Disclaimer: I don't own the Outsiders or the song Houdini.

Rise above, gonna start the war! What you want, what you need, what'd you come here for? Well, an eye for an eye and an 'F' for fight. They're taking me down as the prisoners riot. Got shackles on, my words are tied. Fear can make you compromise.

"Why are you guys here?" she asked, her tone harsh and uninviting. She stood in the doorway, her arms crossed. Her hair was messy and she wasn't wearing any make-up and her clothes were stained. "Does Darry know you're here?"

She held the door open and we entered. The house was small but like a Barbie beach house. The walls were teal and had purple trimming and her little living room was decorated to match the theme. Kathy's family always had some money. I knew that.

Soda sat down first, folding his hands together. "We were in the neighborhood, thought we'd drop by." He laughed but no one else did.

I didn't sit. I stared out the screen door. It had a perfect view of the beach. It was right on the beach actually. I could see everyone playing and building sand castles. I could see the waves wash in and then pull back out. It smelled like the ocean in here.

"What did Darry tell you guys?"

Soda cleared his throat. He looked to me as if he wanted to know if I wanted to talk. I didn't say anything. "Nothing. He told us you just moved out basically. We were hoping you'd tell us the truth."

I crossed my arms over my chest and looked at her reflection through the glass. "Ya'll drove all the way out here for that?"

"Pretty much," Soda answered with another nervous giggle.

Kathy looked at me, a puzzled look on her face that soon went soft again. She shook her head and looked down at the gray carpet. "I-I'm sorry ya'll did that but there's nothing to say. I'm sorry ya'll wasted a trip but-"

"You're not going to tell us," I finished for her.

Soda and her both stared in my direction. When I didn't say more, Soda swung back around to Kathy. "Why not? C'mon, Kat. We just want to help here. We don't want to pry but he's are brother and we're concerned. We came all this way and-"

She stood up, shaking her head over and over again. "I'm sorry, Soda. I know you're trying to help but Darry and I are over. We both agreed on it. I tried to make it work but we just can't agree on anything but this."

"Kathy-"

"You need to talk to Darry," she rushed to say. "That's all I can tell you. This is not my place anymore."

I watched the waves come back and then go away again. Over and over again. I felt their eyes on me but I didn't say anything. I was listening. I was listening to every fucking word she was saying. The more she said, the tighter my fists got.

Kathy searched the room. "You guys should go."

Soda rose up, taking her hand, being the sensitive one like always. The caring one that was going to make everything better. The healer. "Kathy, come on now, we're family. We just want to talk. Work things out."

Kathy jerked away from his touch. "There's nothing to work out." Her eyes turned to me. "I'm sorry but there's not."

"There has to be something," Soda pressed on, still reaching out to her. "Think of all the good times, Kat. You two were in love. Hell, I'd never seen him like he was when you were around. You're the only girl he's ever acted that way about."

Kathy's eyes still had a lock on me as if she thought I couldn't see her. "Is he upset?"

Soda paused and looked to the ground. "Yeah...he is."

Kathy's eyes started to water. She got away from Soda and wiped her face, doing little things like organizing the magazines. Anything she could do not to see or talk to us. "I am really sorry. I just can't tell you guys what you want."

"We'll be here all week," Soda said. "Maybe later we can meet and talk again." He placed a hand on her shoulder, making her stop. "I am sorry. It's tough...I know."

Kathy sighed and touched his hand. "I'm sorry. I really am."

"No you're not," I said for the first time. "You can't even sound like you are."

All eyes glued on me again. Soda's face gave me a warning through the reflection but I ignored it. "Dan-"

I turned around slowly and saw Kathy's eyes with my own. "If you were sorry, you'd tell us you were leaving. We didn't even get that. We had to come home to find all your stuff gone. No note. No explanation and still none. You haven't said a word to me yet."

"I-I'm sorry. You don't understand, Danni," she said with a shrug. "There's a lot of stuff going on. Stuff I can't say."

"Oh bullshit," I spewed.

"Danni..."

I stared walking towards her. "You didn't have to go like that. How do you think that made us feel? Me feel? You picked up and left. We were never going to see you again and you were just fine with that. It didn't even bother you!"

"Sure it did!" she argued back, starting to grow defensive. "You don't think I was upset? I cried until my face was numb. I loved you guys. You were more than just my boyfriend's siblings. I lost ya'll and him both in one day. It hurt like hell."

"Then why did you leave?" I started to yell. "Why did you leave me like that if I meant more to you?"

Tears gathered up in her eyes again and she looked to Soda for help but Soda was done being on her side of things. He knew all the things I was saying were true. He'd thought them himself. He didn't know how I felt though. He didn't know what this felt like...having this happen again.

