The next morning, Sydney stood in Nathan's kitchen, dressed in a pair of his pajamas, bacon sizzling on the stovetop. She was making for breakfast for the man she loved, as well as his daughter, and it felt right. She looked out the kitchen window as she stirred the scrambled eggs in the other skillet. Everything outside was gleaming, coated in ice. The storm had hit hard and she was grateful that it had kept her there overnight. She was working on a bit of seasoning when Susan walked into the room.

"I could get used to something like this," she said, her voice light. "Dad's humming in the shower and you're cooking breakfast…good Saturday morning."

Sydney smiled as she looked back at the stovetop. She didn't want to seem overly happy, as she was afraid it would make everything too good to be true. "I'm just glad you're okay with everything."

"Okay? Are you kidding me? This is the best thing that's happened since I met Charlie." Her face suddenly fell and Sydney took notice. She was going to ask what was wrong, but Susan spoke first. "Sydney, I really need to know something."

Sydney swallowed. "Oh?"

"In the time you've known him…do you know if he's slipped? I don't want to take advantage of this new relationship, but I…I know he's had a few bad days and he's sworn to me that he hasn't but, well, has he?"

"He hasn't," Sydney answered honestly, transferring the eggs from the skillet to a bowl. She sighed, the sound heavy. "He came close a couple of times, but…" She looked at Susan and wanted to tell her more, but it wasn't her place. "You should probably talk to your dad."

"Talk to dad about what?" Nathan asked smiling. He walked into the kitchen, his eyes bright and his hair still slightly damp. He looked comfortable dressed in a pair of gray sweats and an aged concert t-shirt. He kissed the top of Susan's head.

"Later," Susan said, not wanting to spoil the morning. "Sleep well?"

"Ah, see that? Wonderful grammar," Nathan laughed as he approached Sydney. He slid an arm around her waist and kissed her cheek. "She must have a superb teacher."

They all sat and had breakfast together and Nathan assessed the state of the roads outside. According to him, they were in no condition to be traveled on. Sydney called Arlen to let him know she was going to spend the day at Nathan's – she hadn't lied about being there; after all they were working on their project and Susan was there now. After breakfast, Sydney decided on a shower and Susan had questions for her father.

"Dad?"

"Yeah, Susie Q?"

"I'm happy for you."

Nathan's face fell. "But?"

She didn't hesitate. "I asked Sydney if you came close to drinking and she said yes, but she wouldn't tell me anything other than the fact that you didn't. I need to know when."

Her father's voice was soft and slightly embarrassed. "Honey, I never did so why does it matter?"

Susan frowned. "Because I watched you drown for so long, Dad. I need to know what almost pushed you down again."

He understood and put his humiliation aside. He told her about Christmas Eve, the night with her mother, and the day he saved Sydney at school. As he recounted his near falls he began to realize just how they were taken care of. Of course, he didn't tell Susan about any of the rough sex that had transpired, Christmas aside. He did tell her that Sydney had been there for him each time and helped him to battle past his demons. She seemed happy with the answers and retreated to her room for a while. Nathan went to the bathroom, his mood completely changed from earlier.

"Syd?" he called, walking in on her. She was wrapped in a towel, her hair dripping wet.

Her eyes went wide. Susan was awake, after all. "Nathan, everything all right?"

"You deny it, you talk around it and make me forget in the moment, but you're making me use you. You can spin it all you want, you can say that it's freed both of us, but…Syd, it isn't right. My using you as a substitute for alcohol is just…it's insane."

Sydney looked away from him, wishing that she had more than a towel covering her. "It's not insane," she said sadly. "It worked, didn't it? You didn't drink and we both had a good time…"

"You tried on Christmas Eve…we weren't even together then and you were trying to throw yourself at me to…to divert me?"

"To keep you from making a mistake…"

"And what if I would have taken you up on that? What if we would've had sex right then and there and I never would have…" He ran his hand through his hair and leaned against the counter. "Syd, I could have used you and never looked at you again…"

"You didn't, so it doesn't matter."

"No, baby, it does." He moved toward her and she flinched. "Hey…"

"I can't tell if your pissed off at me or not," she said, warily.

He frowned, his eyes darkening. "No, I'm sorry. I'm not approaching this in the best way, I know that. I'm just trying to understand why you would throw yourself out there like that. I could have hurt you."

Sydney sighed, finally deciding it was time to take down a wall she'd been holding up for years. "I know there are things you haven't told me, Nathan, and the same goes for me." He saw her shiver and grabbed his robe from the hook on the back of the door. He slipped it around her shoulders from behind and she dropped the towel to the floor. "Have time for a story?"

"Depends on the ending."

Sydney took Nathan's hand and they left the bathroom, retreating back to his bed. "The ending's getting better." She was already cold and knew that recounting her past wasn't going to bring about any warm fuzzy feelings. "Crawl under with me?" Nathan slid beneath the covers wordlessly…and worried. She took his hand, squeezing it. "I understand addiction. I hate it and I fear it and I've lived through it…"

"Arlen's sister," Nathan said, hopeful. She shook her head and Nathan cocked his own. "Not…you?"

"Would you think less of me?" she answered quickly. She barely finished the sentence before Nathan shot a "no" into the air. She let herself smile. "Good. No, not me…David." Nathan looked confused and relived all at once. Sydney sighed. "To make a painfully long story short, David had an affair with morphine while we were together." Nathan's mouth opened, but he didn't speak. "Intravenous drug use during his residency and nobody else knows about it. Not his family, not Arlen, not the hospital…just me." She looked at Nathan, shame in her eyes. "He's clean, has been for a long while now, but…if I tell you this, you're going to look at him differently, look at me differently…"

"No," Nathan said, his voice gentle. "You didn't bat an eye when I told you about my situation, I promise the same."

