Twilight's Library
Midnight
Hank was up all night, reading a book in his bedroom.
As he read his book he became more tired.
Eventually, he fell asleep and had a crazy dream...
"Now for the final test"
"The Snipe hunt"
SNIPE HUNT
PONYVILLE, EQUESTRIA 19XX
Colt versions of Hank, Bill, Dale, Boomhauer, and Kahn are sitting next to a campfire. Cotton and Hank's friends' dads were standing in front of the fire. Cotton was busy talking to the colts.
"Not gonna sugar coat it. Some of you aint coming back. Those who survive will be honored members of the Order of the Straight Arrow. Those who don't, will be DEAD. Questions? ARE YOU READY?"
Kahn shouted.
"Yeah! Um...uh..."
Cotton walked up to Kahn with a pissed look on his face.
"You flunked the test of silence Kahn. Give me your silence stick!"
Kahn handed him his silence stick. Cotton broke it in half.
"For the rest of your long miserable life, you will carry the scar of failure. Now go get me a cupcake."
Kahn walked away, sad.
"And ya colts get out there and bag some snipe!"
He screamed at the colts, which scared them away. Dale tried to look for the snipe. Hank tapped his shoulder.
Dale yelled.
"SNIPE!"
Hank was standing there with Bill and Boomhauer.
Hank replied.
"Shut up Dale. There is no snipe. I heard my dad talking to your dad"
Bill asked.
"So what are we doing out here?"
Boomhauer took out a bottle of Sweet Apple Acre's Finest Sparkling Apple Cider.
"We're gonna git snackered i tell you wat boy i wanna get messed up and dang o pollute our minds dang o 3 sheets to dang ol' wind man"
The colts were awed at the sight of the cider.
Bill took a sip and shuddered.
"When I grow up I'm gonna drink this stuff everyday just like my dad, and fly jets and maybe even be an astronaut."
Dale took the bottle of cider and took a sip.
"I'm gonna live in Manehatten and be a rich millionaire and have ponies SENT TO THE MOON!"
Hank took the bottle of cider and took a sip.
"I'm gonna sell propane and propane accessories, if my grades are good enough"
Boomhauer took the bottle of cider and took a sip.
"Dang o tell ya wat man kids and their crazy dreams"
8:00 AM
Hank woke up suddenly and just sat there.
"That dream was so weird, I can't even blink"
Eventually, he had an idea...
Fluttershy's Cottage
Fluttershy was busy feeding the animals.
She noticed Dale flying towards her.
Dale landed next to her.
"Hey Fluttershy"
Fluttershy ignored him, she had a disappointed look on her face.
Dale frowned.
"What's wrong?"
Fluttershy answered without looking at him.
"Rainbow Dash told me about you."
Dale cringed. Did Rainbow Dash already told Fluttershy about Rusty Shackleford?
Fluttershy continued with her eyes closed.
"She told me you were an Exterminator. You killed animals."
Dale looked around her cottage and understood what she was talking about.
Bill once told Dale about Fluttershy. He told him about how she loves animals.
Dale wanted to say something but Fluttershy waved him off with her hoof.
"I think you should go Mr. Gribble."
Dale walked away sad.
He saw Hank walking towards him. Hank had went to visit Applejack, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash. He also went to his Bill and Boomhauer and is now going to Dale.
Hank spoke up.
"Hey Dale! Can you help me out with something?"
Dale nodded.
"Maybe"
Hank continued.
"Remember the 'Order of the Straight Arrow' back when we were kids?"
Dale smiled.
"How could I forget?"
Hank smirked.
"Well we're gonna make some mares out of those Cutie Mark Crusaders tomorrow, I tell you what."
Fluttershy's Cottage
The next morning
Hank once again thanked Fluttershy for letting the Cutie Mark Crusaders camp next to Fluttershy's home, since it looked appropriate for a camp site.
Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, and Scootaloo stood there, busy talking to each other.
Hank, Bill, Dale, and Boomhauer stood in front of the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
Hank cleared his throat.
"Alright, fillies. Welcome to the Order of the Straight Arrow. I am Hank Hill. These are my friends Dale Gribble, Bill Dauterive, and Jeff Boomhauer. The Order of the Straight Arrow will make you mares if you succeed, maybe even get your Cutie Marks. If you don't...you will be fillies for the rest of your miserable lives. Any questions?"
