I have decided to make this chapter based on one of my favorite episodes.
Enjoy!
Interrogation Room
A red unicorn with a grey mane and tail and a fireman's (or firepony's) helmet is pacing back and forth with a pissed look on his face.
Hank, Bill, Dale, and Boomhauer are sitting down with worried faces. Hank's glasses and Dale's sunglasses are broken. Bill's face has been burned. Boomhauer has a bandage on his ear.
The red stallion, who was the fire chief, glared at Hank and his friends.
"You guys are in BIG BIG trouble. This is the worst offense I've seen in my 14 years of chief fire investigator!"
Bill immediately stood up from his chair.
"Dauterive comma William Fontaine de la Tour comma Ex Sergeant Barber comma United States"
Hank snapped.
"Comma numbskull comma shut up!"
Dale stood up from his seat.
"Well gotta go"
The fire chief glared at Dale.
"Sit DOWN. Nobody's going anywhere until I found out how this happened. Now, according to Red Blaze's statement, you were reading books inside Miss Sparkle's library"
Twilight's Library
5 days earlier
Hank, Dale, Boomhauer, and Twilight are busy reading books.
Hank spoke up.
"I talked to Bill, he said he was gonna be late today"
Just then, they heard a fire truck outside. Hank and his friends stepped outside to see the fire truck stopped in front of the library.
Twilight chuckled.
"There's old Red Blaze and his fire truck"
A light red Pegasus came out of the fire truck. Bill also came out of the fire truck with a firepony's helmet. Hank, Dale, and Boomhauer looked at him with surprised looks.
He ran to his friends.
"I'm a firepony! I'm a..."
Bill suddenly tripped over a stone.
Hank sighed.
The red Pegasus, who was named Red Blaze, walked up to Hank.
"Professional fireponies got the red flu this morning, leaving just us volunteers. They're holding out for a raise"
Hank spoke up.
"They're striking? Well sir, fires don't go on strikes, I tell you what"
Red Blaze looked at Dale and Boomhauer.
"How about the rest of you ponies? You interested?"
"You talking about firepony man dang o i talking about 'ratfore 3 man ratfore 3 man emergency' man dang o I love that man"
"Fact. Volunteer fireponies receive sirens for their personal vehicles. Fact! And we can use them whenever we want. FACT!"
Hank looked at Dale.
"Dale, sirens are only for fire emergencies. Now Blaze, assuming I'll pass the required courses, will I get to drive the firetruck?"
"You got any speeding tickets?"
Hank shook his head.
"No sir!"
Dale waved his hoof.
"I used to! I used to!"
Hank and his friends, in ecstasy, ran to the fire truck.
Outside Ponyville Fire Station
The next day
Hank and his friends are practicing how to use a fire hose. Red Blaze lid a trash can on fire and told Hank and his friends to aim at the base of the fire. He told his partner Flame to turn on the faucet.
Dale had trouble aiming at the base of the fire.
Hank shouted.
"C'mon Dale! Straighten it out! Watch where you're aiming!"
Dale soon lost control and the fire hose wet Hank, Bill, and Boomhauer. Red Blaze sighed and put out the fire with a rain cloud. Hank, Bill, and Boomhauer glared at Dale.
Dale grinned nervously.
"Wasn't my fault. My mask fogged up"
Hank walked towards Dale and took out the cigarette.
"Dammit Dale. The safety and wellfare of Ponyville is at stake. Get serious!"
Hank threw the cigarette to the floor and stomped on it.
Flame motioned something to Red Blaze.
Red Blaze nodded.
"Good idea Flame. Alright! It's time you met the Jaws"
Flame took out the Jaws and showed it to Hank and his friends, who were all awed at the sight of the Jaws.
Red Blaze replied.
"Jaws of Life AKA the Jaws. Victim's trapped in something, this baby will peel it like an orange"
Flame used the Jaws to tear through a metal trash can.
Dale took out a ripe orange.
"Yeah? Well, let's see what it does with a REAL orange"
Inside Ponyville Fire Station
After some intense training
Bill and Boomhauer are playing ping pong. Dale, Flame, and Red Blaze are sitting on a couch, reading magazines. Hank walked in.
"Blaze I'd thought I'd go ahead and sharpen all the axes"
Dale sang.
"Hank's a lumberjack and he's OK"
Both Dale and Flame started laughing. Hank glared at Dale.
Red Blaze replied.
"Relax Hank! We're off the clock. Hey, say hello to Old Smokey, one of Ponyville's first firepony volunteers!"
He pointed to a dark red stallion with a gray mane and tail and wrinkly skin just like Granny Smith's. Hank walked up to Old Smokey.
