A/N: I know it took longer to update this time, but there's a good surprise in this chapter :D

Enjoy!

Chapter 16 :

Nick is sitting in the loft terrace, face contorted with worry. It's been twenty four hours since he told me about Theresa's disappearance and still no sign of her. I pour two mugs of a relaxing herbal tea Rosalee gave me earlier today then join Nick who's simply standing with his hands shoved in his pockets, staring at nothing in particular under the velvety night sky.

He thanks me as I hand him his mug and doesn't complain when I stand beside him, trying desperately to find a way to comfort him. I know all about loss and the torment it puts you through, but one thing I learnt is that there's no word to relieve the pain.

"It's a beautiful night" I stare at the clear dark sky covered in diamond stars. Nick follows my gaze then nods in agreement "Beautiful indeed"

"I've always dreamed of spending a night under the stars, but never had the opportunity to do it" I admit, remembering all those nights I watched the sky from my bedroom window and wondered what a full night under such a beautiful sky would feel like.

Nick swivels in surprise "You never have! No summer camp, no crazy parties that ended with you sleeping on a stranger's grass!"

I shake my head shyly "I wasn't really into partying. Never was a very social person"

Nick's face goes agape "You mean you weren't even a member of a sorority of beautiful blondes at Harvard law? I mean you definitely qualify with your looks" he appraises me from head to toe and I try to ignore the somersault my heart just did.

Biting my lower lip, I shake my head one more time

"Well, that's unexpected" he gives me one of those dazzling smiles I've come to like so much. He sits on the floor and gestures for me to do the same. Following his instruction, I take the spot beside him and lay my back down mimicking Nick. In this position, the sky seems infinite but so close. The stars shining intensely and for a second I wish I could touch them.

"Where's Kelly" Nick interrupts the sweet silence that fell above us

"Asleep" I sigh happily "Finally" it took me a while to get him to sleep. Nick and I took turns and Kelly finally gave up after throwing up on me twice and screaming like never in his father's arms. Nick's phone seemed to do the trick. I don't know what's with babies and phones, but I'm not complaining. Whatever stops him from piercing my ears with his shrieks is good for me.

"Do you think we should get him a phone?" Nick jokes

I pretend to ponder the question "Not until third grade" I deadpan. This is the first time we've ever mentioned our future. Would we have separate lives with Kelly as the only link between us? When will we go our separate ways? I know this is not going to last forever, but somehow, the idea of not being around each other anymore hurts more than I'd like to admit. Maybe I grew used to Nick despite my better judgment.

I stare at Nick's profile while his eyes are fixed on the night sky. This man is beautiful inside out. For the past months, he's dedicated his life to protecting me and Kelly, never asking for anything in return. Despite all the pain and hurt he had been through he was still willing to take a chance on us and do what was right. He accepted to leave the past behind and work for a better future.

"I'm sorry" I blurt out the apologies I should have expressed a long time ago. Nick looks at me quizzically "About everything I did to you" I clarify "I never got the chance to apologize, but I really regret the awful decisions I made in the past. I'm sorry about Hank, about hiding my pregnancy from you…About…" tears gather in my eyes as memories of Kelly Burkhardt parade in my head "about your mom's death…About putting your life and your sister's in danger…I swear Nick…" my lower lip quivers and suddenly holding my tears becomes useless "If I could take it all back, I'd do it in a split second"

"Except for Kelly" he wipes a tear from my eye letting his thumb travel along my cheek, jaw then throat. The caress is so distracting that it takes me a second to understand what he means. My heart explodes with emotions as I manage a tentative smile.

"Except for Kelly" I confirm

Still lying on our backs on the terrace tiles, Nick inches closer –or is it me who closed the gap?- none of us seems able to tear their eyes off each other. I see the reflection of my own need and desire in his eyes. He parts his lips and his respiration becomes labored, I don't know which one of us wipes away the last inch separating us, but now, our breaths mingle and his nose collides with mine in the faintest brush. My heart is pounding so hard that I'm surprised it hasn't caused an earthquake. This is more than physical desire, it is actual need to be connected to this man, to feel his touch, his lips, to breathe him in…This new necessity is so overwhelming that I experience a momentary loss of oxygen and dizziness…My heart is drumming in anticipation.

