A/N: The long awaited second chapter. I am so sorry everyone that it took so long to update, but to be honest, I lost all inspiration for this, but when I heard that a third part was coming out. I sat down and watched both movies and all of my inspiration came back, but then I found out that whatever I did have finished of this chapter was on my old computer, which is now gone, so I'll hopefully have this finished soon or at least before the new movie hits theatres.
Once again I am so sorry.
Chapter Two: Not Again
Angelica rolled over, when she felt Phil's fingers slowly crawling up and across her waist. She lazily opened an eye to smile at him and saw that it wasn't Phil's fingers. It was a cockroach. She quietly shrieked and jumped off the coach that she was sleeping on, causing it fly off of her, land on the floor and fall through a crack in it. She squirmed lightly and then looked around the room.
She couldn't remember how she had gotten here. She remembered waking up because she had a nightmare that something had happened to Monroe and she went down to the beach to find her husband. After that everything went black. She was in a seedy motel. She looked down and realized that she was still wearing the clothes that she had thrown on from last night. She heard someone groan behind her. She turned around to see who it was.
"Phil," she whispered, bending over him. He rolled over and looked up at her.
"What the hell," he whispered. She shook her head. He sat up and ran his hand through his mattered hair. He got up, wrapped an arm around her and they both looked out the window. It was then that Alan fell from the top bunk from the bunk bed, which was in what they could only guess was their room, to the floor. They turned and looked at him. He groaned as he slowly got up trying to gather his bearings.
He slowly walked over to the pair, who was still looking out the window.
"Phil, Angie," he gasped, "I think it's happened again."
"Alan, what the fuck did you do," Angelica asked, turning to look at him. She was not happy and the fact that she had been woken up by a cockroach crawling across her did not make it any better.
"I didn't do anything. I swear to God," Alan swore. Angelica ran a hand through her hair, while Phil turned to face him.
"You're hair is gone," Phil said, looking at Alan. Alan rubbed his beard, thinking that in their drunken stupor that it had been shaved off. Angelica shook her head.
"No. No. Up," she said, pointing with her finger. They could hear yelling coming from another room, while Alan ran his hands over his head. He started to chuckle as he did. It was then that Angelica and Phil looked at the room.
"Where the fuck are we," Phil asked. Angelica looked around the room; she saw her old wedding band on the floor. She felt her neck for the chain, to find that it wasn't there. She picked it up and slipped it onto her right ring finger. It was then that the power suddenly went out.
"Phil, Angie, I'm scared," Alan whispered, turning towards them after the lights went out. Angelica walked over to Phil and wrapped her arms around his waist. She was slightly scared herself. She had no idea where they were and this power outage wasn't helping matters. They heard Stu groan from another room.
Phil pulled Angelica along with him, as he followed the sound, pushing past Alan, causing him to fall to the floor after he tripped over the table. They walked through the door and entered the bathroom to find Stu, lying in the tub with no pants on. Phil clapped his hands.
"Stu," he called, "Come on get up. We got a situation." Stu groaned and rolled over. Phil and Angelica were shocked at what they now saw. There was a large tattoo around Stu's right eye.
"Oh holy shit," Angelica swore, when she saw it fully. Stu was going to freak out. This was worse than him losing a tooth in Vegas.
"Where are we," Stu asked, as he looked around, it was then that he saw Alan. His eyes went slightly wide. He couldn't believe what he was seeing and since he was virtually blind without his glasses, he hoped that it was just a hallucination.
"Oh my god, Alan," Stu gasped, "Your head." He put on his glasses, but Alan's bald head did not disappear.
"No your head," Alan answered.
"He's bald," Stu said to Phil and Angelica.
"Stu," said Angelica calmly, "You're going to freak out, but it's going to be okay."
"Why," asked Stu, slightly worried, "What-Is it my teeth?"
"No, it's not your teeth," Angelica answered. Stu now got up and out of the tub.
"Are you sure," he asked.
"Yep."
"Did you check the bottom," he asked, shoving his lower cavities into her face.
"I did," she answered and she was so close to saying what the problem actually was, but Stu desperate to see that none of his teeth were missing, walked over to the bathroom mirror and saw the tattoo.