"Well, what an honor, sir. Hank Hill, propane and propane accessories"
Old Smokey just burped and said:
"Aint you the idiot that screamed so hard, all of Ponyville heard it? I was taking my afternoon nap. Idiot."
Hank sighed.
"Um sorry about that"
Old Smokey rolled his eyes.
"Yeah. Yeah. I'm retired now. Who unplugged my sign?" Old Smokey said as he pointed to an electric "Dos A" Apple Cider sign.
Red Blaze replied.
"Smokey, you know you can't plug it in. It don't work right."
Dale stood up.
"I'll get it for ya!"
Dale plugs it back in, but receives an electric shock in the process.
Flame started to chuckle.
The next day
Hank and his friends were riding on the firetruck.
Hank spoke to Dale and Bill.
"Alright, let's talk about oxygen tanks. The cylinder gauge should be within how many PSI of the regulator gauge? Anyone?"
There was a short silence until Dale broke it.
"I am protesting the results of last night's ping pong tournament. Boomhauer cannot play the ball off of Bill's head!"
"No...we all agreed my head's in the play."
Hank noticed the fillies and the colts from school playing a pony version of football. Hank smirked and said through the fire truck's intercom:
"In the first round the Dallas Cowboys select Apple Bloom left tackle. Heh heh"
The fillies and colts ran towards at the firetruck. Apple Bloom smiled at Diamond Tiara.
"I told ya he was a firepony"
Diamond Tiara frowned.
"He's a volunteer"
Scootaloo shouted.
"Oh! Mr. Gribble! We're muddy! Can you hose us off?"
Dale smirked.
"Sure! I'll open up the hydrant"
Hank frowned.
"Dale, the hydrants are for fire emergencies"
Silver Spoon smirked.
"They don't know how to open a hydrant"
Diamond Tiara chuckled.
"Because they're volunteers"
Hank glared at Diamond Tiara.
"Miss, you're about to get VERY, VERY wet. Firepony Gribble! Drill time! Get me the hydrant wrench! Mr. Boomhauer, I need you to run a 3 inch hose! Bill, hook it up!"
Each of Hank's friends followed their orders. Dale tries to turn the wrench on the hydrant but can't.
"It's stuck"
Hank pushed Dale to the side.
"That's because you're turning it the wrong way. Give me the wrench!"
Bill's eyes widen.
"No! Wait!"
The hydrant suddenly shot water on Bill.
Hank shouted.
"Shut it off! SHUT IT OFF!"
Dale attacked the hydrant with the wrench. Hank pushed him aside and tried to shut it off.
"Dammit Dale! You stripped the bolt!"
"Wasn't me"
Boomhauer ran towards the hyrdant with the Jaws.
"Hey man yo dang o git out the way man"
Hank shouted.
"Quit it, knuckle head! The Jaws ain't for that!"
Boomhauer ignored Hank and cut through the hydrant, creating a geyser of water.
All the colts and fillies stood there with shocked looks on their faces.
Hank, Dale, Bill, and Boomhauer just stood there. Dale suddenly used his wings to fly away.
Interrogation Room
"So you were the ones who busted that hydrant. We got an anonymous call it was a bunch of fillies"
Dale spoke up.
"Bunch of fillies? I gave you names! Bloom, Apple! Belle, Sweetie!"
Bill spoke up.
"It was Dale"
Boomhauer stood up.
"Dang o Dale who took dem Jaws of Life"
Boomhauer then bonked Dale and Bill's heads together with his wings.
Hank sighed.
"The hydrant's the least of our problems. He doesn't care about that."
"He's right. I don't. You have half-wits could be looking at jail time!"
Dale cleared his throat.
"Uh...my name is Shackleford. Rusty Shackleford. I refuse to speak without my attorney"
Dale stood up and took off his hat.
"I am Mr. Shackleford's attorney, Rusty Shackleford. My client pleads insanity."
Bill stood up.
"My name is Dauterive comma Bill...and I am also insane."
Hank just groaned.
Dale took out a cigarette. The fire chief got angry.
"Gribble, you've had your cigarette"
"I know but now I'm smoking it as Rusty Shackleford."
Hank replied.
"You see what I have to deal with?"
The fire chief sighed.
"Let's just get back to the matter at hand. After you broke the fire hydrant..."
Inside Ponyville Fire Station
After the hydrant incident
Hank and his friends are resting, trying not to think about what happened.
Hank spoke up.
"Please guys. We've been given a once in a lifetime opportunity here, now let's not do anything more to screw this up. Now how about running some ladder carry drills?"
Dale replied.