Nick brushes his nose against mine again, his heavy lidded eyes sending a thrill down my body and when he speaks, his lips touch mine with every word he speaks in his now husky voice, yet we're not kissing "We shouldn't"

Masking the utter disappointment his comment provoked, I swallow and will the sound to come out of my throat "It's a bad idea" we're still in the same position, none of us moving, our body language the complete opposite of our words.

"We're both under pressure" he adds

I nod causing our lips to brush lightly, sending a surge of electricity through my body "And we're not thinking straight"

"Right, we can't be careless and risk to ruin our relationship for a moment of weakness" his thumb traces the path from my neck to my throat, while he nuzzles the sensitive skin behind my ear, the delicious sensation makes me hiss "Tell me to stop" he pleads in a deep throaty voice. The feel of his hot breath against my neck covers my skin in goose bumps.

"Don't…" Nick's hand freezes and he starts to move away, misunderstanding my unfinished sentence, I grab his arm before he has time to budge "Don't stop" I whisper

The last word has barely left my mouth, when Nick's lips crush mine in a frenetic kiss that makes my toes curl and my head spins…I'm drunk with his addictive lips and intoxicating sent. The moment our tongues decide to make their big entrance, I forget my name. Next thing I know, my leg is sprawled around his hip, while his hands disappear under my shirt.

Annnnnnnd…Kelly's cries interrupt us through the baby interphone snapping us out of our momentary frenzy. We break apart within the blink of an eye, getting both to our feet in record time. What seemed like a great idea a second ago, feels like the worst thing ever.

What did we just do?

Ok, so maybe that was a Hollywood kind of kiss where you lose your mind and forget who you are, but still, this was very wrong….And so very good

Stop it Adalind, I order my inner self to calm down.

"Wow" Nick's eyes avoid me while he catches his breath. God, it does feel like we just ran a marathon.

"I…Umm…It was…" I try to find my words, I inhale deeply and start again "What I'm trying to say is that we need to make sure we really want this and it's not only because we live under the same roof and we have a baby together, or because we got used to each other…If…If anything happens, it has to be about us"

Nick nods in agreement, meeting my eyes dead on "I know…I think we're both a bit confused"

A wave of striking hurt hits me. Why do his words feel like s stab? He simply confirmed what I said, or was I expecting him to say otherwise, to argue with me and tell me it was right? Foolish Adalind.

Nick seems to notice my sudden change of mood and in one stride he's by my side, with two fingers, he lifts my chin so that I look him in the eyes. His lips curve in a small smile, a total paradox with his concerned eyes "I'm not saying it was wrong or bad…Hell, it was hands down the best kiss I've ever had" a surge of pride curses through me "I'm just saying, we need to figure this out…just like you mentioned it…Trust me, I've been thinking about this a lot lately"

"You have?" my surprised tone is unmistakable

He nods "But, for now, it's a lot safer to go no further than simply thinking about it…That is, until we know what it is exactly" he plants a feather kiss on my forehead "I'll go get this" he winks when Kelly resumes crying.

The moment he's out of sight, I plant my hand on my erratic heart to calm my cardiac rhythm "Shhh crazy heart, we're going to be fine"

%%%

"…But, he was inclined on buying it anyway, so I said Monroe, it's either me or this hideous clock in the house and guess what he replied…"

I don't give Rose time to finish her sentence when I blurt out what I've been eager to share with her from the moment Kelly and I entered the spice shop "I kissed Nick"

Rosalee's eyes turn into saucers about to jump from their sockets "You did what?"

"I mean, I didn't exactly kiss him…I guess we kissed…Our lips just collided at the same time"

Rosalee raises an eyebrow "You mean your lips decided to go at it, out of their own free will"

"Sort of" I groan

Rosalee puts down the box she had in hand and sits beside me "How was it?"

I take a deep breath, replaying the kiss for the umpteenth time since yesterday "Earth shaking, head spinning the whole hangover syndrome" I shrug

"That good, huh" she grins knowingly

"And some" I confess with a frustrated sigh

Her eyes turn serious as she searches my face "So, what does that mean?"

Good question. One that I've been pondering in my head from the moment our lips met. Both our lives are too complicated right now. I have to get my daughter back, avoid to get killed by my jealous ex husband and make sure nobody else dies because of him, while Nick has no idea where his little sister is at the moment, he's still mourning his mother's death and adjusting to parenthood.

