Okay, Imma be completely honest here, this chapter is basically completely original with hardly any mention of Shugo Chara. Is that even allowed? I dunno, but we'll be getting back to that next chapter. I at least hope some questions were cleared up, and I hope you enjoy learning more about Snow's heritage!
Disclaimer: I do not own Shugo Chara, or mean like any offense in my description of Hell. I just rolled with it.
~Crimrose
Chapter XVIII
Serpentine
For a place that was supposed to be the embodiment of evil, Hell sure was light.
The landscape before me resembled a desert with golden- actual gold, the kind that caught the light and glittered like a sea of stars- sands, and dead trees that had branches that might have literally been claws. Smack in the middle of said place was a path that seemed to be made of black glass- obsidian, Lee had called it- on a raised road that lead to a completely metal city with high spires, knives poking up from the ground and stabbing towards the sky. A mist was filtering my vision and making my throat close and eyes water, so I thought I had imagined the sand moving at first. Upon closer inspection, however, my heart was shoved onto one of the buildings' metal spires when I saw that I was right. Creatures were weaving, almost swimming, through the ground and sand, with spikes on their backs that penetrated the surface and tails that were like fins lit on fire. They were demons, real monsters I had only thought were special effects in movies, moving right beneath me with mouths full of fangs and a thirst for flesh. I had no idea why I was under the impression that all demons were docile and human-looking like Lee and Ivalthea- they were literal creatures of darkness, unholy unions of things, more wild and ferocious than the most dangerous animals on earth.
That wasn't the only thing I could barely fathom. The sky was so bright, as if it held its own light, and was a bright yellow-orange instead of blue. But then I looked just a little closer, squinting my eyes against the light, and saw that it was fire. A huge blaze that literally lit up the entire sky and licked up the sides of some of the buildings in the city. The path of obsidian turned into a narrow bridge as it reached over a chasm to the city, which was filled with a river of flame that made the city's image waver like a mirage from the rising heat. I supposed some people had it right when they called Hell and inferno- and Lee was completely justified in saying that humans stood no chance of survival here. I was sweating bullets myself, panting from the heat that pressed on me from all sides and took my breath away, to the point where I felt like I'd literally melt into a puddle of liquid. Just as I thought that, several sparks started to leap from the chasm filled with flames, and turned almost human in form and began wandering around, either in the desert or towards the city.
"Ooh," Lee grunted suddenly as he leaned over me to look into my eyes and observe the view. "Looks like the miasma's getting to her. Your eyes may start bleeding soon," he informed me, much to my horrified disgust. "The very air in Hell is poisonous, poisonous enough to kill a human with one inhale. It's especially bad for you, since the amount of energy here may be causing your demon half to act up. However, the longer you remain down here, you should get used to it." He paused for a moment, seeming to consider his next words carefully. "Let's just hope it doesn't kill you any time soon."
Sand whipped against my skin like sheets of finely ground rocks, getting into my mouth and making it even more difficult to form my next words. "You said… it was a miracle I'd survived this long. That other half-demons were torn apart from the inside." He nodded, no trace of expression on his face. "How long do you… think it will take before that happens to me?"
I expected him to think about it, as if he was counting the number of years I had left to look forward to and live. Instead he immediately answered: "Maybe a few months."
"M-months?" I repeated incredulously, my mouth full of sand and making my tongue stick to the roof of my mouth and my throat burn.
He shrugged. "I'm guessing it would be around your birthday. Since it's November, three would be a good estimate."
All things considered, I thought it was amazing how calmly I took the subject of my impending demise. I was probably in shock, which was proven to be the case when I discovered that I couldn't speak. Lee's gaze almost seemed sympathetic as he looked down at me, but it didn't last for long.
"Come on, stand up," he commanded, hauling me up by the elbow. I couldn't feel my legs- or the rest of my body, for that matter- and even growing up in Louisiana, I'd never been this close to what I believed to be heat stroke. My head was pounding to the rhythm of the howling sands, and Lee's authoritive and harsh voice made it far worse. "This isn't what I wanted you to se. We have a bit of a walk before we get there."
When he turned us around to begin walking in the direction of a particularly dark and spooky forest, a clear, husky voice rang out: "And where do you think you're going, Lecariel?"
You know how you can tell that a person doesn't like someone by the completely disgusted look on their face? That was exactly what happened to Lee when he heard that voice. His entire expression slackened and his eyes rolled up exaggeratedly, but his grip on my arm tightened until I could actually feel it again. Slowly, he turned around and we were faced with a woman that could've been his double.
I'd never seen hair so luscious. I actually felt a spark of envy- and something else I didn't want to put a name to, being straight and all- as I took in her tumbling onyx locks that faded into gentle yet wild curls at the ends. Her face was a beacon of pale light against it, with lips the colour of baby pink seashells that were curved into a mischievous grin. High cheekbones mader her eyes look like they were smugly holding a secret she'd never tell, and her jaw was sharp and defined while still managing to look delicate and ladylike. The dress she wore was extremely form-fitting and hugged her voluptuous curves like it'd never let gom but it spilled into a pool of material at her feet. It was made of a deep crimson material that almost looked like liquid running down her body. Like blood.
I was going to be sick.
"Where do you think, Lilith," Lee responded with exaggerated sarcasm, and I would have done a double take if I wasn't repressing vomit at that moment. "You know very well my kind don't favour Gehenna- especially when you're lurking around."
Her wide, almost childish moss-coloured eyes simpered at him as she fluidly moved her hands to rest on her hips. "Am I not allowed to see my own daughters? Though why they favour hanging in this flaming pit of misery is beyond me. However, I'm intensely curious about that little wretch you're holding onto for dear life." She cocked her head to the side, and her pupils shrank like a cat glaring into the sun- as the Guardians once said mine did. Her mouth stretched into a grin wide enough that I could see pointed teeth that glittered in the light of the fire. "Don't tell me that's Glaziel's little abomination in our paradise."
A muscle in Lee's jaw jumped, and I then noticed that a lot of him was actually twitching. It was like he was trying to shake off a bad it, or shrug off a jacket that was stuck to his skin. I realized then that he'd been talking about "true forms" and whatnot since his whole explanation began, and that I'd been a fool to think he looked that normal all the time. He was more than likely hiding some monster underneath human skin, as well. "If you're referring to my niece," he began, his voice bordering on a growl. "Then yes, she's here- and she has every right to be."
