Making Up is Hard to Do
Chapter 2
"Personal Log Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres Stardate 53105.1. Well computer, Tom and I called it quits today after nearly three years as a couple. Actually I screamed at him during a rare fit and he agreed to end it. I was shocked. Now I am relieved. He is so immature, stubborn, and yes he does have a temper although he rarely shows it. Not like me; I lost it this one time after months of being calm. He just would not listen and let me in. Yeah, I pushed him and he wasn't ready. But why be a couple if we can't help ourselves during the bad times? So now I am composed, nothing is wrong. I miss him but that is natural. I made the right decision, didn't I? Sure I did. I did not overreact. End log, encode Torres Omega Micron Three."
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"Personal Log Lieutenant Thomas Eugene Paris, Stardate 53105.4. I cannot believe it but B'Elanna blew up in the mess hall today and said we are through! And I agreed! What the hell is going on? Okay, I pushed her out of my quarters over that memorial on Nakin and those memories but I was stressed and not ready to deal with it. Harry wasn't dealing with it either but she did not blow up on him. B'Elanna and I have argued many times before but nothing like this. But she will get over it. When we have dinner tonight I will apologize. God, this was in front of the entire Beta shift! I still can't believe it. I really should not have gotten her so upset. It will blow over. It has to. It will. End log, encode Paris Alpha Beta Six."
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"Personal Log Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres Stardate 53126.6. So three weeks now and no Paris. I told him to move out weeks ago and he did. He now avoids me. Good. I can handle it. Harry talked to me again today. I did not listen. I met Ensign Sean Murphy earlier who offered to have a private drink with me. Right. We had a drink at Sandrine's, well, maybe two. Opportunistic pig! He wants into my panties and he is not going to get there. So I'm a sad, lonely, and vulnerable half Klingon ready to jump into bed? Hardly. I may be sad and lonely but no way about flying into bed. But Ensign Murphy is treating me nice and he is mature and stable. A laboratory guy, not a crazy pilot. But he doesn't really understand me. Not like Tom. Tom! He found someone just after I did. Aubrey. Ensign Aubrey. Starfleet legacy Aubrey the conservative. If he loved me he would not have found her so fast. He never did love me, did he? It was just sex. Over two years of it. Great sex. But why do I hurt so much? I gave up my mate, that's why. So much for Klingon lifetime mating and monogamy and all that. But Murphy won't last. Now I will spend the next fifty years alone and try to avoid Tom as much as I can. Great. Banging noises. Why? Why? Why? Who am I kidding? Sniff.End log, encode Torres Omega Micron Three."
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"Personal Log Lieutenant Thomas Eugene Paris, Stardate 53261.7. So Torres found another guy today just three weeks after we broke up. Fast, Torres, real fast. That petaQ Murphy. A panty hunter from way back. She did it right in front of me in the mess hall. Left to go have a drink in Sandrine's. How can she be so stupid? She knows what he is. Is he getting some of that? No way. She wouldn't. She couldn't. I trust her. So I picked up Ensign Frederique Aubrey on the rebound. Freddy is a hot little number but no B'Elanna. Very conservative; this is okay. I mean, she is a Starfleet legacy like me and all that but no B'Elanna Torres. God, I miss her. Crying. End log, encode Paris Alpha Beta Six."
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One month later, Tom Paris sat at Voyager's helm and watched the stars move by at warp three. The morning had started out with a typically boring staff briefing. Nothing was going on. Lieutenant Torres discussed warp coil upgrades and other engineering babble. The other section chiefs rendered data that only Tuvok would find interesting.
As with other staff meetings over the last month when she was there he did not look at her. As far as he was concerned, Torres no longer existed. Sure. Just ignore her. That always worked with others in my life.
The half-Klingon noticed immediately that Paris avoided any eye contact with her after their blowup. When he had to talk with her about business such as a helm control issue he looked at the deck or stared off into space. That situation grew so awkward that Instead of coming to see her personally he now sent messages via her PADD. He would not talk to her over the comm unless it was absolutely necessary. If so, he was always polite but curt. Typically it was no more than "I am sending the report you asked for, Lieutenant Torres."
As far as she was concerned that was just fine. The next few months would be awkward but they would both get over it. They might find others; Tom for sure. Maybe they could be friends again but she doubted it. Who the hell needs Tom Paris anyway? The answer was always the same. I do.
B'Elanna had found solace in engineering by overworking herself and her crew. She also had Ensign Murphy to keep her company, a seemingly pleasant xenobiologist who liked her. Maybe that is why she reacted positively to his asking her to have a private drink with him just three weeks after breaking up with Tom. She needed to feel that she was pretty and wanted even though Tom had always let her know that. And she had to show Tom that she could get a man when she needed one. He got the message. Now he ignored her.
But she felt nothing for Murphy despite his plying her with flowers and dinners on the Holodeck. His overt attempts at seduction made B'Elanna laugh. He tried to kiss her several times already but his movements were juvenile and really turned her off. He was younger than her; intellectually bright but with nothing in common.
Despite appearing to be enjoying Sean's company she had only recently started sleeping in her bed once again. For weeks after she and Tom split she occupied her couch, the bed left unmade as it had been the last time she and Tom made love. His scent was everywhere on her sheets, her clothes, everything. The more she smelled him the more aroused she became. Now his aroma was fading away except when she passed him on the command deck or in a corridor. Her blood raged at his scent but she did nothing about it.
Tom seemed to be taking things in stride. He was much better than her at hiding pain. Then there was Ensign Frederique Aubrey the green-eyed molecular biologist with a fantastic body. But he really did not notice Freddy's physical qualities, which surprised even him. He just wanted to talk with a woman and not just his only male friend Harry Kim. And she was an excellent listener who seemed to get lost in his 'panty dropping eyes' as had so many women before. But there was no connection other than friendship and he made no move to seduce her or vice versa.
There was more going on with the chief helmsman that at first no one really noticed except Freddy. Tom had slowed down in his eating. He occasionally ate dinner with Aubrey on the Holodeck but mostly lived off of replicated pizza, tomato soup, and crackers in his quarters. When he ran out of credits he stopped eating in his room. Only then did he dare venture to the mess hall and only when Torres was not around. He always commed the computer first to make sure she wasn't. He lost weight and had to replicate a new uniform. His Holodeck workouts slackened and his piloting reaction time was reduced. Still he was far superior to anyone as a pilot. Or so he thought.