A/N: Dear readers, I'm very sorry for the very slow update. I went through a writing block faze due the loss of my grandmother. I was really touched by the messages of concern sent by some of you due to my long absence and also for all the messages urging me to update. Your enthusiasm is what makes me want to post updates as soon as possible.

Love,

Sarah

Chapter 20 :

When Sean makes an offer it never means a win-win kind of deal. He always chooses what serves best his interests regardless of his counterpart's benefits and it's no different with me. He's just that selfish; first him, second him, third him, then you…if he cares enough. Don't be fooled by his claims of undying love; this man loves nobody but himself. I came to realize this too late unfortunately.

"…But, I have to make my offer in person" I can hear the smile in his voice "I'll call you later with more details...Oh and sweetie! If you care about that little detective of yours, you'd better keep this conversation to yourself"

I cuss under my breath as the line goes dead. Damn him. When is he going to finally leave me alone? Why making my life a wreck is a goal of his?

"Adalind, are you alright?" I feel Nick's gentle touch on my shoulder, only to realize that my whole body is shaking and my fists are clenched. He places the back of his hand on my forehead to check my temperature "You look pale" I lift slowly my eyes to his beautiful face and see his concerned expression. Is he truly worried about me? I don't know if I've ever had someone care about my well being. My own mom never showed me this much kindness.

My mom! She's left a ton of voice mails on my cell. I should call her back. Giving her the cold shoulder must come to an end, I guess.

Mustering a smile, I push Nick's hand gently away "I'm fine, don't worry"

A droplet of water falls from his wet hair and travels down his forehead then cheek to finally reach his chin. My eyes follow the movement all along, unable to look away. As if possessed, my hand flies to his chin and caresses the water drop away, lingering longer than needed. To my surprise, Nick rests his cheek on my hand, as if relinquishing in the softness of my palm.

"I'm sorry for today" Nick's troubled eyes break my heart. This man has been through hell because of me and he's the one apologizing for today's debacle. I want to kick him and tell him to yell at me and blame me for being an irresponsible person…But, this! Here! I have no idea how to respond to this man, he shatters my world in the most exquisite way and it scares me, because he's slowly breaking the bricks I spent years cementing around my heart "Juliette is only targeting you because of our history"

With my palm resting on his cheek, I bring my thumb to his lips and caress the softness of his mouth, missing how amazing it felt against mine "Shhhhh" I press my finger on his mouth "What Juliette did today was horrible, but her actions are her doing, not yours. Besides, if anybody must apologize for their recklessness, it should be me"

Nick bends his head and approaches me at a turtle's pace, engaging my heart in the fastest race this poor organ has ever seen. Beat beat beat beat

Please kiss me

I repeat the words in my head, willing the world to make this small, insignificant wish come true. Instead, Nick simply connects his forehead to mine. Such a simple gesture, yet so intimate. He closes his eyes and inhales deeply, as if trying desperately to control himself. Could he possibly want more?

I know I do

Right now, in this man's embrace, with our foreheads being the extension of the other, I feel more connected to him, than I ever was to anybody else. How is that possible? How did I manage to nourish so much affection in the middle of adversity?

Kelly's cries break our special moment

"I get this" Nick smiles kindly at me "Go have some rest"

Nodding, I watch Nick retreat to our son's crib, biting my lip all along to stop myself from spilling out my conversation with Sean and ending up risking my… friend?...my friend's life. Do friends kiss and enjoy it? Do their hearts race like Speedy Gonzales when they catch sight of one another? Do they breathe a sigh of content when they are in the other one's arms?

With a groan of frustration, I let myself fall on the bed, feeling the fatigue caused by today's events run down my body. A bath would definitely help, but even the bathroom only few meters away, seems too far for me to reach.

Moments alone are the worst, because it's the time when all your fears and anxiety rise up to the surface. What could Sean possibly want from me? I mean besides forcing me back to his side. This time, he seemed more determined, almost like he had an idea cooking in the oven. Whatever it is, it's not going to be in my favor.