Lilith shrugged elegantly curved shoulders, making her almost liquid-like dress move differently. "Not really, no. If it'd never been born, your brother would still be here, and His Majesty wouldn't look so bothered all the time." That last part made one of her eyes twitch slightly, as if the Devil's mind dwelling on other things besides her was a cause for irritation. She looked at me then- no, through me was a better description. Her mouth curled upwards, like she was staring at a piece of trash littered on the street. "A shame I couldn't get you in your crib," she said, and even though I knew she was addressing me, she was looking at Lee. "Your father stopped me from killing you the moment you were born. He was obviously mentally impaired- taking the lives of children is kind of my shtick. At least there's nothing to stop me from getting you now."
The look Lee gave her almost made me laugh; his expression was the same as if he was dealing with a particularly idiotic child. "As if I'll let you do that, you wench. Say one more thing and I'll freeze you where you stand."
"You know, I'd love to keep antagonizing you," she giggled, pointing a long and apathetic finger down at me. "But it seems like it's dying right now, anyway."
It was like Lee was noticing my condition for the first time, in spite of the fact that I hadn't bothered to try and cover up my laboured breathing for quite some time now. My vision was going a blurred red at the corners, my stomach feeling like it was being turned inside out achingly slowly. I tried to breathe in through my mouth, but ended up choking on something warm and wet and started gurgling immediately. Lilith started to actually laugh as Lee swept me up into a princess carry while simultaneously saying "Oh shit", and she said, "That thing is pathetic. Can't even stand being in Hell for five minutes. Just kill it here, Lecariel. End the poor thing's suffering."
Lee paused in his swift stride that was taking us closer to those intensely foreboding woods. Then, with one smooth swivel of his head, he looked over his shoulder at Lilith, and I struggled to see through all the red to see that ice was starting to crawl up her legs and freeze her in place. Her expression didn't change, and she didn't try to even move, but I saw her vivid green eyes narrow slightly. I could barely believe what I was seeing- Hell, the mythological first wife of Adam, and a man freezing her with just a look. Before either of them could make another move, Lee muttered, "You talk too much," and began lithely walking away.
"Just remember," she called out from behind us, her voice ringing clear and musical as a bell. "I'm one of the most merciful demons here. You may want to hang on to it tight if you don't want to lose it."
He didn't respond with words, but I felt his fingers tighten on my arm and leg. The further we moved away from the city of metal and pit of fire, the more my vision began to clear and my headache faded away. I noticed a dark shape around Lee's neck, and saw that it was a pitch black snake with ruby red eyes resting comfortably there while biting its own tail- no doubt Ivalthea, taking on the form of an ouroboros for whatever reason. When I tried to look over his wide shoulder to see if Lilith had begun to follow, I saw that she had disappeared altogether, only leaving shards of ice behind. That image made chills skitter down my spine, since I thought that Lee was strong enough to imprison her in ice with a glance, but she must have been pretty damn strong herself to escape from it so quickly.
"Who was that?" I asked quietly, desperately trying to shake off the feeling that I was being watched from eyes on all sides.
"You heard me," he grunted, clearly agitated by the encounter. "That was Lilith, mother of the lilim and killer of human infants. She's particularly close with my father- you might even call her His mistress. You can count on her to go rat to Him about your presence here."
I stilled completely in his arms, my legs even halting in their swing. "Are we… in trouble?"
His gaze hardened. "I can't imagine you'd be at the moment- He wouldn't go back on His word to not lay a hand on you until He gives you His test. We're fine for now." With a physical shake of his figure, he seemed to be trying to shuck off the encounter with Lilith and focus on other things. "Anyway, you might be wondering what exactly is going on right now, and where we are."
"That's one way to put it," I muttered, barely able to sort out any of my thoughts through the pitch film clouding my mind. I was still dwelling on the fact that I had about three months until I tore myself apart from the inside.
"Hell isn't just one thing," Lee began slowly, probably trying to figure out how to put his thoughts into words. "It's different… for everyone. I'm not sure how to describe it to you; it's something you can only understand if you come right from the darkness. Right here is Gehenna, the City of Steel and Fire. This is mostly where Lilith and her daughters hang around, and right by the entrance to Hell, which is why there's numerous accounts saying that Hell's a place of fire and brimstone. It's especially uncomfortable for us, since we're from the land of water and ice, which is also where we're headed at the moment. But we have to pass through Fovos to get there." He jerked his head forward to indicate the forest before us. "This is one place in particular where you don't want to get separated from me. These woods will eat you alive."
I told myself that he wasn't being literal- that he was talking about things in the woods that'd eat me alive. But that was just me being naïve. In hindsight, it was almost funny that I'd been walking around thinking that I knew all about pain, that I was someone who'd seen a lot of the world just in the span of eighteen years. It was strange how pretentious I had become, and that I only noticed it when I was ripped from the world I'd always known and thrown into Hell, where everything was different and everything changed. I found myself staring at the landscape of Gehenna over Lee's shoulder as he brought us closer and closer to Fovos, the forest that'd eat me alive. The sands of gold swirled and danced in the air and almost looked female in shape, the wind sounding distinctly like mocking laughter. Even though he was a demon and had lied to me since the first day I'd met him, I held on to Lee as if my life depended on it- which it most likely did. Despite the fact that I barely even knew him, I found that there was some comfort in actually having an uncle. An actual family member who wanted something to do with me, and despite all his criticisms and lecturing me on how I was weak, I didn't let the fact that he was sticking with me even though I was more of a freak than he was slip by.
"Do you think you can walk on your own?" He asked just as we were at an entrance to the forest. I nodded and slipped out of his grasp, taking the opportunity to wipe the red from my eyes and the corner of my mouth. Some of it stuck to the ends of my hair that the wind blew into my mouth, and it was intensely noticeable since my hair was white. It was like looking at a red wine stain on a pure white couch- obnoxious and impossible not to notice. It wasn't like I was concerned about my appearance in Hell; I was more concerned about the smell of my blood, and if it'd attract unwanted visitors. As if he could tell what I was worrying over, Lee ordered, "Stick close to me," and began to step into the woods.
The self-preserving instinct in me made me hesitate to enter after him, but I knew there'd be more trouble if we got separated than if we entered the woods together. I hurried to follow behind him, kicking up black dirt as I jogged to his side, my legs buckling slightly on the way. The moment I set foot in the woods, everything went dead silent. I had barely noticed how much sound had been ramming into my ears around Gehenna, from the howling winds to the whooshing flames and crackling spark. Now the stark absence of any noise was… unsettling. It didn't help that everything around me was pitch black- the trees, the dirt, the plants. I couldn't even make out the sky from the clawed canopy of bare branches. A feeling of anxiety burrowed itself into the pit of my stomach, seeping into my bloodstream and putting me on high-alert. Everything around me almost seemed to be pulsating, somehow, as if the woods themselves were alive and had a heartbeat that shook the earth. I heard a rustle and a snicker somewhere behind me, and immediately went to grab for Lee- only to notice he wasn't there.
