Chapter Three: I Don't Know If I Can Do It

Author's notes: So, so very sorry about how long it took to update - I know we're all anxious for Oliver and Felicity to finally meet. The chapter title comes from REM's "Losing My Religion" – a truly amazing and iconic song. The song works for the chapter in more than a couple ways for both Oliver and Felicity.

More than a few days later, her children watched as the Moira Queen they'd grown up to love, respect, and sometimes fear disintegrated in front of their very eyes. They were told that her days of feeling better were pretty much gone. They'd finally told Thea everything – how sick her mother was, what was going to happen in the next few weeks. All the paperwork was done now. The will, the DNR, the final care instructions, the funeral plans. Moira wanted to go home and spend her last days with her two children in her own bed.

On her last day in the hospital, Oliver and Thea made sure the house was ready for her. They helped Raisa and the other few staff clean the house, cook Moira's favorite meals, and set up her room for maximum comfort.

The atmosphere around the house was somber, not unlike it had been when Oliver and his father had disappeared at sea. This time, the Queen family was losing their matriarch and although they had time to prepare it didn't make it any easier.

The grim reaper's clock was ticking for Moira Queen and none felt it more keenly than her elder child.

Oliver had seen death more than his fair share – he'd been the cause of quite a few as well. He'd watched his father kill himself right in front of him so he could survive on the island. He'd watched Ivo shoot Shado right in front of him. He'd watched Tommy take his last breath during the Undertaking and heard Laurel's screams from outside. He carried Sara's cold, stiff body to the freezer of the club and later to her finally resting place in the grave her parents had set for her years before her actual death. And now . . . he was forced to watch helplessly as the strong woman he's always known as his mother deteriorated right in front of him.

The Arrow could use something to beat senseless.

And that was exactly what he was doing. He was going to find out who this Palmer guy was that ran the shady corporation that they were looking into. They'd first caught wind of it when they were shutting down the dealers selling some new drug on the streets. They learned that not only were these people selling drugs, but they were also into selling weapons, insider trading, embezzlement, and human trafficking. They'd also heard whispers of bio-weapons and nuclear testing.

There simply wasn't any question about it, these people needed to be stopped.

Through some old army contacts, Diggle had found that an ex Australian Intelligence agent had been working with Palmer and was one of the likely candidates for who was running P.T. now. Of course, they still hadn't found anything on Palmer's family or next of kin or where this ex AI agent could possibly be.

The only lead they really had was the abandoned P.T. office in Starling City – well, there was the office in Central City but Oliver didn't want to be that far away from his mother.

So . . . that's where Oliver was now. It was dark out now – well past midnight. Not only was the empty office void of activity, but the usually busy street outside was dead as well save for nighttime stragglers.

He searched through the office with a small flashlight, looking for things Laurel might have missed. While the Black Canary had come a long way from playing dress up and fighting in the name of her slain sister, there were a few things the daytime lawyer still had to learn.

Especially when it came to the investigative part of wearing a costume.

Going through the paperwork, there really wasn't much there. Business numbers, schematics for building schematics, profit margins, and a bunch of other numbers stuff that all seemed like a foreign language to a man who'd dropped out of four colleges.

It seemed like all personal information on Palmer, the ex-Australian Intelligence agent, and even the illegal stuff had been disposed of. What was left behind barely gave any hint that the place was even a business.

He was just about to throw in the towel in favor of going home to check on his mother when he happened across a document. Quickly scanning over it, he found that it was a contract promoting Palmer's Executive Assistant to Co-Owner. This EA – F. Smoak which was all he could make out from her messy handwriting – owned half of Palmer Technologies with Palmer himself. The contract was dated just two years prior.

Excited for a breakthrough, he looked through everything again. He found "F. Smoak" on a couple of other documents – most of them of no importance – but then he noticed something else:

On more than a few of the documents dated more recently, there was a hyphen and Palmer behind "F. Smoak." So . . . F. Smoak-Palmer . . .

Palmer's wife!

Finally, a lead to go on. They could find the marriage license and get Palmer's wife's full name . . . and then find her and the Australian, figure out who else was involved – and then bring the whole damn operation down.

The cellphone in the pocket of his pants buzzed – only his fellow vigilantes had the number.

