Damon got us home in a hurry, as I only had about an hour window left to get some human blood down. If I couldn't, I'd die. I didn't love the idea that I could die within the next hour if I couldn't sink my teeth into a blood bag, because that meant that I really didn't have much time to come to terms with the choices I'd made.

Truth be told, I wasn't ready for this. I didn't want to live forever. I wanted to grow up and die someday, just like everyone else. Eternal life wasn't something I wanted if I couldn't have everyone with me. How was I supposed to watch everyone I cared about die? Bonnie, Caroline, Jeremy? I didn't want to outlive them, especially not by thousands of years!

The only thing I was sure about was the present moment. I couldn't make any plans for the future. Right then on that day, I knew with a gut wrenching certainty that I was in love with Damon Salvatore. But he was only my first love, really. I'd never loved anyone, even Matt, the way I loved Damon. But how could I expect to love him the same way for the rest of eternity? We'd only known each other since September, for God's sake! What would happen in ten, twenty years? Would I still have wanted to throw myself in front of that fire? Would I still give my mortality to save Damon's (undead) life?
I couldn't know the answer to that question. Feelings changed like the weather. A year ago, I could have convinced myself that I loved Matt. Would things be like that between Damon and I after time?

And if they were, what would that mean for me? That I was to live forever all alone? Loveless and companionless until the day that someone staked me?
Not to mention the other risks I'd be facing. I wouldn't be able to go into the sunlight until I got my hands on the rings enchanted by Emily who was, oh yeah, dead. Plus, I'd have an entire council of Founding Families after me, according to the info I'd picked up from Sheriff Forbes.

Damon's world seemed intriguing now, but what about later?

That was when I knew that no matter how selfish it was, I was going to reject the blood. I would refuse to take it. I was nothing if not myself, and once I became a vampire, the real Elena would be gone. A bloodthirsty, uncontrollable monster could very well replace her. I couldn't do that to myself, or put that on Jeremy. That was even worse than dying.

Not taking the blood was the right thing to do. But I couldn't tell Damon, he'd stop me. I'd have to pretend that I drank it.

I wouldn't get to say goodbye to him after all.

I looked at Damon through my lashes as we pulled into the driveway of his house. His face was set in determination, his eyes cold. He didn't want to do this.

Or so I thought. But then, something in his face changed. A smile, a real smile pulled on his lips. He stopped the car and flashed to my side, pulling open the door for me. He cupped my face in his hand and tilted his head to the side. "I can't wait for you to be mine, forever," he murmured, kissing my cheek.

It took everything I had not to cry as he swept me into his arms and carried me into the house. Stefan shot up from the couch upon seeing me, and rushed to his brother's side. His form was blurry; I was starting to lose it.

I wondered if this would go quickly, or if I would suffer.

"How is she?" Stefan asked, concerned.

Damon held me tighter. "She needs blood. Fast."

"I'm coming."

Damon immediately objected.

An idea struck me. Damon would never let me refuse the blood, but Stefan might understand that I wanted it to be my choice. I stirred, picking my limp head off his shoulder. "No, I want him there, Damon. Please. The more the merrier." The last sentence sounded as out of it and loopy as I felt.

Hands that didn't belong to Damon brushed damp strands of hair from my forehead. "She's hot."

Damon spoke tightly. "I agree, but she's mine. So paws off." I thought I heard Stefan's hand being swatted.

"I meant temperature-wise," Stefan said tiredly. I supposed that over a century of Damon's quick remarks would grow irritating.

Damon heaved a sigh. "I knew what you meant. You have no sense of humor." We turned and I was carried through the house. My surroundings grew blurrier and blurrier until finally, I gave up and closed my eyes. I felt myself turning corners and then bumping down stairs, and then turning more corners until finally I was placed on a warm, dusty floor. A blood bag was ripped open and placed into my hands.

I opened my eyes slowly. My mouth ached in desperation for the soothing liquid I held in my hands. All I needed was one tiny sip to cool the burning in my core. I reached my hand up slowly.

And I stopped myself.

This couldn't happen. I couldn't do this. I raised my eyes from the blood and met Damon head-on. "I can't."

"You what?"

