Disclaimer: I don't own the Outsiders or the song What Sarah Said.

A/N: Happy father's day. I hope all of you have an awesome day with your dads! Don't let all the excitement let you forget to review. ;)

Amongst the vending machines and year-old magazines. In a place where we only say goodbye. It stung like a violent wind that our memories depend. On a faulty camera in our minds. And I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose than to have never lain beside at all.

I packed my stuff the night before. It was three in the morning and I was still awake. I was staring at the water marks in the ceiling, trying to figure out if they came from water or some other unknown liquid. I was tired by this point. It'd been forty-eight hours and I've gotten a total of two hours of sleep.

Steve didn't talk to me much when I came back. We apologized. I think Soda made him. Soda didn't talk to him for a while. They were silent throughout dinner. Peter must think I'm off my meds. God. Or more. I was starting to think it myself. He probably went back and told Kathy everything I'd told him. I'm sure he did. Kathy wasn't coming home with us. Not after what I said and did. She was gone. It was time to accept yet another loss.

I'm standing on the beach. It's six in the morning and everyone's asleep. I tried to sleep last night. I wanted one night where I could just clear my mind for a few seconds of this nonsense going on. Just a few hours where I could escape in my dreams and live in a different world for a little while. He's taken over those as well.

I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of yelling. I'm tired of putting on a smile when that's the last thing I want to wear. I'm tired of people trying to make things better for me. I'm tired of people telling me 'it's ok' 'it'll get better' because it's not. I'm tired of pretending. I'm tired of feeling alone. I'm tired of being angry and crazy. I'm tired of being stuck and needing help. I'm tired of remembering. I'm tired of feeling empty inside. I'm tired of not being able to let go. I'm tired of wishing I could start all over. I'm tired of dreaming a life I'll never have.

I'm just tired. I'm tired of all the dreams and expectations I had when I was younger being mashed and crumbled into pieces in front of me. I wish more people had been honest to be. Honesty is a hard trait to find. Honesty can be mean and harsh but I just wish more people had told me the truth. Waken me up a bit from the idiotic things I was doing. I wish they'd told me to prepare myself for hard times, heartbreaks, and disappointment.

Too bad I knew all this would happen, and too bad I didn't listen.

I think movies should have a disclaimer before every show, especially the romance ones. It should be big and bold and read in black and white: These events will never happen. You will never feel the way these characters do and the males in all these movies, they're not real. You'll never have a story like these people. Never, so don't even try.

I suppose we're all a little lonely and broken. Look at Kathy. She was once the one woman in my life I thought had it all together and now, she's a complete mess. I suppose some of that is because of me. Then there's Darry, he's probably so lonely he doesn't even know what to do with himself. Then there are people that look like they have it all together, like Soda. Soda is broken inside though he'd never ever say it. Deep down, he's so torn with past events he doesn't know what to do.

We're just all going through life, waiting for things to get better. For some they do, and others, they don't.

This is how I really feel. I've not acknowledged it. I've not acknowledged how hurt I really am. What would he think of me right now, standing in front of this big wave, all alone while the wind hits me? He'd laugh if someone took a picture of me right now and showed him.

Well who gives a flying fuck what he thinks anymore?

I took another step in the water. I was up to my ankles now. It was warm and the sand slid under my feet. I took a deep breath.

Something burns inside of me when I cry like this. Like something is fighting against my tears and telling me to be strong, that he's not worth this. And he's not. He's so not worth me acting like this anymore. He's not worth me feeling tired, trying to make things work out for the best. He's not worth all of these lies I've told.

So this is how I feel. Really feel. I'm angry at all the things he's done. My attempts to try and make us work, my so many damn attempts. I'm angry at him for killing Sam. For telling me that he killed Sam. For leaving me right after he said it with no explanation. For all the things I now know about him now and what he's done. I'm angry because of all the time, sweat, and tears I put into a relationship that he just smashed into pieces. All my work, gone.

I could say Dallas Winston ruined my life...but I don't even want to give him that much. I want to punch him in the face. I don't even want to say anything, just punch him. I want to put all my anger and sadness into one hard punch and then walk away, just like he did. I want to be done with this feeling I've been fighting off for three months. I want to be rid of the burden Dallas Winston brought upon me.

