaming through the window. I groan softly as I realize that I've had the same dream I've been having for the past month. It's always the same: Bella and I in a white room, wrapped in each other's arms. It's so simple, but it says so much. Because I can't deny any longer that I have feelings for her. I think I knew it on some level from the moment I met her. I'm completely head over heels for her and there's not a single thing I can do about it. That dream has become the highlight of my after work hours and once again it's over.
Except I swear I can still feel her in my arms…
I look down and feel my eyes go wide as I see Bella, real and in the flesh, wrapped up in my arms.
It all comes back to me in that instant: the office party, the storm, Bella stumbling in on my phone call with Tanya, the exchanging of our gifts, and finally, falling asleep on the couch. Except, I'm fairly certain that when we fell asleep, we had been at opposite ends of the large black leather sofa.
I panic. We must have moved toward each other in the middle of the night. If someone were to walk in right now, well, it could be very bad for both of us. Hell, if Bella were to wake up right now, she'd probably think I was the creep of the century. I try my best to slip my arms from around her and wiggle my way off the couch, but it only succeeds in her snuggling deeper into my embrace.
Fuck.
I sigh. Heaven forbid this be easy. I stretch my arm as far as possible without disturbing her and grab one of the gray throw pillows from nearby. I try my best to slip the pillow beneath her head, hoping that she'll curl up with it as a substitute for my abdomen. I've almost got it when she grumbles something in her sleep and yawns, popping her beautiful eyes open to greet the day. She smiles lazily at me, still stuck in her sleepy haze. It doesn't take long for reality to set in.
"Shit!" She shouts, jumping from my arms and landing on her ass on the floor.
"Bella are you okay?" I ask, reaching out to help her up.
"I'm fine! I'm fine! Jesus, I'm sorry," she mutters finally, scrambling to stand up. I pull the blanket from my legs and toss it on the couch, standing up to face her. I put a hand on each of her shoulders and look down at her.
"It's alright, Bella. Honest mistake, okay? Please, don't worry about it," I assure her. Bella sighs and closes her eyes, taking a moment to compose herself. She's about to say something else when the door opens and surprised Rosalie walks in.
"There you are. I've been looking everywhere for you, Bella. We're cleared for—"
I watch in mild horror as Rose stops to assess the situation before her. Shit. I can only imagine what's going through that blonde head of hers. I decide not to give her the chance to speculate.
"Hey, Rose. Bella and I were just exchanging our Christmas gifts," I say nodding to where our gifts still, thankfully, sit on the table from last night. Rose follows my gesture and I watch as her nose scrunches in confusion before her face smoothes out. I give Bella a friendly pat on the back and smile for added effect. Unfortunately, Bella still looks shell shocked, which doesn't help matters. Damn it.
"Oh. Well that's sweet, I guess. Where have you been, Bella? Kate said she didn't see you last night," Rose continues.
"Edward let me crash on his couch," Bella answers, snapping out of her trance.
"Wasn't that nice of you?" Rose says skeptically. "Anyway, Bella, we're cleared to leave. Emmett is already on his way to my parents with Jasper and Alice and you better believe the little pixie is chomping at the bit to see us and make sure we're actually alive."
"Sounds like Alice. I'll just grab my things and meet you in the lobby, Rose."
"Okay, just don't take too long. Mom makes a mean Christmas breakfast and if we don't hurry my lunk of a fiancé is going to eat everything in sight." Rose turns to leave and Bella and I both breathe a sigh of relief as the door closes behind her.
"That was really close. Edward, I know you said it wasn't a big deal, but I really am sorry," Bella says sadly.
"Please stop apologizing. Neither one of us can control what happens while we're sleeping, Bella. Last night was shaping up to be absolutely horrible until you burst in here with your Christmas present. Oddly enough, it ended up being one of my best Christmas Eves. I don't regret anything and I don't want you to either, okay?"
"Alright. Well, I guess I should get going," she replies awkwardly.
"Okay, I'll see you soon then, okay?"
"Of course," she says with a smile.
"Merry Christmas, Bella."
"Merry Christmas, Edward."