It was Diggle with a text – Raisa had called him looking for Oliver;

Thea was missing and their mother wasn't doing well at all.

OFOFOFOFOFOFOFOFOFOF

Name, name, what's in a name?

Well, apparently it was a lot when you didn't have one. Not that Felicity didn't have one – she did, in fact – four of them actually. Well, three really because as soon as she found the time she was definitely going to drop the last one . . .

"Lissy, sweetie . . . I was just about to make dinner. Is there anything specific you're hungry for?"

Felicity looked down to her mondo-stomach (four days overdue and counting at this point) – to the bump that didn't have a name (or a sex, really because she didn't know yet). She looked back up to where her mother stood in the doorway of her room. "Um . . . I dunno about dinner but I could really go for some mint chocolate chip . . ." She shrugged.

Her mother smirked. "You and your mint chip. Well, it is one of the last times you can eat whatever you want so . . . Sure, a small bowl of mint chip it is."

"Thanks, Mom." Felicity could practically hear her taste buds scream for joy. Donna nodded and left the room.

A shot to the kidney caught her attention and Felicity rubbed the sore spot. "You're going to like mint chip too, aren't you kid?" Another shot to her insides gave her the answer.

She'd been using her time stuck in bed to finally figure out a name for the little one who'd been sharing her body for the last nine months. When Ray had still been alive, they'd only known a few days so names had never really come up.

Nor that she'd want anything to do with any name "Ray" (or whatever his name really was) came up with.

She'd sporadically been in contact with Detective Lance since the incident – according to him they hadn't found out much at all yet. He even seemed hesitant to tell her anything, sometimes she wondered if there was something he wasn't telling her. She hadn't even been approached by anyone at Palmer Tech – other than the assistant she'd had. That had only been to fire him – since the company was facing fraud and embezzlement charges (she was sure there were more, but no one had given her any specifics) she didn't really need an assistant. Not even Ray's lawyer had contacted her – she could only imagine because he was in on everything and took to ground.

She had been pretty busy growing a human, dealing with her mother, and trying to manage her health (and sanity). Honestly, she didn't even want to think about having to dismantle the fake company that her fake husband had used as a front for whatever criminal activity he was involved with.

Very, very soon (hopefully much sooner than later) she was going to be a mother. She alone would be responsible for caring for the slimy little human that was comprised of half her genes (hopefully more than half though.). Though she didn't know much about being a mother (her own wasn't really a great role model) she did know that she would do anything and everything to protect her or him from the evils of the world around them – which included any enemy her sperm donor had that would come after them. Well, and his allies too, 'cuz they probably weren't the best people to be around either.

That was precisely why she'd erased every traceable file and document that tied her to Ray and Palmer Technologies and why she planned to drop Palmer from her name. Going back to Smoak and giving her child the last name Smoak would make it a hell of a lot more difficult for anyone involved in Ray's nastiness to find her or their (her) kid.

No one was going to hurt the child that resided within her. Her baby would never know the pain that his or her so-called "father" had put Felicity through. He or she would grow up safe, happy, and loved – in an environment that would be supportive, understanding, and conducive to who they were and wanted to be.

She was actually pretty terrified about the whole thing – was she really ready for this? Could she be a better mother than her own?

Now, the only thing left to do was to actually have the baby – and Felicity was more than ready for that. It was definitely time.

For the next few hours while she ate the bowl of mint chip her mother brought her, Felicity scoured the web looking for natural, nontoxic methods and home remedies for inducing labor. She tried every one she could and found reasonable – short of having sex because, yeah, there wasn't really anyone around to help her with that.

Finally frustrated, she turned on an old movie and cried herself to sleep remembering the first few months of her marriage before the man she'd thought was her husband started to change. They'd been the perfect match (or so she thought), equal on every level. They were going to do so many good things together with Palmer Technologies . . . now she just wondered if those were lies he fed her just to keep her happy.

Her last thought before falling asleep was of holding her child in her arms, imagining that milky baby smell and the soft baby skin . . .

Later when she woke up, she was in the hospital – sharing the room with an older female patient she was pretty sure was dying.

OFOFOFOFOFOFOFOFOFOF

It didn't take long for Oliver to find his baby sister. When he called Diggle, the other man told him what happened. His mother had taken a turn for the worst and Thea took off. When Raisa couldn't get a hold of Oliver, she called Diggle – who contacted Oliver.