"Not interested. You pushed me aside and made me look like a fool in front of those poor children"
Old Smokey suddenly woke up and looked at Dale.
"Hey sage. Plug in my 'Dos A' sign will ya?"
"Better not Dale. Remember? It doesn't work right"
Dale just sang as he reached to plug in the sign.
Big Adventures
Tons of Fun
A Beautiful Heart
Faithful and Strong
Sharing Kindness
Is a easy feat
Hank glared at Dale.
"I said not to"
And magic makes it all complete
Bill took out can labeled VEGGIES.
"Hey I found a can with all kinds of vegetables. You know, I bet we can use this lid as...a Frisbee! Catch Hank!"
Bill, by accident, threw the lid at Boomhauer's ear.
"What o dang o ear man. wat are you tink you doing man dango fatty belt buckle man"
Boomhauer took the lid and threw it, missing Bill and hitting a window.
Red Blaze walked in.
"What the...? What's going on back here?"
Hank spoke up.
"I'll take care of it. Boomhauer, put some ice on that ear. Bill, you fix the window. Dale, you..."
Dale stood up, waving his hoofs in front of him.
"No! No more orders! Blaze, I cannot work with this man here. I want a transfer!"
Hank shouted.
"Dale shut up! You're acting like an idiot!"
Do you know you're all my very best friends?
Red Blaze shouted.
"That's enough! Now either you ponies get along, or I'll find four others who can!"
Hank dropped his jaw, along with his friends.
Inside Ponyville Fire Station
Nighttime
Hank walked in the fire station and saw that inside was messy. He was carrying an apple pie wrapped in tin foil. He saw Boomhauer reading a magazine Bill and Dale playing volleyball with the fire hose.
"You can't use the fire hose like that! You'll damage the elasticity!"
Dale replied.
"Whatcha got under the foil Mr. Party Pooper? Some Party Poop?"
"Um...Applejack made some apple pie for us"
Boomhauer replied when heard the word 'apple pie':
"Hey yo"
He took the apple pie and took it to the oven.
Bill talked to Dale.
"Hey Dale, I was ahead when Hank ruined our game, so I win right?"
"Wrong. You automatically lose. But I'll go double or nothing on the ping pong court"
"Alright"
"OK"
They both went to the ping pong table to play ping pong.
Moments later...
Hank is trying to sleep but Bill and Dale are still playing ping pong.
"OK fellas. Time to hit the hay! Knock it off!"
"The game's not over."
"Pick it up tomorrow!"
Boomhauer took the pie from the oven.
"Hey man heads up man dango hot apple pie man"
Hank went to the ping pong table and took the ball.
"Give me the ball dammit"
He crushed the ball with his hoof.
"There"
Bill looked at the ball then took Hank's glasses, put them on the floor, and stomped on them.
"There"
Hank gave Bill an angry glare almost as worst as "The Stare"
"Dang it Bill! That was my only pair of glasses!"
Dale shouted.
"Dang it Hank! That was our only ball!"
Dale took the apple pie from Boomhauer and threw it at Hank.
Hank ducked and the apple pie hit Bill. Bill took out the pie and screamed in pain. His face was burned. He threw the pie at Dale.
Boomhauer replied.
"Hey man dango put a scarf on that man"
Dale dodged the pie.
"HA HA HAH"
Bill muttered.
"My face hurts"
Hank started to chase Bill.
"And it's gonna match your flank when I'm done kicking it!"
Hank continued to chase Bill until Bill was stuck on the fire pole. Hank went back to bed.
"GOOD NIGHT"
Then he heard sounds coming from the ping pong table.
"ARE YOU GUYS PLAYING WITH THAT BUSTED BALL NOW? !"
Hank grabbed his mane and let out a deep groan.
He wen to the ping pong table and took the ball.
Red Blaze came in.
"I've got bad news ponies. Old Smokey died. Nature causes."
Hank, Dale, and Boomhauer became disappointed.
Bill just farted. Red Blaze became mad.
"Oh for crying out loud!"
The next day
The fire chief, Red Blaze, Flame, Cotton, Kahn, and the Mane 6 are in Old Smokey's funeral. Hank and his friends are bringing the coffin to the grave.
Dale spoke up.
"C'mon Hank pick up the pace!"
"I can't see where I'm going...Damn you Bill"
"Shh! Man dang o disrespectful man dang o LIFT Bill!"
"I AM! It's Dale! He's faking it!"
"Am not"
Hank became mad.
"Dale, no wonder my end feels so heavy. Get your hands on the casket!"
"It's bad luck!"
