AARON & JACKSON

-1912: The Aftermath-

"If I Could..."

Lucky, that's what the doctors and nurses had said Aaron and Jackson were. They were among the lucky few to have been pulled from the water, realistically they should be dead and for Aaron it was close, however he wasn't feeling very lucky. Vivid flashes of the horrific events flashed through his mind periodically leaving him on edge, he felt like he was going crazy and over the few days since being rescued and recovering as much as he could on the Carpathia, he then had to endure recalling his experiences for the powers that were conducting an investigation. It drained him, it upset him. He even broke down in front of strangers as he told his story, something which Jackson still didn't know.

It had been a few days since the boys had set foot in New York; and while it was a beautiful, magnificent city, worlds away from anything Aaron knew he simply wasn't seeing it.

Jackson knew something was wrong, the strange behaviour and then the warning from his mum. He decided he'd let Aaron speak when he was ready. Since arriving in America, Jackson had been running around organising a few things, especially gaining access to his money, he'd transferred it all to an American bank before the voyage. Now that account was empty and the money was in his pocket.

Aaron stayed with Hazel who had kindly offered to keep him company while Jackson dealt with things. One sunny afternoon they found themselves walking, billboards and children with signs advertising the specific newspapers had headlines of the disaster. Aaron sighed. "I hope to god no one finds out we're survivors"

Hazel frowned. "Why do you say that?"

"Because of all the attention it would bring, I agree the world needs to know of what happened but they do not need to know our individual stories"

"You may be right Aaron but in time they will know who the survivors are, they would only be interested because people will care, they will want to know people's accounts that's all"

"So, money doesn't come into it then?"

"Well…" Hazel sighed.

"Exactly"

Hazel watched him carefully as they walked along the street. "We've been here a few days, you aren't sleeping are you?"

Aaron sighed quietly and raised his eyebrow and glanced at her. "No, no, not really; well not at all to be honest"

"Does Jackson know?"

"No, he's sleeping fine…which makes me wonder what the hell is wrong with me, I feel like I've gone mad"

"Oh don't be silly" she smiled. "You haven't gone mad Aaron, I think that Jackson has and is dealing with this better simply because he's older"

Aaron responded with a deep frown.

"A- and I mean that as no insult to you" Hazel countered.

"Oh, right…" Aaron replied quickly and relaxed.

"It will just take time Aaron, you've seen and lived an experience that you never had before, and you probably never even imagined it would happen just like the rest of us. You were hurt badly, but I can see…" she said as she leaned forward as they walked and looked at the large cut on his head. "…that you're healing"

"But that isn't what's wrong with me Hazel, it's inside my head, I'm so scared even now" he explained as he shrugged his shoulders, helpless, a lost young lad unable to stop what was wrong.

Hazel knew that. "But you know why it's happening"

Aaron nodded.

"It may pass, give it time…but trust me when I say you're in good hands" she told him as they sat down on a bench. "A word of advice, maybe you should think about telling Jackson, he's really worried about you"

Aaron bit his lip and nodded at her words. "That's why you're here babysitting me" he scoffed then chuckled before shaking his head lightly.

"To be honest yes; Jackson asked me too but I wanted too, all this Aaron, everything that's happened, it changed me"

"It changed us all" Aaron responded quietly.

"It made me think about things differently, several days ago I couldn't even look at you" and now she smiled fondly at him and Aaron smiled back.

"And I hated you if I'm honest, I really did but you're not so bad really"

Hazel smirked. "Why thank you young man" both then began to laugh.

"Where did Jackson say he was going again?" Aaron asked.

"He went to organise some temporary accommodation for you both until everything settles then you can both find something more permanent"

Aaron nodded he remembered Jackson telling him now. He rolled his eyes. I need to sort myself out he thought to himself. "What will you do now?"

"Begin what I came here to do, create art" she smiled. "Scout around the art museums, sell my work once I have some, but I have contacts already of course who can help, my home is just out of the city, a quiet area just what I need to work"

"Good" Aaron told her kindly. "I don't want to put your life on hold Hazel, yeah Jackson wants you in his life, s-so do I" he couldn't believe he was admitting it. "But sticking around to look after me isn't fair on you"

"It's the least I can do, once you're in your temporary place I'll be on my way, but worry not you'll still see me" she grinned. "Ah yes now it brings me to something…do you have any of your things?"