"We have yet to figure it out"

Rosalee's hand covers mine "You like him" it's not a question, rather an affirmation

"A lot" I groan "And it scares the hell out of me, Rose"

"Taking your time is not a bad idea" she offers with a reassuring smile "Nick is a good man and a good father. Sean might have ruined your ability to trust men, but I strongly believe Nick will help you learn to entrust someone with your feelings again"

Rosalee is right. Not all men are like Sean, but having trust issues is not easy to overcome. I didn't even know I was capable of liking somebody after the torturous pain I was put through. There's also guilt eating at me. Guilt from feeling happy with Nick and Kelly, when my daughter is away. Some sick part of me dictates that I shouldn't feel any type of joy while Diana is away. In the back of my head, I hear my mother's voice scowling at me "You are no better than me, Adalind"

I refuse to be like Catherine Schade. I'm a good mother, I love my children unconditionally and indefinitely. But, there's always those dark thoughts that keep nagging at me.

"It terrifies me, Rose" I swallow the lump logged in my throat

Rosalee strokes soothingly my hand "What terrifies you?"

"To let my guard down, then lose everything…watching my life collapse like a house of cards" I choke a sob, images of my whole life parading in my head. An authoritative/selfish mother, an absent father, a violent husband, a stolen daughter…Nothing was ever easy for me, Sean is not the only man responsible for my trust issues, my whole life I had to keep a distance between me and strong emotions because I was too afraid to get hurt. How sad is that? I'm scared of happiness and I don't do emotions

Even real love is such an alien feeling to me

I don't even think I was in love with Sean, it was infatuation

My kids are the only ones who managed to break the walls I built around my heart. My love for them is so strong, so big and so overwhelming that sometimes I feel consumed by it. I would stop at nothing to ensure their safety, my own life comes second when it comes to Diana and Kelly.

And Nick is threatening this equilibrium I spent years putting in place

Rosalee holds me in a tight hug and whispers "Oh sweety"

Back to the loft, I deposit a sleeping Kelly in his crib while I fix dinner. Nick should be here anytime now. Should I expect things to be awkward between us after last night's kiss? God, I have no idea how to behave now. We said we needed to figure things out first, which means no more explosive kisses (sadly), but I guess it's for the best. I was the first one to point out that we needed to make sure it was about us…But man was it a kiss…Phew…

"Hey" Nick walks in just as I finish setting the table. He's wearing a tight black shirt that outlines his perfect muscles and I'm assaulted with flash backs of that hard chest pressed against my body last night "You ok?" he walks to me and puts his hand on my forehead with his brows furrowed in concern "You're flushed" his wonderful smell reaches my nostrils and I jerk away before I lose control and beg him to engage in a make out session.

"Yeah, I'm fine" I pour a glass of water and drink it "Dinner's ready" I say when I'm done hydrating my dry throat.

He scrutinizes me for few more seconds, then takes the seat beside me "Kelly's asleep?"

"Yep" I avoid his gaze. So much for the no-awkwardness

"Adalind, are you ok?" he asks again and this time I lift my eyes to loot back at his beautiful face

I chew on my lower lip, looking for something to say. He reaches across the table and frees my lip with his thump, sending a tremor through my body "Leave that poor lip alone" his gaze remains on my mouth longer than it should and I realize I'm not the only one who thrives a repeat of last night "Do you want to talk about last night?" his eyes abandon reluctantly my mouth

"I think we said it all" I say hastily

"Then why are you avoiding me?"

"I'm not" I squeal defensively "I…ok, maybe I am a little bit, but only because I don't know how to react…I'm not a kissing expert but I'm pretty sure kisses like that are X rated…which is why it's difficult to forget about it, but then there's the whole mess we're in and none of us knows what to do with this magnetic attraction that pulls our lips together…At least, I know my lips like your lips…what I'm saying is…"

Nick is fighting a laugh and it only spikes my irritation even more "This is not funny, this a serious post kissing conversation"

"I know, I'm sorry…" he clears his throat and takes a deep breath to conquer his desire to burst out laughing "So, are you saying you want to kiss me again?"

"Yes…NO" I shriek "No, no lip locking until we figure this thing out" I see a flicker of disappointment cross his face, but it's gone before I have time to analyze it "We already talked about it yesterday, we can't jeopardize what we have for something that could be just the result of two healthy grownups living together and sharing the same bed"

Nick nods in agreement

His phone rings putting a frown on his face as he checks the screen, bringing the cell to his ear he speaks "Hello?" his whole body tenses all of a sudden and he jumps from his seat "Where?...I'm on my way"

I jump from my seat too "What's wrong?"

"Theresa is in the hospital"