Checkmate; it's even better when you don't remember it.
Enfer
| the only real escape from hell is to conquer it |
XI
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October comes to an end. Nao's always enjoyed Halloween and she still does – free candy and what not. She understands that the Task Force may not be in the mood to celebrate, but that hardly stops her.
Watari even buys her pumpkins and Nao makes sure to carve one just for Misa – it won't fix it, but it's the least she can do – that and chocolate. Halloween makes her forget about the weird shit show that is now her everyday life. It might be childish, it might not please everyone, but she doesn't care.
"You're pretty good at this." Light says, studying the eyes of the pumpkin. Nao's never been particularly talented in the arts and craft department, but she can follow online patterns.
"You know what's the best part?" She feels her cheeks heat up in excitement. "We can clean the seeds and roast them with honey and sugar." But Nao knows that Light isn't a huge fan of sweets. "But I can make some salty ones, just for you."
He smiles, eyelashes fluttering as he takes a seat on one of the kitchen stools. She'd claimed the room since that very morning, Watari supplying her with round, beautiful and orange pumpkins, as many as she liked really. Matsuda had come in and she'd shushed him out. Soichiro had caught a glimpse of the pumpkin entrails and had merely raised an eyebrow.
And L… Nao doesn't really care that much. At some point, he'd just stopped in to watch her work, not once commenting or even pausing to blink. But really, she isn't surprised. He's been awfully weary of her since their little heart to heart. He doesn't avoid her and he still seeks her out, but it's different. Every day, when Matsuda gives the Kira report, she sees his eyes trail towards her as if expecting her to do something about it.
Nao loves every minute of it.
"Light…" The boy's eyes trail on her and she doesn't stop the knife stabbing at the hard flesh. "Are you happy? I mean, with your life as it is right now?" He blinks at her, his expression curious. Nao supposes her question is out of the blue, but a part of her wants to know.
"Well…" And there's a bit of amusement there. "Besides being accused of being a mass murderer on a daily basis and spending most of my time with a crazy detective, sure." He smiles. "I'm happy." He looks like he means it. No one understands Light's distain for the detective more than her, and if you take him out of the equation, than her and Light and everyone here will be able to forget about the whole nightmare those last few months have been.
Nao knows there's only one way to remove the detective from their lives. If Kira goes, then L goes. It's simple, just like two plus two equals four. But not that simple – it has to be sick and twisted, subtle and carefully planned. L has to win in the worst way possible and Kira has to disappear, without being caught.
"Why do you ask, Nao-chan?" She shrugs her shoulders. She can't very well come out and say 'because I know you were Kira and now you're not and I like you better this way so I'll just make sure you never touch the notebook of death again'.
"Because I want you happy, Light." She tilts her head to the side and smiles innocently. It's not a lie per se, but it's also not the truth. It just so happens that Light never becoming Kira again works out well for her.
Light stands up and reaches for her, his arms wrapping around her even though she has a large carving knife in her left hand and she smiles, not pulling away from the embrace, because being hugged by Light is nothing like being hugged by the detective.
Light is warm, comfortable and he's actually had practice with human contact before. It's a simple motion and he balances his height with hers so that it isn't awkward at all. Her body doesn't tense up; she doesn't feel that chill up and down her spine – when Light touches her she feels absolutely nothing.
That thought is oddly comforting and now she has to go back to her pumpkins.
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"It's pumpkin pie." She says to the detective who eventually finds his way back in the kitchen that day. Watari is the one to accompany Light to the hospital to see Misa, Matsuda and Mogi and Chief Yagami are busy trying to find out who in the Yotsuba Group is the actual Kira (maybe she should just tell them, but that would foil her plan and no, just no).
Of course, she ends up alone with the panda like man.
"I did not know Nao-san cooked." Well, she can't cook much. Her mother does most of the cooking and when it's just her and her dad, they somehow always find a restaurant because they are both too lazy. But Nao can follow a recipe and she has watched her mother make pumpkin pie every Halloween for twenty years now.
"Just the pie. Would you like some?" He eyes her for a second and she can see the distrust. She cocks her head to the side. "I didn't poison it. Everyone had a piece and no one died." He can't actually believe she would poison him, right? Light has a much higher percentage of trying to kill him than her.
She's too lazy for that and he should really know by now.
"I suppose." He finally says, sitting on the stool next to hers. Her smile is wide as she slides the plate towards him, the piece of pie covered with an unhealthy amount of fresh whipped cream. Oh, she almost forgot.
Before he can stab his fork into the dessert, she pushes a small blue candle in the center of it. He looks at her, puzzled, blinking back dark eyes. She grabs the kitchen lighter and creates the tiniest flame.
"Happy Birthday." His eyes widen. His mouth opens and then closes. It's priceless. "Watari told me before leaving." She might not be the biggest fan of the man, but she can still wish him a happy birthday. So, a week ago she admitted indirectly that she wanted to destroy him – that doesn't mean she hates him (hate takes a lot of effort, too much for her, this whole ordeal tires her to no end, she just doesn't have the energy to hate him, to be bitter, to be petty).
"Nao-san always surprises me." He finds his voice again, looks at the candle in the center of the pie. "Not many people know of my birthday." She's figured that much, just like his name he keeps it hidden. Although Kira doesn't need a name, a face and birthday to kill. It must be one of his whims.
"You have to make a wish." She explains, like she would to a child. "And then you blow it." He looks at her and she can see it in his eyes; the amusement. It's just like Light earlier – both of them threat her the exact same way, as if she has one foot in their world and the other one somewhere else, somewhere they don't understand or want to understand.
Geniuses are childish and immature and vain. They like to win, they like to control their environments, feel as if they are allowed to and justified because they understand it better than everyone else. Nao wonders if they can even appreciate the simple thing of life, because she can.
