Josh's POV
I miss Bella so much and I have her address, the new nanny gave it to me happily, she doesn't seem to be all that smart. She is just a teenager though.
I have her address but I didn't really have any plans for it. I just wanted to know where she was going. I should've known she was going to La Push, to Sam and all her other friends and family.
I kind of hoped one she had some distance from me she would decide to come back. She didn't. I ask Haley about her occasionally and it turns out Bella keeps in touch with Kyle's mom.
So this morning after class I ask Haley about her and she tells me she's doing great, she's pregnant and everything. Oh really, when is she due? I ask her trying to sound casual about it and she tells me she's not sure, she's thinks she's like 4 month along or something.
The baby has to be mine. And if she's already 4 months along I assume she has no intentions of telling me. I can't really say I blame her, no matter how good the week we had together was all she can see is I walked out on Ali and Sam and she's not going to give me the chance to make the same mistake.
If she's not going to come to me I decide I will go to her and I'm glad I have the address. After my last class of the day I head straight to La Push. I haven't been here since I left all those years ago. I type the address into my GPS and when I get there I get out of my truck and knock on the door before I change my mind.
A man answers and I realize I didn't really think this through. I really should have considered the fact that maybe she didn't live alone and then I realize she most likely lives with Sam.
This is Sam.
"Can I help you?" He asks.
"I'm here to see Bella." Is all I can think of, he thankfully doesn't seem to know who I am.
"She's not here. What's your name? I'll tell her you stopped by." He tells me looking at me funny. Maybe he does know who I am.
"Never mind, do you know when she'll be home?" I ask him and that seems to be the confirmation he needs.
"Did you know she's pregnant?" He asks and I tell him yes, her replacement nanny told me. "Well she hasn't decided if she wants you in the baby's life or not. So I will tell her you stopped by but please don't come back. She's super sensitive right now, and you don't need to be here. Only me and Jake and Leah and her dad know the truth about the baby. She hasn't told my mom yet because she doesn't want to hurt her. She's torn between what she feels for you and what's right in her mind. Her mom and you committed the ultimate wrong in her eyes. I'm taking care of her."
"Sam, I am so sorry for leaving you and your mom but I was a different person then. I need to see her, to tell her I want to be a part of this baby's life. I want to be with her but if not than I at least want to be involved with the baby. So you know what I'll leave but please just tell her that." I don't want to piss him off, I have a feeling he plays a big part in all of Bella's decisions.
He's listening to me but he's looking behind him.
"What the hell are you doing here Josh?"
Ali. She walks up to me with Bella right behind her and slaps me. I deserved that. I start to talk but Bella glares at me telling me to shut up.
"He's here because of me Alison." She says softly and I feel like crap. She kept this from her because she didn't want to hurt her, finding out like this isn't going to help.
"I don't understand Bella." Ali tells her.
"He's the guy. From the city. I didn't know and when I did, I broke it off. I am so sorry Alison." She's crying and Sam walks to her and pulls her into him and she relaxes a little.
Ali asks Sam if he knew and he tells her yes but only after she found out she was pregnant. Ali slaps me again. I still deserved it.
"You need to leave Josh." Ali tells me.
"Actually, I think…" She stops and looks at Sam and he shakes his head yes. I knew I was right in not pissing him off. "I think I need to talk to him Alison, please don't hate me."
Ali hugs her and tells her it's not her she hates. She leaves after telling me Charlie is still a cop and Sam tells Bella he's not leaving her alone with me but he'll go upstairs, just yell if she needs him.
"You know I didn't know who you were either?" I ask her.
"You really think it's the same?" She asks and I tell her no but everyone acts like I took advantage of her. "No one thinks that, except maybe Alison, that was never the issue. The age thing isn't even the issue. The fact that you're a shitty father to my best friend is the issue." She reaches into her bag and pulls out a piece of paper and hands it to me. "It's a boy. Only Alison knows since she was there so yeah. Sam says he'll raise the baby as his own if I want him too."
"Is that what you want?" I ask her really hoping for a no.
"What I want is to not be pregnant with your baby. But no I don't want Sam to raise it as his own, he deserves to live his own life and not be held back by my mistakes."
I don't think Sam sees it like that from the way he looks at her.
"I love you Bella."
"Like you loved Alison and Sam?" She asks and I don't know what to say. I loved Sam more than myself, I still do. I was just selfish. But I love Bella more than I ever loved Ali.
"I love you more than I thought I could love a woman and I can love this baby. Just give me the chance Bella please. I'll move here, I'll give up my studio, I will do anything for you." I plead with her.
"Then please just leave. I won't deny my son his father if you really want to be involved but that doesn't mean I have to be with you. I will call you with updates and I don't even mind if you come to appointments if you can. Just understand that's it. Now please go." She's trying to sound strong but I know she's going to fall apart.
"I would really like to talk to Sam first." I tell her and she says fine, she will go get him.
He comes down after a few minutes and asks what I want.
"I want to tell you I'm sorry for walking out on you and your mom again. I was selfish and I've regretted it every day of my life." I tell him honestly.
"Why didn't you come back?" He asks and I tell him I thought they were better off without me. He tells me I'm probably right.
"Can you forgive me? I'm not even asking to be part of your life. Can you just forgive me?" I ask him.
"If Bella can forgive you I will try. Even if she's having your baby and she loves you, she still sees her mother in you. And if you're part of her life, you will be a part of my life. But if you hurt her or the baby I will kill you. And that's not a figure of speech, her dad is cop, I'm sure he'll help me cover my tracks."
I don't doubt it.