The Cutie Mark Crusaders were not even paying attention and continued talking.
Hank got pissed.
"SHUT UP!"
The Cutie Mark Crusaders suddenly stopped talking.
Hank sighed and took out 3 carrot sticks.
"OK. The 24 hour oath of silence starts now. Here are your silence sticks"
Hank gave each filly a carrot stick.
Apple Bloom spoke up.
"Those are carrot sticks"
Hank rolled his eyes.
"That's what fillies call them. MARES calls them silence sticks to test your spirit of SHUTTING UP! Each time you talk, I take a bite. Talk 5 times and you're out. 24 hour silence starts NOW."
After a few seconds, the Cutie Mark Crusaders spoke up at the same time:
"RIGHT NOW?"
Hank sighed.
"You fillies just talked. Now I'll let that pass but don't talk again!"
The Cutie Mark Crusaders smiled and, at the same time, said:
"Thanks, Mr. Hill"
Hank groaned.
"Give me those carrots"
He took their carrots and took a bite out of each of them.
Nighttime
After hours of biting carrot sticks, Hank set up a campfire.
"I am Kicking Elk. As long as the sacred fire is burning, the oath of silence is suspended"
The Cutie Mark Crusaders were happy and started to talk.
Hank got angry.
"SHUT UP! I'm talking here!"
Hank cleared his throat.
"We, of the Order of the Straight Arrow, call upon the spirit of Wematanye, protector of the sacred ground that brings us cool water to drink and energy-efficient, clean-burning propane gas for all our sacred heating and cooking needs. Wematanye says respect Equestria. She's ours, by Celestia, our taxes paid for her."
Hank took out a piece of paper.
"Also, uh, it says here you've got to love all her creatures. Uh, here we go. Though we walk through the valley of the shadow of death, you're gonna recommend us to the spirit in the sky. With liberty and justice for all. Wematanye is with you, and with Ponyville. AMEN."
Hank continued.
"Now we will say the oath of the Order of the Straight Arrow."
Everyone stood up and, together, said:
A STRAIGHT ARROW TELLS THE TRUTH. A STRAIGHT ARROW LOVES NATURE. A STRAIGHT ARROW WILL NOT ALLOW THE FLIMFLAM BROTHERS BACK IN OUR TOWN NOR DRINK THEIR CIDER. WEMATANYE!
Hank said:
"And now for the final test..."
"...The Snipe Hunt"
Hank said, in a scary voice:
"You are about to come face to face with the deadliest beast in creation. Those who survive will be honored members of the Order of the Straight Arrow. And those who don't, will be DEAD."
The Cutie Mark Crusaders gasped.
He looked up to the sky.
"Oh, Wematanye, protect us on our hunt."
Bill walked up to the The Cutie Mark Crusaders with sacks and sticks.
"All right. This here's your WHUP-ASS STICK to beat the snipe back in case he comes at you."
Sweetie Belle asked.
"Wh...What does a snipe look like?"
Dale answered in an evil voice.
"It's got red, glowing eyes, long, crooked teeth, a claw and a tail with ANOTHER claw on its end."
The Cutie Mark Crusaders gasped.
Hank whispered to Dale.
"Easy, Dale."
Hank spoke to the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
"Bill and I will take the lead. Boomhauer and Dale will bring up the rear. Remember, the snipe call is this: WOO-LOO-LOO, WOO-LOO-LOO."
Hank and his friends led them to a bush next to the Everfree Forest.
"Well, call him out fillies! He's not just going to show up."
The Cutie Mark Crusaders started to say WOO-LOO-LOO, WOO-LOO-LOO.
Bill shouted.
"Oh, I think I hear him!"
Hank smirked.
"Look out, Bill. He almost got you."
Hank and his friends came out of the bush, chuckling.
Scootaloo screamed and a THUMP was heard.
She came out of the bush with Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle.
Scootaloo had a big smile on her face.
"I GOT ONE! ! ! DOES THIS MEAN I GET MY CUTIE MARK? !"
Hank was confused.
"What the...? What are you talking about?"
Scootaloo gave Hank the bag. Hank emptied it and, to everyone's horror, saw what it really was.
Bill screamed like a girl.
"OH MY CELESTIA! THAT'S A PHOENIX! ! !"
Bill fainted.