The detective pauses, stares at the birthday candle and eventually blows on it, effectively snuffing it out. Nao moves to reach for the wax-made stick. She blinks as a hand grabs onto her wrist, holding it mid-air.
And she can't help it, can't help the way her body tenses up on it's own at the contact, that chill that runs quickly down her spine – the problem is that when L touches her she's aware of it, aware of his presence. Her skin crawls, her mind becomes blank; she feels (and what she feels is not the issue here, it's just that he can make her feel and she refuses to acknowledge what that means; she can't hate him, but she feels and no one has ever had an impact on her before).
"Have some pie with me, Nao-san." He doesn't move and Nao has that feeling that he won't let go of her wrist before she makes some sort of noise.
"Sure." He releases her and she cuts up her own piece, doesn't add the whipped cream to hers because she's never been a fan.
"Thank you." He says after the third bite, almost as if she's the first person to ever wish him a happy birthday. But that seems improbable because Watari knew. He smiles, genuinely, at her – it's just a smile because he appreciated something she did, something she didn't have to do. Nao answers it.
She has other, more important things to do than figure out this man and whatever her feelings are towards him. Nao can do that when she watches his world crumble before her.
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Kerosene has that very peculiar smell, not as obvious as gasoline. Nao knows because there's a leak in the space heater once and the liquid soaks her mother's shoes so badly that she has to throw them out.
The point is, Nao can recognize that smell very easily, knows the texture. And she has to ask herself how her hands are currently covered in it. Because she can't remember, can't remember how it got there in the first place. She's on her way home – she can't recall where she was, what she was doing, but she's only two streets away from her house so she must've been on her way home – she has to pause in her steps, takes a look around, tilts her head to the side.
And that smell – she recognizes the kerosene and her hands feel oily as she rubs her fingers together. Uh, that's strange. Not that she's never used the liquid in her classes. But she's usually so careful, it wouldn't have leaked on her, not enough to stain her hands that way.
She thinks that maybe she should feel worried; about herself. Maybe the stress of what she now calls her life is finally getting to her, maybe her brain just can't take it anymore and now she has holes in her memory. Not that she cares if people think she's a lunatic, but if even she starts to think it, then maybe she needs a vacation from mass murderers and detectives.
When she makes it home, her father is already there (and that means that she's been gone for even longer than she anticipated because her father never makes it home before her). Her mother smiles as she walks into the living room, the news anchor calmly stating the fact that the house of a very prominent business man has gone up in flames.
"That's just horrible." Her mother says, eying the screen as the camera shows a close up look of a two-story house and the flames devouring it. There's a crowd of people blocked by policemen and firetrucks with sirens that scream out, canceling out any other noise.
"You know what that means, right?" Her father is calm and level headed – he regards the scene with detachment and she knows that it's probably where she got it from. "Yotsuba's stock prices will go down now that one of their VP is dead." But, isn't Kira part of that group? At least, isn't that what the Task Force has been saying for the past month?
"Yotsuba?" She says, curious, dropping her bag on the floor and sitting down in the armchair. On the TV, a woman with a microphone is commenting on how the firefighters are concentrating on making sure the fire doesn't spread to the neighbouring houses.
"That's Higuchi Kyosuke's house." Her father says. "You remember him, right?" Yes, but not exactly for the reasons her father thinks. Heck, she had lunch with him just a day ago. "They did find his body and dragged it outside, but it was too late and he was already dead."
"Uh." Because the universe apparently works in mysterious ways, but it also works in her favor. With Higuchi dead, she won't have to pretend anymore and maybe, just maybe, that means that Kira is dead.
"That's all so very morbid, isn't it?" Her mother has a sweet voice, Nao's always thought so. While she can never tell with her father, her mother practically wears her emotions, let's them permeate her voice. The woman turns to her. "We weren't sure when you were coming home – so how about we eat out tonight?"
Nao smiles.
"Sure, mom. I'll just go change." And wash up, because that kerosene smell on her hands is making her head spin – and if she was anyone else, she would probably find it weird that she smells like fuel and that the man she was trying to manipulate died in a fire accident.
But Nao is herself and she doesn't ponder on it, just marvels at how convenient this all is.
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A week passes, but last time it was two. And while people aren't exactly going crazy, they whisper worriedly – about Kira, about the fact that he hasn't killed criminals in over a week (maybe he's finally been caught, maybe he's dead, maybe he's realized that this world is truly rotten and can't be saved).
Nao brushes Misa's hair, sitting on the edge of the hospital bed.
"Misa-Misa heard the news today." Nao hums, running the brush through blonde locks. "It said that Kira is gone now, that he hasn't killed any criminals in a week."
"Yes, I've heard that too." It's actually been the only thing some people have talked about. On the streets, at school, even her father had commented on it in passing. "But it's still too early to tell." Nao will actually believe it when it's been more than a month, when Kira is just a memory and the world picks up again.
"Misa-Misa is indebted to Kira, because he killed her parent's killer." Her voice is soft. "But maybe it's not such a bad thing if he disappears." Nao runs her fingers through the soft, silk like hair.
No, it's really not.
a/n : I don't know if it's true, but in my head, destroying the notebook would mean that everyone would lose their memories of it. Did Nao burn down Higuchi's house? I won't say yes or no, so you can think whatever you want for that.
You know, I've been thinking and I wonder, should Nao and L actually end up together? Or do I just give them a very ambiguous, unclear ending that sort of ties them together? I'd love to hear your thoughts on this and on this chapter. Thank you so much for all your feedback, I enjoy every review. I hope you enjoyed, thanks for reading, drop a review and stay tuned for the end.