To all my faithful and wonderful readers I have a lot of explaining to do. Especially since it's been three weeks since I updated last which isn't really that odd since sometimes I don't update for a month. I would just like to say I'm extremely sorry for taking so long to update and I apologize immensely for that. For all of you caring people out there the first week I was just procrastinating and had planned on getting this out over my week off for Thanksgiving but the night I went home I found out my grandpa was on his death bed and I couldn't write or post all week I was too upset because he died the next day. The funeral was the next Saturday and I do mean four days ago and for all who are selfish enough not to care well don't expect me to be updating so soon the next time and I suggest you go find some other story to read if you can't wait that long for me to update. I own nothing.
Chapter 15: Seth and Becca
The day after that Matt woke me up and told me to get dressed at 2 in the morning. "Where are we going?" I asked as I grabbed my coat.
"You'll see when we get there."
"But I'm tired Mattie."
"You can sleep in the car." He said. The next time I woke up I noticed that the clock said 9 in the morning.
"You've been driving for seven hours straight?" I asked. He nodded. The sun was glaring bright through the windshield and I realized where we were going. "Matt you're not..."
"Not what?" He asked when I didn't finish my sentence.
"You're not going to hurt him are you?"
"Teddy bear you know I can't just let him hurt you without at least threatening him."
"Matt please just let it go."
"ER I'm not gonna stand by and let him hurt you."
"Matt it's fine please."
"I'm not gonna argue with you Elizabeth, I will deal with my little brother whether or not you like it." He said ending the argument. I sat back and tried to keep from starting another argument with him and from getting bored for the next four hours.
"Pull into that drive way." I said when we reached the house. We got out and went through the fence to the back door. I opened the door and saw my dad on the computer.
"Hey dear where's Seth?" He asked looking at the couch.
"Downstairs in his room."
"Ok then." He said nodding towards us. I motioned Matt to follow me through the kitchen to the living room.
Once we reached the basement steps I said quietly "His room is down those stairs at the bottom turn left." Matt went down the stairs and I slowly followed. When he pushed open the door Seth didn't look up but my tabby cat got off the bed and came over.
"Where you going Nike?" He asked. (You know like the shoe company with the swoosh checkmark logo Nike, just do it.)
"For the last time his name is Squisherred (pronounced just like it's spelled) not Nike." I said. I was five when I got him so at the time it sounded like a good name. I bent down and picked him up and Seth looked up from his magazine.
"They say you're not supposed to read in the dark it ruins you eyesight." Matt said turning up Seth's mood lights.
"But you're supposed to be dead. What are you doing here?" Seth asked sitting up. I started petting Squish's head and looked down at my cat.
"Why am I here? Why you ask. Well because the last time I talked to Chris he told me something that was as hard to swallow as Alicia's meatloaf. Some thing about you and my baby sister. Want to tell me what he said?" Matt demanded.
"I don't know what you're talking about." Seth said as the rest of the color drained from his face. I walked to Seth's bed and sat down on it as he stood against the far wall.
"Then why are you so pale?" Matt asked.
"Would you believe it's better for the skin to be pale?" Seth asked.
"Seth please the two of you haven't changed that much since the last time you two have talked you know he knows you just as well as you know him." I said. Matt stepped into the room and Seth visually tensed.
As Matt got closer to Seth he started speaking. "I'm only gonna ask you this once did you or didn't you beat my baby sister with your belt when you found Aaron in her room?"
Seth swallowed hard. "Yes," he said quietly. I followed Seth's line of sight to the doorway and found why he was being so quiet. Mom and Dad were standing there.
"Want to tell me why you deemed it appropriate to beat her?" Matt asked.
"Because I know what she's doing up there. It's not something a 14 year old girl is supposed to be doing."
"She's 16 Seth I've been gone for 5 years and I know that. I also know that her sex life is none of your business. Did you ever catch her actually doing it?"
"Well no but it's because I stepped in before it ever got that far." Seth answered.
"Wait, if you never actually caught her doing it then you don't have any proof that she has therefore your reason just fell apart." Matt said.
"Elizabeth I want you to be completely honest with me. No one here will judge you for this, there is no right or wrong answer." My dad said as my hand paused at Squisherred's ears. "Have you ever had sex?" He asked.
I swallowed hard but answered truthfully looking directly at Seth. "I am a virgin and proud of it." I said.
"That doesn't mean anything." Seth spat back. "She knows what to say to keep out of trouble, but I know what's really going on." My eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. He didn't believe me.
