Balthazar was telling Bal not to trust John, that it wasn't really John that it couldn't be. Balthazar pounded that thought into Bal's head, but doubt seeped through anyways. "Why didn't he kill me then, why let me into his home why-", "You killed him don't you remember?!" Balthazar snapped, and Bal had to stop then realized…no he didn't remember that. "You can't remember a lot of things thou!" snapped Balthazar, but Bal was lost in thought, still holding the glass of water. He dipped his fingers into the water and found it didn't hurt him, and began to chug the water ignoring Balthazar's sneering, that it could be poisoned. 'The food wasn't poisoned, and he hasn't hit beat or raped me…defiantly better than Gabriel's place' thought Bal, listening to the blues playing and the eggs and bacon sizzling. It wasn't but a few hours ago that Bal had ate, but now that his stomach had tasted real food, and it hungered for more.

John was hoping the food wasn't too rich for the demon, as he cooked letting the music sooth him. He nearly jumped, when he was a shadow seemingly slinking its way towards him. "Jesus Bal scared the crap outta me!" John laughed, and saw Bal flush and he apologized, John shook his head at the man then said, "Its fine just your quiet that's all" John told him, then went back to cooking hoping the man would loosen up. He heard the man take out a chair and sit at the table, and John let him letting the music fill the air.

It suddenly changed to a rock n roll song, that made John smile a little, and he began to hum along to it.

I painted your room at
Midnight, so I'd know
Yesterday was over
I put all your books on the top shelf,
Even the one with the four leaf clover
Man, I'm getting older
I took all your pictures off the wall
and wrapped them in a news paper blanket
I haven't slept in what seems like a century,
and now I can barely breathe

[Chorus]
Just like a crow chasing the butterfly
dandelions lost in the summer sky
When you and I were getting high as outer space,
I never thought you'd slip away
I guess I was just a little too late

Your words still serenade me,
Your lullabies won't let me sleep
I've never heard such a haunting melody.
Oh, it's killing me
You know I can barely breathe

John turned and smiled, seeing that Balthazar was relaxing the music, it having a calming effect on him he even began to tap his foot to the beat. John spoke quietly, hoping not to startle the man "Good song huh?" John asked and Bal murmured yeah. They sat in silence, Bal trying to ignore Balthazar, John trying to figure out what to say to Bal.

The silence was broken by the phone, and John turned down the music, and answered it. It turned out to be a nurse, who told John about a store for the blind, in walking distance of his apartment. John took down the needed info, then after thanking the nurse hung up, and turned the radio up again, it was another blues tune Rolling Stones this time.

"Ventilator Blues" Bal suddenly murmured and John chuckled, and told him yes. Soon they were eating again this time, John made sure to not smash a plate but this time it was salt, and John got rid of that too. 'Need to watch my cholesterol anyways' John told himself, putting that up with the glass cups. He had put them up their so the first thing Bal could easily reach for is the plastic cups, it would help with the glass smashing thing, and the general clumsiness that Bal had with being blind. John was just happy that he seemed to not be feral, and Bal was not crawling around on all fours, acting like an animal. 'Nope just a scared helpless child', thought John as he watched the demon, chow on the food.

The next day John got a call and had to go to an exorcism, it was early in the morning and Bal was fitfully sleeping. John turned on the radio, and hoped the demon wouldn't freak when he realized he was home alone. John got back and found the demon curled up on the couch crying, John cleared his throat and Bal quickly got up, and said the most ridiculous thing John ever heard "I didn't kill you?!". John couldn't help but laugh at the look on Bal's face, but didn't let the demon hear him. "That's what you thought happened to me?" John asked still chuckling, and that's when Bal said something even weirder. "Balthazar told me to kill you, to not trust you, but I didn't listen to him, I thought I listened to him…" Bal's voice trailed away and John found his laughter gone.

"What do you mean Balthazar?" John asked, and Bal sort of ducked down, like he was trying to hide behind the couch.

"Balthazar is the me …the mean and snotty me." Balthazar told John, and John finally understood. The demon was hearing some of his old attitude, it was their but now completely separate, in a way, of Balthazar.