"Oh my god," Stu gasped, when he saw it, and began to feel it, "What the fuck? OW!" He tried to wash it off.
"That's good," Angelica offered, "Why don't you just try to wash it off?" Phil and Alan started to laugh, while Angelica watched with wide eyes.
"It's not coming off," Stu complained, as he continued to try and rub the tattoo off of his face, "This is a real tattoo. Alan, what did you do? Did you ruphie me?" He was angry now. This was the exact reason why he didn't want to have him there. At Phil's bachelor party, they were able to see get through the night and remember some of it the next day, and it was all because Alan had not been there.
"I didn't do anything," Alan said once more.
"Stu," Phil interrupted, "He swore to God."
"What happened," snapped Stu. And it was then that the four got the shock of their lives. A small monkey in a jean jacket and pants jumps down from the ceiling and landed on Stu's back. They all began freaking out. Angelica jumped into Phil's arms out of fright, and the group started to spin in circles, with Stu desperately crying for someone to get the monkey off his back. The small simian jumped off of Stu's back and onto a water pipe.
"What the hell," Stu asked.
"Oh, it's a monkey. Oh look at the cute little vest," Alan gasped, "Hi little monkey." Alan then tried to reach for the small creature, only for it to slap his hands away. He backed away slowly holding his hand. Then someone's cell phone began to ring. Angelica, Stu and Phil exchanged looks, while Alan still spoke to the monkey.
"Phone," Angelica said, and began to search around the hotel room for it.
"Alan…Alan go find the phone," Phil ordered, as he too began to search.
"I got it," shouted Angelica, as she found the ringing phone. She picked it up.
"God, Doug," she shouted, "Where the hell are you?"
"I'm at breakfast by the pool," Doug answered, "You guys coming down? Or what?"
"Oh Jesus, thank god," she said, before turning to Alan and Phil, "Doug's fine."
"Stu, Doug's fine, he's at the resort," called Phil.
"Why aren't we at the resort," Stu asked, "And why is Angie with us? Last I remember she had gone up to her room with Lauren."
"What's going on? Where are you guys," Doug asked.
"I don't know bro. We woke up in some shit hole room, in some city," she answered.
"Oh god," Doug gasped, "What city?"
"I don't know Doug, fucking Asia town," Angelica answered, "I don't know…I told you. I have no fucking idea."
"Where are we," Stu asked, as he leant against the bathroom wall, while Alan continued to look around the hotel room. He came to a pile of blankets, which had this small white thing sticking up. He bent down and looked at it.
"Hey Stu," Alan called quietly.
"What?"
"Check this out," he answered, "You ever see anything like this?" Stu slowly walked over to where Alan was and bent down to take a look.
"What is that," Stu asked, reaching out to touch it.
"Careful," Alan warned, "It might be a spider's nest. I've tangled with those before."
In the other room, Angelica was still on the phone with Doug. Phil was sitting on the bed in front of her watching her, as she paced back and forth trying to make sense of what was being said.
"I don't get it Doug," Angelica said, "I mean, you each had one beer last night and I didn't right? I mean you too."
"Yeah, but I left at the same time you came down with Tracy," Doug reminded her, "Remember?"
"I don't remember shit," Angelica confessed.
"Tracy wasn't feeling well, and you had a nightmare and needed to be with Phil," Doug explained, "So she came down to get me with you. Wait a second, is Teddy with you guys?" Angelica stopped pacing and looked at this bowl of water that had a gold ring inside it.
"Teddy? What? What are you talking about," she asked, as she picked up the ring and fiddled with it in her hands.
"He wasn't in his room. They've been looking for him all morning," Doug explained. Angelica looked closely at the ring.
"Teddy went to Stanford right," she asked. She turned the ring around and saw that it was attached to the finger still. She dropped it to the ground and launched herself into Phil's lap.
"Yeah. Why?"
"Oh fuck," she gasped, "Phil and I just found his finger."
"What?"
"I just found a fucking finger, Douglas Alexander Billings," she gasped out slowly. Phil rubbed his hand up and down her arms. Both of them were close to losing their cool now, and they both needed to stay calm.
