A/N : I'm really sorry for the delay. Too much to do at work :( Thanks for your great comments and enthusiasm :D
Desculpe o atraso y muito obrigada pelos comentarios :D
Enjoy
Chapter 09 : Room-mates
As Nick places baby Kelly in the car seat, I stare one last time at this house I've lived in for years, a place that never felt like home. If I had to describe it in one word, I'd say it was just my hotel, I slept here every night then spent the rest of the time drowning my sorrow at work. Weird how I don't feel an ounce of sadness from abandoning it. Is it because it doesn't hold any good memories, or moments of happiness? Or is it because my heart is numb after all the pain life has put it through?
I've decided to put it on sale, along with the furniture, except for personal belongings, nothing in it has any emotional value.
Nick takes my bag from my hand and puts in his car trunk, during the ride to his house, both of us remain silent. I have no idea what to say or do to make him feel better. There are plenty of books out there about grieving, but I know for a fact that no guide will ever relieve the pain you endure from the loss of someone you love. Diana might not be dead, but being denied from being with her is equally painful.
Guilt is eating me from the inside, I can't help but think that none of this would have happened if I wasn't involved with a truant in the first place. Diana and Kelly paid the price of my mistakes. The realization cuts deeper than razor blades. How can I live with a men whose mother died protecting me? Will he ever forgive me?
If in the past our relationship was chaotic, now it escalated to a whole new level. I dated Nick's partner Hank to steal information from him, then after a crazy night with Nick I was pregnant with his baby and planned to hide it from him and now I'm moving in with him after his mother was killed by the criminal organization my ex husband works for…Yeah, doubt he'll ever regard me as anything but bad news.
"I'll get Kelly and your bags" Nick says without looking at me. I guess seeing my face, the source of all his sadness, is way too much. Slowly, I hop out of the car and walk toward the door. I'm still hurting from the C-section which is why I can't walk as fast as I would normally. As soon as I reach the door, Rosalee and Monroe fling it open.
"Hey" Rosalee takes me in a much needed hug "How are you feeling?" she asks as she takes a step back and analyzes my face. She must notice my defeated expression, because she gives me a compassionate smile "It's going to be ok"
Nick's arrival with Kelly in his arms deflects immediately the attention from me as both Rosalee and Monroe hurry to see him "Oh my God, he's so cute" my best friend claps her hands together while Nick stares proudly at his son. As I stare around me, I notice a baby crib, baby toys and plenty of cute little stuff.
"Did you guys do all this?" I gasp
Monroe puffs his chest, clearly happy with himself "Well, yeah, we figured you won't have time to do it"
"Thank you. You guys are awesome" I say honestly, fighting the happy tears welling in my eyes
After Rosalee gives me a tour of the house, she and Monroe excuse themselves. I forgot it's a week day and they have to head back to work. Nick apparently was given few days off with everything happening in his life.
"I'll…I think I'll take a nap before Kelly wakes up"
Nick nods
"Umm…Where should I…"
Coming to his senses, he shows me the way to the guest room upstairs. It's elegantly decorated with a feminine touch. The walls are chocolate brown, there's a big bed in the center of the room and two night stands. It was probably Juliette, Nick's ex or is it? I mean I did see her coming out of this house back when I wanted to come clean about my pregnancy. A crib was installed there for the baby. I lie on the blue bed sheets while Nick places the baby in the crib.
"Thanks for doing this" I say finally while Nick has his back to me
Still staring at his son, he answers in a deep cold voice "He's my son too"
Whether his coldness is due to his grief or directed specifically at me, I feel the need to defend myself from at least one of my many imputed sins "Look Nick" I stand a little from the bad, no matter how much my body doesn't seem to like it, but I think it has to be done "I tried to tell you about the pregnancy…"
"How exactly did you try?" he cuts me off, meeting my eyes for the first time in two days. He looks devastated and distressed. His eyes are red and he has dark circles under, his hair is disheveled from running his hand way too many times in it and he hasn't shaved his beard in days. His tortured expression only adds to my guilt
"I came here, few months ago" I stare at him with pleading eyes "I stayed outside, hoping to see you and finding the courage to come talk to you…Then…" I sigh, wondering if telling him will ever change the way he sees me…like a liar and manipulator
"Then what?" he prompts
I lift my eyes to his again "Then I saw Juliette coming through the main door. She gave you a hug right before leaving…I assumed you were back together and I didn't want to ruin things between the two of you…I didn't even know if you'd want the baby, given our history…"
"It was my decision to make, Adalind, regardless of our past, he's my son for God's sake" his breathing comes out ragged "Did you really think that the possibility of Juliette and I getting back together would dissuade me from taking my responsibility?"
