Life's a bitch, because if it was a slut it would be easy.
Enfer
IV
| All right, then, I'll go to hell |
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Light is Kira. Ryuga is L. Shinigamis may or may not exist.
And Nao is an idiot.
Light is Kira. Ryuga is L. Shinigamis may or may not exist.
She should have seen it from miles away.
Light is Kira. Ryuga is L. Shinigamis may or may not exist.
This is a horribly cruel joke that the universe plays on her.
Light is Kira. Ryuga is L. Shinigamis may or may not exist.
Hadn't she said it before? It seems so far away, but she remembers saying how L should just arrest his suspect because just the fact that he believed it would be proof enough. And as the man reveals his true self, producing folder after folder, pictures and notes and proof, Nao can only blink.
Light is Kira. Ryuga is L. Shinigamis may or may not exist.
Kira can kill with a name and a face. Light is Kira. Light knows her name. Light has seen her face for the last ten years. And while she understands that Light Yagami may be fond of her, Nao understands enough about Kira to know he wouldn't spare her. Light is Kira and Kira can kill her because of Light.
Light is Kira. Ryuga is L. Shinigamis may or may not exist.
For a split second, she rationalizes that Kira would have no reason to kill her. She is not a criminal and she is not part of the Task Force – she is not a problem. At least, not before Ryuga, Ryuzaki, L or whatever the hell he called himself entered the picture.
It dawns on her then, why the man always made sure she tagged along with the two of them. He was using her as bait, probably to make her look like she was already part of L's team and made to spy on Light. It explains why Light had been so suspicious at first, the way he sought her out suddenly after years.
Light is Kira. Ryuga is L. Shinigamis may or may not exist.
"Get out." For the first time in forever, Nao sees red. What she understands at that moment is that she is a pawn, carefully placed and exposed, that L's trapped her in this game. Light knows now and if he really is Kira, which would explain a lot – someone young, someone close to a police officer, someone who had access and too much ego – he'll keep a close eye on her.
For once, he doesn't protest and Nao can't even look at him as he gathers the papers. She waits for the sound of the closing door and then stares numbly at the walls for what seems like hours.
Light is Kira. Ryuga is L. Shinigamis may or may not exist.
For once, she cares – about her life, about the danger she's just put herself in, about how stupid she can be and too naïve and just too fucking passive that she lends herself in the middle of some war between abstract forces.
For once in her life, she's scared. And she doesn't know what to do.
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Nao decides that the best course of action is to never leave her bed again.
This is not her being a coward. A coward would try to run. No, Nao believes that she's just delaying her fate, that at least hidden under her blanket she won't ever have to face the shit pile that is currently her life.
By the third day, her mother is worried enough to call a doctor. But Nao's not sick, not really. She's being ridiculous and overdramatic and that's probably why her mother worries in the first place. In her twenty years on this earth, Nao has always been able to get away with her passive behaviour and her general laziness –
And now she's in trouble because of that. Nao has never thought of herself as being easily manipulated – she is just too smart for that. Not a genius, no, but the reason she never studied human behaviour in the first place is because she believed she understood people's intentions.
It's so not the time for an emotional crisis and yet here she is, hidden away from the world under her blankets.
"You know…" A voice drawls out on the fourth day. This just shows how out of it she's been, since she didn't even hear her bedroom door open. "When your mother said you were depressed I almost didn't believe her."
A hand reaches out to pull away one of the many covers over her head and blinks at the intruder.
"Dad, what are you doing here?" Sure, enough, her father stands in her doorway, arms crossed over his chest and regarding her with a raised eyebrow and an amused expression.
"Well, your mother called. And since my only child is currently hiding in her bed and has made a pillow fortress, I think her worries are justified, no?" She rolls her eyes. The man moves, closes the door and settles on her desk chair.
"I suppose." She grumbles out, painfully sitting up. If Nao has most of her mother's looks, then she borrows her father's personality on a daily base. The man is always so calm and cool, with that amused turn of his lips.