"…You call him Balthazar…what do you call yourself then?" Jon asked, trying to understand what was going on in Balthazar's head. John waited for the answer, and Balthazar seemed to be thinking who then 'looked' at the magician, and said "Bal he calls me Bal, please don't call me Bally that's what …they used to call me" and John said okay and that was it. From then on out John decide to call the man Bal, but John secretly wanted Balthazar back. He wouldn't be afraid of baths.

After the bath John threw Bal in some of his old cloths, and decided it was time for the demon to get his own cloths, and maybe time for them to have real food around the house. Bath done, wounds bandaged, and a pair of sunglasses put on Bal's wandering eyes, they headed out to a salvation army store nearby. Once they were there they found t-shirts, long sleeves and a few pairs of jeans, that would fit the demon. They were getting a lot of attention from other patrons because John was holding Bal's elbow, and pushing cloths into Bal's hand so he could feel them.

It wasn't too bad John decided, but then Bal wasn't picky with his cloths, but John made sure to fine soft fabric for the man, who seemed to like baggy clothing. John then grabbed some sweat pants for sleep wear and then they headed to a small grocery store a few buildings down, from the Salvation Army store. Shopping done they headed back to the apartment, then Bal yawned and John realized he too was tired.

"How does a nap then lunch sound Bal?" John asked, and chuckled when Bal yawned back good. John and Bal put away the food, Bal not a half bad at helping, and they just left Bal's cloth out on the table then John helped Bal, over to the couch. John then wandered over, and got himself and after thinking about it Bal a drink.

They drank the whisky, and watched the TV in silence. Er…well John watched Bal listened, but he didn't seem to mind. On the outside Bal was calm and enjoying the TV, but on the inside depression was slowly overtaking him. He couldn't see anything, not even in his dreams. His thoughts whirled and twisted, and he thought to himself why did he have to live?! Bal unconsciously began to wring at his wrist, John noticed this and flinched when he saw this made them bleed a little. John reached over and pulled Bal's wrist away and then set it on Bal's lap, then went back to watching TV. He then got up and got bandages he came back and had to stop Bal from worrying his wrist again, and then taped up both of them. John wondered if he should ask what Bal was worrying about, but he had the idea it was because of his blindness. Bal never really thought about it back with Gabriel and her boy toy, but now free of those bastards and able to do more, he wished for his sight.

That night after dinner, John slunk off to a another exorcism and John was happy for the work this time, John coming home went a lot smoother or so John thought, until he saw the cabinets had been opened and searched through. John then found the bathroom, and smiled to himself on thinking about that before. John found Bal alive on the couch staring off into space, the TV on but probably ignored. "Trying to off yourself?" John asked and Bal flinched, but said nothing, but John already knew the truth. "Trust me Bal hell for a human isn't as fun as it for the demons" John told him snidely, and was surprised at the reaction "YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW!" Bal yelled standing on the couch, towering over the stunned exorcist. "It is not all torturing humans and 'having fun' as you put it, do you know how we get all our ideas, from other demons…doing it to us!" Bal hissed eyes narrowed, and chest heaving. "Paint us evil as much as you want John, but to me Gabriel was worst as a human, than she ever was as an angel." Bal snapped, then almost like a switch was thrown Bal collapsed and curled in on himself, and began to sob. John smiled a little and sighed, "Finally your getting back to your old self Bal" John told Bal who stopped hiding and looked up. "I know that its not much better for demons than it is for humans in hell, but I just wanted to see if you would say the same thing." John told Bal soothingly, and Bal smiled a little at the humans game.

One thing Bal and John always did was test each other's wit and anger, to see how far it could be pushed, twisted, and assaulted. So going back to that, which was like their default mode, felt nice and Bal decided that it was a perfect way to get back to normal. Over the next few weeks they began to playfully banter, getting used to each other's company again, but this time with much less venom that used to be a part of the usual banter. John also found that now the demon was striving for normalness began to try and do things like cook, which actually ended happily much to both of their surprise. Thing fell into an easy, and livable pattern for both men. Hell they might as well as had separate lives, with suddenly the demons and exorcism coming back, had John leaving and not coming back till late at night always finding a meal in the microwave ready to be heated, and eaten.