I purse my lips, unsure of what to answer to that
Nick runs a hand in his hair out of frustration "Geez, thanks for the vote of confidence, Adalind"
With this he turns on his heels more upset than ever
I turn in bed countless times, hoping to catch up some sleep, but in vain. When I finally realize I'm too stressed to close my eyes, I decide to head downstairs. I find Nick behind the kitchen counter, probably preparing something to eat, which reminds me how much I'm hungry.
"What are you doing up?" he asks when he notices me
"Couldn't sleep" I walk to a stool and face him
He sighs and stops whatever he was doing to look me in the eyes, honesty and regret are visible on his face as he speaks "Listen, about earlier" he chews on his cheek before finishing, I can tell whatever he wants to say is costing him a huge deal "I overreacted…I'm sorry. For our son's sake, I think we should put our differences aside and try to get along"
"Ok" I nod
"Here" he gives me a sandwich "You need to eat well, I read that it's important for breastfeeding…You're breastfeeding Kelly, right?"
I try not to laugh at the awkwardness of the situation "Yeah, I am" I concentrate on the food, needing to get the discussing as far away from my boobs as possible "The sandwich is delicious"
Nick gives me a dazzling smile, reminding me of his incredible looks. I feel nervous all of sudden, from being here, alone with him. I have no idea how long we'll be living together, what if Juliette is still in his life? This whole thing is crazy
"You have a nice house" I look around me, trying desperately to find something to say
Nick nods "Thanks, but I've decided de sell it"
"Oh" is all I manage to say
"I'm aiming at a safer place, somewhere nobody knows about. With BC still operational in Portland and Sean's men wanting to get rid of us, I think being here is too dangerous"
I take a deep breath and ask him "Are we…coming with you?"
"Yeah, that's the whole point of us moving to a safer place" he gives me a Duh look, as in I should have guessed.
"How about Juliette?" I couldn't help it, I'm dying to know if the two of them are back together. I mean if so, I'd better figure out where my son and I will live, because honestly I don't see how we'll all live under the same roof. I can only imagine the horrific image we would reflect
Hello, this is my girlfriend Juliette and the blondie over there is my son's mother…No, she's not a surrogate mom, she's just a one night stand which gave birth to a life time commitment
"What about her?" My question clearly irritated him
I swallow the bite I have just grabbed from my sandwich "Is she coming? I mean, are you guys…"
"Do you have a crush on Juliette? You have brought her up in every conversation we have had so far" I can see humor dancing in his eyes as he gazes at me with a cute little smile "Why don't you ask me directly what you want to know?"
Heat rises to my cheeks as I muster some courage to blurt it out "Are you and Juliette back together? I think I deserve to know"
"You and Kelly are my responsibility" ha says softly "I want my son to be with me, but I can't take him away from you, which is why we need to live together until we figure out a better arrangement. Besides, your life is in danger, BC is still after you, you need to be under protection and guess what…I'm a police detective" he winks "Oh and before I forgot, Juliette and I are not back together…That day, she came asking for a second chance…I told her I needed time"
So, there's still a chance they might patch things up. Well, they did date for more than six years, I guess it's not easy to toss away so many years of relationship…Although, I find this whole thing cringe worthy…She cheated on him, how could he possibly forgive her? Anyway, it's none of my business. I was never a soap opera fan.
Kelly's cries from the bedroom put an end to our conversation
"Hey, sweetheart" I get my baby "Mommy's right here"
Nick knocks lightly at the already open door "Hey, is he ok?"
I turn toward him "Yeah, just hungry"
"Good, Umm…I'm going to the convenience store, do you need anything?" he shuffles his hands in his pockets.
"No, I think we're fine" I sway the baby in my arms
"Ok…Well, guess I'll see you later, then" he shifts nervously on his legs
"See you"
Not long after Nick left, Rosalee dropped by to check on Kelly and me and make sure we were adjusting just fine. Thankfully, Kelly is sound asleep which gives me some time off to chat with my best friend.
"Brought you some stuff here" she says as she puts a basket on the kitchen counter "This is Caraway, you could use it as herbal tea, it's excellent for colics and gas"
"Thank you Aunt Rose, Kelly will be happy" I grin
"You should have it too, with the C-section, you probably have colics too"
I sigh in relief "You mean it's normal! Thanks God, I thought something was wrong with me" we both sit on the couch where I've positioned my baby earlier.
