Disclaimer: I don't own the Outsiders or the song My Medicine.

A/N: Extra-long chapter.

I'll drink what you leak. And I'll smoke what you sigh. Straight across the room with a look in your eye. I got a man to his left and a girl to hers right. Start to sweat so hold me tighter. Somebody mixed my medicine. I don't know what I'm on.

She went to the sink and started washing her hands. She turned away from me and studied herself in the mirror. She ran her index finger under both of her eyes, clearing the black smudge away. She made a disgusting sound at it on her finger.

"Make-up. My mother always said the devil made the stuff. Didn't believe her at the time." She twister her finger around, taking a good long look at the black on it. "Starting to believe her now."

I watched her collect herself, not knowing if I should leave of not. She hadn't been around very much. Last I heard, she moved away for a little while because her mother was so bad off. She went to live with her father but didn't come back home for months and when she did, she was different...no one could put their finger on how.

She gazed over at me. "Jesus Curtis! Were you raised in a barn? Come in and shut the fucking door!" She brushed her hands at me, motioning me to do it and do it quickly.

I did as told and slowly shutting the door behind me but leaving it cracked. I waited a minute before I turned back around. "What are you doing in here by yourself?"

She sneered at me. "What? You thought I'd be upstairs with some chump? Nah, Curtis. Not my thing any more."

I shrugged, leaning against the wall beside the door. "Not with the supply of guys at this place anyway."

She laughed and ran the water over her hands, rubbing the soap on them. "Funny. What are you doing here anyway? Heard you don't do parties anymore. Wonder why that is. Oh that's right!"

"I heard you went to a crazy house," I threw back. "People like to talk about others, especially in this town."

Her back bent as she rose up like a cat. Standing straight up like that, I could see how skinny she'd gotten. Sylvia always had curves with a large butt and breasts to match. It's what made her who she was. The man-eating devil woman this town knew her as. Her body was her best feature.

Her eyes centered on me and her dark red lips curled up. "Yeah. Pops did it. It was his idea of a late birthday present. You know, to make up for the seven of them he missed."

"How'd it go?" I asked.

Her bony shoulders shrugged up. "Great. Can't you tell? But, I'm more curious about you. I've been hearing a lot about you since I got back, you know. Any of it true?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Which part of it?"

"Dallas."

I propped my foot up against the wall behind me and crossed my arms over my chest. "You're going to have to be more specific than that."

Her pearly white teeth fully flashed as she picked up her burning cigarette and put it in-between her lips. She took a long whiff of it and then blew it out slowly in my face. Once she was done, she held it out to me, as if an offering from the devil itself. I stared at it. The red lipstick stain on the end of it.

"It's not poison," she said, pushing it more. "What? You too good for fags now too? C'mon. You know you want it." She dangled it under my nose. "Come on, princess."

I snatched it away from her make her smile raise more. I took a long drag of it and slowly let the smoke roll off my lips. My nerves went to sleep and I stood more loosely. "Don't call me princess."

She smirked, taking the stick back. "It's all I've heard since I've been back. The perfect couple, Danni and Dallas, is on a break. Everyone's talking about it, ya know."

"We weren't perfect," I said.

She shrugged. She bent over, showing off just how short her dress was. She got her purse from the sticky place it was between the toilet and the tub. She sat it on the counter and got out her lighter and a self-rolled weed.

"Here." She pushed it towards me. "It'll make you feel better. Trust me."

The lighter felt heavy in my hand. I knew just by the sight that what she gave me wasn't a cigarette. I'd never really smoked pot before. Pony did once and got really sick afterwards and told me never to do it. People did it all the time at the parties I used to go to. Dally would kick back and get high too some nights when we were together.

I put it up to my lips and clicked open the lighter.

Sylvia sneered at the sight. "I guess you finally figured out just what a great man Dallas Winston is, ay?"

I hesitated before I lit the stick in my mouth. "How can you call him a man?"