Bella leaves and I take a few minutes to get my shit together before heading out myself. The rest of the holiday passes without a hitch. Since our flight plans were shot to hell, Tanya and I spend Christmas Day with my parents at their home in Evanston. Tanya calls her family and promises that she'll fly out solo in a few weeks to visit them. It's nice to get out of the city for a day and clear my head in the comfort of our family traditions. We gather around my parents huge tree and exchange gifts over a bottle of wine. Esme and Carlisle come over for dinner and we all enjoy each other's company while stuffing ourselves full of my mother's home cooked food. I even manage to send Bella a quick, non-stalkerish text, wishing her and her friends a happy holiday.
I spend the following week playing with the new gadgets I received for Christmas in between long sessions in my at home office looking over some details for the Weber case. As much as I'm enjoying the time off, I can't wait to get back to work and get started on putting together our strategy for the trial, starting with our trip to Washington.
I smile as I remember the look on Bella's face when I told her the news. As soon as Carlisle told me about the trip, I knew I had to find some way to get Bella enough downtime to visit her parents. It took a lot of negotiating and a few white lies, but I got Carlisle to agree to give her an extra three days at the end of our week to stay behind and spend time at her parent's house. He agreed to give me the three days as well, but I didn't want to get my hopes up that I would be staying behind with her, so I politely told him that I would see how things panned out.
I shouldn't be as excited for the trip as I am, but the prospect of an entire week with her is too enticing to ignore. Of course we'll be working and Rose, Garrett and Rose's assistant will be accompanying us as well. Still, we won't be in the confines of a city under the scrutiny of people who know who I am and remind me of the fact that there will never be a future for me and Bella. For a week, I can pretend that we're just two ordinary people and not a married man and a beautiful unattainable woman.
Before I know it, the week is over and it's New Year's Eve.
I stand in front of Tanya's full-length mirror adjusting my tie as we get ready for the firm's annual New Year's Eve Gala. While the company Christmas party is a way for us to all get together and let off some steam, the New Year's Gala is the firm's chance to show its personnel off at our best. We all dress up in tuxedos and expensive gowns while we parade around and schmooze major clients and other members of Chicago's finest. It's an exclusive event and one of the most anticipated celebrations in Chicago every year. Carlisle and Aro, along with some help from their wives and our PR team, certainly know how to throw a party.
Tanya flits around the room behind me, putting in her earrings and looking for a specific pair of Jimmy Choo's among the piles of shoes in her end of the closet. She looks beautiful in a deep red floor length gown. She's all lit up at the thought of the gala and for a moment she looks like the lovely girl I met in college. She finds her heels just as I receive the call that our car has arrived and is waiting for us. We grab our coats and head off to the Peninsula Chicago Hotel.
Even I'm in awe as we step into the grand ballroom twenty minutes. The partners have really outdone themselves this year. The floor to ceiling windows are covered in soft white fabric with alternating deep purple and dark blue lights shining from behind, offering a beautiful muted view of Chicago's Magnificent Mile. A bright crystal chandelier in the middle of the room casts a soft glow over everything. The rest of the room is dripping in twinkling white lights and organza. Circular tables, with sharp black table cloths, are set up around the room for dinner and crisp white place cards hold the names of the various guests. Waiters in black suits walk around the room with platters filled with sparkling glasses of Cristal. A dance floor sits on the opposite side of the room with one of those Michael Bublé types crooning jazz standards from a brightly lit stage surrounded by a big band.
"Edward, Tanya! It's so nice to see both of you again so soon," Esme smiles when she sees us walk in. She wraps me in a tight hug and gives my cheek a motherly peck.
"Hello, Esme. I must say, this is absolutely beautiful," Tanya gushes.
"Well, let me show you the balcony then. That's really a sight to see," Esme smiles, taking Tanya's hand and leading her off. I take her bag and decide to look for our table. I'm more than pleased to find that we've been seated with the usual suspects.
"Wow, Edward, you've only been here five minutes and Tanya's already made you her bitch giving you her purse," Garrett laughs when I approach the table.
"Fuck you," I say flipping him off.
"Must say, I've never been so glad to see your mug. I couldn't get through this hoity toity bullshit without you, Masen," Sam says.
"Please, you suffer through one night of this a year. Welcome to what was the majority of my childhood," I say sitting down.
"You're a brave man. Emily eats this shit up every year, but I could definitely live without," Sam says nodding to where his wife stands with Kate and Siobhan, chatting away.
"Oh quit your bitching," Rosalie says appearing from nowhere and taking a seat across from me. She's five feet, nine inches of intimidating blonde in her black lace gown.