This couldn't be happening. I hadn't been in the woods for two minutes, and I'd literally already got separated from the one person I felt remotely safe with. I was all alone in the literal definition of deep, dark woods, spot in the middle of Hell. I glanced frantically around me on all sides to see if I could spot Lee, and only him, since I didn't believe anyone else out there would be interested in helping me. What was I thinking, just going along with him without resisting in the slightest? I could very well die here, all by myself, devoured by man-eating monsters or whatever else was in this place. Never before had I been so nervous without my Shugo Chara beside me; I'd just got them back from Nikaidou, and now I was all alone again, though this situation was probably a lot worse. I hadn't even known I was a half-demon for an hour or so, and already I was desperately missing my old, ignorant self, who was happy just to have them beside me. I missed Satsuki's easy kindness, Vivian's cold scolding, Lilith's obnoxiousness. I found it deeply disturbing that one of my Shugo Chara happened to share the name of Lucifer's mistress and the "killer of human infants". I remembered when Lilith had first hatched and we Character Transformed, how I'd asked her why her weapon was a whip modelled after a dragon. I was an idiot. It probably had something to do with the whole 'your father was a demon' thing. Well, if there was any situation when I'd desperately needed to access those demonic ice powers, it would sure as hell- heck?- be right then.
Just as I was trying to tap into them somehow, to try and concentrate just like how Lilith had taught me by pushing my energy and strength into my hands, I heard more scuffling behind me. I was terrified, petrified to look behind me and see what it was, but the stupid human reaction got the best of me and I threw a glance back anyway. All I saw was a shadow dart behind a tree, then another. They were circling around me, slowly closing in, getting ready for the kill. I wanted to scream as loudly as I could, since there was a possibility Lee would hear it and come after me since I obviously wasn't going to save myself. But that could also be a signal to anything else that knew I was here. My heart was tearing through my chest, making my blood pump too fast to be standing still, and the branches above me began clattering like bones rattling in a skeleton. I heard the rushing in my hears, the dirt being kicked up by skittering feet, and I was certain there was nothing I could do except desperately try to force some ice out of me.
I threw a hang out in front of me, pointing at nothing in particular, and before I could think of anything that might have helped to channel the power out, I froze- and not in the literal sense. The feet stopped moving, the trees stopped shaking, clocks stopped ticking as my jaw slackened to the point where saliva threatened to drip out. But how else was I supposed to react when my father was standing right in front of me?
He looked just like how I'd remembered him- pristine white hair sloppily cut and falling into his bright violet eyes with the almost aqua ring encasing the pupil. He was taller than me by a little, which jarred me more than anything, because the last time I'd seen him, I was only up to his knees. His jaw was sharp, masculine, with a ski-slope nose and too-wide eyes. His skin was the perfect shade to match his hair, only accentuated by the all-black clothing he wore. There was only one thing about him I didn't recognize- he wasn't smiling. That alone should have been a big enough clue for me, but I was too shell-shocked to understand at the time.
"Daddy…?" I murmured quietly, lowering my hand, wondering how it was possible. Lee and Tadase-kun's father had been right; I could've been his twin if not for a few more feminine aspects. His eyes were so much older, wiser, and only then did I understand it was because he'd seen so much of the world, lived so many lives, most likely seen many deaths. Something in his face just seemed old, even though he naturally didn't look any older than twenty-five, and tired. He'd always had those key features about him, but I was too young to comprehend what they meant. To me, they were just some aspects that made up my father, not a demon who'd lived for centuries and was the son of the Devil. That didn't change the fact that he was my dad, the man who had raised me with nothing but smiles and affection, who had given his own life for mine. Which didn't explain how he could be here, standing before me as he had the last day I'd seen him.
Something hanging around his neck drew my eye, and when I noticed what it was, I couldn't help but think I knew it. It was the necklace I'd mysteriously found in my mailbox, the one that seemed to be showing me images of his past. It had been his, though I barely remembered him ever wearing it. But how could he have it now, when I still felt it lying against my chest beneath my nightgown? Nothing was making any sense. The only thing that felt real about this was the swell of emotion building in my chest like the gathering of a tornado, obliterating any trace of common sense or rational thought. I was tempted to run into his arms and never, ever let go again. For so long I'd resented him, thinking he left of his own accord and abandoned me to the monster my mother had become, and I wanted to apologize for ever thinking that way when all he did was think about me and my mom. I took a single step forward, the corners of my eyes prickling, but then stopped mid-stride when my mother stepped out from behind him.
What the fuck was going on…? That wasn't the mother I'd known, the beautiful half-Asian woman with soft olive skin and almond-shaped eyes of aqua. Her dark chocolate hair swung to her hips, coming up in every direction and matted as if from crying around her eyes. Her lids were hooded with deep, black circles beneath them, her lips cracked and thin and small form shaking violently. She looked like a ghost, the exact same she had the day she'd hauled off on the whacky train and attacked me. The pair of them stood together, as they always had in my childhood, and simultaneously said, "No one will miss you."
It was too much. Just too damn much. How could my own parents say that to me, when all I'd really wanted in the world was to see them again? I'd blindly searched for acceptance all my life since the day we were torn apart, and now they were basically saying they hated me. My worst fears were alive right in front of me, having my parents returned to me, whole and breathing, but having them not want me. I was the one who tore us all apart. It was me who killed my father, who made my mother lose her mind. Almost in response, hot, searing pain began ripping into my stomach, and I looked down through eyes squinted in pain to see copious amounts of blood seeping through my gown- directly where my scars were located. The blood ran down my stomach, dripped down my legs, seeped into the ground, feeding it. It was all down my front, my back, the pain as fresh as it had been when I was only five and having knife torn through my small body. When I pressed my hand to my stomach, it came away completely red. A few paces away from me, my father licked his lips.
I whirled around, preparing to bolt, no matter what they thought of me, and came face-to-face with myself. The very same self I saw in that dream I had so long ago, the night Nikaidou had stolen my Shugo Chara. I was five, in that simple white dress with tears and splothes of red in it, with a line of red flowing from my eye. Now I was absolutely positive that this couldn't be real- how could I be seeing myself when I knew I was standing right here? I was barely able to focus on anything, since I heard my parents footsteps approaching me from behind, and the five-year-old me in front was looking up at me through hooded eyes surrounded by thick, aged lines and black circles. She started coming at me, as well, a grin splitting the corners of her mouth and making them bleed. Every one of her teeth were pointed, like a shark's, like a demon's, and her eyes began changing colour- they melted into a jet shade, sclera and irises, the only point of any colour that bright blue ring that ensnared me completely in her gaze. She reached out a hand toward me, and I staggered back a step when I saw how horribly disfigured it was, almost like an animal's hind legs with the odd inhuman joint in them, covered in flaking white scales and long silver claws. I felt my father and mother's hands close down on my shoulders, locking me in place, and I had the feeling of my heart physically being ripped out from underneath by ribcage, shattering bones and tissue on the way. Little Snow was growing long, almost elegant horns from her temples, her bod contorting in a ballistic way, and she growled low and deep, as guttural as a beast.