My own face felt hot. I could feel tears that wanted to be let loose. I held them in. "You abandoned me."

"Danni..." She reached out for me. I backed away. "I-I...I didn't do that. You don't understand. Don't be mad at me. You have no idea what I'm going through and what has happened. Just please don't blame me, Danni. I'm begging you."

I scowled, my chin quivering. "I know what it feels like. I know exactly what you feel like. You still left, Kathy. You left like we meant nothing to you. You left Darry flat on his face just like the rest of us."

"You don't understand and I wish I could give you answers to prove that but I can't," she explained. "I love your brother enough not to tell you all of this. It's his job not mine!"

I shook my head. "Don't give me that. I needed you." I swallowed the rising lump. "You were like my sister. I told you everything! You told me you'd be there for me but you're just like the rest of them! Just like all the other people who come in and out of my life. You left just like the rest of the people who supposedly loved me!"

It grew quiet when Kathy had nothing to say back. She just stared at me, tears slowly running down her face. I wiped mine away and turned to Soda who took hold of my hand. "We should go."

We inched towards the door, leaving Kathy in the same spot. I turned back around and looked at her. "Darry's not the only one you left Kathy. Did you ever think about that?"

I slammed the door shut behind me.

"Who gave you bail? Who paid for Dally's lawyer?" I asked. "Can you tell me that?"

There was a long deep sigh on the other end. Ronnie wasn't telling me anything that I didn't already know and he was starting to beat around the bush on every question. "No. I can't tell you that."

I rubbed my head. This was the fifth questions he 'couldn't answer'. "Why can't you?"

"I just can't. You don't understand, I know," he said. "I can't help you understand though, Dan. This is really isn't my place to say anything and I don't know why Dally didn't just tell you himself because I can't tell you anything and he knows that."

That's exactly why he told me to call Ronnie. I wasn't going to hang up the phone until I got something. As frustrated as I was, I kept trying. "You can't tell me what happened with Sam. You can't tell me what happened with the flower guy. What can you tell me?"

"I don't know," he said, exasperated. "I forgot how bull headed you were before I agreed to this conversation."

"Then tell me something!" I begged. "Tell me a story, Ronnie. Tell me why you came to Tulsa. Why Dally killed Sam. Where you were that night. What happened with the flower shop guy? Who paid bail? Tell me anything!"

There was a long silence on the other end of the phone. I had made up my mind that if he hung up I'd keep calling. I had to get some answers. There were too many. Finally, he answered me. "I killed the flower shop guy."

I held my breath. A slight relief was lifted off my shoulders and I breathed out. "What happened that night?"

I sensed he didn't want to go into details and was growing tired of this game. "I don't really know, Dan."

I took a deep breath, trying to control my angry side. It wouldn't do me any good to snap at Ronnie, he was my only hope right now and I needed him. "So you did kill the flower shop guy? You shot him?"

"I didn't mean to. It wasn't supposed to go down like that, but yeah." There was a pause on the other end. I waited for him to collect himself. "Dally let my ass have it too. He was mighty pissed. He didn't sleep at all that night."

I remembered that morning. That morning when we all got up and went down town. Dally had told me he'd been working a closing shift at work and that's why he looked so tired. "What was the point? Why did you go to him? To rob him? Why?"

I was asking too many questions. I sensed Ronnie was getting tired of filtering everything out and just wanted to hang up. I didn't know why he just didn't. Maybe I was wrong about Ronnie. "Listen, I didn't mean to kill that guy. Believe me when I say it kills me to think about that night even to this day. I'd never...I'd never seen a dead body before."

This is the time when I'm supposed to be sympathetic. Tell him I'm sorry Dally took him there. I'm sorry that happened to him. I don't really feel too sorry about anything right now though, but I still needed Ronnie for a few more minutes. "Sorry."

"You want me to tell you the whole story to everything and I can't. We were going to rob him, yeah. My gun...Dally's gun - the guy tried to grab it from me and I got scared and next thing I knew there was blood everywhere."

I told him how sorry I was again though I didn't mean it and I know I should. Ronnie isn't my enemy anymore. He's halfway around the country, as far as I know. That may be another lie. I don't really care about that right now.

"So Dally flipped shit. Grabbed the gun and pushed me out the door. I wanted to call someone but the gun wasn't registered in Dally's name but someone else's and he told me not to. So he ditched the gun and took me back to his place. I sneaked out the window when he was in the shower and got Emily. I was so pissed at him and I needed to just get away so I took her and we left."

Everything was coming together now. "So that's why Dally was so mad when we found you and Em in the woods."

