A/N: Thank you all so very much for the reviews! I can't remember the last time I got that many for a chapter so I really thank ya'll! I promise answers will come chapter-by-chapter. I promise you that you'll learn something new every update. :)

Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders or the song Speeding Cars.

Here's the day you hoped would never come. Don't feed me violins just run with me through rows of speeding cars. The paper cuts the cheating lovers. The coffee's never strong enough. I know you think it's more than just bad luck.

You could cut the tension in the room with a knife. He wouldn't look at me. I wouldn't look at him. I couldn't feel anything and I wondered if I could even move. I felt the hot tears already starting to form and when I tried to swallow them back, the damn broke.

He got up, standing. He turned his back to me and started to inch away.

"Wait!" I called for him. He stopped. "You're just going to leave...after that?"

He let his shoulder slump. He didn't turn around. Just stood there. "What do you want me to do?"

I tried to think of an answer but I couldn't come up with one. There were too many. My mouth was watering and everything inside of me had become numb. My vision was getting blurry from the tears but I couldn't feel my arm to reach up and brush them away.

"You should go." He used the same monotone voice he had been. There was no hope in this voice. No ray of sunshine. It was just there. Dark and ill. It was this voice that made me shake as everything was still sinking in.

I got the strength to lift my head up. "What?"

"Go home," he said sourly. "There's nothing for you here anymore. Just go."

I sat dumbfounded. I searched my mind for something but nothing was there. Something had died and I was feeling it throughout my whole body. I started to get sick again. "That's it? C-can...can you not talk to me? Tell me what..."

I couldn't finish that sentence.

"Talk to Ronnie if you want someone to talk to," he said with the same tone as before. "He'll tell you what you need to know. I've got to go. You need to too. There's nothing more to talk about, Curtis. Just go."

I stared, wanting more. He didn't move, still standing in the same place. Realizing there really wasn't anything more, I gathered my stuff slowly, my whole body shaking. I wished it'd been me to make the decision to leave but it wasn't. Even after hear that, it was still him who was shooing me out. I held onto the wall, fearing I'd fall when I got up.

Then he said it, just like he'd said everything else, expect, this was much more harsh. "Don't come back, Curtis."

"We're the only one's up." Jennie nudged me with her elbow. "You ok? You look white."

I lifted my head off the window, wiping the drool off my face with my hands. I nodded and smiled at her. "Yeah, I'm alright."

She kept sneaking glances at me as time wore down. I kept my head on the window and pretended I didn't see her. I'd been getting those looks a lot lately from her, Sarah, and at one point, Kathy. She didn't know. No one did. "How goes it?"

"I'm fine, Jen." I twisted the chain around my finger, over and over again. "You can quit treating me like a mental patient. Three months later and we really have to do this? I just...I really hate people asking me that."

She glanced at the chain and sighed. "We'll have fun this week. I have to admit though, you're taking everything oddly well...like bunking with Two last night. I thought you'd throw a hissy fit all night."

"Yeah, that wasn't the highlight of my life, Jen." Very far from it. "You just gotta roll with the punches like that. I've gotten pretty used to doing that so no, Two-Bit's sweaty body touching me all night didn't bother me."

Jennie shot me another look. "You know you can talk to me about it, right? You're my friend too. Just because I'm dating your brother now doesn't mean you can't tell me things. I won't tell Sodapop."

"I know." I breathed in the cold air. I could smell the cool mist of the beach and the salt. "I'm really fine, Jen. It's been months."

I could feel her still watching me. I curled up against the door. "He was really worried about you. Sodapop. He thinks you're fine too."

I raised an eyebrow. I already knew the answer before I asked it, "And you don't?"

"I just know you," she said. "I know more than he does or anyone else for that matter, but if you say you're ok, you're ok. You act like it anyway so maybe you are. I don't know. It's your feelings so..."

I kept my eyes shut and let the fresh air tingle my lungs. She didn't know anymore than anyone else but I let her have it. "I'm ok, Jen. I'd tell you if I wasn't." I smiled. "How are you and Soda?"

She looked in the review mirror at him. A smile immediately appeared on her face. "I've never meet anyone like your brother before."

"Neither have I."

"I'm hungry," Two-Bit sat up from the back, his hair and face a mess. He rubbed his head. "Jesus where are we? How much longer 'till we get to the booby mother land?"