"So, how are you settling in?"
"I'm not sure" I shrug
Rosalee's brows furrow "Is it Nick?"
"No, Nick has been great so far…It's…I don't know, it's stupid…"
Rosalee doesn't want to drop the subject as she prompts me to carry on. Well, she's my best friend, if not her, who else could I confide in.
"Nick says Juliette wants a second chance and I can't help but wonder where does that leave us my son and I? I don't expect anything from him, really, but…what if they get back together and he decides to take Kelly…I couldn't live with that Rose, losing Diana is still torturing me, I couldn't survive the loss of another child"
My best friend shakes her head disapprovingly "Adalind, Nick is not Sean, you should stop seeing every man as a threat. With everything you've gone through, I understand you have trust issues, but Nick is among the good guys and honestly I don't know if Juliette and him being back together is a good idea"
"Why? I always pictured them as this perfect couple, very much in love" I admit
Rosalee sighs, deep in thought "Would you cheat on a man you're in love with then convince him it's his fault for neglecting you over his work? Because this is exactly what Juliette did…She came here begging for another chance, when her pleas didn't work, she told Nick he placed work before her and that's why she went looking for affection in somebody else's company…to me, she's just a manipulative bitch"
"That's awful" I can't hide my disgust
"I agree…So, did Nick tell you about the house?" she wonders
I nod "Yeah, he's selling it and I think it's for the best. I don't feel comfortable living in a place that carries so many memories of Nick's life with his ex…I'm all for a fresh start. I don't know where we're going though. He says it's much safer and it would be difficult for BC men to track us, which as far as I'm concerned, is good news"
"Speaking of BC, do you have any idea who'll be in charge of the case, now that Kelly is…you know"
Kelly's topic is still an open wound. None of us speaks of her without feeling a pang in the heart
"Yeah, an old friend of mine is taking over" Martin Meisner called me the other night to tell me the bureau asked him to go back to head quarters. He'll probably spend quite some time in Portland because the bureau wants him to work on dismantling Portland Black Claw cell "He should start soonish"
"Excuse me" I say as my phone rings "Hello?"
"Hey, it's Nick…Thought I'd bring dinner, do you like Chinese?"
The offer takes me by surprise. Yeah, I expected Nick to starve me to death then get rid of my dead body and Voilà, problem resolved "I like Chinese"
"Noodles?"
"Sounds good"
I hear him order the food before hanging up
"Alright" Rosalee gets to her feet with a giant grin "I've got to go. Call me if you need anything"
I walk her to the door "Thanks for the visit"
After I feed Kelly and put him to bed, it's already dark outside. The day went by incredibly fast. I switch on the television in the living room and watch the cooking channel while waiting for Nick. I'm so engrossed in the complicated cake recipe that I barely notice him when he finally comes back.
"Sorry I'm late" he apologizes as he puts the bags in the kitchen "What are you watching?"
"The cooking channel…Hey, could we eat here like two irresponsible teenagers, I really want to see the end result" I plead with puppy eyes
Nick brings the noodles and fortune cookies "Let's be wild, huh" he sits beside me and after five minutes into the program he finally asks "Why can't I understand a word?"
"It's German" I laugh
"You speak German?" he looks surprised as I nod
"My mom is German" I confess
He scrutinizes my face, as if I was a puzzle he was trying to assemble "I'm of German decent too" I think I remember his mother mentioning it, but I let him continue "But, alas I don't speak a word of it"
"Well, the cooking channel is the first step to learning a language" I point the TV with the remote control
He smiles "Do you like cooking?"
"Err…I'm a terrible cook, but I love watching people cook"
"Remind me of that when Kelly is of age to eat anything other that momma's milk, I don't want him to die of food poisoning" he states, eyes fixed on the TV
"Why do I feel like a milking cow now?" I glare at him, then grab a fortune cookie and crack it open
"What did you get?" Nick asks with a curious smile
"Your shoes will make you happy today" both Nick and I stare at my bare feet before bursting into laughter "Your turn" I say between bits of laughter
He grabs a cookie and reads the message inside "A good way to keep healthy is to eat more Chinese food"
"To Chinese food" I bump my noodles box against Nick's
"To Chinese food" he echoes with a cute little smile
Kelly's cries reach us from the bed room "That's my cue to leave" I stand up reluctantly
"Do you want me to get him?" Nicks stands too
"No, I'll go share my Chinese food infused milk with my son" I joke "Good night, Nick" I'm happy to see Nick's eyes going from dull as in the past days to emerald shiny like I remember them.
"Good night, Adalind"