Hank's glasses fell and as he reached down to grab them, he fell down the open grave, along with his friends. Boomhauer, by accident, grabbed Old Smokey's funeral pants.
"Told ya it was BAD LUCK"
Everyone else looked down on the open grave with shocked faces except Cotton, who was smirking.
Inside Ponyville Fire Station
Hank and his friends are resting. Hank has a pissed look on his face.
Dale tried to talk to him.
"Hank I wanna offer"
"DON'T"
"I mean I just wanted to"
"NO. YOU CANNOT SPEAK TO ME EVER AGAIN"
Bill replied as he ate cupcakes.
"That goes for me too, faker"
"Why don't you eat some cupcakes? That's all you ever do is eat cupcakes. No wonder you WERE bald and your wife left you on Earth"
"Dang o amen"
"Hey...I'm burned"
Hank spoke up.
"All of you, go to bed"
Dale replied.
"Its 4 in the afternoon!"
"What did I tell you about talking to me?"
Bill stood up.
"Stop the fighting! This is no way to honor the memory of Old Smokey!"
Dale sighed.
"I think I shall honor Smokey's memory by plugging in his beloved 'Dos A' Apple Cider sign."
Dale plugged in the sign. Hank unplugged it. Dale plugged it back in it.
Just then the fire alarm went off.
Hank was happy.
"Our first fire! C'mon"
Hank and his friends prepared and went to the fire truck and headed out to the fire, which was at Sugar Cube Corner.
As Hank and his friends arrived at their destination, they got out of the truck and went to the fire...
...only to see Red Blaze put out the last fire.
"Fire's out, ponies"
Hank sighed.
"Oh. Well, that's good, I guess?"
"I was down at the street having a plaque made. I'd thought we'd rename the station 'Old Smokey Firehouse' since he didn't get a DECENT BURIAL"
All of a sudden their pagers started beeping.
Bill gasped.
"They're calling ALL units!"
"Where is it? !"
Hank looked at his pager.
"Oh my God..."
The fire station was burning to the ground.
Hank and his friends arrived.
"Where do you want us chief?"
"Back in the grave with Old Smokey!"
Dale took the plaque and put it on top of the ruins.
"Ahem. I hereby dedicate you the 'Old Smokey Firehouse'"
Interrogation Room
Hank spoke up.
"Sir, I've kept a journal of all the violations these 3 nincompoops committed and I'd be happy to turn..."
Dale interrupted Hank.
"I've read that journal, it's all lies! Hank did it! Bill did it too! I BEG THEM NOT TO! !"
Bill stood up and started to choke Dale.
"Why you chicken-necked ass, I'll KILL YOU! ! !"
Eventually the rest of the guys (ponies?) started fighting.
"Oh for Celestia's sakes..." the fire chief muttered as he used his magic to stop the fighting.
Hank and his friends stopped fighting.
The fire chief became more pissed.
"Well, I'd thought you guys had reached your peak when you pants Old Smokey in his funeral. But then you outdid yourself by burning down your own FIRE HOUSE!"
Hank replied.
"Not me. It was these screw ups."
Bill replied.
"Well maybe this is a wrong time to bring this up, but we are only volunteers"
The fire chief replied.
"We're going to go over every minute about what happened before you lame brains left for Sugar Cube Corner. Then I'll know which one of you to bring up on charges."
Hank and his friends gulped at the same time.
The fire chief pointed at Dale.
"Gribble you first"
Dale spoke up.
"Well, as usual..."
Dale's story
A buff Dale is smoking and checking the smoke alarm
"...I was performing fire safety checks on the station house"
Bill ate apple pie without his hooves.
"Bill had his face buried in apple pie"
Hank screamed at Dale like a drill instructor.
"Hank was giving orders for a change"
Boomhauer was working on his tan.
"And Boomhauer thought being a firepony meant a chance to work on his tan. Of course he didn't realize his tanning lotion had been replaced by some IcyHot Dale bought for top secret purposes."
Dale laughed as he saw Boomhauer trying to wipe the IcyHot off of him.
"But then the fire alarm went off, and Boomhauer knocked over his tanning lamp as he bolted upright. I raced for the firetruck at lightning speed"
Dale then flicked the lit cigarette to the ground.
"Uh...Uhh...That's all I remember"
"No way dango Gribble tell dang o crazy crap i'll tell what happend man dang o truth man Bill man throw BOOM right in my ear man"
Boomhauer's story
Dale is disabling the fire alarm.
"Hey man tell you what dang o detector talk about government freedom of smoke man tell you what dango yeah man. "
He bumped into Hank, who had a pissed look on his face.
"Hey man i'll tell you what man dang o boy aint right man talk about kick him dang o ass man"
Boomhauer spoke up.
