CHAPTER TEN REMEMBRANCE
The Characters, places and situations of Doc Martin are owned by Buffalo Pictures. This story makes no claim of remuneration or ownership, nor do I make any attempt to infringe upon any rights of the owners or producers.
Careful - there are spoilers for Season Six Thank you for reading. I welcome your reviews and input.
It is time for Louisa to remember Joan's birth.
CHAPTER TEN
"Mr. Large do you have a baby in your tummy?"
I awakened in the gray light of dawn. With our late night I did not wish to be awake. I lay in our hotel room, just inches from the serene face of my daughter as she slept. How could I have ever wished that she was not a part of me?
It was the school lunch hour and I was looking in my bottom desk drawer for some peanuts that I knew I had put there. My eye caught an unopened box of Tampax. The peanuts were behind the tampons. "Hmmmm," I suddenly wondered. "When was my last period?" It seemed like that box should have been opened and used before today. Thinking back I recalled it had been the week of the school talent program. Thinking it was no big deal, I checked my school calendar. OK, big deal! Seven weeks ago.
I made sure there were no "ears" nearby, closed my door and called Martin. In less than an hour that November afternoon we were looking at the positive results on the wand from the pregnancy test. From the moment I looked at the calendar my emotions were in my stomach. My periods did not follow the lunar cycle. The moon follows my menstrual cycle. For all of Martin's reasons for my late period, I knew I was pregnant.
"No Martin! This just can't be. You told me an IUD is almost 100% effective. Our life is good with James Henry. This changes everything!" I felt the tears coming. "What are we going to do?"
Martin's face showed the shock I felt, but his words were absolutely clinical. In so many words he just said we would call the doctor and have a baby. Can you believe it? Call the doctor and have a baby!
In the cool light of reason, of course, that is what we would do. But desperation and not reason was reigning on my throne. I knew of course we would never terminate the pregnancy. Martin has always taken his Hippocratic Oath and respect for life seriously. His reading recently of Albert Schweitzer had confirmed those convictions. Few issues angered Martin more than a person who considered abortion a simple method of birth control.
When I met Martin his approach to life was simply "meat and potatoes." If you cannot touch it and define it, it is questionable. I supposed this is the reason he put down psychiatry and mental health treatment as psychobabble. His gradual respect for the good his Aunt Ruth did and his desperate need for counseling to resolve his own issues changed his rigidity. It is amazing that his perspective changed so much that he even encouraged James to consider psychiatry as his professional focus.
It was his friend Luk Jacobs who had him reading Albert Schweitzer. To use the word "friend of" and Martin in the same sentence is quite strange. But Luk, who was the vicar at the church in Portwenn for a time, somehow became someone Martin liked. He wanted Martin to read challenging books and they would discuss them. This has continued even with Luk in the States. So when Martin saw some of Dr. Schweitzer's books in a used book store, he bought them. He has been deeply drawn to Schweitzer's medical work and his Reverence for Life.
But back to Tuesday, November 21! Honestly, I do not know how we got through that day. It was a roller coaster of emotional outbursts: How could this happen? We had decided. We have a good life now. Why me? We must have the fertility of rabbits. I do not want to be pregnant. I do not want to be fat and sick. Martin, I want you to say something.
How did we get through this? It was Martin! Although his emotions were as at cross-purposes as my own, his practical mind kicked in. In retrospect that was good, but at the time it seemed terribly insensitive. Martin had great respect for his colleague Charles Stewart who was an obstetrician at the Royal Cornwall Hospital. He wanted me to see him right away.
Then he said an amazing thing. For my often slow-to-catch-on husband, a truly amazing thing - he said I should call my friend Natalie Jacobs. We had become friends from the day she and her husband Luk had moved to Portwenn. Now we were more than friends. More like sisters. Although they had moved to America, we spoke by phone at least weekly. I think Martin knew our attempting to sort this out further would be futile. So I called Natalie.