Bill eventually woke up.
Dale was poking the phoenix with a stick.
"You really done it..."
Hank got angry.
"What do you mean 'YOU?' We're in this together."
Dale slowly backed away.
"Whoa, NO. You and I may be acquainted but we are not traveling companions. I'm merely here to enjoy Earth Day, if it had existed here, and play some hackey-sack."
Bill sighed.
"Dale, you're not going anywhere."
Hank groaned.
"Now, let's just go to sleep"
Dale nodded.
"Yes, yes. We...we'll all just go to sleep now."
Hank sighed.
"Bill, tie him up."
Apple Bloom picked up the phoenix and repeatedly said Wematanye and WOO-LOO-LOO, WOO-LOO-LOO.
Hank sighed.
"Apple Bloom, would you please knock it off? You're driving me nuts. There is no Wematanye. It's just some damn nonsense we made up to fill out the weekend. Tell her Dale."
Dale glared at Hank.
"How do you know my name, phoenix killer? I never met any of you people before in my life"
Hank sighed.
"Tell her, Bill"
Bill replied to Apple Bloom.
"He's right, Apple Bloom. It's all crock. Those spirit bags of yours are just Pinkie Pie's flour bags and, by the way, she wants them back."
Apple Bloom looked sad, along with Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo.
Apple Bloom said:
"So...everything you said was all a lie?"
Hank shouted.
"YES! That's the secret of the snipe hunt. That's the whole point."
The Cutie Mark Crusaders had sad faces on them.
Hank looked at them and was sad.
"I'm sorry...Apple Bloom...Sweetie Belle...Scootaloo..."
Just then, the phoenix woke up and flew to the sky, awing everyone.
Hank realized was just unconscious.
"WELL I'LL BE DAMNED!"
Apple Bloom's jaw dropped to the ground.
"WEMATANYE! ! ! !"
She smiled brightly.
"I'm just like Zecora."
Hank sighed but smiled.
Eventually, everyone smiled and laughed.
Fluttershy's Cottage
The next day
Fluttershy was busy feeding her animals.
She noticed a small ant hill and walked up to it.
Immediately, small red ants came up to Fluttershy.
Fluttershy frowned.
"Uh oh"
Dale and Rainbow Dash flew to Fluttershy's cottage.
Rainbow Dash admitted that when she and Fluttereshy were talking one time, Rainbow Dash, by accident, mentioned what Dale did back on Earth. Rainbow Dash decided to make it up to Dale by helping him get along with Fluttershy.
"OK. Now we need to find..."
Dale and Rainbow Dash heard Fluttershy's voice.
"Um, Rainbow Dash..."
Rainbow Dash smiled.
"Oh, Fluttershy there you arAAAH! ! !"
Both Rainbow Dash and Dale were shocked to see millions of fire ants covering Fluttershy.
Fluttershy looked scared.
"Take them off."
Dale shouted.
"Fluttershy, don't move a muscle! If you move, those fire ants are all gonna sting!"
Dale raised his hoof at Fluttershy.
"Take my hoof, Fluttershy. The ants will swarm on me."
Fluttershy cringed.
"What if they don't?"
Dale smirked.
"Oh, they will."
Fluttershy took Dale's hoof.
Dale was still smirking.
"They've been waiting to get a piece of me for 15 years"
Eventually all the fire ants got off of Fluttershy and headed towards Dale.
Dale laughed.
"Come and get it, boys"
Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash stood there with looks of shock and horror on their faces.
Dale was getting stung by fire ants and eventually said:
"YOUCH"
Dale fell down, motionless. The fire ants got off of Dale.
Fluttershy screamed.
"DALE, NO!"
She went to Dale's side and hugged him tightly with tears on her face.
"Oh...Oh Celestia...You sacrificed your life to save mine...I'm so sorry for not trusting you in the first place...If you can hear me...I'm...sorry...Dale Gribble...my friend..."
Dale coughed up some fire ants...
...
...
...and woke up, asking Fluttershy:
"While I was blacked out, was anything inserted in me?"
Fluttershy looked at Dale with tears and a smile.
"YOU'RE ALIVE!"
Dale just replied:
"Answer the question"
She continued to hug Dale, with tears of joy on her face.
Rainbow Dash couldn't help but smile. Happy that her best friend...made a new best friend.
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