"Look at me," she rumbled, and I fought hard against the restraints my parents had trapped me in. "This is what you are. You're a monster. Just let go and… accept me…"
I knew that voice. It was the voice. The one that haunted my mind and made everything all screwy and made me bleed whenever I heard it. It was me. The other part of me. The one that was killing me with each passing day.
The scariest part was how I felt each painful moment of my reaction. I felt the stone-cold fear inside me turn into an almost physical thing as the branches and ground all around us were slowly covered in frost. Blue veins popped out from Little Snow's face, and she began frowning deeply at me, disapproving. My hands curled into claws so tight my knuckles cracked, and it was like I felt the air around me be sucked into my body- and then explode. Just as Little Snow lunged, mutant arms and claws going right for my throat, I tore one of my arms from my father's grip so hard I felt my shoulder pop, and threw a hand out towards her. Huge, cylindrical spikes of ice exploded from the ground, freezing the trees and ground around us, as well as spearing Little Snow right through her middle, her legs, her arms. Blood exploded from her small five-year-old body, and when she looked up at me, her face completely human again and tears running from her eyes, my body moved on its own as I wrapped a hand around her throat- and squeezed. I felt bone crush beneath my hand, heard her choke and felt her go limp, and all I could think of was how I just wanted to kill. I'd never been overcome with such an unsatiable violent urge in my life, and when I turned around to face my parents, they were backing away, as frightened of me as I was.
The spikes went for them next. I could physically feel the life drain away from the three of them as I stood in the frozen woods alone, then I slowly lowered my outstretched arms covered in splatters of red, closed my eyes, and whispered, "Wake up".
In the next instant my eyes were tearing open as a scream shattered its way through my throat, and I desperately tried to sit upright against whatever was restraining me. The more I struggled, the more something sharp burrowed into my skin, draining my blood and willpower. I heard crashing footsteps thundering towards me, and Lee's voice yelling my name. I frantically looked to my left, where I saw him flash in from the depths of the woods, panic written all over his expression. Ivalthea was close behind him, in snake-woman form, which reminded me far too much of the younger version of me I'd just seen.
"Fucking hell," he muttered, and I supposed that meant I could still use the word in a derogatory sense. He began ripping whatever was digging in my skin out of me, and I saw that they looked to be jet vines covered in thorns that dripped with my blood at he tore them out. "I get separated from you for five minutes, and you're getting the life sucked out of you by Lamia vines."
My head was spinning. The branches above me contorted into laughing, maniacal faces, and I squeezed my eyes shut. "What are they?" I asked quietly, my throat dry and scratchy from screaming.
"The forest's quickest method of getting food," he grunted as another flash of pain hit me when a thorn was tugged free. "They ensnare their victims and inject a hallucinogenic poison into their bloodstream that literally makes their worst fears come to life. While you're lying there, too scared to move, they suck your blood and feed on your terror." Lee tugged the last one free and threw it aside, and I heard it slither away. "They're literally like leech plants. I'm impressed, though." That made my eyes snap open in surprise. "It's incredibly rare that anyone can snap out of the hallucination on their own. What exactly did you see?"
In my opinion, I was in no physical condition to be talking, with my blood continuously leaking out of me and my throat burning with effort, but I owed him yet again, so I opted to give him an answer anyway. "Mom. Dad. Me. I killed them." I shuddered, feeling faint with the movement. "I killed them."
"They weren't real," he told me firmly, gripping at my shoulders. "I know you humans tend to be sensitive about taking life, but just remember that it was a hallucination. You shouldn't feel any less… you, know what I'm saying?"
"Are my ears deceiving me, or are you trying to make me feel better about killing my parents and myself in my little nightmare?"
He shrugged, observing attentively as the skin over my wounds began to weave itself back together. "Whatever gets us moving faster. And that," he added, gesturing to my closed wounds, "would be a completely demon trait. Maybe your body is less human than I thought."
As much as I hated to consider that, I clutched and stretched my fingers in the ground, testing if it still hurt to move. Besides a consistent rhythm pulsing in my head that travelled down to the base of my skull, I'd recovered from the incident more quickly than I usually did. Perhaps it was 'Hell's environment' influencing my demon half. "Well, you did have your little snake servant stab me in the gut, and I was better within an hour or so."
That made the corner of his mouth twitch into an almost-grin. "Very true. Any other human would have easily died from that- especially if the knife was pulled from them as that human boy did to you."
He had been in the process of gripping my hand and helping me up, but the moment he said that, my knees buckled and I almost went down again. I landed against his chest, which smelled like crisp, frozen air, then pushed myself back up and looked at him with bugged-out eyes and creased brows. "What did you just say?"
Lee looked equally as confused as I was. "I thought you knew already. Ivalthea and I were watching- you know, to make sure you didn't actually die, which would've been unfortunate- and we saw your Shugo Chara bring a human boy to you. He took one look at you and yanked out that knife like it was consciously trying to hurt you." He coughed to try and mask a chuckle. "It was pretty amusing to watch, especially since it wasn't that big of a deal."
Ikuto had to be the one they were talking about. I knew that he'd found me- I just never put the facts together. If he carried me back to the Guardians, changed and no longer bleeding, he had to have seen me on the ground, unmoving, bleeding out, and since everyone never thought I was anything more or less than human, he must have legitimately believed I was dying. That had to have been so frightening- unless he was truly as unfeeling as he wanted everyone to believe. The extent to which he'd went to save me was ridiculous. He'd pulled a knife out of me, carried me, helped changed me (which I admittedly was still completely abashed about), and lied for me. How could an uncaring enemy do something like that if it really didn't matter to him? I'd always joked about him wanting to get rid of me to make things easier for him, and he'd said he wasn't cruel enough to want me to get hurt. Honestly, I'd assumed that was him just being frivolous. But with this new information, I didn't know what to think. How could he face me again after all that, the disgusting display, the almost-death? Was it too presumptuous to want to believe that he cared that much? No one had ever done something like that for me before- since, you know, I'd never been stabbed before. But I felt that swell of gratitude, the thundering of my heartbeat all the same. He probably did it because I was just another stabbing victim, and he couldn't leave me alone. However, he could have ran and gotten help, could've sent my Shugo Chara off to find it. He did everything by himself, bore the weight of a horrific event all alone.