"For Celestia's sakes, Hank. Act like a stallion, man. And keep it down ponies, will you? I am trying to get through an article on Gabby Gums and I've been on the same dang page for 20 minutes."
Bill took out apple pie from a toaster oven.
"dang'ol pretty pretty pie i tell you what"
Bill had forgotten the toaster oven as it began to burn.
"So you're saying that Bill left the oven on?"
"Not true. OK. I have a weakness for pies..."
Bill's story
A fatter pony version of Bill, with no mane or tail, took out the pie out of the oven.
"...I have a lot of weaknesses, actually but I remember turning off the oven"
He began to eat it without hooves. He then took out a bag of marshmallows and began cooking one marshmallow over the stove.
"Let's see. Uh...then I had myself a little dessert...Oh my"
He had forgotten the stove as it began to burn.
"Uhhhhh...OK...uhhhhh...so I turned off the toaster oven!"
The fire chief replied.
"Well what happened after the fire alarm went off?"
Bill's story (continued)
"Uhh...I was in the garage. Dale was switching the oxygen tanks."
The fire chief replied.
"What do you mean switching the tanks?"
Hank spoke up.
"Why would you switch the oxygen tanks?"
Dale answered.
"Oh let's face it. Me, Bill, and Boomhauer had no idea what we were doing. You're the only real firepony among us. I saw your tank was running low and mine was full. And I'd know you'd need every molecule of oxygen to carry our charred bodies out of that raging inferno"
The fire chief spoke up.
"So! The fire could have been caused by Gribble's smoking, Boomhauer's tanning, or Dauterive's cooking"
Hank spoke up.
"It could have been, but it wasn't. And I'd tell you why it wasn't I tell you what"
Hank's story
"We had finally realized our boyhood dreams"
"We became firefighters"
"except instead of fighting fires we were busy fighting each other"
"Anyway, the fire alarm went off"
"And I sprung into action"
"I turned off the lamp"
"turned off the stove"
"and put out the cigarette"
"I ran toward the fire truck and saw Dale fiddling on the back. I didn't know he was busy switching the oxygen tanks, awfully nice thing to do since we weren't on speaking terms"
Dale interrupted.
"Still aren't"
Hank continued his story.
"Then I pulled my blinker on to pull out"
"Wait a minute"
"I remember seeing some kind of yellow light in the mirror"
"I know what caused that the fire!"
"Somepony plugged in that stupid 'Dos A' Apple Cider sign!"
"And I'll tell you what that somepony had to be!"
Dale started to shake in fear.
"that somepony had to be"
Dale began to shake more.
"Old Smokey"
"I did not...OLD SMOKEY!"
"Yup. Smokey loved that sign. But hte dang thing didn't work right. It was just a real fire hazard. Isn't that right, Dale?"
"Uhhh...Yes. Old Smokey must of plugged that sign in the last time he was in the station. What a MORON, may he rest in peace. Right, Bill?"
"Right. Sounds like Smokey."
Hank, Bill, and Dale looked at Boomhauer, hoping he would agreed with them.
'Tell you what man go drag Smokey's name through the mud dang o DALE's the one who did it man dang o leave Old Smokey alone man"
The fire chief thought for a while and and replied.
'So each of everyone of you believes that Old Smokey started that fire"
Everyone nodded, except Boomhauer, who just sighed.
The fire chief sighed.
"Well it doesn't surprise me. I told him a half a dozen times not to plug in that sign. I don't know. Smokey was one buck of a firepony. I'd hate to soil his good name"
Hank suggested.
"Well I guess we could just call it an electrical fire"
The fire chief thought for a moment.
"Good idea. That's what we'll do"
He opened the door.
"You're free to go"
As he left, Bill told his friends:
"Well I heard Applejack's looking for some ponies for the Applebuck Season"
Hank interrupted.
"NO"
Bill smiled.
"It's all the apple cider we can drink!"
Hank eventually smiled.
"Yup"
"Yup"
"Yup"
"Mmm hmm"
Hank and his friends went back home.
Sweet Apple Acres
Nighttime
As Big Macintosh went into his room, he noticed Cotton throwing homemade darts at a poorly drawn picture of Big Macintosh.
Big Macintosh started to growl but immediately calmed down.
He went to his room with a scowl on his face.
"I'll talk to that Cotton fella. And if he doesn't listen to me, I'd MAKE him."
He didn't notice that Cotton was listening to him.
With a smirk, Cotton whispered.
"We'll see, you red son of a bitch...we'll see..."
READ AND REVIEW!
I don't i'll do another chapter like this :D