"So, what's the problem? Your mother believes it's boy trouble, but you and I both know that's not the case – I keep thinking about that poor boy who used to follow you around in middle school…" Ah, yes Souhei. So, she might've broken his heart – he's over it.
Nao stares at her father and sighs. There's no use beating around the bush, not if she wants to go back to her blanket security anytime soon.
"I am a pawn in the middle of a game between a mass murderer who can kill with a name and a face and a narcissistic detective who can't take no for an answer." And you know what her father does?
He snorts.
"I'm going to die, dad. It's not funny. That's what happens to pawns, they are sacrificed just like lambs and the worst is that they don't even realize someone's sending him to slaughter." She makes a face and a wave of fear crashes in her bones.
"Sweetheart, you are my daughter and I love you. But you should really stop with the melodrama." She makes a face, of course he doesn't believe her. "And you are not a pawn, you're too smart for that."
"Well, I'm not so sure anymore." Her father's face hardens, serious for a second.
"Nao, you are smarter than your mother and me combined. But you are lazy." Well, yeah. "And that's not your fault. I take full responsibility for that." Okay. "However, no one can manipulate people the way you do."
It's her turn to raise an eyebrow.
"I don't manipulate people." No, not really – at least not that she knows of.
"Really? No one can be this passive and this smart without some degree of manipulation, dear daughter. You always have someone else do the things you don't want to do and the worst is that they don't even realize it."
Nao blinks.
"You're making me sound like a horrible person." He smiles then and she can see the lines on his forehead.
"No, I'm actually quite proud." Nao snorts, of course. "Sweetheart, you have an advantage. People don't see you coming. If you decided to take over the world I'd be shaking in my shoes and they are very expensive ones." She rolls her eyes.
"So, I'm not a pawn?" She sure feels like it.
"What I'm saying is, that people might believe you're a pawn. But sometimes, if the pawn is smart enough and placed just at the right angle on the board, it can sneak up and take the king." Nao falls back on her bed, blinking at the ceiling.
"But that sounds complicated." And she grimaces then, thinking of what I would take to not only manipulate Kira and not die, but to also one up the greatest detective in the world.
"No, that sounds like work. Which means you'd actually have to do something for once." That's just the thing, she's starting to wonder if it just wouldn't be easier to let Kira off her.
"You are the weirdest father ever, you know?" He smiles then, rising up from the chair.
"You obviously never met your grandfather. Now get up and take a shower. Your mother's making dinner and I expect you to be there, yeah?" She groans.
"Dad, if I die…" He stops dead in his track.
"I'll scorch the earth until there's nothing left." And then he smiles again. "Dinner, forty minutes."
At some point, she crawls out of her bed and drags her feet all the way to the bathroom. While waiting for the water to heat up, she lets a laugh escape her throat. This whole situation is so ridiculous. Even if she decides to do something – how can she possibly beat Kira if L can't?
The man is obviously in over his head if he needs her to solve a case.
But if she does solve the case, if Kira is put away – then she can go back to her life as if nothing happened and pretend that she'd never been part of this. She does not care how many people Kira kills, just as long as it isn't her.
Survival instinct is a bitch.
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"Nee-chan!" Sayu runs into Nao's arm, obviously quite happy to see her. God, she loves that child. The twenty-year-old allows herself to be pulled into the Yagami household, Sayu gushing happily.
"Nao-chan. It's so nice to see you." And she also loves that woman. Sachiko is obviously very happy to see her and has that smile that only a mother can have.
"It's nice to see you too." The woman pulls her into a hug, but not too long because Sayu grabs her hand and pulls her into the living room. Nao wonders how someone can have this much energy.
"You're just in time for the show. Ryuga Hideki is about to confess his love – oh, he's so dreamy." You know, Nao really hates that name. But she smiles at Sayu nonetheless.
"Maybe later? I actually came to see your brother." Sayu blinks at her, curious for a second. And then she smiles, that knowing smile of hers.
"Ne, are you and Nii-chan dating? He can't stop talking about you lately." That's just – no. You know, she used to think that she could be interested in Light Yagami, but that was before the whole Kira thing. "Just so you know, I approve. If you two get married than we'll really be sisters."
