Two weeks went by and February was already a couple of days old. The baby was still in the hospital and Arlen's sister had been sent to rehab. Sydney had spoken with Jess on several occasions, calming him down when he became too spun up about his mother. It had started to take his toll on his relationship with Brynn…so much so that she went on a date with someone else. Arlen and David were at the hospital together daily, visiting the still unnamed baby girl and Sydney picked up the pieces of Arlen's heart each night when he got home.

With so much going on at home, Sydney wasn't left with much time to sneak off with Nathan…no time at all, actually. Their time at school together wasn't enough for either of them and they still hadn't made it out on their first "real" date. Nathan understood and held no ill will towards any of those she was helping.

"…she kissed him right in front of me, Syd!" Jess was sitting on Sydney's bed, his hair a mess and his eyes wide.

"Honey, you sort of told her to go see other people," Sydney said, cringing inside.

"Well, yeah…but, but that was because she was giving me such a hard time about…" He grunted.

"About you being so angry for the past few weeks." Sydney sighed. "I love both of you dearly, but, Jess, you pushed and she did what she felt she had to do. You don't have the right to be mad at her."

"That's kinda harsh…"

Sydney smiled. "You told me not to coddle you, remember?" Jess shrugged. "You two have been together for two years and verge on disgustingly cute – I wouldn't worry too much about one kiss with one guy, okay?" Her phone rang.

Jess smiled back at her, understanding her point and knowing that she hadn't had much time for herself at all lately. "You get that. I'm gonna go check on Arlen."

Sydney groaned, frustrated on Jess' behalf despite what she told him, and answered her phone without looking to see who it was. "Hello?"

"I miss you."

Her thoughts about Jess melted away. "You just saw me a few hours ago."

"I know…doesn't make it any less true." Nathan's voice was soft and relaxed, but Sydney couldn't help but sense something a little "off" with it.

"Everything okay, Nathan?"

"Yeah…sure." He cleared his throat. "Why?"

"I don't know, just…"

"My ex decided to stop by tonight," he interrupted, wishing to every deity he could think of that he hadn't said those words.

"Oh." Sydney wasn't sure how to react. Luckily for her, Nathan's currently uncensored words came too fast for her to need to think of any sort of follow up.

"She showed up out of nowhere screaming about some assignment of Susan's that didn't color her in the greatest light…which somehow made her circle around to my being one of the most horrible men on the planet. I'm pretty sure she compared me to Hitler at some point and there was no…"

"Nathan, was it her English paper?" she asked, interrupting. He sighed deeply, but didn't answer her. "Is Susan home?"

"No…God if she were…she's spending the night at Rodine's and…"

"I'll be over in fifteen minutes – this is all my fault." She gave Nathan no time to argue, hung up, and showed up at his door as promised.

"Break a few speed limits?" Nathan asked, trying to lighten things. He looked terribly disheveled. His eyes were tired, his hair a mess, and his clothes wrinkled. There was something else lingering in the air, but Sydney couldn't put her finger on it.

"Nathan, it was supposed to be a private paper; my eyes and the student's only. I kept wanting to talk to you about it because it worried me…" She pulled at her hair in frustration. "…but then I thought it might just cause some weird feelings and, ugh, it bothered me for a few days, and I swore to the class – that included Susan – and now y…" Her words stopped as she spotted the bottle. She could see into the kitchen from where she was standing and her stomach dropped. "Please tell me you didn't."

That was the "lingering thing." Nathan looked ashamed. "Drove to the liquor store…bought the bottle…poured a glass…and called you."

Sydney went into the kitchen, Nathan following, picked up the glass and poured the amber liquid down the drain. "I'm so sorry, Nathan. I should have given you some sort of 'heads up' about it. It was a harsh paper, but it was never meant to be seen, let alone cause any…"

Nathan placed his hand on her shoulder. "It's not your fault my ex is a nosy bitch."

"It is my fault that my assignment wound up taking you to the liquor store."

He hung his head, unable to make eye contact. "You are absolutely not to blame yourself for that. I broke down…I needed a diversion, I guess. It's too easy to slip when she…" He tried to wipe at his eyes discreetly, but Sydney saw the action and her heart broke.

"Things with her…they were, or are, worse than you told me, aren't they?"

"I really want that drink," Nathan whispered, his voice pained.

