Disclaimer – I don't own any of the characters that appear from the Gravitation series. Nor do I own Sophie cause she wont lemme keep her (Yes Soph is based on a real character 3) Anyway Maki Murakami owns them unfortunately.

Summary – Yuki abused and cheated on Shuichi in the past. And now its up to Hiro to show Shu that he is loved and wanted in this world (Bad Summary) WARNING: Mature themes. Yushu, Shiro, Yuma, hints of Kiro. Please R&R!

WARNING – This chapter involves self-injury.

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"Nee Yuki I'm home!"

Nothing.

"Yuki, Yuki, Yuki!"

Nothing. Not even the regular calm typing of keys. Or even Yuki's curses of annoyance.

I moved slowly through the apartment. Yuki's office. Silent and dark, unoccupied by the blonde novelist.

"Yuki?"

Still nothing. Click. The familiar sound of a lighter coming from the lounge.

I sighed and bounded off towards the lounge towards my lover but I was greeted by darkness.

"Nee Yuki why are you sitting alone in the dark? Its not good for you…"

I turned on the light switch. Why was he acting so strange? I just about managed to avoid the half empty liquor bottle that smashed against the wall. Yuki was there. A cigarette hanging limply from the side of his mouth. His eye's dull and blood shot. One hand occupied by a replacement bottle of Vodka and the other, a silver pistol. The one he kept in case of 'emergences'.

I froze.

"Yuki?"

"Shut up Brat!"

Yuki was mad. No he was beyond mad. He brought up the gun slowly. Pointing it at me as I fell back against the wall.

He looks so peaceful as he sleeps there, the guitarist I had somehow come to love. I smiled and kissed his forehead carefully, as not to wake him from the slumber that he had finally achieved that night. He's been taking such care of me lately. Protecting me just like he promised. Though he cant protect me from the one thing I fear, I wish he could but I doubt anyone could ever help me. Perhaps my medication could but I've stopped taking them too. Hiro doesn't know though.

No, there's no one that can help me. When I close my eyes and I see him. Ever since Hiro told me about Yuki calling, when I close my eyes I see that same blonde novelist standing before me. His fists clenched and sometimes I see him… I see him with that gun. I don't know if the dream is just my imagination playing haywire with my emotions. But this scar is enough proof that it was real.

I bring my hand up to gently stroke at the long pink scar on my shoulder where the bullet just skimmed me and hit the photo behind me on the wall of him and me. No one knows about that time. But I couldn't blame Yuki. I could never blame him or be mad. That night he had been drinking. Sure I'd seen him drunk before. Nights where I'd come in and he'd be there, immediately forcing himself upon me. The stink of alcohol on his breath. Now I think about it, the first time he did anything like that was just after he had grown cold towards me again. When I noticed that Seguchi was spending way too much time there lately. Just the two of them in his office and I had fallen back to sleeping on the couch at night.

It was that same nightmare that had woken me this night. The images of him standing there in his lounge, with empty bottles and cans all over the room. Now my body itched, as if hundreds of little ants were racing up and down upon my flesh. My heart pounded as if it wanted to break free of the cage around it. Part of me wants to wake Hiro, to just ask him to hold me, to not let me fall asleep again. Though another, more dominative part wants me to do this…

I slowly slid out of the bed, careful not to wake the sleeping beauty beside me. Usually I find myself walking aimlessly around the apartment at night, when I cant sleep and I am haunted by images of him. But this time I have a purpose. My sock clad feet had leaded me to the kitchen.

There's a lock on one of the draws. The farthest away from where I stand here at the door. Its the one draw that contains all the razor-sharp and delicious knives but there has to be at least one left out or perhaps I could find the keys. I mean not everyone could be that precise enough to not make even one mistake. I don't care if I have to stab at my body with a fork. As long as I stop feeling this way. And I know that pain is the only thing that can stop it, stop this itching and craving. Pain that can drive these images from my mind. Sure I sound weak but I need this. No one could understand that.

