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Chapter 06 : The Scarlet A
There are different types of silence. There's the comfortable silence that you'd share with an old friend, it's when you needn't any words just to fill the void in the air. There is the awkward silence, the one that makes you nervous while you search desperately for something to say. Then, there's the unbearable silence; the one that's just a prelude to a verdict…The one that makes every breath you take harder to inhale than the previous one. It's the type of heavy silence that's louder than the highest decibels of babies' cries.
Speaking of babies, this is exactly what it's all about
"Oh, Nick! He loves pies, actually…." Bud's incessant babble is just a background noise that in no way breaks the awful silence that's spreading in the room. I can hear a mosquito complaining about the lack of food nowadays Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. I can hear the sound of my heart's fits against the walls of my chest while screaming "I want out" (My heart is a tid bit melodramatic) and I can hear little minions drumming in my ears.
Nick's face is a real spectacle of emotions and I know the moment realization hits, it's when his face goes livid and his eyes widen traveling back and forth between my face and my womb. I put my hand protectively on my belly, unsure of what to do or say to make this situation less awkward…I mean, this word doesn't cover half of what it's like.
"Bud" Kelly hooks her arm under Bud's as she directs him towards the kitchen "What was it again you were telling me earlier about Zucchini bread?"
"Oh, it's…" their voices fade in the hallway, while Nick and I are still standing and facing each other in the living room.
"Are you having a syncope? You look really pale"
Nick's face goes from pale to red all of a sudden and his breathing becomes ragged, panic washes over me in a split second. If I thought I was a nervous wreck two seconds ago, now I feel like running away as far away from here as possible. This guy is a second away from turning Hulk on me. I should have applied for this kick boxing course that Cynthia told me about. Then again, I don't think I can take Nick down if he comes after me…Wait, he won't kill me, would he? Oh God, he's a detective, I'm sure he'd recite the guide of how to get away with murder in his sleep.
Would my mom cry? Of course she would…She'd shed some crocodile tears. I wonder if Harrison would agree to give a speech at my funeral. Oh, I have this fantastic white dress that makes me look absolutely stunning, I'll make sure I'm buried in it…Stop being unrealistic Adalind. I want to laugh at my ridiculous imagination; of course Nick won't hurt me.
"What's so funny?" Nick glares
Shoot, I always get lost in my mental babble "Nothing,…The muscles on my face block sometimes…it's like…like when you do Botox injection…So, yeah, that wasn't a smile at all"
"You were laughing" he deadpans
Can't he be polite and just ignore me? Oh, right, I have just told him he's about to father my baby. I'm sure politeness is the last thing on his mind.
"It's Tourette's" I lie
Nick slumbers on the couch and holds his face in his hands, I sit beside him on the couch not sure of how to proceed with this. We remain silent for what feels like forever until I decide I've had enough. We need to get this done with. I muster what little courage I have left and speak "Look, I don't expect anything from you, I can take care of my son…"
"Our son" he cuts me off "Based on what you've said, it's not just yours, he's mine too" Nick's eyes are drilling holes in my face and on second thought, it was a bad idea to sit this close to him. In one swift movement, he could strangle me. He scrutinizes my face with angry eyes "Were you ever planning on telling me? I mean, if my mom hadn't forced you to, because it's obvious she's the one who convinced you" I don't miss the bite in his words. He's upset. Is it because he doesn't want to be a father or is it because I hid it from him? Unfortunately, it doesn't take me long to have the answer.
"I don't know" I'm too embarrassed to meet his eyes. Seeing my pursed lips and my uncomfortable stance, Nick jumps to his feet and starts pacing angrily in the living room, repeatedly running his hand in his hair.
When he finally stops, he spits poisonous words that I wish I had never heard "You know, Adalidn, of all the bad things you've done in the past, hiding this from me comes on top of the list" I see so much anger, so much disappointment in his eyes, that I'd rather be six feet under ground, than here carrying the weight of his hatred "I don't think I'll ever forgive you this"
As he turns on his heels and slams the door, his words resonate in my head I don't think I'll ever forgive you this…As much as I'd like to say I don't care, I can't. My mistakes will always have a direct impact on my children. I married the wrong man and he ended up stealing my baby girl from me. Then I hurt the wrong person and he feels hatred toward me. This man is my baby's father; I don't want our son to live in a world where his parents despise each other.
"Hey" Kelly rubs my back tenderly while I'm immobile on the couch, completely numb to my surroundings, falling in a never ending spiral "He needs time…He'll get over it, I promise" she gets to her feet and mutters "I'm going to check on him. I'll talk to you later"
The distance to my bed stretches with each step I take. Is it just me or there's at least a mile left for me to reach my bed? I throttle slowly inside, close the door and trade my dress with a night gown. It takes a while before I can finally close my eyes.
The following day, I decide to work from home. With me feeling down in the dump, I'm not in the mood to see people, or day light…this is officially a zombie day for me. Even Bud's non-stop tirade about Donatello, his son's turtle couldn't take my mind away from yesterday's conversation with Nick.
Somebody knocks on the door, making Bud immediately alert. He stares through the peephole, then asks me to do the same. I sigh in relief when I recognize my guest. I assure Bud she's safe and fling the door open. The instant Rosalee steps inside the house I jump in her arms, desperate for my friend's comforting touch.
She hugs me tightly and strokes my back soothingly "Oh, Addy, I was so worried when I got your text…Are you ok?" she takes a step back to inspect me and frowns at the sight of my bandaged arm.
"It's fine" I sniff while fighting tears "It's just a scratch, it doesn't even hurt"
Rosalee is the only person I can cry to and with whom I can share my despair without feeling weak. We sit on the couch and I put my head on her shoulder as she caresses my hair while I tell her about the accident and the possible involvement of my ex husband.
