A/N: I feel terrible for making you wait this long. I promised to update sooner and I didn't keep my promise. Please forgive me for that. Hope you'll enjoy this chapter and thank you all for supporting me and always posting encouraging reviews.

Love,

Shino87

Chapter 19 :

They say the impact of your actions only hits you after it's too late I agree

The implications and the consequences of what I did today are making their way in my mind only now as I march toward a police car, escorted by two agents and glared at by tens of curious eyes. "What was she possibly going to do?" "Who is she?" "She has no shame" I hear the continuous whispers as I pass them one by one, but they're all swallowed by the heart wrenching cries of a little girl trying to break free from the arms restraining her.

"Mommy….Mommy….Please, let her go" my daughter's screams resonate in never stopping pleas. I cast one last look behind my back, seeing the pool of tears that mirror my own on her face. I give her one last smile before I'm embarked on my way to hell.

The waters fill slowly the box I closed myself in with every step that separates me from my daughter and every mile that brings me closer to facing the result of my actions, until I'm submerged with water and breathing proves more and more difficult. When we reach Portland Police precint, my legs become suddenly numb and I can barely put one leg before the other to walk inside. Police officers are walking in and out, I try to look away, too afraid to face familiar faces, but in vain. Because the moment I pass him by, even with my head bent down, officer Wu recognizes me.

"Miss Schade" He says in a stunned voice as he stops me on my tracks, he then glares at the officers escorting me waiting for an explanation, which the tall bold guy on my right gladly provides him with.

Once he's done, Wu stares at me with a mix of sadness and anger, with a heavy sigh he nods at the officers "Take her deposition and notify me when you are done" before we leave, he gives me a reassuring smile.

I proceed to reply to the most stupid questions known to mankind, one would think that being a lawyer and especially since I've worked in the DA's office, I should find depositions more interesting, but trust me, they're not. It's only when I'm left alone in that dark, windowless room, that I'm forced to stay alone with somber thoughts.

This debacle might encourage Sean to flee the country and I won't see my daughter ever again. The pain and hurt transform into anger and a need for revenge as I remember Juliette's involvement in what happened and the smirk on her face as I was escorted away. Every ounce of pain is duplicated with pure fury.

I won't have rest till I make her pay, I promise myself

Nick's eruption in the room puts on hold my plotting of revenge. The determined steps he takes in my direction, the red ridges around his eyes and the flaring nostrils tell me he's not happy with me either. Well, guess what Nick; that makes two of us.

He slams the door and stalks in the room back and forth, not saying a word and neither am I. Honestly, what could I say? I'm as guilty as one can be, so why bother with an "I'm sorry" or "It's not what it looks like".

When he finally calms down, his jade eyes glare at me rather unhappily. I brace myself for what's to come, ready to defend myself as fiercely as a mother who simply wanted to hold her long lost daughter in her arms.

"I don't regret it and I'm not apologizing if it's what you expect" I cross my arms on my chest fighting the need to snuggle in his arms instead, in desperate need of a physical comfort of some kind.

Nick chews on the inside of his cheek and nods "I can't say I'm surprised you don't feel remorseful" his voice then drops a notch and his eyes soften "I've read the report…Juliette is behind the police intervention?"

I nod, feeling the acidic taste of her name burning my tongue

Nick rubs his forehead as if nursing a head ache, with a heavy sigh, he takes the seat across from me and intertwine his fingers on the table "Tell me what's not on the report?"

I stare at him quizzically

"How did you know where to find Diana? Clearly there was a leak" he seems out of patience

"I can't" I shake my head thinking of Henrietta and how much damage I've already caused her.

Nick holds my stare, unfazed by my refusal to cooperate "Listen Adalind, I'm your ally, not your enemy. I'm on your side and I'm asking you as your…" he seems to consider his words, trying to pick the right one "as your friend and not as a detective" he reaches from across the table for the hand that's rubbing aggressively my forearm and takes it in his, only once I see the red patch on my skin do I feel the pain caused by my erratic scratching "Tell me" the order and the tantalizing softness of his voice are a complete paradox.

Bringing my eyes to his, I discover the sincerity and worry he's been carrying since he entered this room. In all the people I thought I'd hurt with my careless actions, Nick was probably the last one I thought of…yet, with what we share he should come first…I'm still struggling with this new life with him and the meaning of my accelerating heartbeats in his presence.

Friends, it's the term he used to label our relationship…I think I like the sound of it, it's not the first time he said it but reiterating proves he means it…Yes, Nick proved to be the best friend one could have. He was there at my lowest and helped raise a child I didn't even plan to tell him about. He proved to be a kind man and a fantastic father. He surprises me everyday with his big heart and beautiful soul.