%%%

"I think you should tell him" Rosalee states sternly the next day while we are both sitting in a park with baby Kelly between us. I caress lovingly my son's growing blond hair, darker than mine, but still lighter than his father's. He turns his beautiful eyes on me, reminding me of Nick's. This little guy is a perfect mixture of the both of us. If Nick had any doubts until now, they should definitely dissipate by a simple look at Kelly's face.

"I know" I sigh "But, you don't know Sean, he's ready to do anything to achieve his goals and he's not one to throw empty threats" the mere mention of his name makes the hair on the back of my neck stand. Rose probably senses my fear because she brushes my arm with her fingers to seep away my fears.

I smile sadly at my friend, fighting the urge to burry my face in her arms, seeking some kind of comfort "I only want to protect him, you know"

Rosalee nods, her eyes betraying her own concerns for us "I know" her eyes turn to the clear blue sky "What now?"

"I don't know yet. He's to call me anytime and drop the bomb"

My best friend closes her eyes, to hide whatever emotion she's experiencing at the moment "Call at least Meisner"

"Don't you think I already considered the possibility? But he'd inform Theresa and she's either force me to tell Nick or do it herself" I pondered the different possibilities a million times in my head and I'd still get no results. Sean's record could belong to an Angel. It's pitch perfect. The bureau might never be able to prove his involvement with BC. Even the phone he uses to call me is untraceable and his calls never last more than a few minutes.

My phone rings, putting our conversation on hold. I check the caller ID, then press ignore. Rosalee purses her lips disapprovingly "Are you going to pick that, someday?"

"When I'm ready" I reply coolly, pushing away any thoughts of the caller…My mother. Being a mother for the second time made me realize what a terrible parent Catherine Schade is. She's never given me affection or showed kindness of heart. Always expecting more from me, making me feel like I'm nothing but a failure…A mistake she didn't mean to make. But I thing that her siding with Sean over Nick was probably the worst thing she's ever done, although at the time I wasn't nearly as close to my son's father as I am now, but comparing a heartless criminal to a man who serves the law and assumed his responsibilities toward us in the blink of an eye is unconceivable.

"You'll never be ready, Addy, so stop delaying an unavoidable conversation"

Rosalee is right, but it's easier said than done

It's only after I say goodbye to Rose and head back home that I find the courage to call my mom. She picks her phone after the third ring, just as I'm about to hang up. Her voice sounds breathless, anxious and…fearful! But, why?

"Hello, mother" I can't help the coldness in my voice. My heart is beating so fast that I can hear it drumming in my ears.

"Oh, how are you, sss…sweetie" the word sounds so foreign in her mouth that she stumbles on the S various times before finally managing to use an endearing with me. Could my mom possibly have regrets? That's so not the Catherine Schade I know. Something is highly suspicious in her endeavor, or is it just me?

"Adalind, I'd like to see you…let's meet somewhere"

After a brief hesitation, I decide to give her a chance. After all, she's my mom. I can't give her the silent treatment forever. We agree on meeting for dinner tonight. Nick proves very encouraging and understanding when I tell him about my plans with my mom.

"Take your time with her, you need to sort few things out I suppose. Kelly and I will have some father son time" he wiggles the baby in his arms "Right, buddy?"

Kelly yawns making us both laugh

I rummage through my closet looking for the perfect outfit, when Nick knocks on the bedroom door. Seeing the amused expression on his face, I see the mess I made. Clothes cover every inch of the bed and partially the floor.

"I promise to get it cleaned before I leave" I say apologetically

Nick shakes his head "Nah, I'll take care of it. We can't have you arrive late to your appointment" he lays against the door frame and folds his arms over his chest with a sexy smile creeping his yummy lips…Did I just say yummy? Ok, never mind "Adalind, it's the fourth dress you tried during the past thirty minutes"

"Really? I didn't realize it…sorry" I feel heat rising to my cheeks "It's just that…none of them looks good on me"

Nick walks towards me and lifts my chin so that our eyes meet "You look good in this dress" I bite my lip to stop the happy smile threatening to split my face into two pieces "And so did you in the previous three dresses…You are stressed out, I get it, but finding excuses to delay your meet up won't get you anywhere"

"I guess you're right. But, Catherine Schade is a….She's a tyrant of a mother" I confess

"Aren't they all?" he jokes, but his sad eyes tell me he's only trying to cheer me up, because his mother was nothing but a wonderful soul.