Jennie stared at him through the mirror. "The what?"

"He thinks he's going to meet the broad of his dreams," Steve muttered, his face hidden by Soda's armpit. "He heard of some nude beach and he's determined to find her there."

Soda grumbled, getting up himself. "The day he finds the perfect broad, is the day my hair falls out."

"Which is never, right?" I grinned at him, flashing my teeth.

Two-Bit scoffed, getting comfortable again and curling up. "It'll fall out if I cut it off."

Soda whistled. He shook his head and covered his face back up with his arm. "Sure, Two."

Two-Bit propped his feet on top of Steve and grumbled loudly, clearly annoyed, "You're one to talk about girls anyway, Stevie."

Steve forcefully knocked Two-Bit's legs off his and rolled over to the other side, huffing and puffing all the way. "You need to shut up about my problems. At least I got a girl to call my own. When was the last time a girl gave you anything?"

"You might not have one for long."

Steve fully sat up and got close with Two, their noses almost touching. "It ain't funny! You don't know two flying shits about what's going on so why don't you shut your ignorant fucking goddamn mouth before I-"

"Hey," Soda spoke up before Two-Bit had time to react and punch Steve's lights out. "This is a fun trip. Not the: hate on everything trip. We're gonna be happy and have fun so pipe down! Jennie, how much further?"

"I saw a post card of this place on it at the gas station," Jennie said, leading the pact. "C'mon! You guys are so slow!"

The sun was setting fast and the fast it sat, the fast Jennie moved. Two-Bit was way back, slipping and falling all over the rocks. Soda was up top with Jennie, painting as he tried to keep up with her, and I found myself beside Steve.

I clung to the straps of my book bag and followed suit. "She really likes this stuff," I said. "Hiking and things."

"Uh-huh."

"It must be beautiful at the top," I said, kicked a rock out of our path. "It's really high up there, ain't it?" He held out his hand, helping me up a big rock. He smirked once I got on my feet and went on. "What?"

He shook his head, trying to catch up to Jennie and Soda. "You're really trying hard."

"At what?"

"Everything."

Jennie beamed down from the top. She waved for us to come up. "You guys are going to miss it! Two-Bit, you ok down there?" He help up a thumb and doubled over to catch his breath again. Jennie laughed and sat down on the cold rocks.

I got up and sat beside her, looking out into the horizon. "How much longer until it goes down?"

Soda got out the big bag of chips he'd picked up at the last gas station and passed some to Steve. His hand tangled up with Jennie's and we waited for it. The sky was orange as could be already. I could only imagine what it'd look like in a few minutes.

Two got to the top just as the sun was setting. Jennie and Soda awed at the mask-era of orange and yellow colors that seemed to dance in the sky. Steve leaned back against the rock and relaxed, watching it just like the rest of us. I held my knees to my chest and looked out into the sky just as the sun was about gone.

Jennie took me hiking right after Christmas...in the snow. It wasn't the time of year for hiking but she insisted we go so I could clear my mind. She, just like everyone else on the day after Christmas, heard about me. I think the whole town knew by that point, I just wouldn't go out to make sure of it myself. I didn't care too much for gossip. Let them talk. They didn't know. No one did.

It was just me and Jennie and she kept pressuring me to tell her the story everyone who knew me wanted to know. Real friends don't buy your lies. That's one thing. My family, I'd gotten pretty good at convincing them of my lies by now. Not all of the lies even belonged to me. I don't know why I didn't tell them the truth. To save my own ass I guess.

So the more Jennie pressed, the more annoyed I got. I told Jennie just what I'd told everyone else: Dallas Winston and I, Danni Curtis, are taking a break while he is in jail. He wants me to enjoy the outside world. So we are on a break until he gets out. We just need some time apart. No, no. Everything's just fine. We just need some air and now that he's away, it's as good as a time as any.

Jennie didn't buy it. So I caved...but not everything.

We got in around one in the morning. I'm laying in bed, watching everyone sleep. Two-Bit had me on the edge of the bed, his arms spread out. Jennie was facing me, Soda's arm wrapped around her, spooning her body. Steve was on the floor. I think he finally feel asleep. He was still up a few hours ago. I didn't sleep. When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep or awake.

I got up and grabbed a towel from the bathroom. I slipped out the door, trying not to wake anyone.