I let the cool warm air hit me. The waves were hitting above my knees now, getting me wet. I've fallen from cloud nine and this were I landed. This was my new life. Picking up every piece of me that's been broken. I wish I'd known then what I do now, what Dallas Winston was capable of. I'm tired of holding on to nothing.

I'm making new promises. New promises to myself. Promise to wake up and see what today is. Today is the day I move on from past events. Stop living in the past. Stop worrying about what happened. Stop worrying about him. He's gone. Dallas is gone. This is what he wanted. He wanted me to do this so here we go.

I cried one last tear. The very last one, one more time. Not for him, but for me. "I'm done with Dallas Winston. I'm over Dallas Winston. I'm over him." Let the healing process begin.

I got back to the hotel, finding everyone sitting on their stuff. Jennie was in the lobby checking us out. Soda was on the bed, sitting on his bag, pouting. I went over and lied down beside him, staring up at the ceiling. "You ready?"

Soda got up off the bed, putting his bag over his shoulder. "Yeah. Let's hit the road."

We all got up and headed down stairs. No one said anything on the way.

Jennie raced towards us, a bright, refreshing, smile on her face. "Go out to the car. You have to go out to the car."

We did what she said, following her outside to the Camino parked right outside the door with the trunk popped. We didn't know what Jennie was talking about until a slim blonde rounded the car, a bag on her back. "Hi."

I crossed my arms over my chest. I eyed the bag big enough to hold all of her clothes. Soda ran over to her, asking her what she was doing here this early and why did she have a bag. The obvious.

Jennie took Steve and Two inside, despite their requests, and left us alone.

"Peter talked to you," I stated plainly. Her and Soda both turned and looked at me. I walked over to them and leaned on the car. "Didn't he?"

Kathy shook her head, letting her bag fall to the ground. "No. I just...I want to be there when Darry tells ya'll. I'll make him tell you. I just need to be there...for you."

I shook my head, not believing it. "What makes now any different? You didn't seem to want to have anything to do with us before. Why the change? Peter told you something."

"You'll understand when Darry tells you." She sighed and looked down at her bags down on the ground. "I am sorry. I shouldn't have run like that. I should have waited. Believe me though; it's not what ya'll think. Not at all."

"What did Peter tell you?"

Kathy hung her head and took in a deep breath. "He told me you told him about Darry. How hurt he was that I left but wouldn't tell you anything. He said you were worried. He told me you cried at the beach because of the way you treated me and you were scared. He said you really didn't mean it. That true?"

I stood, puzzled. Why would Peter tell her something like that? None of it was true but do I tell her that and have her walk away? Do I really want her to come home with us? I just nodded.

Soda exchanged a look with me. "If it's something that big then we really want to know what happened."

"It is," Kathy said dryly. "You're not going to like it. Not one bit. But I agree with you and I don't blame you for being angry at me. I've been angry at myself for doing it. I'm going to Tulsa with you so you can understand."

"Why bother?" I snapped rudely. "You're just going to leave again right after he tells us, right?"

She picked her bag up off the ground and put it back over her shoulder. "Depends. We'll see."

"I'll, uh, go check us out then," Soda said, slipping away before he made the wrong move and scared her away again. He didn't question the sudden strange decision. He didn't dare. Did it really matter though?

Kathy turned her attention back at me. "You alright?"

"We'll just see...now won't we?"

"Ok, I think I got everything." We both turned around to see Peter standing behind us, listening. Peter looked at me, speechless as I crossed my arms over my chest and turned away. "Sorry...did I-"

My face felt red and hot to the touch. Kathy said quietly, "No. You ready?"

He nodded and scurried back into his room like a dog with his tail between his legs. I wanted to neuter that dog…

I rode in Kathy's car with her and Peter. The passenger seat-belt was busted so Peter sat beside me the entire ride. I thought about going back with the boys, but it was either I deal with Peter or Steve. And right now, it was easier for me to deal with Peter. Peter doesn't scare me like Steve. I don't want to test him anymore with everything he has going on. He's so angry all the time so there's no telling when he was going to snap again or how bad of a bust it'll be this time.

We didn't call Darry to warn him though that was part of our deal with Kathy. Soda didn't want to give him time to run off before we got there so we thought surprise was our best option. Soda's so sure of the plan, me being me, I'm not so sure, though I never am.