"Yeah! Now all the boys are here!" Garrett calls as the table erupts into laughter. We give out a few more good natured insults before settling into actual conversation. A few minutes later, Emmett appears at Rosalie's side looking worried.
"Did you get a hold of her yet?" Rosalie asks.
"Nah, she didn't answer. I hope she gets here soon, you know how Alice gets. She'll have her getting beautified all night or some shit and she'll miss the party!" Emmett complains. I'm about to ask who exactly their talking about when he continues. "There she is!" I turn to look at where he excitedly points and my jaw almost drops like I'm in some damned cartoon.
Bella has just entered the room, looking beyond beautiful in a long, delicate strapless silver gown. Her hair is pulled back in one of those up-dos with only a few pieces left to frame her full face. I know enough about women to recognize that she's wearing more lipstick and eye makeup than she normally does and while her natural beauty is almost too much to take, this is even more alluring. The band transitions into a slow rendition of Nat King Cole's "When I Fall in Love," and I could almost laugh at the irony.
If I wasn't able to admit to feeling something for this beautiful creature before, it's undeniable now.
She gnaws on her bottom lip and twists her silver clutch in her hands, looking around nervously. Emmett waves to her and she lights up at the sight of a familiar face. It takes every ounce of self-control to contain myself as she makes her way to our table.
"My God, Bella! If I wasn't spoken for, I might just have to try and steal your heart tonight. You're a knockout!" Garrett says as she approaches.
"Thanks, Garrett," she says blushing a beautiful shade of pink.
"Hello, Bella," I manage.
"Hi, Edward," she smiles.
"You'll be at the table right next to us, Bella. Where are Alice and Jasper?" Rose asks.
"We're right here!" A high pitched voice calls. I look to the source of the sound and find a small girl with short black hair making her way through the crowd in a yellow dress. She's dragging a tall blonde man beside her. "Hello, everyone!" she says with a bright smile. Bella introduces the couple to us and I find myself standing face to face with her infamous roommate, Alice. She's about to make our introduction when her roommate cuts her off.
"You must be Edward," she says matter-of-factly.
"Guilty as charged. It's nice to finally meet you, Alice. I've heard a lot about you."
"Likewise and I must say, you really are good looking," she says plainly. I stutter, unsure of what to say as Bella's cheeks go from light pink to dark red. The man standing next to her merely laughs and pulls her closer to his side, trying to diffuse the sudden tension.
"You'll have to excuse my girl here. We try not to let her out in public too often. I'm Jasper, it's a pleasure to meet you," he says extending his hand. I take it and mutter a half-hearted hello. Alice huffs in discontent and shimmies from Jaspers grasp.
"Oh come on, it's not a big deal that Bella can appreciate a good look—"
"Come on, Ali, I think they're going to start serving dinner soon," Bella says pulling Alice away and toward their table.
A few minutes later Tanya, Kate, and Emily find their way to our table and once we've all said our hellos, dinner begins. Midway through the second course, the music stops and Carlisle steps up on the stage with Aro to make a short welcome speech. We clap politely as they thank everyone for spending the evening with them and honor some of the major achievements the firm has made over the past year. Finally, they let us all know that there are slips of paper for us to write our New Year's resolutions to be burned on the balcony at midnight. After wishing us a wonderful evening, they step down and we resume with our meal.
While the women gush over each other's dresses, I try to immerse myself somewhat in one of Emmett's tales from his hunting trips, which would be a lot easier if it weren't for the beautiful woman seated a few feet away from me. I'm much more interested in the way Bella throws her head back laughing at something Jasper has said than the gory details of Emmett's latest encounter with Bambi. Bella's lighting up the room and she doesn't even realize it.
When we finish eating, Tanya pulls me away to the dance floor.
"Are you having a good time?" she asks.
"Yeah, it's been a great night so far. Are you enjoying yourself?"
"I am. It's nice to get away from the stress for a night. I know things haven't been exactly wonderful lately."
"We've both been busy with work, I'm sure it's just stress," I assure her.
"I know that," she starts. "Listen, when you get back from Washington I have to leave for New York. This campaign I've been working on is falling apart and the agency wants me out there to try and get things in order."
"How long will you be gone?"
"I'm not sure. However long it takes, I guess. As bad as this sounds, maybe it's good that we're both so busy, you know? I think we both need some time away to figure things out and cool off. Maybe our resolution should be to get better at this marriage thing," she finishes.
