Eds thing – OMG PLEASE DO NOT KILL ME!! I know its been like 3 years since I last updated this and you may notice that this isn't a proper update. I've redone chapter 7 and in the process of working on chapter 8 RIGHT NOW! So that should be up by the end of this week probably. Thank you all for your support and your love. I like getting messages saying 'I hate you, you made me cry'. I swear down I will right much much more hopefully.

Disclaimer – I don't own any of the characters that appear from the Gravitation series. Nor do I own Sophie cause she wont lemme keep her. Anyway Maki Murakami owns them.

"Oh Shuichi…" He sighed shakily and bit down on his bottom lip as he ran a trembling hand across my cheek. I tried to look away from him, to anywhere but him. Anything but those sad and lonely, heartbroken eyes. To try and hide the shame burning through my body. My heart felt as though it was about to break out of my chest. Perhaps there really is no hope left for me and I should have done something serious and dangerous earlier on. My breaths were short and rapid. No matter how much I breathed I couldn't even relax. I was vaguely aware that I was hyperventilating. And as much as the pressure that Hiro was applying to my mutilated arm, blood kept spewing from the deep gashes, especially the one on my right arm where I had cut the deepest. My vision was hazy, unlike the time when I did it. That was a haze of desperation, though this was definitely different. Somehow it felt better. Like I was seeping in to a good undisturbed sleep. My shaking body going numb and dead. Darkness with solitude slipping into my mind and I was unable to resist the thought of everything disappearing and slowly I closed my eyes. "Shuichi! God no Shuichi stay with me!" The voice echoed in my mind. Fading as my mind shut to everything. Though my body was being desperately shaken I could feel it though at the same time I couldn't.

"He's lost a dangerous amount of blood…"

My eyes stayed firmly closed though I knew I was awake although if for only a minute I recognized this voice but I don't know where from. As if it was that private doctor of K-sans'.

"You don't understand it! He didn't mean to! He, he just…" A hand gripped my own. It felt dead.

"Hiro. You just have to accept it. There's nothing we can do. We followed all the doctors' orders. Really… if he wants to die so desperately then maybe we should let him."

"NO! Don't even say that K-san!" The grip tightened. "You haven't been there all the time. Shuichi doesn't want to die. I know that . But how can he live a life like this. He needs to able to do things. Normal things… like a normal person."

"Things… Hiro… What if he tries again?"

"He wont… Please K… Let me prove it to you…"

"I don't like this idea. I really don't. If the media or anyone else gets to know about this he'll be back in there. But I trust you. If anyone can call him back from the darkness, then its you Hiro."

Damn this light… Its too bright. Almost blinding. I want to shout and get it turned off but there's something down my throat preventing me from talking. Though making it so much easier to breath. Though somehow it turned off. Heh. What do you know! I've turned psychic! Either that or the blonde standing at the other side of the room is. K-san my blonde slightly weird a destructive manager from when I was Shuichi 'pop star madly in love with Yuki' Shindou. He smiled sadly and walked over to my bedside slowly and… And pointed one of his magnums straight at my face! Practically in my mouth. Sure this was nothing new to me. Through my life as a pop star id dodged so many of his bullets. But my scar on my shoulder is throbbing dully. "Shuichi Shindou! If you pull any of that shit you pulled two nights ago I will officially shoot you!" He practically screamed. Though some how it wasn't like the usual K screaming and threatening you. He seemed exhausted.

I grimaced. I know I was used to this sort of behavior from the demented fair-haired American. But the handgun, the blonde hair, the raised voices. It all came flooding back. There was a torrent of tears cascading down my face. Which had obviously upset the man before me. Shit. I've never seen K this upset, I've never actually seen him scared and right now he looked entirely petrified. He had by no means been tanned, he'd always had fair skin but right now it looked as though he looked as though he had seen a ghost. I suppose he was used to being in command of the situation, in charge of his emotions… unlike me.

I closed my eyes and began to sob or at least I tried to, the ventilator was uncomfortable and my throat was parched and ached. When a sob escaped me, the air forced air into my lungs creating a cough and spasm to emanate from me. When I finally opened my eyes the blonde man had gone. I tried reaching up my hands to heave the tube from my mouth but I found them bound. Attached to the railings of the hospital bed. No. This is what happened when they first took me. When they put me in that white padded cell. No. I don't want to go back. Hiro, I don't want to go back. He promised he wouldn't let them. He promised.

I pulled with my arms, trying to escape and run away. I arched my back of the bed, contorting my body putting pressure on the straps. Putting pressure onto the self inflicted wounds that trailed across my arms. I had forgotten about them. But the pain only served as a reminder that I wasn't dreaming that I was in the land of the awake and for certain, I wasn't dead.

But suddenly the pain was vanishing, my energy parting me and warmth running through my veins. My body began to feel numb and as I tried to fight the sleep that was being forced upon me, I opened my eyes a little, just enough to see the gowned person injecting something into my arm and to see the tall man lean over to place a kiss onto my sweaty forehead. "Don't worry Shu. It will be alright. I promise."