That kind of kindness, even if it was only out of courtesy, was absolutely unnecessary and ridiculous. So why did it make me want to cry, despite knowing that I couldn't?
"Watch your feet," Lee was saying, and I finally tuned in to the fact that he'd been leading me through the woods by hand for the whole duration of my brooding process. "You know just how dangerous this place is now. I think that incident was good for you." He turned back and glared at me with eyes so blazing they looked like green flames- the kind Maleficent breathed when she was in her dragon form in Sleeping Beauty. "Since the moment I told you we were going to Hell, you basically tuned out from reality, thinking that none of this could be real- and that you effectively couldn't get hurt. But you could die here if left alone again." I had to swallow around a lump in my throat that landed in my stomach like a stone. "This place is real, with real demons, with the Devil himself. Don't take it for granted again, or I'll leave you here myself."
"I won't," I swore, feeling the fear sink into my bloodstream and freeze it solid.
"Good," he muttered with a bleak tone of finality, and I wondered what could be ahead that he was dreading so much. I could tell by the look on his face that he was not looking forward to whatever we were about to walk into, form his drawn-in eyebrows, the hard set of his mouth and jaw. "Because we're here."
Admittedly, I was completely in awe that we'd gotten this far without much incident. No actual demons had come up to me and tried to eat me, I didn't get burned by hellfire, Lilith didn't threaten to tear my head off. For my first trip to Hell, I thought things might have actually gone pretty well, despite Lee's warnings. We couldn't have even been here for more than two hours. I reminded myself to never lose sight of Lee, to actually never let go of his hand, and to also watch Ivalthea, because she always looked pretty shifty to me. With that in mind, I turned to face Stiriacus, wondering what the place my father and uncle came from actually looked like. But nothing could have prepared me for what I saw.
I knew it was going to be wet; that was basically a given, since Lee had called it the land of water and ice, and that the dirt beneath our feet had already been soaked to mud before we'd breached the exit of the forest. But the sheer amount of water was beyond my expectation. This place horrified me far more than Gehenna had upon my first time seeing it- so essentially, I thought I was having an aneurism. A small ocean was laid out before us, the water coruscately pristinely and the colour of a raw blue aquamarine. The shore we stood on was surrounded by crumbling, moss-covered columns made of some silver stone, as if we were standing in the ruins of some forgotten civilization. Spot in the middle of the ocean was where the 'city' was, if it could even be called that- a large temple was the centrepiece, made of the same material as the columns, crumbling all the same. Surrounding it where peaking buildings made purely of ice, some made of the stone and ice together, some made of just stone. Threatening fins sliced through the surface of the water, accompanied by the sounds of some distant splashes and the consistent patter of rain that drizzled down from the slate sky. Though I could see the rain somehow transform into a steady snowfall over the city, and continue on further beyond, most likely to the "icy tundra" Lee had mentioned. Some winged beasts circled the city in the sky, and whenever they opened their giant maws, more ice would be added to the metropolis. In the woods on the same shore we were on but some distance away, I saw giant creatures with glowing eyes and razor-teeth, some of them resembling canines, some looking to be a whole combination of things- one in particular had the body of a lion, the stinger of a scorpion, and an almost human-looking face. I recognized the beast from The Last Unicorn, a movie from my childhood that I'd forced Mao to sit down and watched with me even though he thought it was "too girly". Nonetheless, even though I found it far more terrifying, Stiriacus seemed far more beautiful and grand to me than Gehenna had. Something about the atmosphere was almost smothering, like it was built on sadness, and like the rain was literally tears pouring down from the sky. I then understood why Lee's mood had soured significantly as we approached this place.
"This is it," he said suddenly from beside me, shocking me from my intense appraisal. "This is home."
I had no idea if he was expecting me to say something about it, but if he was, he was going to be disappointed. It felt like the air had sucked away all my words. All I could think about was how comfortable I felt there, compared to the burning Gehenna and the dark forest. I wasn't overheating in the slightest. The air was so fresh and clean, uncontaminated by the smell of smoke and blood. And that was what scared me the most. How at home I felt at a place in Hell, something I'd never experienced before in my own world.
Lee was shuddering very violently beside me, and I found myself too distracted by that to be remotely concerned with how I saw a giant fin slicing through the water towards us, or how I heard distant howls growing closer. "Are you okay?" I asked, concern rippling my features like the waves before us.
"It's hard," he admitted, clutching his head. "To be in this form while I'm home. Do you mind if I…?" When he caught the look on my face, he rolled his eyes. "Don't worry, I'm not gonna turn into some big, scary beast. I'm just gonna… shed a little."
I looked to Ivalthea, who grinned shark teeth at me and shrugged in return. I heaved a sigh and turned around, granting my blessing. If half of my heritage was in a place riddled with them, I'd have to get used to seeing demons. Especially if I was going to end up anything like my younger self in the hallucination.
The cracks of her bones and inhuman angle of her body parts still made shudders run down my spine. She really looked like an imperfect beast, one that was grotesque and to be ashamed of. I wondered if I would look just like that in three months' time. I'd never exactly thought of myself as beautiful, but when I thought of myself turning out to look like that, I had to repress the sob building in my throat. No one could see my like that. Somehow I had to find a way to keep all of my friends in the dark about this- if I decided to keep them as my friends at all. Because I had to face it- staying with them may be too risky. And if they really did like me for me- which I prayed they did- then they probably wouldn't be too fond of watching me mutate into a freak of nature. Every day Tadase-kun looked at me with a smile, but it would be so easily torn away if he knew what I really was. Then I'd be gone forever. I remembered the dream I had so long ago, one where I stood atop a pile of bodies with blood dripping from my claw-like hands. That was another possible future that could come to pass if I remained with them. Though regardless of what chose to do, the result would be the same.
"Jesus," Lee grumbled from beside, and I almost snorted from the irony. "That feels better. It's suffocating to be in human skin all the time." Since Ivalthea had said something similar right before she shed the human suit she wore, I could only assume that it might've been like being stuck in a hot mascot costume all day, like a clown with a smile painted on its face. "You can turn around now."
Naturally, I hesitated. Not only was I coming face-to-face with another truly demon-looking demon, but Lee was the son of the Devil and the new ruler of Stiriacus. He must've looked pretty darn… evil. Not to mention that he was my uncle, one of the only real family members I had left, and he probably looked like a monster from a horror movie. It was scary to think about, so much that I got that same rush of fear as I did in the forest, the one that made my blood and heart start pumping faster. I began to shake a little, despite trying to conceal it from him.