"I believe her." My dad said. Squisherred bit me softly as if to remind me that he needed attention so I went back to petting him.
"You always do. She could get away with murder in front of you." Seth spat. "She needs discipline. You all are way to soft on her. Someone has to show her that there are consequences for her actions." Matt was on him in a second.
Matt's hand was around Seth's throat and had him pinned to the wall. Seth grabbed Matt's wrist with both hands and tried to pull it off, but Matt is stronger than he looks so he could hold Seth in place with out really pushing. "Listen to me Seth and listen to me good. If I ever hear of you belting or putting another threatening hand on my little sister I will hurt you so bad you'll have to take your shoes off to shit and even then it'll be painful. Do you hear me?"
"Yeah I hear you."
"Do you understand me?"
"Yes. Mom, Dad are you seriously just gonna stand there?"
"Yeah I am because I agree. I should have tanned your hide when I found out what you had done but I wasn't too concerned about you at that moment." My dad answered.
"Mom." Seth said.
"Robert let go of me." My mom said.
"No."
"Alicia stay out of this it's a family matter." Matt said.
"Don't you dare..." But whatever threat she had was cut off by Matt's.
"I have no problem hitting a female. I've never done it before but I have no problem doing so." She shut up and stepped back. Matt turned back to Seth. "Like I said you deserve to get the shit beat out of you for what you did but because I'd do anything for my baby sister I won't hurt you this time."
"You made him do this." Seth barked at me.
"I didn't make him do anything, I was against this from the start but apparently after I told Charlie and the Ducks Charlie called Chris and told him who apparently told Matt the next time he called. You know how protective ya'll are of me. I didn't know he was coming down here to warn you until we were 4 hours away. I told him not to. Hell I even told Chris to leave it alone and not worry about it but they couldn't leave well enough alone."
"I can understand you telling our cousin but the Ducks? As in the USA Ducks?"
"Yeah those Ducks. There were only four of them that I didn't already know. Julie, Luis, Russ, and Kenny."
"What about Portman?"
"Dean? He's really cute and reminds me of a big squishy teddy bear."
"You're dating him?" Seth asked astonished. I just smiled.
"You're quick that was only what two weeks at that school? And you already have a boyfriend." My dad said.
"Slut." My mom whispered. I looked at Seth and his eyes were burning. Matt looked at me and I could tell he was upset too.
"Actually I've known him since last summer."
"Goose?" My dad asked. I nodded. "He sounds like a nice kid from what Fulton says of him."
"He is most of the time." I answered.
"You have my warning little brother." Matt said releasing Seth and they both turned to my mom.
"Hey Lizzy why don't you and I go upstairs and you can get Chris's, Ben's, Charlie's, and your Christmas presents out to Matt's car while Matt and Seth have a word with your Mom." My dad said. I didn't say anything I just stood up and followed him. When we got upstairs I sat down on the couch. "We were gonna send these but..."
"They can't have a word with my mom, she's dead." I said. He made a small choking noise.
"How did you know?" He asked turning to face me.
"Do you remember ever putting together a red leather bound photo album for me?" I asked.
"Yeah it was Rebecca's idea. She wrote the inscription right before she went to the hospital with you. I think she knew she wasn't gonna make it. Seeing her look into your eyes as soon as they handed you to her was so amazing. I'm glad she held on long enough to at least see and hold you. She loved you as much as she loved your brothers. I didn't really have the heart to put that album together until you were about 5 years old because looking at it reminded me so much of her. Alicia found the book one day and asked me to burn it. She said that you never needed to know about Rebecca and that she, meaning Alicia, was all the mother you ever needed. I couldn't find it in my heart to. So instead I hid it in Matt's room knowing that he would never let anything happen to it until you were ready to see it."
"I miss her Daddy. Well not really her because I never really knew her but the general idea of having a real caring mother. I kinda imagine her being similar to how Aunt Cass treats me." I said.
"I miss her too baby. She was a lot like your Aunt Casey. She cared so much for all of you I wish she were here right now." He answered.
"It's my fault. If I wasn't here she would be."
"Stop right there. Do not blame yourself for her death you had nothing to do with it." He said stressing every word that he said trying to make me understand.
"But if she hadn't wanted..." I started but he cut me off sitting down next to me.