Oliver held his breath during the entire call. He'd known about the possibility of losing his mother for over a year but now that the reality was closing in he didn't think he could do this. He'd tried so hard to be strong for his mom and Thea and everybody else . . .

He just didn't have it in him.

He'd take twenty more years on Lian Yu just to not have to go through this. As cruel and vindictive as Moira Queen could be (and had shown on multiple occasions) she was still his mother. She'd tucked him in as a boy, introduced him to his baby sister for the first time, drove him to soccer practice, and put up with all the bullshit he'd pulled as a teenager. He couldn't even imagine life without her.

It wasn't hard to figure out that Thea was dealing with the same thing.

He found her at the cemetery, curled up in a ball on the grass – bawling and crying her eyes out next to Tommy Merlyn's headstone.

The sight alone was enough to cripple him – Tommy had been there for his sister when he couldn't be. He'd never been able to thank his best friend enough for that, for looking after their sister while he was away. And now that Tommy was gone, he knew that Thea had lost her best friend as well.

At the same time, he'd been jealous of how close Thea and Tommy had grown when he'd returned to Starling City. He remembered resenting them both for moving on while he'd literally been fighting for his life.

Now, he only wished Tommy were here now. He just knew his childhood friend would know what to say to Thea, to comfort her while she lost her mother – for Tommy himself knew all too well what that felt like. He hadn't even known he was really Thea's brother – but he'd been more of a brother to her than Oliver had even been. Oliver had no clue what to say – Thea and he hadn't exactly gotten along much anymore since he'd returned. He pushed her away to protect her and she hated the secrets he kept from her.

He had to do something though – their mother was dying and neither of them would forgive themselves if they weren't there for her last moments.

He moved forward and knelt down beside her in the dark, reach out to touch her shoulder.

"Go away, Ollie!" She cried, pounding the wet ground beneath her.

He cleared his throat, shaking his own tears away. "Thea, we have to go." His voice cracked.

"No . . ." She crawled over, away from him.

"It's time . . . she's ready to go." He tried again. "She'd want us there."

"Fuck you!" Thea sprang up, backing away from him. "You weren't here for so long – you died. You weren't here – you didn't have to watch her fall apart when the rescue squad couldn't find the ship." She heaved, backing up more. "When the cemetery workers put up the headstones in our back yard. When Laurel would keep showing up at our door, wanting to know if you and Sara had been found – or when she stopped."

Oliver swallowed, wanting to go forward but not wanting to spook her.

"You weren't there when Walter finally got her to smile again and then she'd feel guilty about it or the day they got married and she broke down because you weren't there to walk her down the aisle. So fuck you Oliver!" She back up again until her back collided with Tommy's headstone. She gasped, crying out. "Tommy was there – for everything. Even when I told him I hated him. And now . . . now Tommy's gone. And as far as I'm concerned, I have two dead brothers – because the Oliver Queen that came back isn't my brother." Oliver stiffened – he didn't know what to do. "And now I'm losing my mother . . . I won't have anyone."

"I'm sorry," Oliver said. "I'm sorry that I was gone and I'm sorry that you feel so alone – I do too, all the time." Oliver moved forward – Thea didn't move. "I've been a terrible brother . . . god, I wish Tommy were here too – and dad and Sara and so many other people. But they're not." He cleared his throat. "We're all that mom has left – and she'd want us there now. The rest we're just going to have to figure out together. Can we do that?" Thea sniffled, hesitating before nodding. "Now, I know you don't like me much right now but let's just pull through – for Mom."

Fifteen minutes later, they arrived at the over-crowded hospital – there'd been a pile-up on the interstate and not many beds to go around. Diggle, Roy, and Laurel were already there in the waiting room – Lyla was home with little Sara, Walter was on a plane back from his business trip, and Detective Lance was stuck at the police station. The doctors informed Oliver and Thea that their mother was asleep – near the end now but it may be a few hours or days.

Oliver wasn't happy that his mother was forced to share a room with another patient in the ER (he'd offered to pay an obscene amount to get her a private room) because of the pile-up but apparently there simply wasn't another room to be had. Until another room opened up, it would just have to do.