He heaved a sigh. "I can hear that, you know," he said, and he must've been referring to my heartbeat. "Don't be such a spaz. Your father looked a whole lot scarier than this."
That made me whirl around angrily. "Don't say that," I hissed, and then I instinctively backed away once I caught sight of him.
Lecariel looked like something straight from a nightmare. Two long, elegant curved black horns had grown from his temples, an almost reptilian, scaly tail from his back. He was taller than me already, but when he was in that form, he towered to almost seven feet. He loomed in front of me with scales covering a bit of his cheeks and jaw, his arms and legs looking almost… furry? What the hell? The fur was pitch black, looking as smooth as a house cat's, and dangerous silver claws pointed from his hands. His hair had grown even longer, well past his waist, and was a waterfall of darkness cascading straight down from his head. The most startling feature was his eyes- they looked just like the demonic eyes of Little Snow from my hallucination. Completely black, two pools of ink resting in his eye sockets, with only rings of blue to show they were even there. He grinned sardonically at me, fangs protruding from his mouth.
"You'll get used to it," he said for the nth time. "I actually can't wait to see what you're gonna look like when you finally transition. It may not be too pretty," he winced, then laughing at my disgusted reaction. "But I bet it'll be interesting all the same. Now come. We still have a ways to go before we reach our final destination."
"This wasn't it?" I demanded, wondering for how much longer I was going to be stuck down here with him. Even though it probably wasn't too smart, I kept a distance between the two of us as he began walking closer to the water, silver sand flowing over our feet.
He shook his head, and I flinched at the sight of his horns moving side to side, thinking that it resembled an animal preparing to charge. "Not yet. We have to go beyond the city to the actual tundra to get there."
I was silent for a few beats, then blurted out a question I'd been holding back from fear that he'd find it offensive. "Um, why do you have scales and fur? I thought you might be more… you know…" I jerked my head in Ivalthea's direction, and she stuck out her forked tongue at me. "More like her. Besides, why would you need fur if you don't want to keep warm?"
He halted in his stride and extended an arm back to me. "Touch it." I backed away. "No, seriously. If you pet my fur, you'll understand."
"This is really weird."
"Not weirder than anything else you've seen today." He had a point. Tentatively, I reached out a trembling hand to rest on his arm, afraid he might chomp it off if he had the sudden compulsion to. He had made it very clear that demons had no remorse or emotion, so even though I felt guilty about it, I still doubted him and questioned his intentions. Expecting to feel warm skin beneath, my hand rested on his arm, with fur as smooth as silk. But it felt almost like a rock, as well. Completely stone hard and cold. I looked up at him, confused.
"While animals on Earth my have fur to keep heat in the colder months," he began, completely still as I ran my fingers through it. Even though he was almost two feet taller than me now, somehow I felt slightly more comfortable standing right there with him than in his gargantuan shadow. "The demons of Stiriacus have fur that repels the heat completely. It holds no heat in, and slicks it off almost like water."
"How does that even work?" I demanded, an angry line forming between my eyebrows. "That doesn't make any sense."
He shrugged. "I don't know. It's not like I can ask my mother about it." For a second, I swore I heard his voice hitch up slightly at the end, and I wondered if he actually felt sad about losing his mother since she begged for her own death. But before I could say anything, he lowered his arm and turned away, and I noticed some rips in his suit from his spontaneous growth. "We'd better get moving before anyone notices your presence here. Lilith wasn't entirely wrong in saying she was merciful." Clearly there was some heavy irony in that statement. "Glaziel and I were born here. If the half-breed who is claimed to be responsible for his death just shows up one day, the demons here won't exactly be too pleased."
"They'd be angry?" I guessed. "I thought demons didn't have any emotions."
"They don't," he clarified, answering my earlier unspoken question as well as this one. "However, they do have a sense of pride and loyalty. Otherwise there'd just be complete anarchy. The demons here respected and revered Glaziel. They want vengeance for their fallen lord."
"They want to kill me," I murmured to myself, dazed. Ivalthea snickered behind me. "But if they see you with me, won't they think you're betraying my dad?"
"Perhaps. But what we're doing today involves him just as much as it involves you." We stopped right where the water began lapping at the shore, and I glanced around only to see that there were no bridges in sight.
"How do we get across?" I asked, thinking that we might have to give up and just go home. Oh, what a shame!
Lee gave me the most exasperated look I'd ever seen from anyone in my entire life. "Snowrenrie," he groaned, which still threw me off. "We're ice demons." And with that, he extended a hand in the direction of the water, and a path of ice began to crack into existence on its surface.
It did make a lot more sense now that he'd done that. He began walking along it with ease, a bright blue light shining at the front of it as it kept branching out into the water, and I warily began to follow. When I put one foot on the bridge made of nothing but pure ice, I expected to slip or fall, or for it to be unsteady. None of this was the case. It felt like solid ground beneath my feet- though it was still slippery. My steps were careful and measured, though I was also trying to rush from the things swimming in the water and emerging from the forest. Normally, I would've reached for Lee to help steady me or something, but I wasn't exactly comfortable taking his hand when he had inch-long silver nails with fur and scales covering his skin. Ivalthea followed close behind me, until Lee turned back to her, his expression neutral if not slightly impatient.
"Ivalthea," he said, and apparently she took that as a dismissal. Her body began lengthening and her skin fading into jet, and before I could realize what had happened, she was a giant black snake with glowing red eyes, and she dove into the water, slithering her way towards the city. Lee carried on as if nothing had happened, and I had to shake myself before moving on. "Anyway, there's something your father used to say when you were born. 'She doesn't belong to one world or another- she has a right to both'. So even if the demons here want you dead, just know you have as much of a right to be here as any of them. Technically, you even have a right to the throne." He threw a sardonic glance back down at me, and I couldn't get over how the ice didn't even crack slightly with a seven-foot-tall demon with fur and horns walking on it. "But I can't imagine you'd want that."
"That's a good guess." Now that he mentioned it, I was the only daughter of the previous lord of Stiriacus. Would that not make me some sort of demon princess? I frowned at the thought. I had been completely content with my normal life, if not frustrated sometimes. Becoming further integrated into the demon half of my heritage was not something I would happily leap into. In all honesty, I wanted absolutely no part in this lineage. I'd been human (enough) my entire life, and why would I change that now, especially if I wasn't going to really be myself in three months' time? The only reason why I wasn't assaulting Lee and begging him to take me home was because of my father. This was his life, all he'd ever known before my mother. And that did light up some interest and curiosity within me, even if it was the kind that killed the cat. I wondered what being a ruler in Hell actually meant- I supposed I could just ask Lee some time, but at the moment I was more curious on observing the environment around me as we kept walking along the path of ice.