Aaron pouted as he shook his head. "Nothing; I didn't have much money either, it was in my cabin when I left it, everything happened to fast I didn't even think to grab it"

"Well" she said as she opened her bag and rummaged around but seconds later pulled out a small manila envelope and handed it to him. "Thinking as much, this is for you"

Aaron looked down at the envelope with a deep frown. "I-I can't Hazel, I couldn't possibly"

"Yes" Hazel nodded. "Yes you can Aaron. Jackson has one too and he has money; so see it's not pity"

"It wouldn't feel right"

"It feels right to me, please take it Aaron, you need it"

Aaron hesitantly reached out then eventually took the envelope from her, and instantly felt how thick it was. "T-Thankyou, I'll pay you back once I have a job"

"You're welcome and no you won't I don't want it back"

"But Hazel"

"No but's Aaron, it's yours"

"I don't know what to say" he was shocked.

"You already said it" Hazel told him with a smile before she got to her feet. "Put that in your pocket, we'll go get some food and then it should be time to meet Jackson"

Aaron smiled widely as he got to his feet. "I-I've missed him, we've rarely been apart since we met"

Hazel chuckled. "You're cute"

Aaron scowled. "No I'm not"

"Ah yes, male pride"

Aaron's scowl lessened and he couldn't help but smile.

…

Jackson was stood on the steps instructing some delivery men on where he wanted things; he'd got a lot done in a day, organised accommodation, furniture, everything they needed. It was meant to be temporary but the house was nice, if Aaron liked it and he hoped he would then they would stay. He turned and looked out onto the street and saw his mum and Aaron walking toward him, he grinned. "You made it then"

"Yes" Hazel smiled. "This is very nice Jackson, isn't it Aaron?"

Aaron nodded and smiled in response.

"It has everything we need; it even has electricity, running water and a flush toilet"

"But don't other homes not even have that" Aaron told him.

"Yes you're right but I can't start feeling bad because I have money"

"No, no I guess not" Aaron replied with a small smile.

The delivery men left the house and Jackson quickly signed some documents to say they had delivered the items and then they left. "Come on then" he grinned and began walking in the house.

Aaron followed and was taken aback by the luxury once again, working light fittings, a wooden floor in the passageway, a carpeted staircase, luxurious sofas; he'd never lived this luxury before. They all entered the kitchen and Aaron frowned, many appliances were there that he had never seen before. "What's that?"

"A dishwasher, hand powered though and plates etc need to be dried"

Aaron nodded. "Impressive, maybe one day they'll make one that does it automatically and even dries them for us"

Hazel chuckled. "I have no doubt in that, right then boys I'll leave you too it"

Aaron turned to her and smiled. "We'll see you soon?"

"Of course" she said as she placed her hand on his cheek.

"I'll show you out mother" with that Hazel and Jackson left Aaron in the kitchen.

Facing each other in the doorway they smiled at each other. "Thank you for being with him"

"My pleasure" Hazel told him with a smile and reached into her handbag for Jackson's envelope. "This is for you" she told him as she handed it to him. "Aaron's got the same too; he has nothing the poor kid"

"But I don't have nothing mum, I-I don't-"

"Just take it. Please…Jackson" she told him.

Jackson nodded. "Thank you"

"You're welcome, look after him you need to have a talk I think" she wisely told him.

"You know things I don't, don't you?"

Hazel nodded. "I'll see you soon love"

Jackson smiled as he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around his mum. "I love you mum, thank you so much"

"My pleasure and I love you too, keep in touch"

They parted from their hug and Hazel began to walk down the steps to the street. "Try and stop me" she told him lovingly before walking away. Jackson watched her and frowned, he scoffed. How weird… he thought then stepped back into the house and closed the door. He turned back and walked along the wooden hall back to the kitchen where Aaron was and as he approached he dangled the keys to their house in front of him with a huge grin on his face; however his grin faded quickly when Aaron wasn't paying any attention and was just staring out of the window. Jackson sighed. "Aaron…" he spoke loudly and it brought him out of his stare.