"Don't you dare say that. I've heard it too many times from Alicia. Don't buy into the fact that if she hadn't wanted a girl so bad she would have lived. None of us know what would have happened to Rebecca if you weren't born. She had told me after she went through Ben's delivery that she was have problems. She didn't know how much longer she had. I was careful with her for the next year. Then she realized what was going on. She took me outside one day and we actually fought. It was a fist fight. I didn't want to hurt her but she said if I could beat her then she would submit and let me be careful. If I couldn't and she won I would have to lay off and stop treating her like a porcelain doll."
"Did you win?"
"What do you think?" He asked. I thought about it and realized I wouldn't be sitting here with my cat in my lap if he had.
"She beat you?" He nodded.
"Baby let me tell you how it happened." I stood up and he followed. I walked up to my room and put Squish down on the bed where my dad sat down next to him. I opened my closet door and pulled out a small overnight bag and started looking through my drawers as he started.
"We were out back and I was going easily on her. I didn't want to hurt her. Soon I over came that and we were really dukeing it out. The boys were all watching. I was ashamed when I found out. Anyway she landed on her back holding her foot. I looked down to see if she was ok and stuck out my hand to help her up and she took it. Instead of helping her up like I thought would happen she pulled me down and then flipped over on top of me pinning me to the ground. She asked if I gave and I did. Before she got up she leaned close and taught me the most important lesson I have ever learned." He paused.
I finished throwing my baseball practice stuff in my bag and looked around the room for something else.
"Let me guess don't take it easy on her cause she's a girl?" I asked spotting Fulton's pee wee hockey jersey hanging on my wall right next to Charlie's blue, white, and red Hendrix hockey jersey. I pulled the Ducks jersey off the wall and stuffed it in the bag.
"No, she told me to never underestimate your opponent ever." He answered. I turned and caught a glimpsed of an unopened box of ice skates. Making sure my dad wasn't watching I slipped those into the bag also. Seth had gotten them for me last Christmas, I think he kinda knew I hadn't completely stopped skating.
"Really?" I asked.
"Yeah. She may not have been into sports too much but she was a keen observer." He answered as I was looking all over for my blue and purple tie-dyed t-shirt that just happened to say 'Property of Dwayne Robertson' on the front. On the back it said 'Touch and get shot.' Dwayne had gotten it for me while we had been dating. I loved it because of we had almost gotten into trouble when our principal saw it the first time I had worn it. He had stopped next to me in the hall where I was talking to Dwayne at his locker and seeing my shirt he sent the two of us to his office. He gave us a stern talking to about the extent of jokes and had asked me to be careful. Since he knew it was just a joke he let us off.
"Where did that darn shirt go too?" I muttered. "So let me guess she was a cheerleader?" I asked raising my voice back to normal level.
"If you're looking for you're Property of t-shirt it might be under your bed in a box with all your stuff from Tex." I heard Seth answer. "And if you're talking about Mom..."
"No she couldn't stand them either. You couldn't get her into a short skirt if her life depended on it." My dad said butting in.
"So did she know that having me might kill her?" I asked sitting at my dad's feet pushing them out of the way and dragging out the boxes looking through them as he talked.
"I think she might have known there was a chance." He answered.
"Of course she did but she wanted you anyway." Seth interrupted.
"Hey tell the story in order here." I said.
"The day she beat me we sat on the front porch while she nursed Ben and we talked. I asked her if she still wanted to try for another. She looked up at me and cocked her head asking what I meant. I had know since we had first gotten together that she wanted a little girl. I kinda did too but for a different reason. It wasn't till after Chris was 5 and was always getting into trouble that I realized that I really wanted a girl so at least one of you wouldn't get roughed up."
"So you supported Alicia's plan of a southern belle? And Chris was 4 when Ben was born." I asked still looking through the first box. There were three total.
"First I know that it just reinforced the fact when Ben was born. Now we had two rowdy boys and I knew the other two would probably turn out that way. No I didn't support it at all. I wanted you to make up your own mind about growing up and not have anything forced on you. Anyway like I was saying she looked up at me and asked what I meant when I asked if she wanted to try for another. I told her I meant did she want to still try for a girl even though we had four boys and there was a chance she might not make it through the delivery. She told me that she did but she wanted to wean Ben naturally before having to worry about a pregnancy.
"So after Ben was on a bottle and wasn't really waking up every other hour we tried. And we tried until one after noon she told me she was pregnant. I was ecstatic. I might finally get a girl. Four months later she miscarried. It was a boy." He paused and looked down at me. "I was about ready to give up. I had four boys and two dead, miscarried boys I just thought God or whatever higher power there was was really against me having my little girl."
"Wait two?" I asked.
"Yeah two why do you think there is three years between Chris and Seth?"
