Courage is not the absence of Fear

Ch. 3: A Moment Alone

The Gryffindor common room was empty except for the lone figure hunched on the seat next to the fire. Her face was hidden by a sheet of fiery hair. The only light came from the fire; its flames cast their dancing light across the paper clutched in her hand.

'It would only be prudent of me to inform you that Vernon and I are getting married. Naturally, you are invited. I can only ask that you do not bring that awful boy. There is also the matter of your problem. Do we have to tell Vernon about you lot?

Pet.'

Enclosed with the note had been an unsigned wedding invitation. Lily stared at the note, anger and unhappiness bubbling in her stomach. Did Petunia hate her so much that she wouldn't even deign to write her name? Lily hadn't asked to come into this world. She didn't have any choice but to enter a world where some people wanted her dead for just walking in the same corridor as them.

The seat next to her depressed as James sank into it.

'Couldn't sleep?' She shook her head, feeling her lower lip tremble. He motioned the note in her hand, 'What's that?'

'My sister's wedding invite'

'You have a sister?' the surprise, and a tinge of hurt, was evident in his voice, 'I never knew.'

'Well, we aren't very close. Infact, I don't think she even wants me there,' she laughed, humourlessly, hating the way her voice cracked. Tears sprung to her eyes as an unbidden memory flashed in her mind.

Lily trailed after her big sister in their garden, holding Petunia's tea-towel 'veil'. Throwing a handful of pretty flowers to the skies, the sisters fell giggling to the ground.

The younger one shuffled to Petunia, looking anxious.

'Tuney,' she asked nervously,' Even after you get married...you'll still love me the mostest won't you?' Her startling green eyes bore into her sister.

'Always the mostest, Lily', Petunia laughed, cuddling her sister, 'Forever an' ever'

Lily angrily dashed at the tears that spilled down her pale cheek. James attentively placed a handkerchief in her palm, fingers closing briefly, comfortingly, around hers before he withdrew. Lily sighed and leant back into the couch.

'I'm sorry, James.' She gave him a weak smile.

'No, I didn't mean to upset you,' James rectified quickly, 'but if you want to talk...I'm here.' His voice was low, serious and kind. It sent a chill down her spine. Damn it, she cursed herself as more tears slid down her cheek.

'I don't know what to say, James. I can't remember the last time my sister actually spoke to me. She hates magic...She hates this whole world,' she sobbed, 'She hates me...because I'm a witch.'

She fell silent, leaning unconsciously into him. He encouraged her to go on.

'If you could go back in time, would you decline your Hogwarts letter?' Lily looked up at him with surprise.

'No! I mean I belong to Hogwarts; to this world. I am a witch. Besides, if I hadn't come, the accidental magic could have really hurt them, MacGonagall said. And now, I can protect them...I guess with the wizarding world, it's one or the other. I can't pretend that it's not strange to not see magic when I go back for the holidays.'

She gave a dejected sigh, and gave a weak grimace to James. He watched her with such concern in his eyes that a blush raised to her cheeks. She shook her head weakly, 'I just...wish there was some way I could have both', and felt more tears slide down her face.

'I'm sorry about your sister.'

She gave a dispondent shrug, 'It's not your fault.'

Her breath caught in her throat as he gently wiped the tears with his thumb, and she could feel his heart racing. He whispered, so low, that she had to lean in to hear him, 'Lily, I can't tell you how to solve your problem, but if it's any consolation, I am so glad that I've met you. Hogwarts wouldn't be the same without yo-'

Lily looked up and the emerald green met hazel, clearly relected in the firelight. They both simultaneously became aware of just how close they were. They drew back from each other, and Lily stood abruptly.

'I...I'm sorry,' she stammered breathlessly and bolted to her dorm without a backward glance.

The room was silent except for the breaths of her sleeping roommates. The moon shed a pale glow across the room. The moon was no more that a sliver. She stood, staring at it, arms wrapped tightly around her, trying valiantly to forget the golden hazel of his eyes.

The stone walls of the corridor glowed red as the setting sun cast its dying light.

James and Lily were walking down a corridor on one of their many patrols. Lily was acutely aware of James walking beside her. Their hands would touch slightly as they walked. He was walking far too close to her.

'James,' she turned to him, her stomach turning. Before she could continue, she was cut off by James firmly placing his lips to hers. She tensed in shock before sinking into his arms, sinking into the blissful oblivion of this kiss.

She felt her chest constrict, as he pressed her closer to him. Closer and closer and closer...till she spluttered awake, to find herself nose to nose with Marlene's cat, Cassandra, who was sitting uncomfortably on her chest.

Lily angrily pushed the cat off. She fell on her paws with a hiss of irritation and scampered out of the dorms. Lily fell back to bed, her heart pounding. That dream had seemed so real, so vivid. She lay staring at the canopy of her bed, forcing herself to think of other things.

Failing to forget the dream, and too afraid to go back to sleep, she pushed off her covers and stomped to the Great Hall.

Sitting at the far end of the table, she poured herself a goblet of pumpkin juice. It was just a stupid dream. Lily took divination for a year, and hated it but had learned enough to know dreams had no significance. Lily, absent mindedly, dropped her goblet, sending a bright orange liquid stain the white tablecoth.

'Tergeo,' said Marlene, sitting next her, 'Lily, I'll ask once more. Are you alright?'

'Yes,' Lily said, overly cheerfully, pulling a strained smile at her, 'Why wouldn't I be?'

'Well,' said Marlene thoughtfully, 'You've been distracted and hazy for the past month. I can't remember the last time you went to sleep at a reasonable hour and you ditch your friends to spend time the Marauders! The Marauders, for heaven sake, Lils! If I didn't know any better,' she paused for, what Lily suspects she thought was, dramatic effect, 'I'd say that you...that you like-'

'No!' Lily said, vigorously shaking her head, unable to explain the fear and exhilaration in her stomach at the thought, 'I just have a lot of things on my mind.' Marlene sighed and it pained Lily to see the sadness in her eyes.

'Lily, I am here for you, Mary and I, if you ever need to talk...'

Lily threw her arms around her friend, 'Marlene, I do know! I'm sorry, but trust me. I am fine.'

Marlene chuckled and patted her, 'Never a happy-middle with you and your feelings is it?'

Lily thought of James, and really had to agree.

Sorry, had a bit of a block with this chapter but it's finally done! I quite like it though I don't expect everyone will.

But please read and review as I really appreiciate all your comments.

And, this chapter is dedicated to Clarence, my very own Marlene...that's so cheesy. I know! but it was her advice which finally inspired this chapter!

I have edited it...because Lily sounded a bit unatural before. I think it's improved now...