"Angelica Caliope Wenneck, what is going on," Doug asked. As she took a few calming breaths, Phil took the phone away from her.
"Alright, alright, alright," Phil stumbled, "This is what we're going to do. Tell the girls that we woke up early and took Angelica with us out on a fishing trip, okay, that's where we are."
"Right."
"Alright, stay by the phone," Phil instructed, before quickly hanging up.
Doug set the phone on table, after he hung up and slouched down in his chair.
"Shit."
Phil and Angelica exchanged a look and then they both looked at the finger that was now lying on the floor of the shitty hotel room. Both taking a deep breath, they got up off the cockroach infected bed and walked into the other room, where Stu and Alan were still bent over the pile of blankets.
"Uh, we got a little bit of a problem," Phil said, as he led Angelica into the next room, "What is that?" He finally saw what the other two were looking at. Angelica sat in the chair that Stu had occupied earlier, not caring about whatever they had seen. She needed to get the blood flowing back to her head, before she almost fainted. She hadn't felt this sick since she was pregnant with Monroe.
"We don't know," Stu answered, looking up at Phil.
"Is that a worm," Phil asked.
"It's a mushroom," Alan answered, pulling on it a bit, before sticking the fingers in his mouth, "Yeah shitake." The monkey then came waddling over and stood on top of the pile of blankets.
"Monkey, taste it," Alan ordered. Angelica lifted her head slightly to give a weird look, before replacing her head back between her legs.
"What do you think," he asked, "Is it shitake?"
"He can't understand you," Phil said, as all three men watched the monkey. The monkey bent down and licked the small white thing that was sticking out of the pile.
"He just did," Stu said shocked. The monkey chattered at them, and then began to pull on it.
"Why is he pulling on it," Stu asked, as all three of them watched the monkey.
"He's probably hungry," offered Alan.
"Wait a second," Phil said, "is that-" The monkey slapped it and the blankets began to move, causing the three guys to stumble away from it.
"What the fuck man," said Chow from under the blankets, "Tell that gay monkey to leave my shit alone."
"Chow," Phil shouted.
"You fuckers crazy," Chow laughed, as he got up, revealing that he wasn't anything except a speedo, that wasn't even pulled all the way up. Alan smiled at him.
"Ahh," Chow whined, "It's so fucking light in here. Alan grab me my sunglasses."
"It's great to see you Leslie," Alan greeted, before giving him a hug, completely unbothered by the fact that Mr. Chow was not wearing anything clothing.
"Nice to see you too my little hobo," Mr. Chow answered.
"Chow, what the fuck are you doing here," Angelica asked, coming to stand by Phil.
"Alan call me a few days ago and invited me to wedding," Mr. Chow explained, as Alan placed his sunglasses on his face and he pulled up his pants.
"Excuse me," asked Stu.
"What he's my plus one," Alan explained.
"You didn't have plus one," Stu snapped, "It's 200 dollars a plate."
"Guys, guys," Phil interrupted, "Just focus, okay? Chow, what happened?"
"You guys texted me said you fucked up and looking to party," he laughed, while Alan joined in, "I picked you up in my boat and brought you here to Bangkok and we had a sick night bitches." He put on a silk robe and sat down on the couch.
"Whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait, wait a second, Chow," Phil interrupted once more, sitting on the couch beside him, "Chow, we're in Bangkok."
"Holla, City of Squalla," Chow said, continuing to laugh.
"Do you know how I got this tattoo," Stu asked, pointing to the very Mike Tyson esque tattoo on his face.
"Uh yeah," Chow replied, "From a fucking tattoo guy. Come on Stewie use that big Jewish brain."
"Hey," Alan interrupted, "What's the monkey holding?" Angelica and Phil groaned. They hadn't even got to tell Stu the worst part about all this and now, because of that fucking monkey, it was all going to go to shitsville. Stu gasped.
"That's a finger," Stu said close to hysterics.
"Stu," Angelica said as calmly as she could, "Phil and I have some bad news."
"Teddy was with us last night. That's his finger," Phil finished.