"I thought it just worked out that way. Three years between Matt and Chris, three years between Chris and Seth, three years between me and Ben." I answered.
"Nope sorry kiddo." Seth said.
"Why do I always seem to be the last to find out?" I asked.
"Don't worry anyway I was ready to give up but I could never resist your mama. She told me just one more try and then if it didn't work we could always adopt. So we started trying again when the doctor was safe after the miscarriage. Four weeks after we started trying again she still wasn't pregnant but your Aunt Cass was. Becky was a little upset but two weeks later she found out she was just as pregnant as Casey. Jim just shook his head and laughed when me and Bill told him." I looked up confused. "Fulton's dad's name is Jim and Charlie's father's name is Bill." He answered as I stuffed the box back under my bed and started going through the second one.
"Ok so what happened next?" I asked.
"Well Jim congratulated us. Bill on his first and me on hopefully my fifth. I was watching the football game with Bill and Jim and your mom, Nat, and Casey were talking in the other room. Jim looked over and hung his head and said he had something to tell us when I heard squealing in the other room. I knew what he had to say. I knew Casey's oh my god I'm so happy for you I can't believe another baby squeal any where. He looked up kinda smiling and said Nat's pregnant. Bill and I smiled and said welcome to the club and then they asked me to fill them in on any secrets I had. I told them the basics but made sure to point out that each pregnancy is different. Like for instance when Becky was pregnant with Matt she had a strong fixation for roast beef and cooked carrot sandwiches and dill pickles. But before or after that she would never even touch a cooked carrot. Then with Chris she had the strangest cravings for lima and pinto beans."
"Dad please I don't need to hear about Mom's strange fixations. I'm guessing Nat to be Natalie Reed, Fulton's Mom." He nodded.
"A few months later Becky was getting worse. She was tired more often she quit working, she slept most of the time when she wasn't eating so I came to Bill, Jim, Nat, and Cass. Against my better judgment and Becky's wishes I told them what was going on. It's nothing hereditary so none of you have to worry about it. But anyway I told them what was going on and they said they would help if they were ever needed. The months went past and you could really tell they were pregnant. Finally I talked Becky into talking to Nat and Cass about it and ask one of them to help out with you just incase she didn't make it. Once she did they were more than willing to help out. Nat didn't know if she would deliver before Becky but she said if she did she would.
"When the doctor's appointment rolled around in early June we found out that Casey and Becky had only about another month and a half to go before delivery and Nat had about another two and a half months if everything went according to plan and schedule. Which it did. When Becky went into labor late in the day on the 23rd, we knew that Cass would be the one to help out if your mama didn't make it. We had everything planned out and Casey was even in the same room when you were born, but that was probably because it was a double room and she was still in the hospital due to slight complications with Charlie. Anyway I think you know what happened after that." He said.
I nodded shoving the box back under the bed. I pulled out the final box and began looking through that one.
"So tell me about after that. What happened between Aunt Casey and Bill after Aunt Casey started nursing me?" I asked coming across my medium sized stuffed rabbit that was dressed in hockey gear. I had gotten it from Tex so I named it Babbit.
"Bill was furious. He understood but he still couldn't understand why Casey had to do it. Back then we didn't know about a substitute formula for breast milk. I got a hold of Bill before he could do anything to Casey and said that he was doing her sister-in-law a favor and that he had nothing to worry about. I told him Nat would have done it but she hadn't delivered yet and wasn't producing milk. He calmed down and let her help out. He didn't make too much of a fuss until after Charlie started weaning and you didn't. Jim and I got a hold of him again and explained that sometimes kids just don't want to give it up yet. It was only natural. Matt didn't start weaning until he was about two and Ben slowly started around eight months. I think him and Casey fought about it a little later on but he never said anything about it in front of me anymore."
"There's that damn shirt." I said when I found it.
"Lizabeth!" My dad scolded.
"Sorry," I squeaked out. He smiled and shook his head.
"Merry Christmas baby." He said bending and kissing my head. He took Squish down stairs. Seth came in and sat down on my bed.
"Seth what's wrong with Squish?" I asked seriously. I had noticed Squish was walking weird and my dad had rarely if ever carried Squish. He looked down at the comforter and mumbled something. "Seth?" I asked in a worried tone climbing up on my bed next to him after putting the hockey rabbit and my t-shirt in my bag and zipping it closed.
"Early stages of cancer according to the vet." Seth said taking me in his arms. I tried to fight back tears. I love that cat and he was mine and mine alone.