"We've both messed up," is all I can think to respond.
"You could say that," she mutters.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing, Edward."
"Tanya, please don't brush it off. If something's wrong just tell me."
"I just think that one of us has messed up more than the other. I mean, all I've done is expect you to act like a husband should," she snaps.
"Tanya, I'm not doing this right now," I seethe. I can't believe she's trying to start an argument with me in the middle of a gala hosted by my company.
"Fine, but this conversation isn't over. If you'll excuse me," she says pushing past me and disappearing around a corner. She no more than says she wants to work on fixing our marriage and then starts in on me with the same tired argument. I shake my head and clench my fists, trying not to lose my cool in a room full of co-workers and potential clients. I sigh in frustration and stalk off to sit back down. I'm almost to the table when I'm distracted by the bar set up on the side of the room. I'm definitely in the mood for something stronger than Champaign.
"Can I get a scotch on the rocks, please?" I say sitting down. I hear a familiar chuckle coming from beside me and turn my head, managing a smile when I see a pair of familiar brown eyes.
"Rough night?" She asks.
"It's looking up now," I smile back. Bella dips her head and blushes. "What about you? You seem to be hitting them pretty hard yourself," I say nodding at her vodka and tonic.
"This is my first one, thank you," she replies.
"Still, what was bad enough to bring on vodka?"
"I guess I'm kind of feeling out of my element. All the other women here look like they've died and gone to heaven. Alice is probably going to go on about tonight for the next three months, you know. However, you may have noticed I wasn't exactly cut out for the high society scene."
"That's not true, Bella. You belong here as much as any of those other women. And I could kick myself for not saying it earlier, but you look absolutely beautiful tonight," I say as the bartender deposits my drink in front of me. I can't believe how clouded Bella's self-image is. She has to know that she's the most beautiful woman in the room tonight. She just has to.
"Well thank you," she says sweetly. I nod and take a sip of my scotch, wincing as it burns my throat. The band starts up with "The Way You Look Tonight," and I'm inspired as well as determined to turn Bella's night around and make it a wonderful one.
"Dance with me," I say setting my empty glass down on the bar.
"Oh, no, I can't dance. Besides shouldn't you be out there with Tanya? I'd say she has first dibs on you."
"First of all, I was forced into dancing lessons as a teenager, so I'm more than capable of making us look good out there. Secondly, if you'll notice, Tanya is currently dancing with Sam," I say motioning to where I've just spotted Tanya on the floor. "You might also see that Rose is dancing with Carlisle and Kate with Emmett. Switching partners is all the rage these days," I say, reaching out for her hand.
"Fine, but I refuse to be held responsible for the destruction of your toes," she replies finally.
"I'm a lawyer, I'll find a way to get you for it, but I'm not really all that worried," I chuckle.
I take her hand and lead her out to the crowded floor. She hesitantly puts one hand on my shoulder as I settle one of mine on the small of her back, taking her free hand in mine. She spends the first minute or so staring at her feet. It isn't until she's comfortable and trusts that I won't let her murder my feet that I get to look into her beautiful chocolate eyes. The singer is crooning away about how beautiful his woman looks and how he'll remember it all the days of his life as we sway across the floor.
Personally, I know that I'll never forget how beautiful Bella looks right now.
When things get really shitty with work or Tanya or life in general, this is the moment I'll look back on; dancing with Bella under the glow of a thousand lights. She smiles as she becomes more confident and I fight the urge to pull her closer, somehow managing to keep a safe distance between us. I'm struck again by how impossible it is that she doesn't realize how breathtaking she is.
We barely notice as the song changes, but continue dancing. I let my mind wander, imaging I'm in another world. If things were different, I would pull Bella closer. I would smile as she settled her head on my shoulder and I wrapped my arms around her just a little bit tighter. We would dance until we couldn't stand it anymore and then I'd kiss her right here in the middle of the crowd. It would start out sweet and simple enough, but that kiss would grow into something so passionate that everyone in the room would know she belonged to me.
If only that were the case.
This time when the song ends, we reluctantly pull apart. We clap politely as the singer steps off to take a break and the band takes over with some instrumental tunes.
"There you are, Baby-Bell!" Emmett calls.
"Hey, Emmett. What's up?" Bella asks.
"Come on, Bells! I've only been waiting all night for a dance with my favorite girl. Let's go get our Latin on!"