Sylvia licked her lips. She sat on the counter top, not bothering to keep her legs crossed. "Oh trust me. Dallas is a man. Once you've fucked someone like him...damn things just ain't the same after."

The stick was still in my mouth as if it was a foreign object. I never saw what was so great about smoking weed. The hippies were the ones that got it started and now it seemed like everyone had at least tried it. Angela got really into it right after she had Jake and made me try it once. I only took one puff before I was done with it.

"You gonna smoke it or not, Curtis?" she asked. "It ain't gonna kill you. Live a little."

"Why are you being so nice to me?" I gave in, lighting the stick. I sucked in, tasting strong. I held the smoke in a little longer than normal before letting it out.

Sylvia watched me, entertained. "I'm giving you weed, not making a peace offering, Curtis. 'Sides, that was how long ago? And last time I checked, we were both fucked and dumped by the same low life pig. You could say we're sisters. We get each other."

The bathroom door was still cracked and I could see everyone running through the halls. There were boys taking girls into rooms and coming out a few minutes later to their buddies that stood outside. They'd laugh and high five each other and then smell each other's fingers as if it was their medal of honor.

"How did he do it?" she asked, bringing me back. "What clever line did he come up with this time?"

I took another drag. I coughed. "H-He didn't really. Said nothing as a matter of fact. Just told me to leave and never come back."

Sylvia laughed. She didn't hide how loud she was cackling. "Damn. Charmer, ain't he? Eh, don't sweat it Curtis. You can always steal Tim back. He's probably getting bored with Tiffany by now."

By the way she said her name I could tell Sylvia didn't like Tiffany. Sylvia was after Tim right around the time he and Tiff got together. Like really after him. She wanted to have a serious relationship. Tim never would go with Sylvia. The only times they did get together was so Tim could piss Dally off. Tim never saw anything more in her than a piece of meat. I didn't think he really even liked her.

"You upset about it?"

"No."

"You sure?"

"No."

I took hit after hit. She offered to take me next door. She said there was acid there and more pot but I turned her down. She kept talking about Dally. That's all she talked about. Her and Dally. Her and Dally having sex. Her and Dally at parties. Her and Dally fighting.

"How do you feel?"

I was starving. Music down stairs was intense and I could hear every little detail in the song. Despite the fact that Sylvia's stories were really interesting, the only thing that fascinated me was the lipstick stains on her front two teeth and how badly I wanted to scrub them off.

Sylvia started laughing again. She got down from the counter, grabbing her purse. "I'm going to see if I can't find some action. It was good talking to you Curtis. Lighten up some more and call me sometime. I promise you I can show you a good time, that is, if you're up for it. You know where to find me."

I sat crisscrossed on the couch, eating the rest of the chips. They were Soda's chips. Pony was going to be home any second now. Darry was pacing in front of me, going over what he was going to say for the hundredth time.

I felt light and slightly tired. I continued eating like I hadn't eaten in weeks. I couldn't wait until this feeling wore off though I didn't want to stop feeling this way. Sylvia's offer kept playing in my mind. It made me giggle hearing her say it as if she wanted to seduce me.

"What do you think he'll say?" Darry asked me.

I licked the salt off my fingers, savoring the flavor. "I honestly don't know."

The front door opened. Pony opened it, happily throwing his bags on the floor and letting out a deep breath. "That bus ride was killer. I think Mike hit every bump on the road. With all that fast food in my stomach, I thought I was gonna barf all over Henry."

Darry and I both exchanged a look before staring at him. Darry froze, just standing there. "D-did you do good?"

"One of the scouts talked to me for a minute." He took a seat next to me, leaning back and relaxing. "I came in fourth overall but the guy said that wasn't bad at all considering the competition and he gave me his information."

Darry nodded, seeming proud. I'd forgotten how excited Darry was that Pony had this opportunity. He wanted to go to California with him but just couldn't get the time off. It's all he could talk about and I know it made Pony feel real good that he had all the attention on him for once and Darry was being so nice to him.

"Where's Soda?"