"Want is far different than need…"

"If I told you everything, Syd…if you knew all the details…you would never…" His pain quickly turned to anger and the glass that Sydney had emptied wound up in his hand, then against the wall. Sydney stood firm, her panic internal. Nathan's eyes found hers quickly. "I'm sorry. There's no excuse for that."

Sydney stroked his face with the back of her hand, the stubble on his cheek rough, but not unpleasant. "I understand anger and I'm so sorry for…"

Nathan shook his head. "The paper was just an excuse for her to come here. She's pissed off that Susan is still so mad at her. They try to work things out, but Celia never fails to disappoint her. So, she comes here, unannounced, at least once a month and berates the shit out of me…she's been trying to get me to slip up bad enough to take Susan and today, she almost did it."

Sydney had led him into the living room and they were sitting on the couch, distance between them. "You don't have to tell me, but what happened to make you…" Her breath shook. "…almost…" Her head tilted toward the kitchen.

Unabashed, Nathan laughed. "Tonight? Well, tonight turned into why she had to start fucking anything that breathed."

Sydney raised an eyebrow. "I thought it was one guy?"

"I told you, if you knew all the details…" He cleared his throat. "Anyway, I have no idea why she decided that tonight was 'tell Nathan what an awful fuck he was' night, but…"

Sydney bit her lip. "Well, we both know that's not true…"

He laughed again, the sound almost acidic. "Haven't you heard? I'm, let's see, I believe her words were, 'stale, boring, and predictable.'"

Sydney rose from her seat. "Why are you letting that sort of talk bother you? You know it isn't true."

"Do I? I've slept with very few women in my life, while the women I've slept with…" Sydney's eyes suddenly directed themselves to a digital clock on the cable box. He quickly added. "Look, you were honest with me about yourself. I'm not saying it's anything bad, I mean, I've slept with a couple of women besides you and Celia, but you…you've made it clear that your ex-fiancé was some sort of sexual beast before he…" He cleared his throat. "…and the last guy pretended to be a pirate, even in bed!" Sydney swallowed hard. "I just…I don't think I…"

"Save it, Nathan. I get it, okay?"

Nathan stood and grabbed her arm. "You really don't." His breath was ragged. "You don't 'get it' at all. She has this way of spinning things in her head so much that they fuck everything up in my head. She makes me feel like I'm nothing."

She thought she should have been scared, but she wasn't. "She's not your wife anymore, it shouldn't matter."

"It'll matter if you decide the same thing." He shook his head. "It will matter when you decide the same thing." His went to the kitchen, the bottle, again. This didn't go unnoticed. "I'm a fucking mess, Sydney. Look around you. Keeping myself together day after day can get to be a fucking chore."

"Nathan, if you even think about it, I swear I'll call Wess to come and beat your ass." His head slowly turned back in her direction. "I will not let some stupid addiction hurt someone else in my life." She chose the word "stupid" on purpose.

"You should watch how you phrase things, I'm not in the greatest mindset."

"No, stupid was the right word. You're insane if you think otherwise though you can't see it, can you? You're letting your ex-wife berate you over something so ridiculous and you're letting it get to you badly enough that you almost fucked up! Oh, but who did you call, hm? That's right, someone who cares about you and…"

Without warning, Nathan grabbed Sydney and spun her so her back was to the wall. His grip was tight and his eyes were dark…and she wasn't scared. "I can't make sense of what the hell this is half the time," he growled.

"Think back just a little, Nathan. Remember when I told you that you didn't have to be gentle and romantic, something a certain someone obviously didn't appreciate. I told you, you could take me against the wall." She was the one who was insane; she had to be. The man she cared about seemed to be spinning out of control and it was turning her on…immensely. "Prove her wrong, Nathan, and she loses the power to make you doubt yourself."

His eyes changed and a smirk of the most devious of nature possessed his lips. "Sexual detours again, hm?"

"Very much merited in this case, don't you think?" Her leg wrapped around his waist as he kissed her with an almost bruising force.

"Right here, against this wall?"

Sydney's voice was raspy, needy. "Stop thinking about it, and do it."

"Why?" Nathan asked, his lips touching hers.

"I want you to…" Her breath shook as he raised her arms above her head, pinning her in place.

"To what?"

Sydney closed her eyes, praying that she wasn't going to open them and find her pillow rather than Nathan. She opened them again and he was still very much there, a strange mix of pain and fire in his eyes. "To free yourself."