Right now Thea was in the room with her – he hadn't worked up the courage to go in yet.

The chaos of the ER was nonexistent as his blood boiled in his ears. This was it – soon Moira would be gone. Where did they go from here?

Honestly, Oliver didn't think he could do this.

OFOFOFOFOFOFOFOFOF

She came to with the sound of her mother's voice in the distance, reaching a decibel of angry that she was all too familiar with. As her eyes started to open, the blurred figures of her mom and someone in a lab coat across the way slowly started to focus. Her mother's hands were waving like crazy as she yelled. The doctor looked frustrated yet sympathetic – what was going on?

"—s about money then we can more than pay and I've already told you that." Donna pointed at the doctor as she spoke. Felicity wiped her eyes and groaned, her entire body numb.

"Please, keep your voice down." The doctor held out his hand.

"I will as soon as you give me a plausible reason why my daughter is sharing a room with a cancer patient in the ER – she's having a baby she should be in her own room on the OB floor!" Donna yelled.

"Mom!" Felicity yelled – well, it came out more as a loud whisper. Donna and the doctor turned her way.

"Miss Smoak," The doctor started – Felicity was grateful she didn't have to hear her other name. "As I was telling your mother, all beds on all floors are completely full. With the pile up on the interstate, we just simply don't have any private rooms available at this time." Donna rolled her eyes, still not happy with his response. Felicity, however, had other things on her mind.

A dull pain spread its way up and down her back. "Ugh . . . it's fine just . . ." She swallowed. "What the hell happened? How did I get here?"

Donna rushed to her side. "Lissy, sweetie, don't you remember? I went up to your room to get your empty bowl and you wouldn't wake up. Then you woke up in the ambulance and were saying the strangest things . . ."

Felicity shook her head, panicked eyes turning to the doctor. "I don't . . . I don't . . . ah . . ."

"Miss Smoak?" The doctor said. "Where are you feeling pain?"

"My back . . . oooh ow!" She tried to breathe, but the pain was too intense. "Where's my doctor? We have a plan, we . . . ahh!"

"Unfortunately with the pile-up, your regular doctor is upstairs operating on a mom-to-be who was in the crash . . . I'll be stepping in. I'm Doctor Fiona Lawrence." The doctor picked up a chart. "It seems your blood pressure has spiked again and we'd like to induce you before it causes any harm to you or your baby."

"Yes!" Felicity breathed a sigh of relief even as another pain struck her right in the side. "Frack, yes let's do that!"

Dr. Lawrence chuckled, nodding. "Well we actually induced you a half hour ago – we broke your water. However, it may take some time once the labor actually starts."

"Ugh." Felicity huffed.

"I know, the worst part." Dr. Lawrence said. "Ideally we'd set you up in a private room where you could relax as the labor progresses – unfortunately with the pile up there just aren't any rooms available and I am so sorry about that. I assure you we will do everything we can to make you comfortable."

"It's fine." Felicity breathed – honestly there was nothing the hospital could do so why even get angry about it?

"As soon as you're in the advanced stages of later we'll take you to the operating room and get this show on the road. From your chart, I know you're intent on a natural birth." Felicity nodded adamantly – the thought of going under anesthesia freaked the hell out of her. "We will go with that as long as we can – the minute I feel you or the baby are in distress I won't hesitate to switch to a c-section. Okay?"

Felicity gulped, nodding.

"I'll be back to check on you – in the meantime try to relax. You get to meet your baby today!" With that, Dr. Lawrence disappeared from the room.

Donna sank to the chair beside her bed, grabbing hold of her hand. "Really, though, there has to be a room they can put you in."

Felicity sighed, gritting her teeth through the ache. "Just let it go, Mom. It's fine."

"You're the CEO of a company for crying out loud, there should be something they can do." Donna continued.

"Mom!" Felicity growled. "Just stop!"

Donna deflated, letting out a sigh. "Oh, alright. How are you feeling, baby?"

"Just peachy." Felicity lay back, her hands on her rounded belly. Honestly, she'd feel so much better if her mother would just chill out.

OFOFOFOFOFOFOFOF

When Oliver finally worked up the courage to enter his mother's room, he let out an exhausted breath. Dig, Roy, and Laurel kept asking him how he was – if they asked one more time he swore he'd put his fist through a wall.