"We'll see." She kissed him chastely, taking him by surprise. Over the course of twenty minutes or so, she told him about finding David in the bathroom, needle in hand, tourniquet around his arm…then about the countless times he promised to stop…and the other times where he said he needed it to alleviate the pressure he was under. She kept his rehab stints quiet, always able to cover for him, he kept her financially sound due to the money he came from. She loved him desperately, but his eye had wandered from day one. She knew he was curious about the other sex, but thought it was some sort of phase…he said the morphine helped to stem that too. "Eventually, I learned that sex helped to beat the cravings…" Her face reddened. "I'm not exactly proud of it, but…it really did work…for a while. He got clean, then he proposed…then he found himself bored."

"Of you?" Sydney nodded. "I don't see how that's possible, but I'm certainly in no position to complain about it."

"I just…Nathan, with you, I went back into the same mode. I didn't want you to 'relapse' – I know in your case it's not really the correct word – and I thought it would work…it has." She closed her eyes. "You like it rough when you need a drink…" She writhed a little, unable to help it at the recollection of their night in the superintendent's office. "…and it's doubly beneficial."

Nathan smiled, but pulled it back quickly. "Sydney, I can't have you be my vice."

"Why not?"

"Because you mean too much to me." He kissed her. "I don't want you to feel that you have to rescue me with your body."

"I like rescuing you," she confessed, kissing him back.

"Baby…"

"Is it such a bad alternative, really? I really did mean it when I said it was freeing…"

His lips found her neck and his length hardened. He tried to remember that Susan was awake in her room. "I know, and it is…and…" His memories were getting the better of him. "…you make me feel so good, so alive…"

"So let me. Nathan, I never want you to fall." She found her way on top of him.

"I won't…"

"You can't be sure." She slid the robe off of her shoulders, her nipples hard and in his line of sight. Unable to help himself, he took one in his mouth, sucking gently. She moaned, keeping her voice low. "I love you and will always be here when you need me…whatever you need me for. Can't that be okay?" Her back arched and he moved to the other breast. "It's not using when I'm offering you…" He bit, gently, and she looked down at him.

"I'm never going to be into guys," he chuckled, his tongue now circling her flesh.

Sydney smiled. "I know…and I owe you for last night."

"Not now, baby."

"Can't stay quiet?" she giggled.

"We are having a serious conversation…"

"Think it ended with a mutual understanding a few minutes ago. There is no guilt allowed if you want my body in place of booze, understood? It will never be using, it will never be a vice…it will just be me loving you too much to let you hurt yourself." She slid his pants and boxers down, purposefully brushing his length as she did so. "Understood?" He nodded, reaching for her, but she shook her head. "Hm mm…conversation's over, my secret's out, and now…" Her head sank and she took him into her mouth. Nathan reached for the pillow, biting it to suppress what would have been a loud moan. Sydney's body felt light. She'd had the conversation she'd been dreading and she knew Nathan would never again feel he was using her. She meant all she'd said, she just wanted him to know she'd support him in any way he would ever need.

She loved his taste and let him know so by humming her approval around his flesh. She slid her tongue from base to tip, then circled it before teasing the slit there. His hips rose and he cried into the pillow, his hands tangling in her hair. She looked up at him, her eyes lust filled, and she sucked the tip, hard. It was muffled, but she heard him say "fuck" into his makeshift gag. She hummed again and felt him shiver. Her hands wandered up his shirt, her nails scratching him slightly, making his body tense. She loved making his body react to her touch…she loved being in his bed…she loved making him come for her.

Nathan moved the pillow. "Baby, please," he begged. "I want you."

She released his length from her mouth. "Not today, lover," she taunted. "Today I take care of you…" She smiled, sinful. "Now, let me blow your mind, hm?" She rolled her eyes at her words.

"Fucking Christ," he groaned as she took every bit of him back into her warm, eager mouth. He couldn't stop his hips from rolling up, forcing himself further… "Oooh…you…" He was in her throat and he felt just the slightest bit guilty at how much he was enjoying her particular skill set. "I want to be so fucking filthy right now," he whispered.

She released him again. "Good." She squeezed him. "What do you want?"

He grabbed her, roughly, but with no intentions of hurting her. "This pillow will never keep me quiet enough if your mouth keeps fucking me." He rotated her body and smiled. "You smell so good."

"Nathan, I said I…"

"You said you owed me," he interrupted, her core hovering over his mouth. "So pay your debt and enjoy it." His tongue invaded her body and she engulfed his length once again, stifling her moans and pleasuring him with them. She'd have to deal with how much he enjoyed this particular act; tasting what he could make her body do. He licked her relentlessly, his pace fast. He groaned into her as she kept a steady rhythm, her mouth greedy. He stopped licking at her only to nibble instead and she gave him what she wanted. He tensed and she smiled around him, accepting every drop of what he'd spilled. They both remained where they were, mewing into one another, still flicking their tongues against one another's sex. When their bodies finally relaxed, Sydney moved off of him gazing at him with rosy cheeks. "I think that might be the hottest thing I've ever done in my life," Nathan said, still panting.

Sydney felt almost drunk, her body tingling. "Was supposed to be just for you."

"I took what I wanted," he said with a wink. "Thought that's what you wanted."

She smiled. "It is."