I held my breath, looking at Darry. He looked at me as if he wanted me to answer. I don't think it was in his script to answer this. It got quiet and we all sat awkwardly.

"I'm proud of you," Darry broke the ice, changing the subject back. "You worked really hard. I told you it'd all pay off. Do you think the guy will call you or do you have to call him?"

Pony got a puzzled look on his face. He looked over at me, mentally asking what was going on. "I, uh, I think he's going to call me in the fall when cross country starts."

"Right." Darry rubbed his head. He looked like a deer in headlights. I've never seen him like this. Darry's normally chill about things like this. He gets upset, mad, but never scared. Not like this.

"Where did you say Soda was?"

I looked down at my empty chip bag. I didn't know what to say or I would say something. Darry stopped pacing and sat down in his chair, letting out a sigh. "We've got to talk."

"He's ok, right?" Pony's eyes got big and worry washed over his face. "H-he's not hurt or anythin', right?"

Darry shook his head. He leaned forward and sat his hands on his knees. "He's fine, Pone. Don't worry. He's at Jennie's. Me and you got to talk about something."

Pony looked at me again, mentally asking the same thing as before. I kept my eyes on the ground, not wanting to look at him when Darry told him this. I wasn't sure I wanted to hear it again.

"Danni and Soda already know," Darry went on. "I wanted to tell you together but some things happened and I had to tell them first. Soda didn't agree with what was going on so he went to cool off. I went to the doctor about two weeks ago. I was getting some pretty bad nose bleeds on the job and my boss told me I should get it check out and..."

I blacked out the rest of the conversation. Darry told Pony about what the doctor said about him getting cancer and the tumor in his leg. He went on to tell him about Kathy leaving and us following her down to Florida. Then he told him about not doing the treatments. In all of this, Pony didn't say a word. Not a one. I didn't know what to think. The only thing that was on my mind was how badly I wanted hot chocolate and how I missed Christmas.

I remember how Christmas went here this year. It was one of the better ones we had. Kathy cooked a huge breakfast the night before with Soda and they even made homemade cinnamon buns like my mom did every year. On Christmas morning we all went downstairs to find presents out that 'Santa' had left. It was the first year since our parents died we did that. It was the first Christmas that felt like the ones we used to have.

I remember how warm it was that day. Darry built a huge fire and we all snuggled up with blankets and drank hot chocolate and watched old Christmas movies. The really old ones. We spent the whole day outside having snowball fights and building snowmen just like the old days. Steve, Two-Bit, Emily, and Johnny even came over to join in. It was like we'd all jumped in a time-machine and went back to three years ago and we forgot all about the past.

But the past is always with us, just waiting to mess-up the present. Life happens and it happens fast.

Pony still remained quiet when Darry finished up his speech. I stared at him, waiting for a reaction but his face was just plain. His lips were a straight line. He didn't even look sad.

"You ok?" Darry finally asked, getting fed up with the eerier feeling this quietness was bringing.

Pony sat on his hands. He leaned forward and rubbed his chin, thinking. "Soda ran off?"

Darry didn't include the part about fighting with Soda and a fist fight breaking out. "Sorta."

"He's mad you won't do treatments." It wasn't a question. Pony probably knew Soda better than anyone else and it wasn't that hard to figure out. "How long do you have?"

"Three months."

It'd be June. Pony and I would be seniors and getting ready to spend our last summer in Tulsa and probably together as a family and Darry wouldn't be here. Darry wouldn't be here to see us graduate. He wouldn't see Pony get that scholarship. He wouldn't see any of his college meets. He wouldn't see any of us walk down the aisle or hold any of our children. He would be gone in June.

"So that's it?" Pony asked, his tone snappy. "W-what do you want me to say, Darry?"

"You don't have to say anything Pone," he said sincerely. "I-I...I'm sorry. I'm real sorry but it's bigger than me."

Pony rubbed his face over and over again. I could vaguely see his bottom chin start to quiver. He bit his bottom lip to try and stop it. "I-I can't believe it." He stood up, gripping his head.

Darry stared up at him, his eyes soft. "Pony..."