This wasn't the first night I'd gone without sleep. Nightmares had taken over my dreams. It wasn't hurting me anymore to go without it for a day or two. I hardly noticed. Darry took me to a doctor when he found out about it and the nightmares and got me checked out by all kinds of doctors and had me talk to someone. I insisted I was fine, like I had been. The doctor he sent me to gave me some different pills to make me feel better. I worked without them, keeping on. I didn't need them to make me feel ok. I was fine.

Quickly, Darry and everyone else noticed I was.

I wondered what Darry was doing right now. He probably didn't sleep last night either. Soda was going to call soon to let him know we made it and we were fine. I expected Darry to follow us down here. He still might. I didn't tell Soda that though.

I got down to the pool. No one was there considering it was around six in the morning. That was just a good guess. It was probably earlier than that by now. I don't look at clocks. The pool wasn't in the best of shape but it was a pool and it smelled nice and sorta clean. It had leaves in it from the palm tress surrounding it and a bug or two.

I sat down, letting my feet ease into the warm water. I splashed the water with my toes, kicking my feet up and down before I got out a cigarette and lit it. I held the smoke in longer and exhaled slower.

"What happened? You owe me that much to tell me."

He paused, thinking it over. He knew better than to tell me. He didn't follow my orders. He followed his brother's. "I don't know if-"

"Dally told me to call you," I informed him with a slight snap. "He told me you'd tell me what happened or at least what he wants you to tell me anyway. I'm sure you won't tell me everything. He probably already got to you. You're all the same."

There was a deep sigh on the other end of the phone. I knew I was giving Ronnie the third degree. Ronnie was never my favorite person, and right now, he especially wasn't. "You and Dal-"

"He dumped me," I said bitterly. I rotated the phone to my other ear and gulped back a sob just hearing myself say those words. "He won't write me back, he won't see me, he won't talk to me. You're all I got right now. I'm not in the right state of mind right now. You don't want to test me."

Ronnie hesitated. "He dumped you?"

"Is it really that hard to believe?" I said. I tasted the sour bitterness of my tone. "I just really need something to go on. You're not on my best friend list and I know I ain't on yours but I need this from you, so please, please tell me something."

Silence filled the other line. I pressed my head against the wall, thinking he hung up. I chocked on a sob, then he spoke up. "Alright, alright. I'll tell you some. It's not what you wanna hear, Dan. You sure you want me to tell you?"

Cold fresh tears rolled down my cheek slowly. "Start with the flower shop guy, Ronnie. Tell me everything. It won't hurt me anymore than it already has."

The sun came up a few minutes ago and I knew everyone would be getting up to catch the beach. I watched my smoke float into the air, not wanting to move. The water felt good on my sore feet. My head was starting to take blows from the lack of sleep and I dried swallowed another pill, hoping this one would work. If not, I'd take another later.

Kathy lives twenty minutes from here. I don't know how Soda knows that but he does. She's living with her mom and dad. They moved here and bought a retirement home right after she graduated and went off to college. She starts working at the local hospital on Monday and she has a house phone.

Soda called it last night and hung up.

I didn't know what he expected to happen. Something had happened with Darry and Kathy and it was probably something we couldn't fix. I was willing to try. I wanted Kathy back more than Soda even, but I also knew there was little to no hope. Soda had hope. He had hope in a lot of things. He always has. His hasn't been broken down and beaten.

I pulled my knees to my chest and rested my chin on them.

I did wonder what happened to Kathy and Darry. They argued a lot. They had before she moved in and Darry always said it helped them as a couple to argue and get everything off their chests. I always thought that was a bunch of crap. Darry could argue with a wall. It didn't matter to him.

Maybe that's what happened. Maybe they grew apart. Paradise never lasts. I know.

"I can't believe he's wearing that," Jennie giggled, taking another look at what she was referring to. Two-Bit's lacking of a bathing-suit. "Maybe he will find the perfect girl wearing that thing."

I kept my eyes forward. I'd saw too much of him in the last five minutes than I ever wanted to. "Let's hope so."

"Sodapop, babe, take the shirt off." Jennie locked arms with him, looking him up and down at the attire he decided to wear. His whole body was covered by a long sleeve shirt and his face covered by a cap. Jennie jerked it off. "Soda-"

Soda quickly snatched it back, shoving it back on his head. "It's hot. I don't wanna get burned, Jen." He ran off to catch the boys in the ocean, a big wave knocking them clear off their feet. They didn't say anything about Soda's clothes. Steve had mentioned it once to me, saying that it made him feel better about everything. Steve was trying to get him to come around, taking baby steps.