"Teddy," Stu stammered, "Teddy's dead!" Chow laughed.
"Teddy not dead," he explained, "He partied with us all night."
"Well then, where is he," Angelica asked.
"Don't you remember anything," Chow asked.
"No," Stu shouted hysterically.
"No," Phil answered calmly, "Nothing, Chow."
"Oh, okay, I explain it all, okay," Chow replied, "Just let me do one bump, get my head straight." He began to pour some cocaine onto his wrist to snort, as the group quietly watched.
"Come to papa," Chow muttered.
"That's a bit," Phil said, as he watched Chow snort it. Chow pulled off his sunglasses and looked at the group.
"You ready for craziest fucking story of-" He stopped and began to pulse slightly. The group watched silently waiting for him to finish his sentence. He fell face forward into the glass table, smashing the glass slightly under his weight. Phil and Angelica shared a look and then looked towards Chow.
"Chow," Phil called, taping him lightly on the back.
"Hey Chow, are you okay," Alan asked. Phil began to shove him lightly, hoping that the movement would make him wake, while Stu and Angelica watched in shock.
"You got to be kidding me," Angelica asked, as she reached her hand to Chow's neck, to try and find a pulse. The three men watched silently.
"Fuck," she swore, when she couldn't find one, "he's dead." She got up and threw her hands in the air and began to pace the room, just like she had done earlier when she had been on the phone with Doug. Stu began to hysterically scream for help, while Alan began to cry. Phil joined Angelica in her pacing.
"Stu," Angelica said calmly, while he continued to scream, "Stu, shut up. Stu, shut up."
"Call an ambulance," Stu screamed at her.
"Shut up," she snapped, "He's dead. Look if someone comes and finds a dead body and a pile of cocaine, we're gonna spend the rest of our lives in a fucking Thai prison and I won't be able to get us out of it. So now, shh."
"Alan," Phil said calmly, "Alan, please stop crying." Alan sniffled, but stopped crying.
"Alright," Angelica said, "alright." She took a seat back in the chair, she had previously occupied. It was time for them to think. She felt like she was acting like Stu and Alan's mother.
"We just need a second to figure this out," Phil explained, as he too took a seat. Stu collapsed on the ground in the foetal position, while Angelica and Phil looked around the room trying to find something that could possibly help them out of this mess. It was then that Phil spotted it.
Ice Machine Located on the 15th Floor.
Angelica opened the hotel room door. Her hair was tied up in a pony tail and she was fully dressed. She looked both ways to make sure that no one was coming, and then continued to walk out the door, once she made sure that the coast was clear. Behind her walked Phil and Stu, carrying Chow's body wrapped in the sheet from the Queen sized bed. Alan brought up the rear and made sure that no was coming after they left.
"This is the worst idea ever," Angelica muttered, as she walked down the hall. It was worse than the time that Phil suggested that she go through child-birth drug-free or the time that the guys dragged her to the lake by her and Doug's house.
"What the fuck is this place," Phil asked, as they continued to walk down the hall towards the elevator that could take them to the 15th floor.
"Bangkok is the capital of Thailand," Alan read of the cards he had dinner the previous night, "It's population is twelve million people."
"Alan, put the cards away and help," Stu snapped. Alan pocketed the cards and made sure to keep an eye out for anyone coming.
The group slowly walked towards the elevator. The monkey slowly chattering his way to the elevator behind them.
"Elevator," Stu gasped. Alan was now helping Phil and Stu carry the body, while Angelica led them down the hall. Chow's body was getting heavier and heavier as they went along.
"I'll get the button, I'll get the button," Angelica said, as they struggled to keep the body up. The monkey finally caught up him. The small primate jumped on top of Chow's covered body and then onto Phil's shoulder.
"What the fuck is the deal with this fucking monkey," Phil said annoyed. Angelica slammed on to up key a few more times.
"That monkey gets it," Alan joked. Angelica looked at him and then looked at Phil, barely containing the urge to laugh and roll her eyes at the same time.
"Come on," Stu groaned as he watched the dial on the elevator.
