"I..." Murdock sat up. "The thing I said yesterday, I meant it," he said softly.
Face sat up as well, and for a while they just sat there, in almost complete darkness, looking at nothing and listening to silence.
What thing exactly was Murdock referring to, Face wondered. Loving him? Helping him? Not wanting to hurt him?
"When you asked me for help the other night," Murdock finally broke the silence, "what exactly did you mean? Learning to be touched again?"
Face nodded, glad that he didn't have to speak it out himself, but that would have been just too weird; asking his best friend, who had just recently confessed his love for him, and in whom he had no such interest at all, to please touch him until he got used to it again. "I'm just sick of jumping every time somebody... you know, brushes against me in the mess or something. It's unnerving, believe me." And it totally ruined the image of The Faceman. Couldn't have that.
"But you don't", Murdock said. "I'm touching you, a lot, and quite ... well, widespreadedly, if that's a word. And you don't jump."
"Yeah, but that's different."
"Is it? In what way?"
Face didn't care too much for the eager curiosity in Murdock's voice. It sounded like he was dealing with some kind of interesting bug under a microscope rather than with a friend. But the question was a fair one, so Face tried to answer it. "I don't know, it just is. You're you." And somehow, that seemed to explain everything.
"And?" Murdock came over and sat down beside Face.
"And what? You are..." Face started thinking. "Touches from you are predictable. You are predictable."
Murdock laughed. "I'm pretty sure you stand alone with that assessment. Since I've gone nuts, people have clled me a lot of things, but not that."
"Yeah well, 'people' don't know you. Me, BA and Hannibal, we do. Like with your dog Billy. Most people would just assume that you've lost it, like completel lost it, and wouldn't trust you any further than they could throw you. But we know you would take Billy along, but you would never rely on him to actually do something. You're not all that nuts. Besides, I don't like that word, nuts."
"Why not? Better than unfurnished in the attic. Shorter, above all."
"It sounds..."
"Crazy?"
Face had to laugh. It did sound crazy; so it served its purpose. He intended to give some smart answer, when an unforeseen touch made him jump.
"Not all that predictable, am I?" Murdock mocked leniently.
"Don't do that again, Murdock!"
"Why not? I thought that's what you asked for."
"But -"
"Look," Murdock interrupted, "how can you expect to get used to accidental touches, if I warn you before?"
There was a point for Murdock. Face sighed. "I'm afraid I'll never make it. Thanks for trying anyway." He started turning around to lay down, but Murdock stopped him. Both hands wrapped around his upper arms, and there was strength in the grip, almost painful.
"You're not gettin away like that, my friend." Murdock loosened his grip just a little. "Look, I'm not in full control over myself, no point whitewashing that. So there may be times when I can't help, much as I'd love to."
"Like today?"
"Like today," Murdock aknowledged. "I'm not going to make anymore promises that I can't keep, but right now, I'm here. You better take advantage while I am. I really want to help you. All sides of me do, only some sides are incapable of actually doing it. Some others on the other hand are great at it. So make up your mind, Face. Yes or no." Murdock bore into Face's eyes and continued. "I'll help you, if you want me to. But make up your mind. Do it or leave it. But when you do it, do it properly. Don't thank me for my efforts while you draw back. That way it's not gonna work."
"You an expert on that or what?" The defence was weak.
Murdock shrugged. "No, but I've had my share of life. And it taught me some things. I'm not fresh off the boat, y'know?" Face didn't answer. "So, you want me to help you or not?" This time Face nodded. "Good. And don't bother if you jump. I know you will, but I don't bother. So why should you?"
There it was again, Murdock's peculiar logic. Face had to smile at it. Murdock was just one of a kind.
TBC