"He does this thing now," Jennie said. "He won't wear short sleeves because you can see where the patches are. He's growing his hair out like that not because he likes it but because it hides his face better. I'm surprised he wore shorts."

I gazed out into the ocean at him. Soda's scars weren't as visible as they once were. He walks with a slight limp which he's also self-conscious about. He worked all winter to get rid of it so now you hardly notice it's there. Doctors say he's physically fine now. He'd just like to think differently. Soda's always relied on his looks. He won't say it, but he's always known he was the handsome one out of the family and that's been who he's always been known as. The handsome one.

He still is, but when Soda looks into the mirror, the scars are dark and large. Darry is convinced that he'll drop it once time goes on and the scars will just be little marks but the rest of us see something different in Soda. I don't want to say it, but it's like something is broken inside of him. Something that was there before has been smashed down and it's gone. He's not quite the same.

Jennie shook out a towel as I adjusted the umbrella behind us. She lay down on her stomach and motioned me to do the same. "So you and Soda are going to go see Kat today?"

"That seems to be the plan." Soda's already came up with a list of things to say to say to her. It's still early, considering we've only been here a day but he wants to take it slow and not scare her away.

"They just moved in together too. It's awfully weird how it just happened like that. I always thought it was weird though, having your brother and his girlfriend live with you...sleeping in one bed."

"We try not to think about it," I said with a chuckle. "I think she's the only girl he's been...with. Not that I really want to know all about it but living with all boys, you tend to hear things."

Jennie wrinkled up her nose. "He didn't have sex in high school?"

"With Kathy. It was their senior year. After prom. Don't ask me how I know that but I do."

"Well you don't have to worry about me and you're brother."

"I don't even want to hear about, Jen." I held up a hand, stopping her in her tracks before I heard her say it. "You may be my friend, but he's still my brother and I really don't wanna hear about when he has...it."

Jennie laughed as she readjusted herself on her towel. "You can't even say it." She splashed some sand on my back. "It's sex, Danni. Not the black plague. And I just told you, you don't have to worry."

I had to make a sarcastic smirk hearing that. "You're trying to tell me ya'll don't have...sex? Sorry Jen, but I'm not buying it. I know my brother, sadly, and I know just how...boyish he is about the subject."

"I do too," she said plainly with a shrug. "He's told me. We haven't had sex, Danni. Ask him yourself."

"I'd rather not." I stuck my tongue out, making a gagging noise. "I still don't believe you though."

"It's true!" she stressed. "We just haven't. He wants it to be special and I just...you know, it's not the most exciting thing in the world to me. It's just sex. I don't see the big deal in it."

I knew how she felt about the subject. I'm not the only one who's shared secrets in this friendship. "So you're going to wait 'till marriage or something?"

"Don't even say that word," she groaned loudly. "No. It'll probably come soon, I guess. I'll be sure to tell you the details though," she joked with a smirk.

"Joy."

"You just worry about your other brother." She stood up, stripping down to her bathing-suit, revealing her slim white curves. "That's why we're all here right? Make some miracles happen, Danni Curtis."

Yeah, I'm really good at that.

XXXX

My insides twisted into tight knots as we walked on the porch, standing in front of Kathy's parent's house. I insisted to Soda that we let Kathy know before we bombard her but he liked the idea of surprised. He said all we were doing was talking. Trying to figure out what happened to the so called 'perfect' couple that lived on our lane.

I made an O with my mouth and blew out air I'd been holding in. Soda grinned and held my hand making me feel a tad better. It was the feelings deep down in my stomach that was making me worry about this talk. The thought of seeing Kathy's face and not knowing what kind of anger or emotion that might come out of me. I didn't know if I could control this. I didn't know how I felt about Kathy. I hadn't obtained and opinion but I had a feeling I was about to.

Before we could knock, the door opened. Her face dropped and then turned white. "Oh lord, not you."

Sleeping pills know sleeping dogs lie never far enough away. Glistening in the cold sweat of guilt. I've watched you slowly winding down for years. You can't keep on like this...now's a bad a time as any. There there baby it's just text book stuff it's in the ABC of growing up.

A/N: Thank you for reading. :)