"Oh fuck," Angelica groaned, "No the powers out. We're going to have to take the stairs."
"Oh fuck," Stu groaned. Phil and Stu backed themselves back into the hall, so they could take the stairs.
The groaned, as they finally made it to the fifteenth floor.
"Here it is," Angelica said, as she climbed up the stairs in front of the three men and the monkey. All three looked ready to collapse from carrying Chow's dead body up ten flights of stairs. The three men directed the covered body towards the ice box.
"Feet first," Alan instructed, causing Angelica to look him completely confused on how he would know that, "I've done this before." Angelica just shook her head. The less she knew, the less she would feel the need to report when they got back states side. The three men stuffed Chow's body into the ice box, as Angelica watched. Phil and Alan shut the ice box doors, leaning against it as they locked it. They all slid down to the floor, as Angelica dialled her phone trying to get a hold of Teddy with no such luck.
"Stu," Phil gasped.
"What?"
"We still have to find Teddy," Angelica said, hanging up her phone.
"Oh god," Stu gasped. The three men sat on the ground beside and in front of the ice box trying to catch their breath, while Angelica looked on. It was then that Stu looked up at his three companions and said the one place that had just crossed his mind.
"The roof."
The four of them ran up the stairs and crashed through the door screaming Teddy's name hysterically. This was the only place they could possibly think that Teddy could be, hoping that maybe, just maybe, they had tried to pull the same prank on Teddy that they had on Doug, two years ago.
"You guys see anything," Phil called as he looked around the roof himself. Alan, Stu and Angelica had looked in the other four corners of the roof.
"He's not here," Stu said discouraged. Angelica leaned her head against Phil's shoulder as he looked out at the city.
"I can't believe that this is happening again," Stu complained.
"Okay," Angelica said, "Look, Phil, Alan and I will handle this. You get back there. You tell them Alan and Phil got drunk, they're still partying and Teddy is taking me around to show me some of the historical sites or whatever. You gotta go get married."
"No," Stu answered, "No, I'm not going back without Teddy. He's Lauren's little brother, he's lost, he's injured. If I fuck this up, I lose everything."
"Okay," Angelica replied. She and Phil starred at one another, slowly coming up with some kind of plan that could lead them to Teddy or someone that would at least know where Teddy was or where he could have gone.
"Alan," Phil called, "Check your pockets."
"What," Alan asked.
"You know the drill," Angelica answered, "Come on there might be clues." All of them began to empty their pockets.
"Check your phones," Stu added, as he pulled his phone from his pocket, "Numbers, texts…"
"That's a good idea," Phil said, as he pulled out his own cell phone.
"I got nothing," Ang said, as she pulled out only napkins, once again with Phil's number on them, and a dead cell phone.
"I got a text from Chow," Alan said, as he looked through his phone.
"What time?"
"Uh," Alan paused, "10 o'clock last night."
"What does it say," Angelica asked.
"On my way niggas," Alan read, causing Angelica to roll her eyes at the derogatory slang. The foursome stayed silent for a moment wondering what to do next. Anything that could have possibly been on Angelica's phone was of no use to them without any power.
"We are so fucked," Stu said a sign of his frustration. The monkey returned and began to chatter at them. Alan began to chuckle.
"Hey Phil," Alan called, "Look who's back." They looked at the monkey for a moment.
"We got to get you out of the sun," Angelica said, looking at Alan's bald head, "Or get you a hat."
"Angie, I really think we should go to the American consulate," Stu said, as the foursome wondered the busy streets of Bangkok.
"For what," she answered, "To report a dead body that was shoved into an ice machine. Do you know how bad that sounds? And plus none of us have diplomatic immunity…"
"Well what are we going to do," Stu asked, "Keep walking around in circles, because that's really productive."
"You know Phil and I are trying to figure this thing out," she snapped, "And you're attitude is not helping."
"I'm sorry," Stu snapped back, "It's 100 degrees and we don't have a plan and all we've done is buy him hats and sodas."
"What," Alan asked, "It's a bag of Fanta."
"Well, what do you wanna do, Stu," Phil snapped.
"I don't know," Stu answered.