"Is that what this is?" he whispered in her ear, his breath hot and his clothed length rubbing against her inner thigh. "Freedom for me?" She strained against him, just to test his grip, found she couldn't move…and her panties grew damp. "Hm mm, answer me."

"I think you were repressed for a very long time…" He bit down on her neck and she gasped. "I think you were with a woman who wanted the wrong things from you…" He pressed harder against her. "…and I think, maybe, you channeled your frustrations the wrong way."

"That so?" He kissed her, desperately seeking solace and calm.

"Well…" she gasped again as he let go of one arm, slid his hand beyond her waistband, and cupped her clothed sex.

"Those are going to have to come off, Syd, you've soaked through them." He chuckled, but the sound oozed sex. "You were saying?"

"Might be completely wrong…Nathan, please…" His tongue was circling her ear. "…just a hunch."

"Let's see how accurate you are…" He pulled her sweater over her head and grinned. "Pretty," he commented, referring to the purple lace-trimmed bra he had just uncovered, "but very unnecessary." He removed it and immediately bent to take her nipple between his teeth. She cried out as he bit down, her hips rolling into him. She pawed at him, desperately reaching for the hem of his shirt. He helped her by removing it himself.

Getting caught up in the heated moment, she purred, "You're so fucking gorgeous."

"Such words leaving the English teacher's lips…if I were still principal I'd paddle you."

"You can do whatever you want to me." She stepped out of the pants Nathan had slipped down her legs.

"You might not want to say that right now," he hissed. Sydney had freed him of his own clothing, his boxers leaving the same time as his jeans. "Not sure I can control…"

"That's the point." She repositioned herself, her feet apart, and grabbed his length, sliding it along her slick folds.

"Oh…Christ…" He spun Sydney to face the wall, pinning her there.

Sydney smiled as she caught her breath. "Why, Mr. Gardner, I do believe we found a different side to you."

His length throbbed against her from behind and he began to enter her. Sydney felt him pull back and she understood why…and didn't care. If they stopped now, it would never be as intense, or as raw. She needed that. It's what she missed every so often about David…about one particular night with John. She hated to admit that rough sex was sometimes a need of hers. She grasped and pumped Nathan's length and guided him inside of her. She took a deep breath and baited him.

"You want to fuck me, Nathan. So do it." She pushed her hips back and that was that. With nothing between them, Nathan groaned, nearly screaming. He kept biting at her shoulders, not enough to hurt her, but enough to stifle his animalistic sounds. His hands roamed her body, with no specific destination. He felt the stiffness of her nipples and the wetness between her legs. He brought her to the brink of climax three times, but wouldn't let her fall…if she clenched around him, it would be over…he wasn't ready for that yet.

He pulled himself from her depths and in a dizzying blur they wound up on the stairs…then the floor… Nathan ravaged Sydney's body, words coming from his lips that he'd never uttered to another woman. Sydney was right…he'd been repressed for years. Each time he wanted to come, he left her body and kissed her, repositioned her.

They were on the living room floor, Sydney on her back, when he knew it was time to give in. He pulled Sydney's body close to him and kissed her, his tongue lingering on her lips. He felt filthy and free as he whispered to her. "I want to…" He stopped himself, wanting to pull out. Sydney shook her head slowly, her legs wrapping around his waist, her way of telling him she wanted all of him. He thrust into her, his pace rapid, the depth deep. "Come for me, Syd…fucking come for me…" She did as he asked, happy to let go…thrilled that he had asked for it that way. When she tensed around him, he buried his head between her head and shoulder, muffling what otherwise would have been an alarming scream.

Both stayed still, sticky and spent, in one another's arms. Neither saying a word…

A half an hour later, Sydney was in Nathan's shower, an ear-to-ear, and very satisfied, grin on her face. Her body ached in the most delicious of ways and she was certain she'd gotten Nathan over a few of his self doubts. On top of that, she had stopped him from pondering what their relationship was yet again – another dodged bullet. When Nathan stepped in behind her, that grin grew. Her hair was pulled up, which let him kiss the back of her neck. His lips were gentle as he moved to caress a fading mark he'd left.

"Stay tonight?" he whispered in her ear, his breath as warm as the water drumming her body. "Susan won't be home and…"

Sydney turned to face him, then wished she hadn't. His face was going to be the death of her as far as she was concerned. She knew she couldn't keep coming up with spur of the moment excuses – not to Nathan, but to those she lived with – and her heart sank. "I…can't."