Aaron frowned at him. "Sorry what?"

"The keys" he dangled them again with a smile.

Aaron just nodded seemingly not excited like Jackson was. Jackson rolled his eyes and his shoulders slumped slightly before he put the keys down onto the bench. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine" Aaron smiled but Jackson wasn't stupid he could see through it.

"Okay" Jackson replied with a smile. "Anyway I think a cuppa is in order" he told him and walked over to the stove top steel kettle and grabbed it then turned the tap on and filled it with water.

The sound of the rushing water caused Aaron to jump and the instant panic whisked his breath away and his eyes widened, he quickly realised the source of it, initially he thought he was imagining it but it really was just the tap. He shook his head lightly. Jackson glanced slightly from the corner of his eye; which was the first indication that he certainly was not alright but Jackson didn't want to push him; he'd talk when he was ready.

Jackson too was recovering on a mental level but he wasn't jumping at sounds of water, he stared as he thought about it all, since reaching New York he's kept himself busy because he needed to sort accommodation and other things for himself and Aaron but even if those weren't necessary he'd have kept busy regardless. As he stood thinking he didn't notice the water rushing over the kettle.

Aaron frowned and stepped forward, placing his hand on his shoulder as he did so and he leaned round to face him a bit. "Jackson?"

Jackson blinked and looked around; he sighed and rolled his eyes then reached for the tap and turned it off. "Useless or what?" he asked with a chuckle and walked to the stove and placed the kettle down and lit it.

"You useless? Nah, you're far from that" Aaron told him then began to turn to walk out. "I'll just be in there"

Jackson nodded but didn't reply as he fiddled with the appliance, when he knew Aaron was out of sight he rested against the bench and felt an enormous amount of sadness rise in the form of tears and they left him and Jackson stood sobbing with his head down.

….

Later that night Jackson lay in bed, a small lamp gave the room a comfortable feel and he watched as Aaron walked into the room with a towel around his waist. He smiled at the sight, so damn sexy! He thought to himself as Aaron sat on the edge of the bed and began to dry himself.

The bath was an uneventful experience, he firmly told himself it was fine and he then stepped cautiously into the bathtub, then slowly again lowered his body in the water and washed himself quickly but thoroughly he didn't want to be in it too long, flashes of the frothy salty water covering his entire body came to his mind as he washed himself but he clamped his eyes shut tightly for a second then carried on.

Moments later Aaron lay down next to Jackson and felt his boyfriends strong arms wrap around him, it brought a smile and he turned his head to face him and dark brown ones met deep blue ones.

Jackson just stared at him. "Listen...all I know is that you're not okay…" he told him as he ran his fingers up and down Aaron's smooth defined torso. "…but I won't push you, y-you just talk to me when you're ready alright"

Aaron nodded whilst still staring into those eyes. "I-I just feel like I shouldn't even be here"

Jackson frowned slightly as his words shocked him. "What do you mean?"

"Here – alive" Aaron admitted. "Why did all those people die Jackson? We survived" Aaron asked with a sigh as he nestled up against Jackson and rested his forehead against his.

"I know…It doesn't seem fair but what we have to do is live our lives the best we can"

"None of them deserved death" Aaron told him coldly, with a bite to his tone.

"You're right" Jackson said as he hugged him tightly.

"If I could swap with someone who had a meaning to their life then I'd do it in a second"

Jackson moved back a little and looked at him with a frown, but he saw the sadness in Aaron's eyes.

Aaron didn't answer but knew Jackson didn't like what he had said; he saw the questions in his eyes. Aaron shrugged lightly and rolled over and closed his eyes and let the tears silently fall.

Jackson was stunned at how little Aaron thought of himself, his life was just as important as one of the rich people who died in the sinking, just because Aaron didn't have money, a job, nice things didn't mean he deserved to belittle himself like that; it worried Jackson and now he knew what his mum meant, it was going to be a tough recovery but he wasn't going anywhere, and he was fully aware that he had just in those moments simply scratched the surface but he'd help Aaron through it no matter what it took.

TBC…