"It was our safe house," he said quietly. "I didn't think they whole town would come looking for me, but yeah. I was apparently ruining all his plans. In the end he just told me to leave town, don't tell anyone where I was going, cut all contact, and never show my face in Tulsa again. He made sure I listened that time."

"Why though?" I asked, wanting to get to the point. "Why did you want to rob him? You can't tell me why he killed Sam. You're not going to tell me anything about that night so-"

"I'll tell you some. Don't ask me why...on anything. Don't use that word. We needed the money, Danni. It was right after the cops started to get suspicious. We needed to do something so we went to get the money so-"

My chin quivered. "So you could both get the hell outta dodge." My heart sank to my stomach and I slid down and sat on the cold ground. Tears ran down my face as I dropped the phone, making it bang on the floor. I covered my mouth and sobbed.

Everyone was looking into their drinks. Two-Bit finished off his and got another one and drowned it. Soda told them how well our talk went. He told them it wasn't looking good but he wanted to talk to Kathy again. I didn't know why.

Two-Bit was down at the end of the bar, eating peanuts. Steve went down and joined him and soon, Soda did too, leaving me and Jennie alone with our bucket of peanuts.

Jennie scooted over to the seat next to me. "You alright?"

"She just thinks she did nothing wrong," I said. "She thinks it's not her fault that it's Darry's. She says we need more information to judge yet she won't give us any." I shook my head and took another drink of my Ginger Ale. "She makes me so mad."

Jennie cracked open another nut. "You think she'll come back like Soda says?"

"Do you?" She shook her head, popping the nut in her mouth. I looked around her at the guys at the end. Everyone was around Steve and he had his head in his drink. "What's going on with Steve anyway?"

Jennie hesitated before answering. "It's Evie."

Evie and Jennie had become close friends ever since they met. I never thought about it before but they are a lot alike and Evie hasn't had anyone since Sandy left and they called quits on that relationship. Jennie and Evie tell each other everything right now.

Suddenly, Steve slammed his fist on the bar and jumped up. "Yeah well, it's my fucking life! I don't want to hear it!"

Jennie and I watched him storm out of the bar. No one followed him. Jennie just sighed and turned back around. "It's bad all over, Danni. Everyone has issues."

It is bad all over. I already knew this. I was living through it.

The next day it was raining which meant no beach or pool. No one was really talking, just watching the static on the television. We were living off of gas station food, too afraid we may not have enough money to get home. Soda gave up the dream of Kathy coming home and I think I ruined the borrowing money plan.

"Maybe we should just go home now," I suggested.

Soda had his head face fist in his pillow. "I'm not giving up."

I leaned back down and let my body fall on the bed. My head hurt and I thought about taking some medicine but didn't chance it. I stared at the ceiling and sighed. "What are we gonna do Soda?"

Soda got up and scooted back on the bed and picked up the phone. "Call Darry. He's probably freaking out. Maybe Kat called him."

"She didn't seem to be on a talking basis with him."

Everyone else was intently watching TV, not even noticing us. Soda held the phone to his ear, motioning for me to come over and press my ear to the other end. I switched beds and listened to the dial tone.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Dar," Soda said chipper. "It's Sodapop."

There was a long deep sigh on the end and Soda and I both made a face. Here it comes. "What in God's fucking hell were ya'll thinking? Where are you? This isn't like ya'll! What were you thinking Sodapop?"

Soda winced, the screaming making his ears and mine ring. He held the phone out a little from him. "Sorry, Darry. We just...it's spring break and we needed some time to ourselves. We thought you did too."

"Where are ya'll?"

"Um...Texas."

"Texas?" I whispered. "You didn't tell him in the letter what we were doing?"

Soda pushed me over and waved me away, making sure Darry didn't hear me. "We'll be home in a few days. Don't worry about it none. I'm taking care of Dan. We're all right. Just...Just get some rest, Dar."

"It's not Danni who needs to be taken care of," Darry said, his tone slightly calm again. There was another sigh. "I'm going to kill you both when you get back. You know that, right?"

Soda grinned from ear to ear. "I figured. It was my idea. Not Dan's though, Dar."

"You're still both dead when I get my hands on you," he said, fully calm now. It shocked me he wasn't getting in his car as we speak. "If you would have just asked I would have let you go."

Soda sneered. "I thought it'd be more fun this way."

"Sure, sure." I could sense an eye roll. "Be careful, will ya, little buddy? Don't get your ass into any trouble, you dig?"

Soda gave me a thumbs up. This wasn't Darry on the other end. I sighed, realizing there was more to this than what we had figured. We were over our heads. Soda can't fix everything. No one can. I could try. That's all I knew how to do.