I turned pleading eyes to Stefan. "You have to help me, please. I only need you to hold him off for a half hour at most. I don't want to do this. I don't want to be a vampire."

Pain flickered across Damon's face. "Elena-I love you." It sounded like a beg. "Please, we only have minutes." He took a step towards me. "I don't want to force feed you the blood, Elena, but I will. I won't lose you."

"Damon, if you love me, you'll understand that you have to let me go. Please."

He groaned. "Why are you doing this to me?"

I tipped the bag over and dumped it onto the floor. "This is the way it has to be, Damon. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

He launched himself at me. I saw it, and I thought that was going to be it, but then he stopped. No, someone stopped him. Stefan stopped him. I watched as they wrestled, and Stefan somehow got Damon into a cell, and locked him behind a huge, heavy door. I couldn't believe that Stefan had accomplished that-Damon was the strongest person I knew; the strongest vampire I knew.

"Being off human blood has its disadvantages, doesn't it Damon?"

He growled as he beat against the door. "You're drinking from the vein again?"

"You aren't?"

Damon pounded against the door wildly. "Please, Stefan, let me out!" He beat against the door harder. It shook with his movements.

I wasn't sure Damon had ever begged his brother for anything, by the look that crossed Stefan's face.

I squeezed my eyes shut. I didn't like seeing him that way-even if I could hardly see him at all. "Get me out of here, Stefan. He can't see this," I requested. With a nod, Stefan scooped me up off the ground and lugged me away. Exhausted, I slumped against him. The last thing I heard was Damon's harsh screams, grunts and snarls as he tried with every bit of his vampire strength to get out.

"Elena!"

I think maybe I fell asleep in Stefan's arms. When I woke up, I was lying on something soft. A bed, I presumed. I wasn't sure whose it was. Everything hurt, and I was so, so hungry. It was hard to remind myself of what I was fighting for, when I wanted to surrender so badly.

I felt myself being sucked away, maybe into death, or possibly just sleep again. It was sick that I wished it was death, but I just wanted everything to be over.

Pressure landed on my chest and I couldn't breathe. I choked on a scream. My eyes shot open. That was it; I needed blood.

Expect when they opened, I didn't see whatever room I thought I was sitting in.

I saw my car. My mom. My dad. All submerged in water. I even saw myself, reaching for my father as he slammed against the window with his elbow. I saw the image, that terrible image that had taken me four moths to get out of my head, of my mother's breathless, drowned body laying back against the car seat. I saw myself letting go, saw my dad giving up.

And then I saw Stefan. I saw him swimming down towards the car. I saw him go for my father's door...and I saw my father shaking his head 'no'. He pointed to my seemingly lifeless form in the backseat, and I saw the change in Stefan's expression as he caught sight of me. With a nod, he moved to my car door, pushing water out of his way with his strong arms. I didn't move as those same arms folded around me, dragging me from the car with incredible speed. We pulled to the surface, where he layed me against the water's bank. Dirt stuck to my body as he rolled me to find my wrist and get a pulse. He must've felt something that reassured him, because he then bit into his wrist, ripping it open, and placed it against my mouth. I watched myself drink the blood in large gulps, watched the cuts and scrapes disappear slowly. I began to regain consciousness, and I sat up, looking into Stefan's eyes.

Hazel eyes.

I remembered this. And I knew that this was the part where he would compel me to forget it.

I woke up from the memory with a start. My father had turned down his salvation for mine. I couldn't betray his last wish now by not taking the blood. I had to honor him; I had to do this, and somehow, I had to find a way to survive this.

I owed it to him.

"Stefan," I called in a hoarse whisper. "Stefan!"

I heard a door creak open. "What, what's wrong?"

"The blood...I want it. I need it. I changed my mind, just please. Please get some for me."

His fingers brushed my cheek with an unexpected tenderness. "Are you certain?"

I nodded. "Please, hurry."

My eyes fluttered closed as he left the room, casting a cold breeze over me in his rush. He returned with a bloodied, bruised Damon, and handed me a full bag.

Damon was by my side with the bag in an instant, and he didn't give me a second to object. He tore the bag open and pushed it into my lips.

The smell wafted around me, filling the room with its sweet aroma. I grabbed the warm plastic bag from him and, with a deep breath, I began to suck the blood from it.