Thea had fallen asleep on a small cot in their mother's room, exhausted from bawling her eyes out at the cemetery and again when she'd seen her mother asleep and looking so still. He'd tried to keep his sister quiet for the patient on the other side of the curtain. He still wasn't happy about the shared room situation but just didn't have the energy to fight it any further. He knew the hospital was swamped, but it wasn't exactly ideal to watch your mother die with strangers on the other side of the room.

Not that they'd met or even seen the strangers – but just knowing they were there was still unsettling nonetheless.

He stood in the doorway, out of sight from the curtain but far enough from his mother that he could still breathe. She still hadn't woken up – the doctors weren't even sure if she would before . . .

He couldn't even think it.

He was beyond tired but refused to sleep. Thea needed him to be strong and the thought of sleeping through her last moments felt wrong.

Soon they'd be dealing with funeral plans and press conferences and what was next? Thea may be nineteen, but she was still a child in so many ways. He couldn't even fathom that he'd be the closest she'd have to a parent now.

He let out a breath and turned his head, leaning against the wall. He closed his eyes, shutting out the world for just a moment. Just one moment to stop thinking about what lay ahead . . .

A slight mumble caught his ears and his eyes shot open. From where his head was turned, he could see on the other side of the curtain. A woman lay asleep in the bed – a pregnant blonde woman –

The woman from the hall and the cafeteria.

She was mumbling in her sleep, something distressing her as her hands rested on the swell of her stomach. He took a few steps forward to her side of the curtain. She was alone – again. Geez . . .

He happened to catch sight of a chart in the plastic case attached to the wall – he didn't mean to, but he saw the name on the chart: F. Smoak.

Warning bells erupted in his brain – his body tensed into Arrow mode;

The blonde woman he'd kept running into was Ray Palmer of Palmer Technology's executive assistant turned wife.

He swallowed, frozen.

He'd just assumed that Palmer's wife was just as guilty and involved in this mess as Palmer himself. For all he knew, she was.

But the woman he'd had a few brief interactions with didn't seem anything evil as the things they'd heard about Palmer . . .

She mumbled in her sleep again, her nose and forehead crinkling. Where the hell were the nurses? Thinking back, that was why she was always alone when he saw her –

Palmer was supposedly dead.

Why was she in the hospital as Smoak though? Was she hiding? Did she fear being arrested for her husband's crimes?

"Shame, isn't it?"

Oliver jumped slightly – not that he'd let anyone know that – and turned to find Detective Lance behind him.

"You guys are looking into the Palmer case, right? I've gathered as much from how much Laurel's been pushing me for information." Lance let out a breath. Oliver just nodded. "By that look on your face, you just figured out that Miss Smoak is Palmer's widow . . . well, as much of a widow as one can be when the marriage was a fraud."

"Detective Lance, I'm not sure—" Oliver started.

"She's not involved." Lance told him point blank. "She was duped by him as much as the rest of the world – she only found out what he was really doing when he was killed."

"She's pregnant." Oliver managed to blurt out.

"Yeah . . ." Lance nodded. "Now I'm not officially on the case . . . but if I were, I would guess – no, I'd know that as Palmer's widow she'd be a target for whoever took him out. Probably to gain access to his "company" and funds. Officially, the so-called cops probably wouldn't be interested in the widow, might even view her as a suspect. And the FBI – well, let's just say she's probably as much a target to them as the guys who did this. Too bad there wasn't someone who could protect her, make sure her and that baby have a fighting chance to start a new life away from the bullshit that sleaze left behind."

The gears turned in Oliver's (the Arrow's) head but he was still frozen. As Lance patted him on the shoulder and disappeared from the room, the beeping of machines broke him from his trance.

His mother's machines . . . something was wrong.

He lunged to the other side of curtain to find his mother seizing and Thea at her side. Minutes later, the doctors were wheeling his mother's still body out of the room. As he dragged Thea from the room, he looked back –

A pair of eyes were staring right into his – Miss Smoak. The doctors were wheeling her out as well – she was having her baby.

In that moment, he vowed with every fiber of his being that he would do everything in his power to protect her.

Later, he would realize it was inevitable because he'd already been in love with her before Lance had even talked to him.

to be continued . . .