I take a big gulp of air and start tentatively, stumbling on my words "Her…Her name is Henrietta James…she's Sean's oldest friend and…lover" I say the last word with surprising detachment. When exactly did I stop to care? Had I ever cared about Sean's cheating? I think that my ego took a hit when I first discovered it during the first year of our marriage, but I had already started to resent him for his maleficent schemes and black soul. My infatuation and pseudo love gave place to hatred and disgust combined with occasional fear; fear that he might hurt me someday; fear that he might take away my daughter from me; fear me that he might break me forever, little did I know that those weren't fears but rather predictions.

Nick's gentle pull on my hand brings me back to the present, my eyes travel immediately to his beautiful leafy irises. Gosh, I love those eyes, they convey so much purity and strength, like he could take down whatever threatens his people. I never felt safer than in his company, somewhat in a short period of time, he calmed down so many of my worries. I know that my son could never be fathered by a better man.

"She's been providing me with bits of news related to Diana all this time. She was sort of my intel…"

Nick purses his lips disapprovingly "You put yourself in danger, Adalind…It could have ended bad"

"I know" I bite my lip, taking my hand back and keeping it on my lap. I experience a sentiment of emptiness the moment I lose the physical contact, but it's my way of not getting too attached, too used to this affection.

It's too late not to get attached, Adalind, my internal voice reminds me

Nick sighs heavily and starts to stand from his chair, my eyes follow the moment "He's not pressing charges, but…he's asked for a restraining order"

I wait for the pang; for the surprise; for the heartbreak to hit me, but it never comes, it's like my feelings are numb and you know why? Because it's not like I'll see any difference. Since Sean bribed the judges to have Diana's full custody, I haven't seen much of her. So what's a restraining order going to change?

This man has made his purpose in life ruining mine, making me either his or no-one's and in both cases ensuring my misery.

But I am Adalind Schade, I never give up on the ones that I love

Nick holds the door open for me "Come-on, let me take you home, it's been a tough day for you. I'll ask Wu to get your car later"

I nod and follow Nick outside

As soon as Nick and I walk into the loft, I'm taken in a tight grip that leaves me breathless. The smell of lilacs and spices caressing my nostrils calms me down immediately. Rosalee; my friend; my sister. I smile and embrace her too.

"Oh, Adalind, Monroe and I were so worried" she groans

"I'm sorry" I apologize shyly, then look around me. Monroe, Rosalee, Nick, Theresa and Even Meisner are all reunited in the loft staring anxiously at me, showing preoccupation and relief at seeing me. I went from a lonely life consisting of working only and crying the loss of a daughter, to a life filled with joy that I share with so many people.

Monroe clears his throat "I don't know about you guys, but I'm starving" he stares lovingly at his wife "Rosalee made us her delicious pumpkin pie"

Rosalee smiles tenderly at Monroe before turning her attention on us "Yes, Monroe and Meisner finished setting the table just as you walked in"

"You did?" I can't hide the bewilderment lacing my voice. I could never fathom Martin doing any house chores. He's so rough and …well, I guess I simply never imagined Meisner in a household. Now that I think of it, I don't know much about his personal life. Is he married? Does he have a significant other? What are his hobbies?

"You bet he did" Theresa smirks "I'll get you an apron for your birthday, old man. What are you going to turn? A hundred and thirty?" she teases him with a big smile plastered on her face. She's even more beautiful when she smiles. I'm actually taken aback by this beauty she seems so oblivious to and so keen to hide behind her boyish attitude.

Martin glares at her with a barely hidden amusement "Show your elders some respect and don't forget I'm your boss"

"Sorry dude, I'm off duty tonight" she counters

Nick walks to Kelly's crib and collects him in his arms while speaking to Monroe, I seize the opportunity to ask Rose about her doc appointment, eager to deflect the conversation from my sad adventure, after I shared all the details with my friends, including Juliette's involvement. Apparently, Theresa notified Meisner as soon as Nick informed her through the phone.

"I didn't go" Rosalee says after a brief hesitation "Theresa was having a hard time with Kelly, she called me in a complete panic, so I decided to reschedule my appointment"

Guilt eats at me as tears sting in my eyes, my best friend missed a very important appointment because of me "I'm so sorry Rose"

She strokes my arm "Nah, it's fine. I'm going next week" she smiles reassuringly

After our friends leave, I take Kelly to bed while nick takes a shower. Today's events were truly exhausting. I can barely keep my eyes open. I change into my pajamas and start to prepare the bed, when I notice my ringing phone.

My heart contracts at the sight of the number

"Hello love" Sean's fake sweetness makes me nauseous

"What do you want?" I clutch the phone harder than necessary

He laughs humorlessly "Where are your manners, dear?"

"Mixed with the ashes of your heart, Bastard"

His voice turns cold "Well, well, I would watch my language if I were you" he clears his throat, then continues on a condescending tone "I'm actually calling to make an offer"