The way Lee had been describing it made me think that Hell was a small place. The time we spent in the forest seemed fairly minimal, as well. But now that I looked at it, the snow and rain on either side of the city in front of ice spanned far into the horizon. It seemed like it went on and on, a frozen wasteland only demons could survive in. The ice path was winding around the city, not straight to it, which was most likely because Lee had said we were going into the tundra and not the city itself. I looked at the sky to see it was still gray, and wondered if that was why I liked days with a gloomy sky the most. There was no sun to make me feel like I was melting, but no rain to get me overly wet, either. The only thing that was currently getting wet by the rain around us was my hair, and I was slightly satisfied to note that my nightgown was safe. Internally, I was extrememly uncomfortable and afraid to be there. The last thing I needed was to be looking like a drowned cat wondering around the place.
While staring at the sky, I noticed those two winged creatures soaring above the city again. Now that I was closer to them, I could see long, almost snake-like bodies, with small arms and legs that bore dangerous claws, and webbed fins sticking out from the sides of their reptilian faces. When they opened their mouths to form more sculptures and buildings of ice, there were rows open rows of fangs, and two long whiskers flowing from their muzzles.
I stopped dead. "Are those dragons?" I demanded.
Lee didn't even glance back. "Don't be rude. Dragons don't even begin to encompass what those two are. They're your cousins, Aki and Kagurai."
That made me nearly choke on my own spit. "Did you just say I had cousins?" Finding out that I had an uncle was shocking enough, since my mother's side of the family merrily pretended I didn't exist. But now I had cousins as well, who just so happened to be dragon-things flying in the sky making things out of ice breath. "Wait, doesn't that mean you have a-"
"I don't have a spouse, if that was what you were going to ask." It was, and his response didn't make any sense. "I'm not sure who their mother is. One day they were just in front of me, already capable of taking care of themselves, so I didn't have much left to do for them. They're very independent."
"How can you not know who their mother is?"
"I've been with a lot of women," he snorts, as if my question was completely moronic. "You most likely have more cousins than just those two, but they're the only ones who sought me out to be their father."
I was quiet for a moment. Promiscuity was a concept I never understood, but that was just me. I had no ill will towards those who never settled down with just one person, but thinking of a bunch of illegitimate demon cousins running around made me worry about just how many women he had been with. "Did you not want to be their father?" I asked quietly, thinking again of how demons didn't have emotions. That could mean he didn't even care about his own children, even though my own father loved me and my mother to death (literally).
"I don't particularly mind," he said, his voice a deep rumble filled with a primal power that made me remain a few steps behind. "Like I said, I barely even raised them. We just live in the same place, eat meals together, that kind of thing. It's almost like I'm their stepfather taking care of them while their mother's on vacation- though I know she's not coming back."
That made me sympathize with him, though I didn't know if I should have. By that time we had come to the other shore, quite a ways away from the city, and he leapt onto the snow with a deep shake of the earth, then held his hand out to me to help me up. Even though I knew it was rude, I ignored it and hopped on myself, the snow up to my knees. It felt like my legs were just buried in sand with a hard crust on top, with was actually a thin layer of ice covering the powdery snow. On this shore were more stone columns, only these stood tall and powerful with strange, tribal markings encircling the top and bottom. It almost resembled a gate to something, as if there was something just beyond it that held a lot of power. I could practically feel a pulse running through the land beneath us. When I looked down to check if I could see what it was, I was shocked to instead find small, delicate flowers made of ice crawling up the columns and around the earth. They were beautiful, yet somehow sad. What made things beautiful was that they had a time limit, that one day they would eventually wither and die, or grow rust and collapse. When something I had known to be delicate and fleeting was frozen in time like that, it only further reminded me of how different this place was, how treacherous it could be.
"Almost there now," Lee said, his tone now lower and almost bordering on sadness. I supposed that meant the subject of his children was to be dropped, even though I wanted to know more about them. Like if they knew what I was, and if they were ashamed to be related to such a thing. But I kept my mouth shut as I trudged after Lee through the snow, thick as water, as the snow more furiously spun down from the sky. The wind was powerful enough that I fell to the side more than once, but still felt nothing more than that. Immunity to the cold now made complete sense, since I knew I was a cross between an ice demon and a human. It was just another thing I'd inherited from my father, and I didn't know whether to be grateful for it or not, since the price was that I nearly died in the summer from heatstroke. This made me wonder why he'd chose to move to Louisiana, a place with a long, humid summer and short, mild winters. Maybe because it was the last place anyone would look for an ice demon.
I swore I began to hear a hum in the air, and it wasn't just the howl of the wind. It almost sounded like a song of one continuous note being sung from deep within someone's throat. The ground beneath my feet almost seemed to tremble. Lee was completely unaffected as he moved through the snow, since he'd been born in such conditions. Eventually he moseyed in front of me, and since he was gargantuan in stature, that basically just made a path for me to follow along. We walked in silence the rest of the way, save for the wind and the humming, and the hair whipping into my eyes made them water. If my clothes weren't wet before, they were now, my hair the same colour as the land around us. I wondered if I'd camoflauge with it if I just leapt into the snow in a starfish position. The further along we walked, the more the air around Lee seemed to tense up, as if he was bracing himself for something.
Our trek wasn't very long before we arrived at some sort of crack within an unknown structure. A thick layer of snowfall concealed it from view, but the slit that I could see could fit Lee in his current form easily, and went from wide at the bottom to narrow at the top, an isosceles triangle. A wind somehow moving in a different direction from the one around us seemed to howl from within, and I could see light blue and violet from within, the same colours as the ice Lee and I created. The flowers made of ice were periodically blooming around it, more so than around the columns at the entrance to this place.
"What is this?" I asked, even though I was certain I wasn't getting an answer. After a few hums of silence, I dumbly asked, "Are we going in?" to which Lee nodded and stepped into the crevice. I followed soon after, praying to… I didn't know what that no demons were inside waiting to launch themselves at me, and that this hadn't been a trap all along just to get rid of me.
We had walked into a large, wide room, with an arching ceiling with strange beams stemming from one gigantic beam in the middle and down the sides of it. It was completely encased in the magic ice, with the flowers blooming in abundance inside, the hum so strong that it made me shake where I stood. Wind still blew from within, even though the ice sheltered us from the ones outside, with a hollow noise that almost sounded like moaning. Lee stood stock still in the center, his shoulder stiff and eyes as vacant as they could look when they were completely black. I wondered what it was about this place that seemed to make him so uncomfortable, until I saw something ghost behind me from my peripheral vision.