Nathan raised an eyebrow, the soothing stream cascading between them. "After that you can't stay?" He wrapped his arms around her waist, his eyes almost pleading.

She smiled, trying to divert him. "That was therapy; mental freedom from a very oppressive woman who can no longer hold anything sexual over your head. Hell, you can tell her every dirty little thing we did tonight if you wish." She thought about just how dirty it was…Wonder if Arlen's still made a habit of tracking my cycle for chocolate purposes…

"That's all well and good, as well as mind-blowingly appreciated…" He thought about Celia's possible reactions. "…and I just might do that, but why…" He kissed her cheek. "…can't you…" Nibbled her earlobe. "…stay?" Then stroked her cheek in the most loving fashion. "I even have real food in the fridge for breakfast. You made me see the light about going to the grocery store."

Dear God, alcoholism and 'crazy ex-wife' aside, he's so fucking perfect, isn't he? He turned her and began to wash her back, taking his time and nuzzling his face against the side of her neck as he did so. No, you're not staying and you're not falling this hard and this fast. Hard…right, think dirty - it was just sex. Amazing, mind blowing (yes, I'm stealing his words), 'David and John who?' sex… She explained her household situation to him, how everyone was a bit on edge and almost constantly upset and that she felt better when she was there to try and hold some of the pieces together. It wasn't exactly a lie, she just wasn't adding in the part about being terrified of what she was feeling for him…and as she found herself reciprocating the back washing, Nathan seemed satisfied with her answer.

"An excellent teacher with so much more to offer," Nathan said softly. Sydney's eyes questioned his without having to ask what he meant. In turn, his eyes smiled at her. "I'm just going to leave it at that and divert you." He kissed her, not as he had during their carnal tryst, but romantically, as he had that night after she'd gone to his class with Wess. He tenderly pressed her against the warmed tiles of the shower and let his fingers just graze her wet skin. Sydney felt her entire body relax and wanted more than anything to stay exactly where they were.

She heard herself let out a small whine when he broke their contact. When she opened her eyes, she asked, "What did you m…"

"Diversion can go both ways and can mean so many different things. Sucks, doesn't it?" He kissed her again and she fought back tears. When was the last time she'd showered with someone? Well, someone who wasn't Arlen, insisting her water pressure was better. She realized then that she never had. Not even with David, as he was a bit too particular with his shampooing regiment to be interrupted.

Her breath hitched and she looked down…then quickly back up, as down was far too tempting an option. "I don't have to go right away…"

"No?" Nathan asked, turning off the water and biting back a smile. He saw the fear in Sydney's eyes and felt only a little terrible about it. Gotta be patient…we've both been hurt in our own ways. She shook her head as Nathan reached out from the shower curtain and grabbed a towel from the rack. He dried her, his touch making her head feel light.

"I hope you never doubt yourself in certain areas again, Nathan," she said, as he wrapped the towel around her. She stepped out of the tub and grabbed a towel for him, but waited a moment before giving it to him. She couldn't help herself as a wicked smile formed on her face. "Wet…works on you." She left the bathroom and began a scavenger hunt for her clothing. Within moments he joined her, plaid bathrobe loosely tied - very much on purpose. She noticed, and her words shook. "You know, sometimes people just aren't sexually…"

"Compatible?" He was twirling her found panties around on his finger, a playful smile on his face.

Sydney smiled back and grabbed them. "Right…"

"Certainly no worries there now, hm?"

She then realized they weren't exactly wearable. "Oh…"

"And I told you we'd have to wash those." Unable to help himself, he wrapped his arm around her waist and brought her close, her back to his chest. It was protective and undeniably sexy all at once.

She stayed there a moment, loving this feeling and dreading its end. She finally pulled herself from him. "Laundry?"

After getting her things into the wash, they went to Nathan's bedroom; he was still in his robe, while the only thing covering her was the sheet of his bed. Nathan was drawing along her back with his fingers and enjoying each time he made her shiver.

"I'm going to make some changes," he confessed. He closed his eyes, his fingers still moving with no destination in particular. "I've been putting some things off…afraid of…" She looked up at him. "…of a lot of things. I just…I want to thank you for the push." She reached up and caressed his face, understanding that she wasn't alone in her fears of what was happening between them. "Syd, is there any hope for what this is…" Always glutton for punishment, he continued. "…changing?"

She moved, sliding her body along his and settling in his arms. She smiled at him, the act soft and genuine. "Nothing's ever impossible, Nathan."