"I can't believe you're that prideful that you'd let us all watch you die!"

I pressed my lips together again.

Darry stood up timidly. He watched Pony walk around the floor, not turning around. "I know you don't understand. It seems like no one does but...just don't yell at me, alright?"

"Then what do you want me to do?" Pony turned around forcefully. His face was covered in tears. "Darry...you're gonna die in three months and you're telling me not to be upset?"

"You can be upset," Darry said softly. "Just don't yell at me. I already got one brother mad at me and not speaking to me, a girlfriend who left me, I can't take you to be mad at me either."

Pony pressed his head against the wall and pounded it lightly with his fist. He let out a silent sob, trying to calm himself down. "I can't believe this!"

Darry walked over to him and put his hand on his shoulder. "I know, Pone. I know. I'm sorry."

Pony stood straight up, letting Darry's hand fall. He grabbed his jacket and threw it on. "I gotta go talk to Soda." He wiped his tears away. "I just gotta go see Soda."

"Don't," Darry begged. "Pony, it's late. Just stay here. You ain't going out in the dark by yourself now get in here!"

Pony chocked on another sob as he grabbed the doorknob. Darry tried to pull him back but Pony pushed him off, running out into the night. Darry went out on the porch and watched him run down the street, thinking of running after him but quickly decided against it.

I pulled my knees up to my chest. I rested my forehead on them and breathed out. I felt anxious. Ready to burst. I let out a few deep breaths and listened to the night bugs outside.

"Danni..." I lifted my head up as Darry called me. He had his hand under his nose, blood pouring onto the floor in huge amounts. I clenched my stomach as I smelt it. "I think you're gonna have to take me to the hospital."

I kept my eyes on the road. I had to blink a few times to get used to the darkness. My hands were shaking and I didn't know if it was because of the pot or all the blood that was coming out of my brother.

The towel he held up to his nose was red now. The blood kept coming out no matter how hard he tried to stop it and he was turning paler with each passing minute. I could see how weak he was getting.

"Don't cry."

I reached my shaking hand up to my face. It was wet.

"Call S-Soda when we get there."

"Darry...I-I..."

"It's going to be ok, Danni. I-It'll be ok. Don't cry. Don't cry."

I sat in the waiting room. A man came out and helped take Darry in. A nurse gave me a cup of coffee while I called Soda. He was on his way now with Pony. He promised to hurry.

I held my legs. The nurse who gave me the coffee said her name was Kristen. She stayed with me for a little while, giving me all the good magazines the nurses keep behind the desk for themselves. I didn't read any of them but she left them for me anyway. She asked me what was wrong with Darry but I couldn't get the word out.

She was real slim and had long red hair. She looked like an older version of Cherry Valence. She reminded me of her too. I meant to thank her before she got called back.

The E.R. is a scary place at night. There are two or three lights that don't work and they only keep the television on paid programs. Tonight their selling cooking knifes and by the crowd that's in here, that's not a good thing to be selling.

The guy across from me keeps staring at me and picking at the huge scab on his knee. He's about forty with a long beard and hair. He barely has on any clothes and he has a woman with him who weighs a good three-hundred pounds.

Darry doesn't fit in with these people here. He's nothing like them. All of them are only sick because of things they've done to themselves - drugs, alcohol, pure stupidity. Darry wasn't a partier. He only drank some and he just tried pot a few times in high school. He never did anything stupid, he ate right, exercised, everything he was supposed to do to maintain a long healthy life. Yet here we were. Why though? Why him when he did everything right?

"Danni." Soda ran through the waiting room practically lifting me up off my chair and into a hug. "What's going on? Have they told you anything?"

I shook my head, parting from him. I saw Pony behind him and a blonde that wasn't Jennie. My eyes sat on her. "N-no. I don't know anything. No one's came and talked to me yet."

"I'm gonna go see if I can't talk to someone. You ok?" I nodded as he raced off to the nurses table.

Pony stared at me, his eyes as red as mine. "Did it happen right after I left?"

