"Naruto-kun!" Hinata gasped.
"Hey Hinata," Naruto said, stopping uncomfortably close to her. "Jeez, I'm bushed," his smokers voice grated on her ears in just the right way. "It's almost like it took me 12 actual goddamn years to walk over to you or something. Weird."
"S-S-So," Hinata stammered, furiously jamming her fingers together. "H-How… are you?"
"Good," Naruto took one more uncomfortable step toward her until his face was hovering just in front of hers. "Now what were you saying about telling someone something?"
"O-Oh, that?" Hinata's fingers reached a fever pitch, bursting into flames and giving her terrible third degree burns. "I was just… talking to myself."
Naruto smashed his face against hers. "I know that," he hacked. "I'm asking who you were talking about while talking to yourself. Fucking tell me."
"I have to confess my, uh, feelings for someone," Hinata applied aloe vera to her hands, but it didn't really help.
Naruto licked her cheek as slowly as humanly possible. "…Who?"
"O-O-Orochimaru," Hinata said the first name that came to her mind.
"Hah!" Naruto's saliva shotgunned all over her face. "Fucking called it. Neji owes me 12 bucks."
Oh ninja god, why was she so dumb? Why couldn't she just tell him how she felt so that they could get married, have two kids, and become painfully boring adults?
"So what? You gonna confess?" Naruto asked.
"Oh, y-y-yeah," she felt the bile in her stomach churn. "That's what I was planning on doing… right now, actually." If she could just get out of there, she could be done with this. She could go home, wrap herself in her blankets like a ninja burrito, and pass away of natural causes. Wait, make that NARUTORAL causes. Get it? God, I'm good.
"Well why didn't ya say so?" Naruto did a little jig. "Let's go together, huh?"
"Oh, no, that's uh… that's really not necessary," Hinata said.
"Come on," Naruto grabbed her by the hand, immediately forcing every last drop of blood in her body to travel up to her face. "If you don't do it now, you never will. You suck at talking. In general!"
And with that, Naruto hauled her out of the village, headed toward Orochimaru's secret lair. UH-OH, HOW'S HINATA GONNA GET OUT OF THIS ONE?