Bal still had nightmares but now they were more manageable, and now Bal didn't wake up screaming so he was no bother to John. Slowly both were gaining back the weight they had lost due to the torture, they had been put through. They walked every were and John decided that it would be good for Bal to get used to his blindness, and they did this by going to the store that the nurse told them about. They bought books about living with the blind, and about teaching the blind to read Braille.

John thought of putting Bal into lessons, but quickly found that Bal didn't trust other people only him. This left things at a strange stalemate, as John wasn't sure what to think of that Bal trusted him and that now he was supposed to teach such a thing to Bal. They walked to the store once in a while, slowly they bought more books some audio, others in Braille. It was strange for the exorcist and man alike, but slowly they got used to it.

But John also quickly learned that Bal not only needed to learn about Braille, but also his powers and putting up his walls again. These 'walls' protected against other psychics, and just normal people who thought loudly. Every time they went out Bal's walls got stronger, but he still had to be careful not to act on somebody else's emotions, or speak thoughts out loud some of them not his own. John described it has having bad ADHD, and Bal laughed actually laughed at the joke. They began to eat out, and other than one time Bal had a panic attack and had to get up and leave the restaurant, all went pretty well.

The more John hung out with Bal, the more John found himself enjoying the man's company. There were a few times things got strange, like after the restaurant they had went for a walk and wound up in the park. Bal was still getting over his panic attack, and finally sate in the grass near a pond were an angel in tartan was feeding the ducks, paying no mind to the men. Bal was still trying to put up his 'walls' and before he could stop himself, sunk into the sounds of the city. The quacking of ducks first took over, then the children playing in the park nearby, then the real city sounds kicked in sending a jolt through Bal. Screaming angry people, whispers between lovers that may or may not be committing sin, the cursing of every driver both in mind and spoken out loud. Bal was lost to it, but John reeled him back in by touching his arm, and Bal gasped then thanked John.

More encounters like this began to happen, the level of trus,t and even somehow friendship began to grow. No longer Bal flinched from John's touch, and John touched Bal more it now feeling more normal. Baths were no longer watched, and the block of knives found their way back onto the counter. As normalcy found its way into their lives, so did enjoyment.

John now didn't flinch at the sight of Bal's scars or wandering eyes, he also didn't mind the sight of the man naked anymore. So one time when Bal was taking a shower, he had forgot to bring in cloths, and had asked John to bring in some cloths. John had been about to leave, when a sudden thump and myriad of curses erupted from the tub. John skidded to a halt, and without thinking about it rushed to the tub, and pulled back the curtain to find Bal on the bottom of the tub the shower still running. John then had to stop and laugh at the disgruntle look, the psychic had on his face. Bal having none of this grabbed John by his tie, and pulled him into the shower making him land on all fours, nose to nose t the man. "Who's laughing now John?" Bal teased, and John grinned and chuckled. There was a slight pause, then John asked if the man was okay who said yes. John then realized how …sexual this position was, and blushed actually blushed. God, he was happy Bal couldn't see. John coughed embarrassed, and began to get up only for Bal to wrap his arms around Johns neck, and pull him down for a halting yet delicious kiss John thought of stopping, but his body that had been starved of any kind of human contact began to ach.

John unable to stop himself slid his tongue between Bal's lips, but only a little wanting Bal to make the choice on whether John got to truly taste him, or not. Bal slowly opened his mouth and felt his heart beat faster when Johns tongue began to lap at Bal's mouth, not wanting to frighten the man.

Bal began to grind his body along with Johns, enlightening groans from the magician, who shivered at the ministrations. John felt himself hardening, groaned and shivered 'This is so wrong so…so wrong' thought John, but he was unable to stop his body from reacting.

One's body could only last so long without human contact for the past few weeks with only a few touches of elbows and shoulders. John was no exception and now lust pumped through his veins he couldn't stop touching Bal. Finally they pulled back and John turned off the water that had been turning cold. And that's when he hear it muffled mewls and gasps from above them.

This is for kie-chan214 who was the first reviewer :) Guess whats really going on with Bal folks and you get a virtual cookie oh and a hint of who Bal really is he was a comic book character in Hellblazer! and the Angel in tartan is a Good Omens reference which is btw my favorite book! Somebody else from that book will show up later as well as somebody from Supernatural go back to the original Two Sides of Me if you dont want to wait.