I slowly walked up to the door, rethinking this. Soda agreed to it. He thought it was a better idea really. He didn't realize what was going on inside of me that wanted to come out and hash out it's fury on Kathy. He wasn't here to put a leash on it either.

I didn't know why I was here. Sure, it was my idea. My idea to talk to Kathy. To try and make things right and maybe get her to open up. Maybe it was my curiosity that brought me back here. Maybe it was my will to keep fighting for something though my body said differently. I hadn't fought in a long time. Maybe that's why I'm here.

I knocked twice. If she didn't come in thirty seconds, then I was leaving. I'd already made up my mind.

The door opened. Her mouth slightly hung on she saw me, then she crossed her arms. "Wow."

"Can I come in?" I asked.

She raised an eyebrow and paused but finally let me in. She didn't uncross her arms as she led me back into the living room and took a seat with me. She eyed me down. "Is this going to be like yesterday?"

I shook my head. "I hope not."

"I told you everything I could yesterday," she said, crossing her legs. "I don't know what more you want other than to yell at me some more but I figured you'd got all of it out yesterday."

I rubbed my head. "Yeah, I didn't mean to sound that way. I've just...I just don't understand. Sure, you can't tell me. I suppose I understand and respect that. It's just hard, finding out someone left you like that with nothing."

"That wasn't the plan," she said bitterly. "Do you really think I'd leave that easily? I wanted to say good bye but I knew you'd ask and I just can't tell you. I thought it'd be easier this way and I guess I was wrong, but don't think it was easy for me, Dan."

I swallowed and looked to the side. "It was just a shock. Then Darry wouldn't even say. I didn't know what to think. I haven't been that angry in a while. Yesterday was the first time I yelled in months."

She studied me. I kept my face away from hers. I didn't want her to look at me, to judge me like she felt something for me. Deep down, I still loved Kathy and it killed me to sit here and play nice with her when all I wanted to do was hurt her.

"You had a lot to say," she said. "I wondered if it was all meant for me or not."

I scowled. "It was."

She took a deep breath and leaned up, trying to get a better view of me. "I'm still here for you, if you want me to be. Just because Darry and I are over doesn't mean you and I have to be. I have a phone. You can always call if you need anything."

"I needed you." My face turned. "Don't try and make everything ok, Kat. It's not going to be."

"Look I know you're upset about more than just this-"

"Don't!" I screeched. "Don't try and pin that on me. I'm fine. That's not what upsets me. I'm sick of people thinking that! Everyone looks at me and that's what they think every fucking time. Every time I cry, yell, show some fucking emotions, they pin it on that. Well, that's not my problem. I've moved on. I'm fine!"

She scratched her head, taking in a sigh. "Danni, I'm not trying to pin that on you. I'm just trying to help."

"I don't need your help anymore."

"Fine," she said with a snap. "I don't know what you want then."

I shook my head. "I want an explanation."

"Talk to your brother," she repeated. Hearing those words again made my blood boil. "I can't tell you that. He's the one that needs to. Maybe once you figure it out you'll realize how mean your words to me really are."

I stood up quickly. "I'm being mean to you? So leaving in the middle of the night like some dead beat dad isn't being mean?"

"I told you I was sorry!" she screamed back. The heat was turning up. "I did it for a good reason! I'm sorry you can't see that past your damn stubbornness but it's true. I can't tell you, ok! I can't!"

I caught my breath. It was raging and I tried to calm my angry nerves that were screaming at me. The feeling inside of me that told me to destroy her. "Fine. You're a real act Kathy Henson."

"What?"

"You try an' make everyone think you're this sweet angel," I said. "Made of cookies and sugar. You act like you're sensitive and that you care about people but in real life, you couldn't give a shit! And I fell for it. Congrats...bitch."

Her jaw feel. She stared at me in disbelieve. She closed her mouth and that's when the tears started to fall. "I've always cared about you. I've always been there for you. I've wiped the tears off your face! I've stood up for you, always!"

"And yet, here you are."

Silence filled the room. Tears took over Kathy's face and she sniffled, grabbing a handful of tissues. She waited for more from me but my breath was gone and all I could do was stand and watch her break down. I watched her suffer - die.

The back door slammed open, a guy entering and examining the room. His eyes meet mine. "Danni?"

Yeah I'm scared but I disappear. Running around before it corners you. I can't go because my life's a wreck. I know that you want me. 'Cause it's simple to see of my ability. Yeah you're undecided. Yeah it's the right feeling. Yeah I don't wanna runaway.

A/N: Thank you as always for reading. Please leave a review!