Kathy kept her eyes on the road, not paying any mind to us or anything else. Her face was hard and stone like but more like marble because of all the make-up she was wearing. It made me smile a little to see that she was wearing it. Maybe it meant something.

She kept the radio on high. I think to block out her own thoughts and I wasn't objecting the idea by any means. This meant no talking and considering who was beside me, I was all for not talking. I didn't even move my face to suddenly make him speak.

He did anyway though. "We're all crazy. Some of us just hide it better than others, ya know?"

"What?" I barely heard him at first. I didn't give eye-contact. Why was he bothering to talk? Couldn't he plainly see I didn't want no part in making small talk with him or any talk? After what happened, he should be scared away.

He watched me. "You claim you're crazy," he said a little bit louder this time. "I'm just trying to make you feel better."

I folded my hands on my lap and looked out the window. "I'm fine, thanks."

"Your face is red," he pointed out with a slight laugh. "It usually is when I'm around."

"Don't take that as a complement," I said bitterly. "It's not for good reasons, believe me."

He shrugged plainly and turned away. He looked out his window. "Don't flatter yourself. I was just trying to make you feel better. Didn't want you to feel embarrassed, but fine."

I took a deep breath. Here's a resolution: stop making people mad at me. "I didn't mean it like that." I faced him. "Thanks... for trying to make me feel better...and listening to my madness yesterday."

He nodded, accepting that. "I would have told you that yesterday but you sorta ran off in a hurry. I had a lot more to say that would have probably made you feel better but I get it. You just seemed real hurt."

"I don't really want to talk about yesterday," I said. "As far as I'm concerned, yesterday didn't happen and we did not have that conversation and you don't know me or my life. Do you agree?"

He smirked, shaking his head. "I'll pretend like you didn't spill your life story to me when you were completely sober mind you."

Yeah, being sober helped my case more than ever. "I'd appreciate that. And, uh, don't tell anyone when we get back home? I got enough problems without worrying about what people are saying about me."

"Sure, it'll be our little secret then," he said. "You'll look back and laugh at this one day. We'll joke about it to each other soon enough." He nudged me with his elbow playfully. "You wait and see."

I grinned slightly. "I don't see how you can even talk to me. I figured I scared you off for good."

"I'm not that easy to get rid of. You weren't as bad as you think either."

"Really? I was blubbering for a good thirty minutes about stuff you had no idea of or who I was even rambling on about. I layed out my life story to you in a matter of minutes and it wasn't that bad?"

"I've got a family full of girls, so no. I've seen worse."

I looked at him, studying his features. I didn't notice last night how many freckles he had around his nose. His eyes were lighter in the day too. Green. "Why did you tell Kathy that I cried because I felt bad?"

He shrugged nonchalantly. "You wanted her to come back with you."

"So you lied?"

He turned and stared at me. His lips curled. "It worked, didn't it?"

I sunk back down in the seat and got comfortable. I grinned. "I suppose it did."

"Gonna be a long ride in silent," he said. "You sure you don't have anything else you wanna get off your chest? I'm always up for a nice chat." His upper lip twisted up, showing off his top pearly white teeth.

"Think I'm good for today, Peter. I may hold you to that offer one day though."

"I hope you do...Danni Curtis."

We dropped everyone off. It was two in the morning and I knew Darry would still be up, waiting by the door. Kathy still hasn't said anything to Soda or me. It was odd. Too odd. So when we got to the house, and we stayed in the car for a few extra minutes, not wanting to face our fates, she made the first move, getting to the door first and opening it.

Darry was in the kitchen cleaning up. When he heard the door open he glanced over his shoulder. "Did ya'll have a nice time? I sure hope so because when I'm through with you, you won't be having any fun for a while."

I looked at Kathy, folding my hands over my chest. We stood there, by the door, silent. Not even Soda broke the ice for us.

Darry put the last plate in the sink and started talking before he turned around, "I swear, you guys ever pull a stunt on me like that again - Soda, I don't care if your eighteen I'll still-" He turned around and saw us. Saw her. "Kat?"

Soda and I looked at the ground. Seeing Darry made Kathy's eyes water but she still spoke for us. "Hey, Dar."

"What is going on here?" We didn't answer so he decided to scream. "If someone doesn't tell me what the hell is going on right now I'll start throwing out punishments I don't care! Now what the hell-"

"We went to Florida," I spoke up quietly.