"Well stop yelling at Angie and I like it's our fucking fault," Phil snapped.
"It is your fault, Phil," Stu yelled in response, "All I wanted was a bachelor brunch." It was then that Phil's cell phone began to ring.
"Shit," Phil said, "Shut up, it's Doug. Talk to me."
"I just got off the phone with Bangkok PD," Doug explained, "They got him. He's okay."
"Oh thank god," Phil answered, "Doug found him. What happened?"
"He got arrested," Doug continued.
"Arrested for what?"
"Disorderly conduct."
"Seriously," Phil asked.
"Yeah," Doug answered, "He's okay though, they're going to release him into Angelica's custody, no questions asked and no one here has to know. He's at the, uh, Ratchawong Police Station."
"Okay," Phil answered, "Okay, I'll call you when we get there. Teddy's in jail, but he's fine. We got to get a cab."
"Okay," Stu said, "Alright." Phil quickly waved down a cab to take them to the station.
Alan, Phil and Stu waited, while Angelica spoke with the receptionist about Teddy's release.
"Okay, thank you," she said, before turning towards the three gentlemen, "We're good, we're good. They're processing him for release right now. They just put him in the drunk tank, he's fine."
"Sixteen years old, and spends the night in jail," Stu said, "Can you imagine?" It was then Alan let out a laugh.
"We sure do love to party." It was then that Teddy's release was announced over the PA system, causing the four of them to turn towards the iron gates.
"Here we go," Phil said, standing up beside Angelica, "Wait, who's this fucking guy?"
"Teddy Si Sigh," the police officer explained.
"No, no, no," Phil said, shaking his head, "I'm sorry, that's the wrong guy. Sir?"
"Excuse me," Angelica said, walking back over to the receptionist, "I'm sorry, there's been a mistake, you brought the wrong guy. That's not Teddy."
"Of course, it's him," the receptionist said, "We have his IDs and everything. These were in his pocket when we made the arrest." Angelica looked down at the ID and wallet that she had just been given.
"They were in his pocket," Phil asked from over her shoulder. The receptionist nodded.
"Excuse me sir," Stu said, walking towards the elderly man that they had been given, "How did you get this stuff?" The elderly man stayed silent.
"Hello," Stu called.
"Teddy doesn't speak," the receptionist explained, "We tried English, Thai, Chinese…nothing."
"Let me ask you something," Angelica said, smiling sweetly at the receptionist, "Does he look like he works out at Valley Total Fitness in Palo Alto, California?"
"Look," the receptionist said, "We arrest a lot of people, we cannot analyze everything."
"What," Angelica said, "What do you expect us to do with this guy?"
"Not my problem."
"Hey guys," Alan called, "I think he knows us." The old man was smiling and holding hands with Alan, while he sat calmly and silently in his wheelchair.
"Hello."
"Do you know where our friend is," Stu asked, for what seemed like the millionth time, since they had exited the police station, "Teddy, he's missing."
"Stu, forget it," Phil said, "The guys worthless."
"He knows something," Stu replied, "He's wearing Teddy's sweatshirt."
"What if he just doesn't understand," Angelica asked, holding her stomach, while Phil kissed her head.
"Uh, I'll act it out," Stu said, "Yeah, like charades. Watch…two words."
"It is a movie," Alan asked.
"This is not for you Alan," Stu explained, "American teenager…in Asia."
"Karate Kid," Alan guessed, "With Jaden Smith? It was easy cause you were talking through it.'
"Stu," Angelica said, "It's a waste of time."
"Just leave this fucking guy here," Phil said, and the old man looked affronted.
"Oh, here's something," Alan said, looking down at his speech cards from the night before, "There are five hundred thousand monks living in Thailand. It is not uncommon for some monks to take a vow of silence at the age of 8."
"There you go," Angelica said, leaning into Phil's chest.
"Is there anything else in that envelope," Stu asked, pointing to the envelope that Angelica had in her hands.
"It's empty," she answered.
"Whoa, hang on," Stu said, "A drink card from White Lion Bar, Bangkok."
"It's worth a shot," Phil said, slowly getting up, bring Angelica with him.