"Louisa, what is wrong? Has there been a death? Are Martin and James alright?"
"Bwaaaaa Ahhhhhh. Oh Natalie. What will I do. I am preeegnaaant!"
"Louisa. Oh Louisa, that is the best news. You know I am three months along. We will do this together."
"Bwaaaaaah. No it is not the best news. Our life is good. This is a huge cock-up. We took every precaution. I have an IUD. This was not suppose to happen, Natalie!
"Louisa, I think you ought to speak in the past tense. You had an IUD."
"Bwaaaaaah Ahhhhh." I kept bawling.
"What? What now Louisa?"
"That is exactly what Martin said."
"Martin making a joke. There is hope for the world, Louisa. Look I know this doesn't fit life as you have planned it. Do you remember the words in the song, "Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans?"
I'll never know how our conversation was salvaged that night, but after over an hour on the phone I was far from resolved to having another child. Yet my friend would never be silly about something like this just to calm me down. Her excitement was a bit infectious and I had a sense of peace when we rang off.
I went to Martin and assured him with a hug and kiss that Natalie had settled my mind. He followed my lead and "sang me a lullaby" that allowed us both a very peaceful night.
My pregnancy went very well. I had a minimum of morning-sickness and other than a growing weariness mid-afternoon I began to enjoy the experience once I was accepting of our having another child. Martin was so kind and helpful - almost more than I could endure.
Again, enter Natalie: "Louisa, I do not want to hear one word of complaint out of you. Do you know how many women would like to be given the attention your husband is giving you?"
"But Natalie, he is my shadow. He monitors my sleep, my food; asks constantly how I am feeling."
"Have you so soon forgotten the pain of neglect and distance when you were expecting James? And you know in your heart that was mainly your fault."
"But Natalie, Martin..."
"No Louisa, we've gone over that before. Never mind the past. Open the door for Martin to be totally involved with this child! That is settled my dear friend. Now let's talk babies..."
I was over the moon that we were going to have a daughter. There was never any discussion about her name. Martin and I both knew she would carry the name and we hoped the legacy of Joan Norton, Martin's dear beloved aunt. Martin did drive me crazy at times with his playing mother hen, but he could be quite tender and emotional at times. This was most obvious when we retired with his head lying on my breast and his hand on the baby.
If the idea of a new sister was new to James Henry, dealing with a child asking about this new baby was new and carried great humor and land mines. When we told him the new baby was a girl he wondered if we couldn't just have a puppy. He wanted to know why Mummy was getting fat. We gave the common answer that it was because the baby is growing in her tummy. To our regret we didn't go just a bit deeper and use the word "womb" or "special place." Oh yes, to my great regret!
One day found James and me walking in town for some fresh air and exercise and we ran into Bert Large.
"Louisa, so nice to see you. And James Henry lad, how's my boy?"
"We're all fine Bert, thanks. How are you and Jenny?"
"Oh, just fine Louisa, Just fine. She's the best thing that ever happened to this old man."
"Mr. Bert, do you have a baby in your tummy?"
"What? What was that James?", I shockingly asked.
"You know Mummy. You are fat and a baby is in your tummy. Mr Large is fat so he must have a baby in his tummy."
My face was turning a bright red as I looked at a Bert Large laughing uproariously.
"Oh, Louisa, that boy made my day. You are a good one James. We won't soon forget this one."
I wanted to get away and did a quick leave taking. "Good to see you Bert. Give my love to Jenny."
"Sure Louisa. Sure. Regards to the Doc." He could hardly get the words out for laughing.
I was embarrassed to tears and wanted to get home. "James, how could you say something like that to Mr. Large? Mr. Large cannot have a baby." "But Mummy, you said..." And yes I had "said" and James had only worked it out logically. Back at home I thought about it and concluded that in the end no day is lost when you bring as much enjoyment to a person as James had given to Bert.