Bella's POV

I'm meeting Leah for lunch to try to talk her out of being a bitch. And by bitch I mean handing her baby over to Jake and being uninvolved. I won't forgive her. She's not even planning on having the decency to leave; she's just going to pretend that Jake and her baby don't exist.

"Hey Bella, where's Jason?" Leah asks me as she sits down across from me.

"He's with Josh. Why are you going to abandon your baby?" I ask her and she sighs.

"Don't take this the wrong way Bella but I don't want to be you. Baby after baby, no job, totally dependent on Josh. I like my store and my freedom. I mean Jake will want to live together and get married and that's just not me." How am I not supposed to take that the wrong way?

"I love Josh and my kids Leah. I'm happy. I mean this isn't what I had planned, I never even thought about kids before I got pregnant. I never even thought I would get married. You know why? Because my mom walked out on me. Even though I grew up with a lot of people loving me I still thought maybe I'm not good enough for anyone to stay. The bad almost always sticks with you more than the good. Do you want your kid to feel like it's not worth loving?"

"Maybe my kid will be like Sam and not you. Sam was fine; he had no interest in his dad until you dragged him backed into his life." She's hormonal; I'm trying to remember this.

"Sam never had a real relationship until Emily, no real relationship until he was 28. Does that seem normal to you?" I ask her and she says no I guess not.

"But I think maybe that had more to do with you than anything." She says.

"Maybe but maybe not. You're setting you're kid up for issues. It'll be daddy where's mommy? Oh she runs the book shop on the edge of town but she hates you so she pretends that we don't exist."

"I'm not staying. I'm going to sell the store and move. I don't know where yet, not that you care I'm sure."

"Why don't you stay here and let Jake keep it but still see it? At least try Leah. Jake would never make you do anything you didn't want to. He wouldn't make you give up the store; he wouldn't make you move in with him, he wouldn't make you marry him. Jake is so good." I try to convince her.

"Josh made you quit your job. Is he not good?" She asks and I think damn, she's good.

"He only made me quit because he knew I would be so much better off. I was miserable Leah, I cried every morning and I fell asleep almost as soon as I got home. I never saw Jason, I was barely eating plus I hadn't planned on going back the next year anyways. I was pissed yes but he did it for me. Plus I know I say he made me but I could've have said no. He can't really make me do anything." I tell her.

"Then why did you do it?" She asks.

"I love him and he wanted me to. I don't know Leah maybe I can't tell him no. OK I can't tell him no if he tells me to do something, I don't know why. Maybe because he's so much older, maybe because of my abandonment issues, I don't know. But the important thing is he's never told me to do something or even not do something I really didn't want to. Like this whole kidney thing, he doesn't want me to do it because it's risky and it takes away from what is supposed to be time with Brooke but he won't tell me not too. He loves me; he really does want what's best for me. Jake wants what's best for you too but he would never tell you to do or not to do anything. It's not him. You know that."

"What if slowly by slowly he tells you to do this and not that more and more and before you know it he is controlling your whole life and before you realize it it's just too late and you're not even you anymore?" She asks.

"I'd like to think I'm stronger than that and I'd like to say I know that he would never do that but I actually asked Sam about that on my wedding day." I tell her.

"What did Sam say?"

"That he would always be on my side. Sam would never let that happen to me and neither would Jake and neither would you. Sam and I wouldn't let it happen to you either. But honestly Leah in this moment I would still worry about Josh trying to control me before Jake trying to control you. You run your relationship, if it was up to Jake you would be married with kids already."

"Would you hate me if I broke up with him and tried like you said, not leaving but letting him keep it full time? Maybe I could just see it on my days off or something?" She asks.

"No, I'll only hate you if you leave."

"I still might." She whispers.

"I'll hate you less if you try." She smiles a sad smile and says thanks for that I think.

She tells me she's sorry for saying she doesn't want to be me and I tell her it's OK but I don't want to be her either.