Yeah, she's not getting married any time soon, especially not to Light.
"We'll see. I just came to talk to him."
"Ah well, he's in his room." Sayu disappears then, quicker than she pulled her into the house, probably to tell her brother that she's here.
"How are you feeling, Nao-chan? Your mother said you were ill." More like on the verge of a mental breakdown. But no one needs to know that. Whatever her father had drilled into her head had worked.
"I'm fine, Oka-san. My mother overreacts too much." No, her mother had been justifiably worried, but that's a secret.
Whatever moment between her and the matron of the Yagami household is cut short when Sayu reappears with a bounce – she's not alone. Light sends her a curious look, pleasantly surprised to see her.
"Nao-chan?" For once in her life, Nao really sees it. The innocent twitch in his eyes that isn't at all innocent, the way his lips curl into a slow smile that oh so fake. How can she have missed it? How could she have been so blind?
"Light." She smiles then, completely pushing away those thoughts. "Can I have a second of your time? I know it's late…" It's barely none o'clock.
"Of course. Mom, we'll be in my room." The woman smiles and Sayu has that grin on her face. It sucks, it really does, that they have hope for this to work. A perfect picture shattered.
She's been in Light's room before and not much has changed since they were younger. It's tidy and he offers her the chair while he sits on the edge of the bed. If this gets her killed, she swears she'll find a way to come back and haunt him.
"I don't know how to say this." He looks at her then, cocking his head to the side. Of course, this could look like a love confession.
"You can tell me anything?" Yeah, that's the problem, isn't it? He's too beautiful, too understanding and too perfect. He can make people feel at ease. Nao understands that she's just one of the many victims of his charms.
"Uh, well you know your friend Ryuga?" He nods. "He came to tell me something a few days ago." His face hardens. "He told me that he was detective L and that he was here to investigate Kira – and that you were a suspect…" Silence, she breathes.
"Nao-chan." She shakes her head.
"I believe that he is L, but I don't believe you are Kira. You can't be." No, that's not true. It makes sense. "I told him that you were the nicest person on earth and that you couldn't possibly be related to any murder." Yeah, she hadn't said any of that. "I also told him to look for another suspect, because he was obviously mistaken."
"You really believe that?" His eyes – his eyes glow in the pale light from his lamp.
"Light, I know you couldn't possibly be responsible for any of that." Lies, she spouts off lies. This is her life now. "I used to babysit you – I know you." She doesn't know anything. "Ryuga or L or whatever he wants to be called is obviously trying to find someone to pin the murders on and found a scapegoat."
"He told me he was L during the entrance ceremony. He said there was a chance I was Kira." He plays that part so well, with just the right amount of outrage and disbelief and sadness. "Nao-chan, I'm sorry you were dragged in this." He reaches for her hand then, soft and cool.
She's also sorry she's been dragged into this. God, she misses her pillow fortress.
"Will you… Will you help me prove to L that I'm not Kira, Nao-chan?" He's trying to dig his claws into her, to make her think that he is not in fact controlling her. It's so sweet and gentle, for a second Nao allows herself to believe that it's all a dream.
"Of course, Light. You're like my second family…" She never does get to finish that thought, his hand pulling her into him and then his lips soft onto hers.
When she gets home that night, she throws up everything she ate in the last year. Her father appears at some point to hold her hair and massages her scalp.
"I hate this." She says, short of breath. And then throws up again. She's better than this, she's passive and cool and smart –
"That's what happens when you start to be involved in your world, sweetheart." She really wants to tell him that he's the worst father ever, but her mouth is busy.
a/n: Well, look who decided to grow a back bone. Now, some of you may be thinking - what the hell? But you should know that Nao has never been that passive, just an uncaring human being that has never been faced with a dilemma in her life. And now that her life is at stakes, it's only normal that she starts to feel the world around her. She's is not on Light's side and she realizes that L has manipulated her and would not care if she died and anyone would be pissed.
Anyways, thank you all for your reviews. They're very enjoyable to read, especially the detailed ones. I like to know what you think. This story is coming along nicely! Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed!