Disclaimer: I still don't own the Outsiders or the song Heat of the Moment.

A/N: Who knows what episode of what show this song is from? ;)

I never meant to be so bad to you. One thing I said that I would never do. A look from you and I would fall from grace. And that would wipe the smile right from my face. Do you remember when we used to dance? And incidents arose from circumstance. One thing lead to another we were young. And we would scream together songs unsung

Silence filled the air. It felt like a nuclear bomb had gone off in the room, killing us all off. I wasn't sure I heard him right but didn't have the strength enough to speak up and ask him to repeat himself. I feared what might come out of his mouth next. Worse news. Like this wasn't worse enough. It didn't seem real. The look on Soda's face though, told me that it was all too real.

Kathy was leaning against the wall, a cold stone expression on her face. She'd already heard this conversation. She already heard this news and now she was just watching Darry as he just stood there, waiting for his brother and sister to say something back to him.

I looked down at my shoes because it was the only thing in the room that didn't make me wanna scream. My shoes didn't have faces that were sad, shocked, disappointed, hurt, or broken. They were just shoes.

"Any questions?" Darry's voice was clam again. Like he almost felt sorry for us. He didn't mean to shout it out like that or hurt us with what he said. It was just the truth...and I knew just how much the truth hurt.

I waited for Soda to say something. He always has something to say but this time, Soda stood beside me, looking at his shoes too. We both looked like two puppies who just got scolded rather than two individuals who just had their hearts stomped on.

The silence was killing me. The tension and feel of the air made me want to scream but instead, I whispered the question I most wanted the answer to. "You left him because he's sick?"

Kathy didn't move. Not even her face. "You didn't let him finish."

"Don't blame her anymore," Darry said softly. He took along deep sigh. "I should have told ya'll this when she took off. I didn't think you'd go off and hunt her down like a bunch of animals though."

"Darry," Soda said, lifting his head up. "W-what's going on here?"

"I have cancer," he clarified again. It felt like a million tiny knives hit me all over again. Then he said: "Kathy left because I'm not going to do any treatments. Using her words: I want to die."

I want to die. Another bomb was just lowered into our living room. Five seconds ago it went off and blasted us all again. If we weren't dead already, we defiantly were now.

Soda gawked at him. His face turned all colors, red being one of them and I held my breath for more bombs. "You what?"

Darry took a seat in his chair. He crossed his legs and rubbed his face. "I found out a few weeks ago. I was getting some heavy nose bleeds and that's when the doctor told me I had a blood clot. They figured out a few weeks later that it turned into a tumor in my leg. He also told me all about the treatments...and how expensive they were."

Soda walked and sat on the arm of the sofa, intently listening to every word and trying not to interrupt.

"It was a lot," Darry continued. "So I came home. I didn't tell anyone for a while. Kathy figured something was wrong and talked to some of the other nurses and they told her they saw me there. She confronted me and I told her. If I would of had it my way, no one would have found out. Then I told her I wasn't going to do the treatments."

I stared at Kathy. She was still in the same spot, with the same look on her face. I wanted to claw that expression off so damn bad. "This is what you wouldn't tell us?" I demanded.

"Don't yell at her," Darry said, trying to draw my attention back to me.

I scowled as Kathy's eyes darted to me. "You kept that from us? You left him on his death bed? Just like that?"

She stared me down, not moving, not speaking. It was like I wasn't bothering her with this. Darry spoke up, "Danni-"

My upper lip twitched with raging anger. "You're even worse than I thought."

"Danni!" It was Darry who was yelling. He slammed his hand on the arm of his chair. "Damnit! Don't talk to her like that! Don't blame her for this. It isn't her fault."

I let out a small growl, still not breaking my stare. "Enlighten me then."

"Danni-"

"Do it," Soda spoke up this time, cutting Darry off from having another yelling fit at me. "Tell her, Kathy. Tell us."

Kathy looked over at him for a split second the same way she did me before. She quickly turned back to me and shook her head. "I fought for it. Don't make me out to be the bad guy in this situation because I'm not. Very far from it. I fought for you guys. For him."

"Sounds like it."

She closed her eyes for a brief second and sighed. "I'm not going to argue with you. You're clearly angry and I'm not blaming you. I felt the same way when he told me and believe me when I say I tried my hardest to stop this all from happening but Darry wouldn't have it. He wants to die. I left because I'm not going to sit by and watch him do that to himself. I'm just not going to do it when he has other options. It's ridiculous. I thought leaving would make him come around to seeing things more clearly but apparently not even that's gonna work."

Our eyes went back to Darry who oddly didn't interrupt her to correct or snap at her. His reaction told us that what she was saying was the truth and he wasn't going to deny any of it. He's the one that was hanging his head now.

"You can't," Soda said sternly. "I won't let you do it. I won't sit back and keep my mouth shut while you do this to yourself."

Darry stood up, getting angry. "That's exactly what you're going to do! It's my wishes and I'll be damned if you go against them Sodapop. This is my life and this is what I want. You can either stand by me or you can be angry until the day I die because-"

"You're not going to die!" Soda threw back, getting up himself. "Darry...Darry no." He shook his head, fighting back tears because that showed weakness and he wasn't going to do that right now. "I can't do that."

Darry put his hands in his pockets and stood calmly in front of Soda. He turned his head and looked at me. "What about you?"

I just stared at him, unsure of what to say. I didn't have enough time to answer that question. Everything was moving too fast. "I-I...I don't want you to die. I want you to do treatments."

"Why won't you?" Soda asked. "Don't give me the money crap because you and I know that's a load of shit."

"What if the treatments don't work?" Darry asked calmly. "We spend all that money, go into massive dept and then what? I'm dead, I can't bail ya'll out. I'm not going to leave ya'll like that. Broke with no food, no money. Ya'll would suffer for nothing. It's my job to protect ya'll so that's what I'm doing. I'm not going to spend all our money on a useless cause."

"It's not useless," I whispered. "It's your life. You don't know if the treatments won't work. You can't play God Darry."

Darry ignored me, or so it seemed like he did. He looked back over at Soda. "I want you do do something for me. You're eighteen now, Sodapop. I want you to take care of Danni and Pony."

"No," Soda said in the same mean voice he'd used before. "No Darry. Don't even start with that!"

"Damnit just listen to me!"

Soda shook his head and charged over towards Darry, his bottom chin quivering. I reached up to my own face and felt some tears of my own. "Listen to me. You're my brother, Darry. And I'll be damned if I let you die."

"Soda, I've already made up my mind."

"So you want us all to sit back and watch you slowly die in pain?" he asked, appalled. "I'm sorry, you may get Pony and Dan to do that but I'm not going to sit back and bite my tongue about this! Get your head out of your ass for five seconds and see how fucking ridiculous this is!"

I pinched the skin between my index finger and my thumb. Darry's face twisted again and I knew this wasn't going to end like last time. "You get your head out of your ass! It isn't all about you Soda!"

"It isn't all about you!" Soda challenged back, pointing a finger in Darry's face. "You're being so damn selfish that you don't even see it for yourself. Fuck money! How do you think we're gonna feel when you die?"

Darry's vain pulsed. "You're gonna move on, Soda. You're gonna let me do this. Why can't you see that this is the right choice?"

"It's easy for you to say it's the right choice but I'm going to be the one that has to bury you!" Tears ran down Soda's face in loads. He tried to control his bottom lip from shaking but the angrier he got, the more it shook.

Darry seemed to sympathize with that. Me on the other hand, that just made me want to sit down. I couldn't fathom that. I couldn't picture the day where he buried him. "I've buried too many people."

They didn't even turn to look at me. I didn't mean to say it out loud but it just came out. Angela, Sam, Michael, Jane, my parents. I wasn't going to go to another funeral. I wasn't going to loose anyone else. I've lost too many people. I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Don't tell Pony," Darry changed the subject. "Let me be the one to do it."

"That's it?" Soda asked. "I'm not done with this conversation. I don't see how you can say that and feel absolutely nothing! I don't see how you can look at your little sister while she cries. How can you see how hurt we are and then just move on like it's nothing."

Darry's hands went into fists. "Soda, I'm going to ask you calmly, please leave it alone. I'm tired. My head hurts. I really just want to go to bed. It's almost five. I've got to go to work tomorrow."

"No, Darry. No."

"We're done talking about this, Soda," Darry said, looking over his shoulder. "My decision is made."

Darry stared to walk off to his bedroom when Soda lashed out. He was too fast for any of us to stop him. No one saw it coming. He went after Darry, shoving him hard. Darry stumbled, then turned around and grabbed Soda by the collar. Kathy and I both watched in disbelieve as they had their own stare down with each other.

"Leave it be, Sodapop. I'm not going to tell you again."

"I'm not going to do it Darry. You can't make me. I'm not going to sit back and watch. You're just being a coward!"

Darry wiped around, slamming Soda into the wall. Kathy gasped beside me but I just stood back and watched. Darry got in Soda's face. "Take it back. Take it back now!"

"It's the truth," Soda said. "And you know it!"

Darry picked Soda up and slammed him back against the wall, making another big bang. A picture that hung on the wall fell and broke. Glass went all over the floor. Darry placed his arm right under Soda's chin. "I'm a coward? I took care of you! I fought for you guys to stay here rather than go into a home! I fought for my family. I always protected ya'll! It's my job! I gave up everything for you guys!"

Soda struggled against Darry. He tried to push his arm off but failed at that. "Then let us do it for you!"

Darry let go to slam him back against the wall but Soda wiggled out of Darry's grasped and pined his hands against him. Darry was stronger than Soda and we all knew who would win this fight against strength. "Soda I swear to God-"

"Stop!" I said, going towards them. I stopped as I felt a hand pull my back.

They struggled against each other, pushing and pulling, both of them trying to get loose. "Stop bossing me around, Darry! I'm not a kid anymore!" He got hold of Darry's arms and took a deep breath. "You've taken care of me my whole life. You called the shots. Told me what to do and I listened because you were my big brother and I'd do anything for you. I'm asking you to do this for me, please!"

Darry stopped struggling, letting Soda have the upper hand. They were both still now. Darry looked at Soda. "No."

Soda breathed heavily. He looked to the side, tears gathering up in his eyes. He nodded, and with in a blink of an eye he put all his anger and all his pain into one hard punch and landed it against Darry's jaw.

"Soda!"

Darry stumbled backwards and caught himself on the ground. He rested there until he caught his breath while Soda stood over him. Darry reached up and touched the blood that was forming in the corner of his mouth. He slowly got himself up. Soda was still breathing pretty heavily. Darry stood straight up, and reached his fist back and punched Soda square in the nose.

Kathy let go of me this time, stepping up for herself. "Stop this right now! Darry!"

Darry got Soda by the shirt and hit him again, this time harder. He let go and Soda regained his footwork. I saw the look on his face and rushed to his side, grabbing him by the waist. I tried to lock my feet up but he pulled against me, going for Darry.

Darry, being bigger and strong than Soda, held him off. Stopping his fist and throwing him against the wall. He put his arm back up on his neck and held there and watched as Soda coughed and struggled against it.

"Darry!" Kathy grabbed his arm, trying to force it down. "Darry let 'em go! You're gonna kill him!"

I watched as Soda's face turned a slight blue as he kicked and pushed, only doing no good. "Darry he can't breathe!"

I could hear my heart pounding inside my chest. Kathy still put up efforts to get Darry to break his grip but I saw the look on his face. One filled with angst and strength. The tight scowl he didn't wear very often but was using now. It made me shake as time ticked on.

"Darry," Kathy pleaded. "Darry don't do this. You don't want to do this. Darry! He's your brother!"

I couldn't believe this imagine. I never would have thought Soda and Darry would get to this point. Pony and Darry...maybe. It brought me back to that night. That night our lives turned for the worse. The night Darry hit Pony and we lost him. The pain came back to me.

"Darry," I said quietly. "Let him go. Please let him go. Let him go for me."

Darry held Soda a little longer, making him strangle and fight. Finally, Darry dropped his hold, and Soda doubled over, clenching his side and gasping for more air. He coughed and whizzed for what seemed like hours when only it was a minute. I went over to him, rubbing his back and trying to help him catch his breath. Kathy was beside Darry and I had hoped she'd be his Achilles Heel. She'd be the one to calm him down. Bring him back and make him see what he was doing. I'd forgotten though. That was before.

Darry breathed through his nose and we all heard him despite Soda's fit. I gazed up at him, still seeing all the hate in his eyes. I had to stare. I couldn't believe it if I didn't. Soda regained his strength and finally stopped coughing. He wouldn't stand up. He held his knees like a kicked dog just waiting to receive the rest of his punishment. The look on Darry's face told me he was about to get it.

"Get out."

"Darry no," I chocked out. "No!"

Darry wiped the spit and blood from his mouth with his hand. He breathed in and looked at Soda like he was a bug he'd just stomped on. "Get out of my house, Soda. Now."

Soda cleared his throat with another cough before standing straight up. Blood was running down his nose. He looked Darry up and down and I held my breath for another fight but instead, Soda turned around, and went out the back door, slamming it shut as he left.

I felt like someone had just kicked me in the balls. This was all too familiar. Me standing here, watching the door, crying, hoping that maybe he'd come back through and say sorry and everything would be ok. Instead, I could only see darkness outside.

I never thought this image would be in this house. I never imagined Darry and Soda to have this fight. They hardly fought. Argued, sure. Never fought. Not Darry and Soda. Not this way. Not over the fact that Darry wanted to die. He wanted to die. Darry had cancer.

We all just stood here in the same place. Kathy was the fist one to move. She went over to the door and glanced out. She then went and got the broom and dustpan and started to clean up the glass that I was standing on. I couldn't move just yet.

"Danni..." I didn't expect the tone of his voice. I expected another scream. A loud voice telling me that it was late and to go to bed. A voice telling me it wasn't my business and to keep my nose out. Instead I got this: "Danni..."

I hiccuped. That was the only response I could come up with other than a silent sob. I was too scared to look at Darry. I didn't want to see the look on his face that I had just saw. It scared me.

"Come here, Danni." He slowly took my hand and led me into his room. I swallowed and followed, fearing the worse as he closed the door behind us. This is what parents do to the kid that's about to be spanked.

Darry let go of my hand. He went over to his dresser and pulled out a clean shirt and went into the bathroom. He wiped the blood off his face with a washcloth. I didn't know what to do so I sat on his bed and looked away as he changed shirts.

He came back into the room and handed me a warm washcloth. "Wash your face, Dan. It'll feel good."

I did what he said, wiping off all the tears from my face with the warm cloth. It felt so good against my skin and for a minute, I breathed easy. "Thanks."

He sat down next to me and took the rag once I was done with it. "I'm sorry you had to see that."

I hiccuped again. I didn't know what I was supposed to say. Did he want me to comfort him? After everything that just happened? After what he just told me? After what he just did to Sodapop when he was only trying to help?

I nodded, swearing when more tears came out as I did so.

He rubbed my back as I hung my head. "Don't cry, Danni. Please?" He said it so softly. He pulled me into his chest and stroked my hair as I let out the tears out on his new clean shirt. "Danni..."

"I don't want you to die."

He rubbed my upper arm and let out a deep breath. "You guys just don't understand. I'm sorry Danni. I'm sorry it has to be this way but it does. Maybe you'll understand when you're older."

Darry isn't that much older than me, yet he thought he had so much knowledge with age. He always had. Darry didn't know it all like he thought. Very far from it. I didn't believe that I'd ever understand this.

We stayed like this for a while. I heard Kathy slip out a few minutes ago. I'd imagine she was going back home now. I knew going to Florida was a bad idea. I just knew it was. But I still just wanted it to work. Something to go right.

Darry finally let me go as the sun started to come up. "We should both get some sleep now. It'll be better when you wake up."

I nodded, wiping my face and leaving to go to my room. It wasn't going to get better when I wake up. I'd experienced that. I always prayed it would get better after I wake up but it never did. You have to fall asleep first and that was the last thing I wanted to do.

I needed to talk.

"I figured you'd call me." He took a seat on the swing next to me. "Didn't think it'd be this soon though. Didn't we just see each other a few hours ago? You know it's like six in the mornin' don't ya? I'm I just that irresistible?"

I watched my bare feet slid against the dirt under my swing. "Sorry if I woke you."

He leaned in a little closer. Close enough to where he saw my face. "Have you been crying?"

"You said you're a good listener. You said we could talk sometime." I looked up at him. "I really need to talk right now. Are you up for that?"

He studied me. We stared at each other like foreign objects. I thought about getting up and running back home. This wasn't his place to hear me rant again or to hear me cry. It wasn't his place to sit here and talk to me like we actually knew each other or were actually friends instead of complete strangers. I just didn't have anyone else I could go to. I didn't have anyone that wouldn't judge me like he wouldn't.

He shrugged and leaned back on the swing. "Yeah. Yeah, sure."

My voice quivered as I took in a breath. I didn't know where to began so I started with Darry telling us he had cancer, then the part about him not wanting treatments and wanting to die, and then the fight. "He tried to comfort me after...I think."

"You never said how you feel about it," Peter stated simply. "I mean, Kathy and Soda are on the same side in this, correct? Darry's pushed them away because they're so apposed to it so where do you stand?"

I hadn't thought about it. I didn't pick a side or decided upon an opinion because I was just tired of...just tired. "I don't want him to die. I also understand his point. He wants to die. I just...I dunno, I get it is all."

"Why do you understand?"

I kicked the dirt around with the tip of my big toe. "I don't know. I understand his point. Darry is very prideful, and I guess I am too. He takes care of us and he wants to up until the day he dies. It's what he wants. I don't like it but...I get it."

Peter was quiet for a minute. He watched me play with the dirt as I drew a smile in it. A smile that I wish was on my face right now. "How long does he have?"

"I don't know. He didn't tell us. It didn't sound like long though."

Peter inwardly sighed. "I'm sorry, Dan. I never thought that was why Kathy and him called it quits."

"I never did either," I said quietly. "We start school soon too. I can't imagine what hell that'll bring."

We sat quietly and listened to the birds wake everyone up for the day. I wondered if Darry noticed I was gone yet or if he had even gotten up yet or if he just spent the night wallowing in his grief. Did Darry feel guilty for pushing Soda out?

Peter coughed, clearing his throat. "It'll be alright. School I mean. Darry will be ok too." His eyes turned to me. "Don't sell him so short. He looks like a pretty tough guy. I don't take him as the type to sit back and let this beat him."

"I never did either," I said. "It's just...after all the deaths we've been through, I never would have thought he'd make us go through another one. His even. Darry is like a rock. A rock that is indestructible. I never..."

He slowly moved his foot over to mine. The end of his wooden swing tipped the side of mine as he touched my foot with his. I stared down at our feet. "Hey, don't look at it that way. It's not over 'till it's over, Dan."

I took a deep breath, slumping my shoulders back. "I'm just so tired."

He stood up and brushed himself up. "Then start fighting, Danni. Stop using excuses. Fight. It's all you can do. Fight rather than feel sorry for yourself all the time." He held out his hand to me to help me off the swing. "Let me take you home."

I stared at this stranger's hand held out in front of me, unsure if I should take it or not. Fight. I've always fought. It's all I've known. I've fought off death. I've fought off a monster. I've fought off sadness and grief. I've fought off the will to just fall and die. I've fought for so many things in this life...and I've won. I'm a fighter. And so is Darry.

I took Peter's hand, letting him lead me home.

'Cause it's the heat of the moment. Heat of the moment. The heat of the moment showed in your eyes. And when your looks are gone and you're alone. How many nights you sit beside the phone? What were the things you wanted for yourself? Teenage ambitions you remember well.

A/N: So there you have it folks. Anyone shocked by Soda's reaction or Darry's? Thanks as always for tuning in. :)