Darry's face turned dark red. The vain in his neck started to bulge. "You what?" Soda and I both looked at each other but still came up with nothing. "I'm sorry, did I not make myself clear before? I want answers and I want them now!"

So much for the calm and chill Darry we left behind. I could have gotten pretty used to that Darry.

Soda fumbled for words but saved me the terror of explaining. "We didn't go to Texas. I lied. We went to Florida...to talk to Kathy."

Darry fumed, heavily breathing. He turned to Kathy for confirmation. She nodded. He turned back to us. "I'm going to kill you both. You better have gotten plenty of fresh air because you won't be gettin' any for a long time."

"It was my idea," Soda said, stepping up. "We just...we wanted some answers. Darry, we did it for you."

"For me?" he asked, stepping towards us, making me back up, taking Soda with me. He towered over us like we were ants as we backed away. "You went behind my back. You lied to me! You went all the way to Florida when I told you to leave it alone!"

I hit the wall behind me. We were in a corner now. We had nowhere else to go and Darry was in our faces. "We're sorry," I said. "We shouldn't have went behind your back but we-"

"I don't want to hear it!" He rubbed his face and shook his head. He ran his hand over his face. "Just...just give me one good reason I shouldn't bust your ass right here right now."

I looked to Soda for that one. He may be able to hit me but Soda... "Darry it wasn't her fault. I took her with me and-"

"She didn't have to go," Darry said. "And trust me, I'll give you yours. You took your sixteen year old sister to Florida? You made her go behind my back? Lie to me? I expected better from you, Soda."

Soda hung his head in disappointment. "Darry-"

"You need to tell them," Kathy spoke up. It was quiet. Almost at a whisper. "Tell them right now, Darry."

Darry turned his attention to her, giving her an eat-shit-look. "Is that why you're here?"

"If you would have told them to begin with like I told you to, this wouldn't have happened. They deserve to know. It's their lives you're messing with. They want to know."

Darry stood straight up, popping his back. "Kathy...this isn't your business."

"Darry," Soda said, calling him back to us. I held my breath, fearing for more yelling. "We want to know. Obviously it's something big and obviously it involves us so out with it."

Darry rotated back around to us, the same anger still on his face. "No. Not right now. Pony needs to be here."

I watched as Soda's hands balled up into fists. I held my breath and bit my tongue. "Darry just tell us!"

"Don't tell me what to do," he said bitterly. "I'm still in-charge here. I'm still the older brother."

Soda let go of me, leaving me in the corner alone. He approached Darry, a scowl on his face. "Yeah, and? Don't push me around like I'm some kid, Darry. You may be able to push Danni and Pony around still but I'm not a kid."

Darry stared down at him. "Yeah, you really proved it with that stunt you just pulled."

"Oh to hell with it!" Soda screamed. "I said I'm sorry damnit! If you would have just told us to begin with instead of telling us to shut up and mind our own business then I wouldn't have had to fix your mess!"

"Well who asked you to fix it?" Darry yelled back, getting in Soda's face. "I made my decision. It's my business so butt out!"

Things were starting to get loud and I felt a fight coming on. "What's wrong with you?"

Darry blew him off, waving his hand and turning around. "Nothing, Soda. I'm not doing this now."

"You need to," Kathy said calmly. "You need to tell them, Darry. Tell them now. They're not gonna wait."

Darry eyed her. I stepped up before he had a chance to rip her to shreds. "Darry, Pony won't be back for a few more days. Please, we just want to know. Something's wrong. We know something's wrong."

"Danni, don't."

"We're not going anywhere until you tell us," Soda said. "Out with it, Darry. What's going on?"

Darry kept his back to all of us. Kathy spoke up again, "Tell them, Darry. Tell them now."

Darry forcefully turned around. His face was beat red. He threw his arms in the air and shouted, "Fine, you really want to know that bad?" He let out a single small laugh and screamed loud, "I'm sick. And you know what? I'm going to die!"

'Cause there's no comfort in the waiting room. Just nervous pacers bracing for bad news. And then the nurse comes 'round and everyone lift their heads. But I'm thinking of what Sarah said. That love is watching someone die. So who's gonna watch you die? So who's gonna watch you die?