The foursome walked down the street that the White Lion Bar was supposed to be on. The entire street looked like a disaster zone.
"Is this the right street," Phil asked, as they looked at what surrounded them.
"That's what it said," Angelica answered, before coughing as she inhaled some of the smoke that was in the air.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Stu said, as he looked at a burned down building, "This is the White Lion."
"What the fuck happened here," Angelica asked.
"Holy shit," Stu said, before a man who was sweeping up the street behind them, began to scream at them, gesturing for them to leave, and then everybody else who was out there cleaning up, threw things and yelled at them as well.
"What the fuck is going on here," Phil asked. The foursome continued to walk down the street with the old man, when Alan spotted something on the wall outside of a tattoo parlour.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, guys," Alan said, "Check it out." They made their way towards the tattoo parlour, to see a picture of Stu, pointing at the tattoo they had discovered that morning.
"That's my face," Stu said, pointing to the picture, "Go, go, go…"
"Nice work Alan."
"Hello," Angelica called, as they entered the parlour.
"Be with you in a minute," the artist replied, as he continued working on a little boy's tattoo. The foursome walked in.
"Excuse me," Phil said.
"Oh look who it is," the artist said, "Angie, you ready to finish that tattoo we started last night." Angelica looked at the man confused for a moment.
"What tattoo," she asked him.
"The one on your back." Angelica slowly began to lift the back of her shirt so Phil could see what was on her back. There clear as day was the outline of Phil's face beginning in the middle of her back. Phil started chuckling, while Angelica looked mortified.
"Uh, no it's fine," she answered.
"Suit yourself," the man answered, before turning to Stu, "So, what do you think?"
"I'm sorry," Stu asked.
"The tattoo," the artist asked, "You love it?"
"Uh, no actually I hate it," Stu said.
"No refunds," the artist answered, "Get the fuck out."
"Wait a second," Angelica said.
"Read the sign," the artist told her.
"We don't want any refunds," Phil explained, "We just have a couple of questions. We're trying to figure out what went down last night."
"What went down," the artist asked, "Take a look at what you did outside, half the neighbourhood went down."
"We did that," Angelica asked.
"You don't remember your husband getting into a bar fight at the White Lion," the artist asked, "Starting a full on fucking riot?"
"No," Phil answered, "Sir, we don't remember anything." The artist slowly began to chuckle, followed along with Alan. He handed the tool to the little boy sitting in front of him, before grabbing a phone that sat beside him and handed it to Angelica.
"Check this out."
The foursome looked at the video on the phone. It looked like a complete disaster was taking place.
"Jesus Christ," Angelica mumbled under her breath, handing the phone back to the artist.
"That's when the cops arrived, and started cracking skulls," he explained, "I took you guys and hid you in the shop, and then you two decided that you wanted tattoos. Angie, you fell asleep, but you," he paused to point at Stu, "cried like a little bitch. This kids nine years old and he's got balls twice your size. Show them your balls…" The kid went to undo his pants.
"No, no, no," Angelica said, "That's okay, listen we're looking for our friend Teddy, have you seen him?"
"Not since last night," the artist answered, "Why what happened?"
"I'm supposed to marry his sister tomorrow, and we kind of lost him," Stu explained. The artist looked at the foursome and shook his head.
"Oh well," he answered, "Then fuck it."
"What, what, what do you mean fuck it," Stu asked.
"Bangkok has him now," the artist explained, "And she'll never let him go."
"You hear that," Phil snapped at the monk, "Huh, is this what you wanted-"
"Phil," Angelica warned.
"You happy now," Phil continued.
"You're wasting your time," the artist told Phil, "Monks take their vow shit seriously. Look at this, that's the sign of the Kangmon Monastery, just outside of town. Maybe someone over there can get him to talk."
The foursome then made their way to the Kangmon Monastery with the elderly monk in tow. Angelica was leaning against Phil's shoulder complaining of a terrible headache and stomach cramps.
"Okay, can we just go over this one more time," Stu asked, "You got the beer from-"
"The hotel bar gave me a sealed case," Phil explained once more.
"Right," Stu said, "But, who gave it to you?"
