Thank you to everyone who has reviewed/favored/followed this story. Special thanks to Lenore91, without whom, this story would never have gotten as far as it has. Thank you so much!
Bold text is Allen, regular is Lenalee, and underlined is a third person party. (Another Exorcist or Noah)
D. Gray-man is not mine. Duh.
As always, reviews are appreciated.
777
"Hey, Allen?"
"Yes Lenalee?"
"Do you mind if I tell you something…personal?"
"Well, it seems I'm the only person you can tell, so yeah, go ahead." Lenalee looked up at the sky, gathering her thoughts. It was a beautiful day; puffy white clouds, birds flying around. Too bad he wasn't allowed outside.
"Well," she began, "I've never really been able to talk to anyone about this before, not even my brother." Allen looked over at her in surprise. She turned in her chair to look at his figure lying on the bed. "I suppose I just need to get it out." Allen inclined his head slightly, silently telling her to go on.
"It's my parents," she said, looking out the window again. "I was eight when they died. Then the Order found me, and took me in." Allen could tell she was holding something back, but he didn't push. She looked so…happy to be getting this off her chest; he didn't want to ruin it for her.
"And when I came here, I hated everyone. I missed my parents, and my brother. And I still miss them, my parents. Even if I don't really remember them. And for a long time, I tried to run, and then I just gave up. And the truth is…sometimes I still feel like giving up. Like maybe, we'll never win this war; we'll never live ordinary lives. But of course, I can't tell anyone. I'm the mature one, the one who holds us all together. My brother is too busy with his work, Lavi is a Bookman, Kanda is always off on his own; everyone has their own problems. So I'm the one stuck as the mature one.
"But when I think about giving up, I always tell myself that these people are depending on me. They look to me to be the role model, and I can't let them down. Even though Komui is the only one related to me by blood, the Order is my family now. And I'll look after them 'till the day I die."
When Lenalee looked back at Allen, she was shocked to see actual emotion on his face. More than one emotion in fact. In the past weeks, Lenalee had become accustomed to Allen's poker face, and she was now expert at reading any small emotion that had by some chance cracked through.
Now, she saw on his face sympathy, concern, kindness, all emotions Lenalee had never seen on his face before. But one over ruled the others; jealousy.
What was this emotion? It felt as if a weight were sitting on his chest, on his heart. He could barely breathe. And his mind was a whirlwind. He felt sorry for Lenalee, true, but he also felt insane anger, not directed at her. As he timidly explored what he was feeling, he found the emotion was…jealousy?
Yes, he was jealous. Hearing Lenalee speak of her lost family, he remembered feeling the same way after his parents had abandoned him, and after Mana had died. For a while, he tried to run, but in the end it just didn't seem worth it.
But it was different for Lenalee. Someone had taken her in, given her a home. And more importantly; a family. Even having to be the mature, strong one, it was better than not having any family at all.
And Allen had never had that with the Noah.
Yes, they had taken him in; yes they had given him a home, but a family? None of them had ever even tried to give him that. Not the Earl, not Road, not Tyki, not Lero. Never had he ever felt welcome at The Mansion. And after all this time, he finally realized that he resented that.
"Allen?" For at least five minutes now, Allen had been staring off into space, evidently lost in thought. At the sound of her voice, he seemed to snap out of his train of thought, looking back towards Lenalee.
"Are you alright Allen?" She asked hesitantly, not wanting to upset the boy any more than she may already have.
"I'm alright Lenalee," he tried to reassure her, but his voice gave him away.
"You don't sound alright." He didn't try to deny it. He fell silent again, staring off into space, his eyes resting on a spot to the right of Lenalee's head.
Maybe he'd had enough for today. He probably just wanted to be left alone now.
Sighing, the young Exorcist slowly got up and walked to the door. As she left, she was partly hoping that Allen would call her back. She found she liked talking to him. He was the first person that she had ever told her doubts to. But more importantly, he was the first to understand.
But her hope was in vain. He didn't call her back in; he never did. Sighing, she went to make more coffee.
Lavi turned to Kanda, an eyebrow raised. Kanda simply nodded in agreement. There was no doubt about it; Lenalee was in love, even if she didn't realize it yet.
777
So, what I'm trying to do from here on out is gradually make Allen and Lenalee fall for each other, while building up to my big climax chapter. *dramatic piano*
Hope you liked this little escapade into Allen's deep dark emotions. … Wow that sounded emo.
I finally managed to add Kanda in, even if it was at the last second. (And no, just because Lavi and Kanda showed up together, that does not mean they are gay for each other. ((My friend and I were talking about D. Gray-man yaoi pairings on the bus this morning.)))
Hope you liked it! Review please! I really like to know what other people think of my work!