Damn Hiro. So far through my search I've found only food, plastic utensils and random other things. And I really didn't want to smash a window… no that would wake Hiro and I would feel really bad about it later. I sigh resignedly and stumble towards the sink. Splashing cold water on my face. I can just see the sun peeping over the towering Tokyo cityscape. The light streams through the window, hitting something metallic in the sink. Something sharp. Something that could take the pain the away if only for a moment and let me live in this second of ecstasy.

A soft smile appeared on my face as I slid down against the cupboard door. Resting my aching body against it. The slight sunlight illuminating the sharp edge and I could see my reflection on the metal. I silently made up my mind I wouldn't go too far with my cutting. Just till I felt better. I mean if I'm to 'recover' then I need to set some restrictions on myself though I knew I'd be too weak to actually do that.

I looked down at my pale left forearm. I had stopped cutting so all that was left here was that road map of scars, mismatched with the odd vicious stab of a fork when Hiro wasn't watching and was able to stop me but he's not here is he. I raised my arm up to the light and gently stroked the knife over it lightly, still smiling to myself. Even though I knew it wasn't enough to cut my arm just yet I loved the familiar sensation of metal on skin. I trailed the line again, pressing slightly harder. Watching as the red droplets formed and quickly ran down my arm and dropped to the floor when I gasped as I cut even deeper and then deeper still. All the practice I had over the years had taught me where my veins were on my wrist and I purposefully avoided them. The deep gashes I left were thick and deep. Small canyons with fat lining the sides. Blood releasing into them like little waterfalls.

It wasn't soon before my whole arm was covered in deep slashes. I felt queasy and tired but that feeling still hadn't gone. I knew if I looked up ,I'd see Yuki standing above me and glaring down towards me. Cursing me and calling me a brat. That I was getting blood all over his apartment floor. Just these thought of him made me shake with soundless sobs. I placed the knife in my other hand, which was sticky and caked in almost dry blood. And I brought it to my right forearm, slashing deeply on the upper side. My hand poised to slash it again.

"Shuichi? Wha-"

The light turned on and the knife immediately slipped from my hand to the bloodstained floor.

"Shuichi!" He ran to my side and pulled me against his chest. My open and bloody wounds stinging as he moved me and began rocking me gently. "Shu… why'd you do it?"

I managed just a shrug from the tightness of his embrace and he snuggled against me even tighter. I don't know how long we sat there like that. Only when I winced when he moved did it actually sink in what I had done to myself. My eyes were closed, my body limp against him. I wasn't dead though. I'd gotten out of worse sessions than this one alive.

He moved again, shifting so that he could pick me up. My arms cradled against my chest, trying to stop the bleeding. Only after I felt myself being placed gently on a bed and Hiro leaving, did I open my eyes.

I was covered in blood. My hands, my shirt, my arms. To think that Hiro had seen me like this! I choked out a sob silently and pulled my knees to my chest, hiding my face between them and slowly rocking back and forth. God I was such an Idiot.

"Shuichi?"

Hiro was back at my side again. He sat before me and I turned away.

"Dammit Shu, look at me!"

He pulled me closer to him, but I was too weak to retaliate and I slowly raised my tear stricken face towards him. He kissed me gently, sliding his tongue along my lips. Trying to preoccupy my thoughts as he gently untangled my body to look at the damage.

Bah this chapter was okay at first and then I think I wrecked it when Hiro came in it. Okay this is an adaptation of the true story. When this actually happened to Shuichi… lets just say it was nothing like this.

Ashcat – Wow, I guess you liked it then. Sorry for making you squeamish. You're probably going to hate me for this chapter ; heh.

Rubba Dub Dub Three Men in a Tub – You! How dare you think that I the most marvelous Ed… Would not keep Hiro and Shuichi together through this! smirk Yep I love my Shiro shmex. Anyhew I'm glad you liked it. So please don't flame me! Though I do need something to roast my marshmallows on :)

Thankies to everyone else too!