I whirled around to see me again, though as a little girl younger than five. She was laughing, being bobbed up and down like a parent was bouncing her, with a dark figure behind her laughing as well. All around me were images moving on the walls, see-through and phantasmal, with flowers encasing them like frames. It wasn't just me, either. There were unspeakable images of blood and gore, of demons looking exactly like things of nightmares, of Lee, of a giant figure made of shadow with two long figures stemming from its back like wings. I could see me as a baby, swaddled up in a blanket post-labour, but that image seemed slightly blurry, as if being looked at through a screen of tears.
"What is this?" I asked Lee, my voice as quiet as a breath, yet shaking like a tree in a storm.
"The heart," he answered simply. "At least, where it used to be. Now all that's left are memories."
"What does that mean?"
"Come," he beckoned, leading me outside again. Only this time, when we stood before the crevice, he sliced his hand through the air in a karate-chop motion, and the screen of snow and wind disappeared. Then he backed up, forcing me back, as well, and a pathetic choking noise exploded from my throat.
They were bones. The crevice we had entered was on the left side of the ribcage, which explained all the white beams down the side. They were positively massive, the size of a collapsed skyscraper, with a few more bones stemming from the side in a triangular formation- what must've once been wings. The hind limbs held the formation of an animal's at the odd angle, and beyond them was a long collection of bones in a line that must've been a tail. The skull looked distinctly canine, with a long, narrow snout that bore wide nostrils, and a mouth bursting with fangs that had cracks in them, and one was missing entirely. Thin tusks rose from its skull, what was once horns, but now lesser from the burden of time. The entire skeleton was completely encased in ice, with columns surrounding it in a circular formation, as if it were holy (or unholy, in this case). The ice flowers wound over the skeleton, an oxymoron considering its large, evil nature, as if there was some kindness in it. The hum of power I'd felt walking here and within its chest was stemming directly from it, making me feel like it could burst to life at any second.
For the nth time during this journey, I felt violently ill. Because I could see a resemblance between this skeleton and demon Little Snow, and it was a combination of a reptile and a canine, fur and scales. Just like Lee was.
"Snowrenrie," he said from beside me, his hulking presence distinctly morose and like a sad shadow. "Say hello to your father. Or, more accurately, his tomb."
My throat ran completely dry, my legs shaking so much I fell to my knees. I knew my father was a demon, or at least I'd believed what Lee had told me about him. But I didn't fully understand what that meant. Just because I saw him as a human all the time didn't mean that was what he was. This was my father, in his most bare and natural form, a giant skeleton that looked like a dog and a reptilian. He was positively gargantuan, so powerful that it lingered in his tomb even after his death. He was enshrined by the demons of Stiriacus out of their respect for him, keeping him safe and encased in ice long after his death. While I felt intensely afraid of the giant beast before me even though it was only bones, I also undeniably felt a little bit of pride. This insanely powerful creature was my father, respected and revered by many. I got that about-to-cry feeling, physically incapable of shedding tears.
"That necklace," Lee started, snapping my attention back to him. "I was the one who left it for you. It was fashioned from a piece of your father's fang, and he wanted you to have it. It works kind of like an amplifier, and it'll help you channel your powers more effectively. It also carries his memories," he added, which didn't come as much of a surprise to me. "So if you've ever seen anything resembling a flashback, that's what it was. The memories are also within his ribcage, right where his heart used to be. Because Glaziel was so powerful that his power remained even after he was killed, even if he didn't have a soul." There was unmistakeable admiration in his voice as he admired his brother's skeleton, and even though I found the entire experience incredibly morbid, it was also fascinating as well.
Demons were evil. Everyone knew that. But how could that be true if my father was so powerful, yet still fell in love with a human girl? Sacrificed himself for his half-breed abomination? And Lee was showing me all of this, guiding me through half of my lineage even though he must've felt ashamed. Though Lilith certainly seemed less than civil with me, and the forest had no qualms with eating me alive, it seemed like a lot of what I'd known about demons was completely wrong. Some were civilized, built societies, worshipped and revered their leaders. And they had powers more primal and ancient than the world itself. They were history in its finest form. While I didn't want to be any less human, I couldn't deny the pull I felt to the demon sie of me, the one that was so keen on getting out. But what would it mean if I decided to embrace it? Would I not even be slightly human any more?
"Now, Snowrenrie," Lee began, lifting me up under my arms and turning me to face him. "I showed you all of this for a reason. You have a choice, one that your father felt you should never have to make. You can sacrifice your demon side and remain completely human all your life, or sacrifice your human side and become more like us. You don't have to decide right now. But just be fully aware that the fact you even have a choice to make is a miracle. Some demons would kill to be human, and vice versa. You get to pick. No one else had that option."
The choice should have been obvious. As far as I'd been concerned, I'd been mostly human all my life. But now that I knew otherwise, knew that my powers could be controlled thanks to my father, and that I wouldn't even die very easily, it seemed like a waste to abandon all of that. As incredibly selfish as I knew that was, I also knew that my Shugo Chara were so different and strong because of those demon abilities. Even if it seemed highly ironic, I could use my abilities to help people in the limited time I had left. I was a half-demon, half-mortal, an abomination in the most literal meaning of the word. My father said that I belonged to both worlds, not neither. Even though I knew I might regret it later, I stared at my father's skeleton and smiled slightly.
"I don't want to be one thing or the other," I told Lee, who narrowed his eyes slightly.
"It'll be very painful for you. Each day your demon half will grow stronger, more insistent to get out."
"I'll prepare myself for that. I don't want to abandon either half of myself. I just learned that there was a whole part of my life I'd been missing, and I don't want to give it up. I know it's selfish to ask, and I know you may not approve, but for now, I'm find with being a half-breed." Because my father loved me regardless of that, and the giant skeleton before me was just proof of that. I couldn't sacrifice the human side he loved, or the demon side he was. It didn't seem right. "I'm sorry," I told Lee sincerely, hanging my head.
"If you're confident in your decision," he murmured, a smile in his voice, "don't apologize. It's unbecoming of a demon."
I grinned back slightly, though the was turmoil on the inside. It wasn't that I'd never not been a half-demon; I just knew more about myself now. But what were the consequences of that? What did that mean for my Shugo Chara, my friends, my family? It was completely egotistical to ask to remain both, to ask him to deal with that. But I still wasn't completely sure what I wanted out of my life, let alone my demon one. And I only had a limited time to figure it out.
So that was it. I officially was no longer human. The repercussions would just have to come later, before my time was completely up. How I chose to spend it was another story.