"The bartender," Phil said.
"Right, okay," Stu said again, "And then you brought them out and I opened them and Doug had one and he was fine, Angelica didn't have one and she's here-"
"Please don't talk like I'm not sitting right beside you," she mumbled to him.
"It was not the beer," Phil finished, while Alan began to fiddle around with his water bottle and the elderly monk's robes.
"What the hell happened," Stu asked.
"I have no idea."
"Hey guys," Alan called, "Check it out, he's got a Chinese boner."
"Alan," Angelica reprimanded, "Come on. Cut it out." It was then that the monkey, leaped onto the elderly monk's lap and began to suck on the tip of the water bottle. Almost everyone on the bus began to laugh. Phil looked down at Angelica.
"Are you okay," he asked her quietly. She shook her head.
"No," she answered, "But I'll be fine."
Phil paid the driver, and thanked him quickly, while the rest of the group waited by the gates of the monastery. Alan bid goodbye to the other passengers and they entered the monastery taking in the beauty that was behind the walls.
"Knock knock," Alan called, "Hello."
"Alan, don't be disrespectful," Stu reprimanded, while Angelica stayed quiet.
"Don't get up guys," Phil said, as they walked up to where a group of monks were meditating.
"We brought on of your guys back," Alan explained, "He, he's really funny. He's really nice and cool."
"Hi," Phil said, while Angelica was motioning at them to be silent, "How are you doing?" A middle-aged monk walked up to them and stood before them wielding a long staff.
"Uh, are you the one in charge," Phil asked, while Angelica gave up on trying to get them to be quiet. It was then that the monk hit her husband in the face with the staff that he was holding.
"Hey," Alan called, and then he too was then hit with the staff.
"Excuse me," Stu asked, before he was too hit with the same staff. The three men than began to complain loudly causing them to get hit several more times by the man. Once the three of them were silent, the man bowed towards Angelica, who smiled and bowed in return. He then motioned for the four of them to follow him.
The foursome stood in front of another monk, silently older than the one that had painfully greeted them.
"Late last night, you climbed the walls of our monastery," the monk explained, "Shouting out questions of about love, marriage and the meaning of life. Fu brother Han was meditating alone in the garden, and you took him.
"Oh my god," Angelica whimpered, "We kidnapped a monk."
"We leave an alternative life style," Alan said, causing the other three and the monk to look at him.
"We are so sorry about that," Angelica said, "We weren't ourselves last night."
"Yeah, things kind of spun out of control a little bit," Stu explained, "But there's a boy whose missing and hurt. Can you find out if he knows where our friend is?" The monk looked towards the elderly one.
"Brother Han, took a vow of silence, many years ago," the younger monk explained, "It would useless to try."
"Maybe he can write down what happened on a piece of paper," Phil suggested.
"Actually Phil that would be cheating," Alan said, "Isn't that right Grand Wizard?"
"Alan," Phil said.
"I'm afraid fatty's right," the monk said.
"See…what," Alan said.
"None of us will ever know what Brother Han knows," the monk explained.
"Oh," Phil said, "Alright well, so much for holy people." Angelica shook her head and put her head in her hands.
"They're all a bunch of bald assholes," he continued, "And you know what, FYI, you may want to put up some signs up that say no talking before you unleash your dragon-"
"Yeah, that was a little…" Stu trailed.
"And you're welcome for bringing him back safe," Phil continued, "You know we found him in the drunk tank."
"Yeah, well we did take him in the first place," Angelica answered our husband.
"Come on," Phil beckoned, "Guys, let's go."
"Wait," the monk said, "The Budda teach that every memory lives somewhere deep within. Perhaps you should bring your question to the garden of meditation.
"You understand a word he just said," Phil said, looking at his wife and Stu.
"Yeah, I got about two-thirds of it," Angelica answered.
"He said something about the garden of meditation," Stu said.
"No," Alan contradicted, "He's farting because of his medication. I get that." The monk, Angelica, Phil and Stu all looked at Alan.
A/N: Let me know what you think.
Once again I am so sorry about the wait, and the next chapter should be up in the next week or so.
xo