"Yeah." Tears were falling again. I pulled him in a tight hug and we held each other for a while. I didn't open my eyes but I knew the blonde was still standing behind us, not sure what to do.

When Pony finally let go of me and went off to help Soda, she lifted her head up and looked at me. "W-why are you still here?" I asked.

"I stayed a little longer to say good bye to some people. Soda called me." She walked towards me and for the first time, I could see that she'd been crying as well. "Are you alright?"

"No," I sobbed quietly. "No I'm not okay."

She pulled me into her chest, letting me cry.

Darry was fine. The doctors let us back to see him after they got him settled in a room. They wanted to keep him overnight to make sure he was alright. Darry protested but reluctantly gave in after seeing some of the test results the doctor gave to him. He wouldn't let us see them but we all knew what they said.

Soda was beside the bed. He and Darry spoke some as soon as we got back here. Just about how he was doing and simple things like that. Pony was on the other side of Darry.

"You really scared the crap out of me." Soda loosely chuckled. "I didn't know what to think when Dan called me. We were all freaking out. I-I didn't know what to think when Dan called me."

I was on the bed with Darry. He had his arm around me and I had no intentions of moving yet.

Darry sighed. "I know. I'm sorry. I wish ya'll wouldn't have seen this."

"I should have been there is my point," Soda said softly. I could see more tears forming in his eyes. "You said it yourself - it's time for me to take care of things."

He rubbed away the tears and sniffled. Darry's eyes softened a bit. He didn't stop staring at Kathy though as she stood in the back of the room, not saying anything. I think it made him feel good to know she came and was still here.

"Soda, will you come back home?" Darry asked bluntly.

Soda wiped his nose on the back of his hand. The tears were slowly escaping down his cheeks. "Darry...please do the treatments. Please don't put us through this. Darry please."

"Soda I've made up my mind," Darry said softly. "And I'm so sorry. I've thought long and hard about this and I think it's the best option. I understand your side but consider this my dying wish, will ya?"

"Don't say that," Soda sobbed quietly. "Y-You're not gonna die Darry. Don't...don't say that."

"I am, Soda."

Everyone got quiet. Soda's sobbing was the only noise in the room. Looking around, I could see everyone looking at the ground. I think Pony was crying again. We'd all forgotten he'd just got home from one of the best experiences of his life and then we dump this all on him and no we're at a hospital with our dying brother.

Soda lifted his head up. "I'm sorry. I'm real sorry I hit you, Darry."

Darry rubbed his head, tasseling his hair. "I know, little buddy. I know you are. I'm sorry too. I should have never done that. Not after what you had to hear. Come home, Sodapop. Come home."

Soda buried his head in the sheets again, crying loudly. Darry rubbed his back, shushing him.

I turned my attention back to Kathy. She was crying again too. Sobbing his time.

Darry gazed up at her and saw her tears. "The offer stands for you too...if you want it."

Kathy's chest heaved. She put her hand over her mouth to keep from making any noise. "I-I don't know i-i-if I can."

Darry nodded. He continued to rub Soda's back but didn't take his eyes off Kathy. "I'd mean a lot to me if you come home, Kat. You know you stayed here for a reason."

"I-I don't want to watch you die."

"C'mere." Darry let go of Soda and going to Kathy. He pulled her down to him. Their faces were almost touching. He gently leaned forward and barely touching her lips with his. "Please."

"Who are you and what have you done with Darry Curtis?" she asked, wiping away some of her tears.

"It's going to be ok," he repeated again for a fifth time that night. "It's going to be ok. I promise."

I always trusted Darry when he said those words. My parents funeral, court dates, when Pony ran away, when he fought for custody, when I moved back home, when Jeff killed Angela, and now. Darry's always been right. Every time he's said those words, he was always right. I only hoped this time he was too.

Somebody mixed my medicine. I don't know what I'm on. Somebody mixed my medicine. But baby it's all gone. Somebody mixed my medicine. Somebody's in my head again. Somebody mixed my medicine again.