I try to keep my jealousy in check as Bella excuses herself and easily takes Emmett's hand, heading off to dance with him. An upbeat Latin tune booms through the speakers and any tinge of jealousy fades away as I watch Bella light up. It's impossible not to laugh as Emmett tries ridiculous to her to Tango with him. Her nose scrunches as she tries to hold back a laugh of her own before giving in and letting him have his way with her. Emmett drags her around like a ragdoll, but Bella takes it all with a smile, letting him have his fun. When the song ends, Emmett bends in a ridiculous bow and Bella curtsies after him before getting dragged off by a waiting Alice.
I make my way back to the table, where most of our group has gathered once again. Sam hands me a piece of paper to write my resolution on and I take a seat, thinking about what to put down. I'm not the type to set a yearly goal for myself. Most resolutions never pan out anyway, so I've never really seen the point.
I quickly write something down and then think better of it. I cross out my original resolution of 'Be a better husband' in favor of something better.
My new resolution reads: Be a better man.
It's dawned on me recently that it's not enough to just be a good husband or son or friend. I want to be a better man in general, whatever that may involve. Maybe it means being a better husband to my wife, but maybe, just maybe, it means something more. If I'm being honest with myself, I want to be a better man for her.
It's a few minutes to midnight when everyone gathers on the balcony. Carlisle and Aro are collecting everyone's resolutions, so I make my way to them and hand mine over.
"Have you had a nice evening, Edward?" Carlisle asks.
"I have; thanks. Happy New Year, Carlisle and thank you for everything," I say with a smile.
"You've earned everything you've gotten, Edward. Esme and I are very proud of you," he replies clapping me on the back.
I fade back into the crowd as everyone awaits the countdown to a new year. Everyone is chattering away about what a great year it's been and reminiscing. Couples have gathered together to receive their coveted New Year's kisses, but Tanya is nowhere to be found. I'm looking around for her when Bella appears at my side.
"Hey, stranger," she says.
"Hey, did you get your resolution in?"
"Sure did. How about you? Making any big changes this year?" she laughs.
"Just one, no big deal," I shrug nonchalantly.
We're interrupted as the crowd erupts, counting down to the New Year. Sam claps his hand on my back with a smile before pulling his wife to his side. Rose and Emmett stand next to him apparently in some sort of competition with Kate and Garrett to see who can shout the countdown the loudest. Alice and Jasper appear on the other side of Bella and pretty soon we're all lost in the euphoria of the beginning of another year.
10…9…8…
I look over at Bella and smile.
7…6…5…
Without really thinking about it, I take her hand in mine.
4…3…2…
She looks up at me in surprise.
"One!" Everyone shouts together.
I raise Bella's hand, pressing my lips lightly to her knuckles and it's like everything is moving in slow motion. The crowd around us erupts into cheers, kisses, and a chorus of Auld Lang Syne, but I'm lost in the brown eyes looking up at me in shock. Carlisle lights a match and sets fire to our resolutions, eliciting an even louder cheer from the crowd. We break our gaze to look at the fire burning at the edge of the balcony, but don't let go of each other's hand. When we look back at each other, I swear something passes between us. A look of understanding. In that moment, I can't help but wonder if Bella feels the same way about me as I do about her.
Our hands fall apart as Emmett and Garrett jump on me, shouting something about how great this year is going to be. Sam joins in and soon enough they're all lost in fits of laughter. Bella is enveloped in a hug from Alice and then from Kate and Rose. My eyes stay trained on her the entire time. In the back of my mind, I register that Tanya is still nowhere to be found.
But right there, surrounded by the people who mean the most to me, I can't find it in myself to care.
I look over at the fire, watching the flames curl around the blackened sheets of paper holding our deepest desires for the upcoming year. The wind picks up some of the ashes, scattering them around the balcony like black and gray snowflakes. I'm hopeful.
Be a better man.
As I reflect on my goal for the next year, I can't help but think that was the best New Year's kiss I've ever had.
I'm so sorry this is late! I had a minor family emergency on Sunday and I've spent the rest of the week dealing with the aftermath. My updates might be a little out of whack as things get worked out, but whether it's on Sunday or not, you will have a chapter every week. Just bear with me for the time being. I'm really sorry, guys!
I do hope you enjoyed this chapter though! I must say, this and the last one have been my favorites... so far. ;) Things are definitely getting messy. Stay tuned!
Until next time!