"Not Squish." I said trying to keep the tears at bay.
"Dad says we can get a new pet when you're ready."
"I've had that cat for 11 years I raised him from kitten-hood you can't just replace something like that." I said as the first tears started falling. He me close and let me cry into his shoulder. A few minutes later I sat up and dried my tears.
"Slapshot don't worry he'll live for a while."
"I know I just don't want to lose him."
"It's ok but we need to talk." He said.
"Ok." I said.
"I'm sorry about what I did to you. It wasn't right or fair. I don't know what got into me. I promise I'll never hurt you again. I don't want you to be upset at me or scared of me. And if you'll allow it I want to come watch you play sometime."
"I don't know Seth I mean you hurt me bad not just physically but emotionally too. You're my big brother you're supposed to protect me not hurt me."
"Slapshot what can I do please what can I do to make you believe me that I ain't apologizing because Matt threatened me but because I truly am sorry for what I did. I'll do just about anything."
"You'll do anything?"
"Yes anything." He was practically begging now.
"Alright first off look what you did." I said turning my back to him and showing him the marks he left by pulling up the lower part of my shirt. He ran his fingers over the scars and I turned my head to look at him over my shoulder. He seemed to be transfixed by them. I lowered my shirt and faced him again.
"Whoa ER I'm really sorry, really you don't know how bad I feel about this."
"You want to know what else you can do for me?" I asked, he nodded. "Promise me that no matter how badly you think I need hit, you will never raise a hand to me or a belt for that matter. Not because Matt threatened you or because you know our brothers would kill you but because you love me and you can't find it in your heart to."
"I promise I will never hit you ever again."
"Ok and lastly can I have your high school hockey jersey?" I asked.
"The New Carlisle Federals jersey?" He asked torn. I nodded. I knew he was upset because he loved that jersey. It was his most favorite of all his jersey's that he's ever had. Then he got up and left.
I sighed and thought about what was in the boxes under my bed. They contained everything I had gotten from him or during our relationship. The first one held letters, photo albums, and a few stray pictures. The second box held 2 stuffed dogs, one that he had won at the county fair, the other from the mall was a birthday present, it also had a broken hockey stick, my riding boots, cowboy hat, and an old lasso he had tied for me and used at a calf roping competition. He won 2nd place for it. The final box held 2 posters, several toys, one of his old jerseys, my baseball trophies, and the rabbit and property of t-shirt.
When he came back his hands were behind his back and Matt was right behind him. "ER...Slapshot, as painful as this is I know the pain that I inflicted on you is a lot worse. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry and I apologize to you and I hope you aren't scared of me anymore." Seth said then handed me something that was rolled up. When I unrolled it my jaw dropped. It was exactly I had asked for his hockey jersey. I sat there for a few seconds finally drawn out of my reverie by Seth's voice. "What is there something wrong with it?" He asked.
"No, it's just that I never thought you would actually give it to me. You've never parted with it, you love this thing." I said regaining my voice.
"Yes I do love that jersey but I love you more. Things can be replaced people can't." He said.
"Neither can animals." I said.
"You're right but Squisherred has led a good life with people who love him. He'll be around for a while longer don't condemn him to living in pain just because you want to be selfish." Matt said sitting next to me. I lowered the jersey into my lap and looked down.
"I know but it's so hard." I whispered.
"Don't worry about it for right now." Seth said kneeling in front of me. "Look I said I'd do anything for you so I'll keep Ni-Squish happy until the vet decides he's in too much pain to live much longer and the humane thing to do would be to put him down. I'll even call you at your school if it happens before you come home."
"You'd do that?" I asked.
"Of course hell I'd even jump off a bridge for you if it meant you would love me again." Seth said.
"So if I told you the only way I would stop hating you is if you jumped off a 100 foot bridge you'd do it?" I asked.
"No...well yeah. I love you Elizabeth and I don't want you to go back to school hating me." The seriousness in his eyes and voice hit me like a ton of bricks. I jumped up from my bed and hugged Seth the best I could. He smiled and wrapped his arms around me pulling me off my feet in a tight hug.
"I love you too Seth." I whispered. He put me back down and as I pulled the jersey over my head Matt sighed.
"I know you want to stay here but we have to get back kid and if we leave now we'll get back around midnight." I nodded and with one last hug to my dad and Seth we got in the car and started the trip back.
Well there's your chapter. It was nice and long and hopefully will keep you tied over until I can bring myself to update again. Tune in next time. And review if you feel like it.