"You know what, you are absolutely right. Why do I have to look absolutely perfect just for her to approve of me? I don't care if she doesn't like my outfit and think or makes mean remarks" I state with resignation. Yes, so what? I grew up with this constant pressure and conviction that if I was good enough then my mom would finally love me, but truth is, she's the one with a problem…Not me.

Nick winks at me and heads back to the living room, probably unaware of the weight his intervention has just lifted from my shoulders. I wear my black stilettos, grab my clutch and kiss Kelly Goodbye. Probably still in my bubble of joy for becoming a big girl who can stand for herself, I reach for Nick and give him a hug. It's only after I move a way that I realize the awkwardness of the gesture. I mean, we've hugged before but it was done in specific circumstances. However, hugging him to say goodbye is so…domestic.

"Umm…I should…" I gesture to the door with my thumb

Nick seems equally uncomfortable "Yeah, have a good evening"

On the drive to the restaurant my mom picked, I play the different conversations I could possibly have with her, imagining myself telling her all the things I wished I had the courage to say during all my existence.

Once inside the fancy place, the major d'O escorts me to my mom's table. She's wearing a pale grey suit matched with a white silk shirt. Her hair kept in a perfect chignon and her face perfectly flawless. My mother could easily pass for a former model.

"Mother" I greet her, ready to sit, but to my surprise she walks to me and takes me in an awkward embrace that ends as soon as it started. She's really not herself tonight. Something is definitely off.

She takes a sip of red wine "So, how are you, dear? How is the baby and what's his name again? Nigel…No, Noel…?"

"Nick" I correct her "And he's doing fine and so is the baby" the waiter places our salads in front of us. Typical of my mother, ordering for the both of us without even asking me what I want. Bad habits die hard.

She nods with a forced smile that doesn't reach her eyes "So, are you still living together?"

Of course, she had to ask. I'm sure she's hoping I'd say No "Yes, we are" I plant a fork in my lettuce, needing to look away from her face…a remainder of years of bullying.

"Does he take good care of you?" she takes another sip of wine

I look straight into her eyes, knowing perfectly well the weight of my next words and how well she'll understand the meaning behind them "More than anybody ever did"

Clearly registering my words, my mother clears her throat before smiling unconvincingly at me "Good…good, I'm glad" she assesses me slowly then adds "You look pretty tonight"

Unable to take her strange behavior anymore, I blurt out the first question that pops in my mind "Are you dying?"

My mom chokes on her food, she quickly grabs a napkin and gently wipes her lips "Oh lord, No. Why would you ask such a thing" I see her composure waver for the first time in all evening. Good, that's the woman I know.

"You've been acting weird"

"Weird? Is the two of us not arguing that unusual?" just as I'm about to say Yes, she brings her hand up to stop me "I'm simply glad to see you are fine after all this time. Wouldn't you complement Diana when you see the beautiful little girl she's become, looking just like you, with the same long hair and piercing blue eyes" my mom has this absent look just like when you remember a long forgotten memory "Ah, she looks just like you when you were her age"

Instead of the usual pang in my heart at the mention of my daughter's name, it's an uneasy feeling that settles inside me "How do you know what she looks like?"

My mother's face pales "It…It was just a guess"

The suspicious feeling I have toward my mother follows me all through dinner and on the way home. It's only when I enter the living room where Nick and Kelly are playing that I push my uneasiness to the back of my head and join them.

Nick is laying on his back, holding Kelly up "Say daddy"

"Vzrhjkg" I guess that's Kelly's version of the word Daddy

"Say Mommy" Nick's enthusiasm doesn't diminish despite Kelly's refusal to speak human language.

I remove my shoes and go sit on the floor beside the most important men of my life, relinquishing in the much needed quality time with them.