"Monroe wanted to come too, but his best friend is having a rough time" she looks at me apologetically
"It's ok" I force a smile on my face, then start fidgeting with my white tunic "Rosalee?"
"Yes?" her brows are furrowed
I sigh, unsure how to put my dark thoughts into words "I saw my son's father yesterday" I dare not meet her eyes "He didn't know I was expecting his child" I hear Rosalee's gasp, but I carry on "He says he won't ever forgive me…I feel terrible…Oh my God…I'm an awful person" an overwhelming hurt knotting my stomach and pulling at my heart
Rosalee wipes my tears away "Shuttt" she grabs my face in both hands and forces me to look at her "You are just a human, Adalind and humans make mistakes, but what you do to correct your mistakes is what will determine whether you're a good or a bad person"
I wipe my nose with the sleeve of my shirt and nod
"Telling him was the right thing to do. I'm glad you made that decision" she smiles proudly at me
After a short mental debate, I decide to confess another ugly truth to Rosalee "Actually, it wasn't my decision. His mom forced me to tell him. Can I fall in the good person category anyway?" I ask hopefully
Rosalee laughs wholeheartedly and gives me a tight hug
"So, want to tell me about him?" She brushes a strand of hair behind my ear and smiles tenderly at me. Rosalee never forces me to tell her anything, but talking to her is really easy. I never feel judged by her.
"Not much to say" I sigh "I've known him for years now and saying our relationship is bad is an understatement…I dated his partner some time to extirpate information from him and he's never forgiven me that"
"Partner?" Rosalee wonders
"He's a detective in Portland police" I explain
"Then our friend Monroe and I must know him" her tone is cheerful "So, you went from Sean the villain to…errr…what's his name by the way?"
Rosalee's phone puts our conversation on hold. After she hangs up, she excuses herself. Apparently, products she purchased were delivered to the spice shop, so she needs to go back to work. We say goodbye reluctantly and she makes me promise to stop by her house later for dinner.
After my friend leaves, I try to concentrate on my work and I'm glad to realize how fast time passes without my mind reeling over the mess that my life has become. My phone buzzes and I retrieve it from my jeans pocket, only to feel blood rushing to my ears once I see the caller's ID.
"What do you want?" I spit vehemently
"That was just a warning, Love" Sean's voice is honey sweet, you wouldn't believe that's the same man who sent a guy to kill me
"Trying to kill me was just a warning?" I ask incredulously
His laughter reverberate over the phone "If I wanted you dead, you'd already be six feet under, Sweety"
"Leave me alone, Sean" I grit my teeth together until my jaw hurts. This man disgusts me. Whenever I hear his voice, all the pain he's put me through rises to the surface and scratches my skin like millions of needles planted on my epidermis.
"Who is it?" his voice turns icy
"None of your business" same old answer
His breaths come short and ragged over the phone "I'll discover who he is, I'll hunt him down like an animal and when I'm done with him, he'll regret ever approaching you" his tone is low and menacing. My whole body's shaking
"Oh, by the way, Diana says she hates you"
Bip bip bip
Bile rises to my throat and I hurry to the bathroom, hoping to make it on time to the toilet. Tears sting in my eyes as I proceed to empty my churning stomach. Bud hurries to the toilet and holds my hair for me while I throw up, just like your best friend would do when you were sixteen years old and got drunk at a party. When I'm finally done, I lie on the tiled floor and wait for the pain to ease. Bud asks me if he should call a doctor but I assure him it's not necessary.
An hour or so later, I decide to move from the floor and get ready to head to Rosalee's house. Having dinner doesn't enchant me at all, the mere idea of food makes me want to go back to the toilet. But, seeing my friend and her husband always helps boost my spirit higher. After a quick shower and brushing my teeth three times to get rid of the terrible taste of my own vomit, I wear a black dress and flats.
Agent Morales tails my car with his to make sure I arrive safely to my friends' place. Once there, Monroe welcomes me with a bear hug and apologies for not being able to visit me.
"He has just discovered this mind blowing news and he really needed me by his side" He refers to his best friend as he directs me to the kitchen where Rosalee is cooking dinner. Although the smell of food makes my stomach churn, I'm happy to see I can resist the urge to throw up.
"Hey" Rosalee hugs me affectionately "You ok? You look pale" her eyes roam over my face worriedly.
"Just tired" I decide not to burden her with my problems. Maybe if I pretend to have a normal life, I can forget about my problems, at least for one night.
She directs me to a chair "Have a seat" she pours water in a glass and hands it to me "The friend I told you about is coming over, too…Hope you don't mind"
"Not at all"
As soon as the words leave my mouth, I hear the door bell followed by male voices talking animatedly. I guess Monroe's friend is already here. Looks like I have a sorrow companion, glad to see I'm not the only person drowning in misery…That's totally sarcasm…Honestly, I wanted a cheerful night, not to throw a self pity party instead. The voices get closer, so I stand up, ready to greet this anonymous face I've already heard so much about, little did I know, it wasn't an unfamiliar one.
Piercing green eyes stare back in shock at my ocean blue ones, his horrified expression must be the reflection of my own. How is that even possible?
"Nick!" "Adalind!" we say at the same time
Monroe and Rosalee stare back and forth, realization hitting them hard. I think I'm sick. A striking pain curses through me then I feel it…a hot liquid spilling out of me. My eyes drop to the floor, only to discover scarlet drops traveling from my legs to the white tiles. This is not happening…No, please, No…
"NO" I shriek right before everything goes dark around me